How Narcissism Actually Works: Love Bombing, Gaslighting, Flying Monkeys

Narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and NPD get thrown around constantly online, and most of what circulates is wrong. In this episode, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton walks through what narcissistic personality disorder actually is (all nine DSM criteria, and why five or more are required for a diagnosis), the difference between covert and overt narcissism, and the specific behavior patterns that make a relationship abusive: love bombing, gaslighting, trauma bonding, DARVO, flying monkeys, isolation, and intermittent reinforcement. She also covers the gray rock method, the signs you're walking on eggshells in your own home, and how healing from narcissistic abuse actually works. If you've been wondering whether what you experienced counts, or whether the person in your life is a narcissist or simply selfish and hurtful, this one is for you. Timestamps 0:00 Everyone thinks everyone's a narcissist 1:07 What narcissistic personality disorder actually is: five of nine criteria 3:20 Covert vs. overt narcissism 9:22 What narcissistic abuse means 9:48 Love bombing, and how it differs from someone just being kind 13:49 Gaslighting 19:11 No accountability, no apology, no repair 22:19 Monitoring, isolation, and turning you against the people who love you 24:22 Trauma bonding and the abuse cycle 27:25 DARVO 30:45 The gray rock method 34:30 Flying monkeys 36:57 Why they aren't nasty all the time 40:02 Intermittent reinforcement 40:47 Signs you're living in this dynamic 43:50 How healing actually happens 46:27 Reconnecting with the people you lost touch with 49:16 A better question than "what's wrong with me" 53:33 Afraid you'll end up with another narcissist This episode is brought to you by Rebound, offering specialized virtual trauma therapy in all 50 states, founded by survivors and psychologists. Head to https://hellorebound.com/askkatianything to learn more and check your insurance. Using that link is a direct way to support the podcast, so even if you're only curious, take a minute to look. Ask Kati Anything ep. 327 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT MY BOOKS Why Do I Keep Doing This? https://geni.us/XoyLSQ Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY If you're looking for a therapist, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed online professional: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) This is an affiliate link, which means a portion of your signup helps support the podcast at no extra cost to you. PARTNERSHIPS Nick Freeman | [email protected] Disclaimer The information provided in this video is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health problem or disease. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices