How to Know If Mismatched Sex Drives Are a Real Problem episode artwork

EPISODE · Jul 21, 2026 · 19 MIN

How to Know If Mismatched Sex Drives Are a Real Problem

from The RISE to Intimacy Podcast · host Valerie McDonnell, LCSW - Licensed Psychotherapist & Relationship Coach

Your desire for sex doesn’t match your partner’s, and now you’re wondering what that difference says about your relationship. Is this a normal part of being together long term, or a sign that something has started to go wrong?Mismatched sex drives are incredibly common, but that doesn’t mean every desire gap should be ignored. Sometimes the difference comes down to spontaneous and responsive desire. Other times, resentment, pressure, and emotional disconnection have started changing the relationship far beyond what happens in the bedroom.In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, I explain how to tell when mismatched sex drives are a normal part of a long-term relationship and when the gap has started causing real damage. I also share the signs that tell me a couple may need support and what we actually work on in sex therapy.2:13 – Why mismatched sex drives do not mean you’re incompatible3:09 – How spontaneous and responsive desire create a cycle of rejection and pressure6:14 – Five signs mismatched sex drives may need outside support10:40 – Why initiating sex more often can make the problem worse11:19 – Two responses to sexual rejection that damage the relationship12:25 – What couples work on first in sex therapy15:34 – What a fulfilling sex life can look like after sex therapy17:08 – How to tell if mismatched sex drives are normal or a real problemMentioned In How to Know If Mismatched Sex Drives Are a Real ProblemWhy People Pleasers Lose Desire and How to Reclaim ItRISE to Intimacy Free 30-Minute ConsultLeave a rating and review

Episode metadata supplied by the publisher feed · Published Jul 21, 2026

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Your desire for sex doesn’t match your partner’s, and now you’re wondering what that difference says about your relationship. Is this a normal part of being together long term, or a sign that something has started to go wrong? Mismatched sex drives are incredibly common, but that doesn’t mean every desire gap should be ignored. Sometimes the difference comes down to spontaneous and responsive desire. Other times, resentment, pressure, and emotional disconnection have started changing the rela...

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How to Know If Mismatched Sex Drives Are a Real Problem

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