How to Get Better at Confrontation

Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 08:47 The trolley problem (Foote) 14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative 20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts 23:49 the Gottman institute 24:44 Confrontation don’ts 26:14 Confrontation dos 26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships 26:53 Bids for attention 27:59 Soft startups 29:08 Repair attempts 32:09 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ​ ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961) ​ ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE) ​ ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785) ​ ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013) ​ ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) MY LINKS ​ ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠