How To Forgive Yourself | True Connections With Weston Jolly – Ep 41

Healing Through Self Forgiveness It’s not impossible. Letting go of shame and guilt really is letting go of the past. Let’s get started. ----------------- What’s it going to take for you to forgive yourself? Truth is you may not even know of places where you’ve not forgiven yourself. And if you don’t know, you’re not forgiving yourself is going to show up in judgement, disease, unhappiness, and a lot more places. It blocks yours spiritual connection. Learn to be compassionate with yourself in letting go things, people and experiences of the past… that are well in the past. Episode 041 of True Connections with Weston Jolly HOW TO FORGIVE YOURSELF Transcription: Forgiveness is wickedly cool word that can spin almost anyone is myriad into of directions. For the narcissist, there’s nothing to forgive, it’s always going to your bad for something happens that they don’t like. For the rest of us, we do need to learn to forgive ourselves because if we don’t…. we start carrying a weight. These weights can be conscious or unconscious. Being conscious is super helpful because your awareness will enable you to see the issue, problem or the stress that it’s creating. To make this concept come alive I want you to think of a bridge. For our purposes, let’s make this a single vehicle bridge. We all know that bridges are engineered, designed and built to sustain a certain gross weight. Normally, we see the maximum load of any bridge painted on the bridge itself or on a sign right before it. What we don’t see is any stresses that develop in the lifespan of the bridge. So, some cleaver person said, we need to have bridge inspectors to determine if a bridge is able to continue to sustain the weight it was originally designed for. Like I said, whomever came up with this idea that we should inspect our community bridges is pretty smart. If we take this same analogy and apply it to your body, that your body is the bridge, then inspecting it from time to time is sound thinking. Yes, this is what we do when go to our doctor’s office to get a check up. However, what I am proposing is a different kind of examination. A lot of people look at these types of “inspections” as if we’re to trying to find something wrong. I’m not a big fan of this kind of thinking so I have no intent in fueling it. I’m asking you to create a third-party inspection of yourself, by observing your body for things that it, your body, hasn’t forgiven. We’re not looking for things that are in error. All we’re doing is to create a neutral observation point for things that don’t belong. We especially want to stir clear of any judgment. Stay focused in observing you body for things that you haven’t forgiven. Let me get personal with you in demonstrating this process. Right now, I am closing my eyes and looking within for anything that I’m currently carrying, as a weight, that doesn’t belong. Give me a minute and let me do this with you while you’re listening. (Breathing) Okay, now I see some topics or experiences that are coming to the surface. So, the next thing I’m doing is I am asking myself, is this issue something that I need to address in forgiving myself? No. Nope. Nope. Not that. So, I’m repeating my initial question; is there anything that I am carrying in my body that I haven’t forgiven? (Breathing) Boy, this wasn’t expected but let me share it. You may, or not understand, my “trigger” but I am going to say it any way. My parent’s lied to me. In breathing into this, this isn’t a one time thing or a couple of times, this is a significant pattern of lies. I just got through asking, is it one parent or both? Well, that was too easy, the answer is both! And while I was quite young, these lies extended all the way through my upbringing. Interesting, that I didn’t see that before now. Anyway… Okay, now what do I do? Based upon the fact that I can clearly see where I have not forgiven myself. Let’s take a quick pause for me to illustrate further why I’m not focusing on them, my parents and their choice to lie. For me, at a very early age, I knew my parents were lying to me. I knew it. At that time, I didn’t exactly know how I knew it but with certainty it has everything to do with my spiritual gifts knowing what was true and what wasn’t. Instead of believing myself, I believed them. I had too. I want you to especially hear that last sentence. To repeat myself, I said, “I had to believe my parents.” That’s the thing I want you to hear. That’s my own lie to myself. Let me expand upon that. I thought I had to let my parents lie to me because… well, that’s how it was. When I was very young that makes a certain sense. Later, and certainly in my teenage years, I started confronting the lies but then… I went back to my choice in thinking I had too to believe them instead of myself. That’s my point of attachment. That’s the part that I just discovered that I am carrying in my body. You may think, “What’s the big deal? All parents lie to their kids?” Even if this were true, it’s not about them lying to me, it’s all about me lying to myself. That’s the part I haven’t forgiven myself for. So, here it is clear as day. I know what the trigger point is but in reality that’s only a part of the process of learning how to forgive yourself. As I said, I have lied to myself and by looking into my body I can see the weight. It’s a stress. It’s like a crack in the bridge. It’s a problem and initially it may not seem like a big deal but fractures do at one point -break. Prematurely I might add. This is a key benefit in forgiving yourself. I don’t want to carry this extra weight, on my body, the burden that I haven’t forgiven myself for choosing to think I had to believe the lies of my parents. Now, this next part is as easy as everything else we’ve been doing. I have to be willing to address my body. Notice, I didn’t say mind. I have to be willing to address my body in forgiving myself. Let me do that while we’re here together. Quite honestly, I don’t want to go on another second carrying that weight. To release this choice, I must again establish a connection with my body. As I’m doing this right now, I can feel a heaviness surrounding my heart. This is even more specific than my body as a whole. It’s my heart area that has taken on this stress. Good to know. But not cool. Therefore, I’m going to let it go. I’m going to do this out-loud while teaching you the process so you can emulate it in areas that you’ll want to apply in forgiving yourself. (Breathing) …deep within I can feel that I’m ready to let go of this weight or heaviness go. I choose to forgive myself all the way back to the point I first became aware, whenever or however young I was. The length of time I haven’t forgiven myself is not nearly important as letting it go and in so letting this feeling of attachment go that I will never pick it up again. (Deep breath) Boy, do I feel better. And so will you. Let me formally details these steps in forgiving yourself. 1. You have to consciously identify the source in NOT forgiving yourself. 

 The story doesn’t matter. How long it’s been doesn’t matter. What does matter is you becoming aware. This means becoming clear that you have a weight. An attachment. A stress. Any denials are a problem. Avoid countering yourself, with thoughts or feelings that “This issue isn’t that big of deal…” isn’t going to help you… It’s actually, the very reason you’ve held on. And this has got to go. 2. Identifying the source of where you’re stuck has to be done IN your body. There’s a reason I am sharing this. It’s way too easy to fool yourself. You are way too likely to want to fake yourself out by blocking or being resistant to such feelings. This isn’t desired. The body can feel and the mind can register and categorize such things but the mind, of and by itself, can’t feel. Does that make sense? Your body is designed to gather all the sensory input. Your brain by itself, can’t feel. If right now, I could directly poke that part of your body it would be the same as touching a paraplegic’s leg. There aren’t any feelings to register. When you feel an issue, the problem or the weight it’s actually a good thing. It’s here, in your body, that is awakening your mind with; Hey, we’ve been trying to tell you but you haven’t been paying attention. I want you to listen to your body. Heads up! If you haven’t established a more recent connection with your body it may take a great to begin this art of communication. My suggestion? Get started and begin practicing. Even if the list of things that you haven’t forgiven, that comes forth from your body, are pages in length -let it out. If you’re willing to take this up another level write out what things your body is feeling. Again, listen to your body and take notes. 3. Ask yourself, your body, to see the detailed affects of your NOT forgiving yourself. Pain is a natural attribute of the body telling you something. I remember meeting a man who had excruciating migraine headaches. They were so bad that he had to have Cortisone shots, at the top of his spine, regularly. Sometimes his pain was so bad that he’d need pain relieving injections twice a week. This kind of signaling from the body is significant. The man was a Harvard Graduate and he was entirely focused on creating a success with his new business. But as smart as he was, and even with his wife having graduated as a medical Doctor from Harvard too, nobody thought to ask why the headaches were being manifested. This isn’t entirely accurate. Nobody was able to figure out the nature of the issue beyond the catch all category of stress. People, stress is a weight. Think again about the bridge. Any good bridge inspector is going to see the stress, regardless of where it’s coming from and want to make note of it. 4. Get to the epicenter. Your body is actually quite sophisticated....