How to Age 10 Years in One Week: Navigating Death, Grief, and the Loss of Home #18

It’s hard to explain, but John was Matt’s standing dad for the past two decades. And he’s gone, and the lands gone, and the community is broken, and we still want to live here… on the land where I first saw Matt @ 14, where we got married, where we wished we could live and grow old together… Behind the garden that he spent his whole life cultivating, on the river he was born and raised on. But it’s really painful to do that in this space right now. It’s really fucking unsettling to be in the garden looking at his house right now… I’ve never experienced anything like it. I realize it’s really triggering in the way of: I grew up in a home where really bad things were happening, but everybody smiled and waved and played nice and pretended that everything was fine. The same thing is happening here now. Everyone around is talking about how awful this thing is, how something devious was done in this deal. And yet everybody smiles and waves it very when he comes in and takes over. Experiencing my full fucking multidimensionality right now, like a layered cake with every flavor contradicting the other. Grief, betrayal, fear, old trauma, compassion, gratitude, hope, trust, love. Matt and I were gardening in the rain together a few days ago, tilted our faces to the sky and just prayed, show us the way. Show us so we cannot miss it. The way of peace, of joy, of love, of abundance. We are listening. We will follow where you lead. Amen. (and a little woman)Resources: Northwest Vipassana CenterOffering courses in Vipassana Meditation as taught by ⁠S.N. Goenka⁠in the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin⁠https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/schedules/schkunja⁠Connect with me! In the comments, socials or by email: [email protected] ✨Find me @JessieSirenOfficial (IG) @JessieSiren (TikTok) Skoolie Bus @SirenSkoolie⚠️ Disclaimer This podcast is for educational and harm-reduction purposes only. I am not encouraging or advocating the use of any illegal substances. No substances were consumed during the making of this episode. Altered states--whether achieved through breathwork, drumming, or plant medicines--can impact perception and decision-making. Exploring these realms without proper guidance, preparation, and integration support can be dangerous. Please journey responsibly and in alignment with your own truth, safety, and sovereignty.