How to Deal with Your ____ So Your Kids Don’t Have To with Eli Harwood

What if the way you respond to your kids has less to do with them—and more to do with what’s unresolved in you? In this conversation, Eli Harwood (aka “Attachment Nerd”) helps us see how our childhood experiences quietly shape the way we parent, relate, and react. From parentification and emotional neglect to people-pleasing and control, she unpacks how the patterns we learned early on don’t just disappear—they show up in our homes today. But this isn’t about becoming a perfect parent. It’s about becoming an aware one. Eli shares a hopeful vision of what it looks like to acknowledge your story, take responsibility for your growth, and create relationships where your kids feel safe, seen, and supported—even when you get it wrong. If you’re a parent, want to be a parent, or are still working through your own story, this episode will help you understand what’s really going on beneath your reactions—and how to start showing up differently. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why your reactions as a parent often come from unresolved parts of your own story The difference between a “right-side up” and “upside-down” parent-child relationship How parentification shapes your ability to give and receive care Why secure parenting isn’t about perfection—but repair and consistency What your emotional triggers with your kids are trying to show you How doing your own work creates safety for your children CHAPTERS (00:00) Why no parent is perfect(02:00) Introducing Eli Harwood (“Attachment Nerd”)(04:00) Growing up in a family shaped by trauma(08:30) A mother who chose to break the cycle(12:00) Why attachment changes everything in therapy(16:00) What is a parentified child?(20:00) “I don’t emotionally rely—I emotionally supply”(24:00) Why receiving care is so hard(28:00) How attachment patterns show up in marriage(32:00) What your kids are really asking for(36:00) Why parenting triggers your own unresolved story(38:00) Inside Eli’s new book and how to use it(41:00) Why your kids will still have “stuff” (and that’s okay)(43:00) Where to find Eli + final thoughts LINKS & RESOURCES Eli Harwood Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/ Eli’s Book: How to Deal with Your ____ So Your Kids Don't Have to https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Your-____-Kids-Dont/dp/1632175967 Follow Eli on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/?hl=en Join The Basement https://threepercentco.com/membership⁠ Three Percent Website – ⁠https://threepercentco.com/⁠ Follow Three Percent on IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/⁠ KEYWORDS Eli Harwood, Attachment Nerd, Three Percent Podcast, attachment theory, parenting, emotional health, trauma and healing, parentification, relationships, masculinity, vulnerability, family systems, childhood wounds, secure attachment, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices