How to Network Like a Boss Without Being Weird

I have back-to-back networking events this week, two nights in a row, so networking has been very much on my mind.I happen to love networking, but I also know there can be a little bit of panic that comes with walking into a room full of business people who all seem to know each other already.First of all, they probably don’t.Second, you are almost definitely not the only new person in the room.And if you have no idea what to do with your hands, put a drink in one of them. Beer, water, coffee, whatever works. Problem solved.The bigger thing I want to talk about is how we approach networking, because somewhere along the way a lot of us were taught that networking means meeting as many people as possible, explaining our business as fast as possible, and handing out enough business cards to wallpaper a small bathroom.It can start to feel a little like speed dating, except you are handing over your LinkedIn profile instead of your phone number.That is not how I think networking works best.To me, networking is the beginning of a relationship.A few months ago I was at a business mixer and met a lovely university student. She was smart, ambitious, prepared and clearly had been taught to perfect her elevator pitch.She had done a very good job of it too.Within a few minutes I knew her education, her experience, her skills, her accomplishments and her career goals.The only problem was that we had not really connected yet.We had not found any common ground. We had not shared a laugh. We barely knew anything about each other as people before we entered what felt like the LinkedIn-profile portion of the evening.I don’t blame her at all. She was following advice that people have been given forever. Sell yourself. Be prepared. Make sure people know exactly what you do.The trouble is that this advice can turn a networking event into a room full of very small sales presentations.A conversation does not have to lead anywhere immediately to be worthwhile.Maybe the person you meet becomes a client later. Maybe they introduce you to someone. Maybe you collaborate someday. Maybe you become friends.Or maybe you have a perfectly nice ten-minute conversation and never see each other again.That is allowed too.You do not need to convince someone to hire you before they have made it to the cheese tray.When you walk into a room actively hunting for clients, people can usually feel it. You start listening for openings instead of listening to understand the person in front of you.You can also catch yourself mentally sorting people into categories.Potential client. Possible referral. Useful connection. Probably not relevant.I try to remind myself that people are not leads with name tags.Walk in curious instead.You should absolutely know how to explain what you do, especially if your job title or service is unfamiliar. But your introduction does not need to include your entire professional history.I might say, “Hi, I’m Lou.”If someone asks what I do, I’ll tell them that I wear two hats. I’m part of the team at Standard Office Space and I also run a marketing agency.Then I stop talking.This is the part people sometimes forget.You can let the other person respond.You do not need to immediately add your awards, your packages, your entire service list and the story of how you started your business.Give them enough information to understand you, then let the conversation happen.The same thing goes for asking questions.We have all heard that people love talking about themselves, so we should ask questions at networking events. That advice is fine, but it gets weird when you are asking questions while mentally waiting for your turn to speak again.Ask because you are interested.You can ask what brought someone to the event, how they know the host, what they have been working on lately or what part of their business is getting most of their attention right now.Then listen to the answer.If someone tells me they own a bookkeeping company, I do not need to immediately explain all the ways I could market a bookkeeping company.I can ask who they work with, how they got started or what they enjoy most about the work.There will be time for me to talk too.Now, there is another networking situation that needs to be addressed because I know it keeps people home.Getting trapped in a conversation.You start talking to someone, you have a nice chat, and then neither person seems to know how to end it. Forty-five minutes later, you are still standing there while your soul slowly exits your body.You are allowed to leave.You can say something like, “It was so good to meet you. I’m going to grab another drink and say hello to a few people, but I’d love to stay connected.”That is completely normal.You do not need to invent a bathroom emergency.Although if you truly need an emergency exit, “I have diarrhea” is an excuse very few people are going to challenge.While you are talking to someone, give them your attention.We all know what it feels like when someone is looking over our shoulder every few seconds to see who else has walked into the room.Maybe they are waiting for someone specific, or maybe they think another conversation might be more useful. Either way, it does not feel great.If you want to move on, finish the conversation you are already having and then move on.There is also no rule saying you need to meet everyone in the room.I would much rather have three good conversations than introduce myself to thirty people who will not remember me in the morning.You do not get a tiny trophy for collecting the most business cards.When you spend a little more time with someone, you get past the job title. You find out what they care about, who they know, what they are working on and whether you have something in common.Those are usually the details that people remember anyway.The follow-up matters too.Please do not meet someone at a networking event and immediately add them to your newsletter.Giving you a business card is not the same thing as agreeing to receive weekly promotions until the end of time.Your follow-up can be really simple.You can say it was great meeting them, mention something you talked about and send along anything you promised.That is plenty.You also do not have to suggest a two-hour coffee meeting or ask for an introduction to their biggest client when you met twelve minutes ago.Let the next step match the relationship you actually have.A LinkedIn connection, an Instagram follow or a quick message can be enough.Another thing I think people overcomplicate is being memorable.You do not need a gimmick.This is coming from a woman who had blue hair for four years, so I am absolutely in favour of doing something fun if it genuinely feels like you.Wear the sequins. Put on the giant earrings. Tell the funny story.But people are usually not going to remember you because you delivered the most impressive list of credentials in the room.They remember how the conversation felt.They remember that you listened. They remember that you made them laugh or introduced them to somebody. They remember that you noticed they were standing alone and made them feel welcome.That feeling gets attached to your name.And that carries a lot of weight in business.I also think your reputation is built in the conversations you assume do not matter.People pay attention to how you move through a room, especially when you think nobody important is watching. If you suddenly check out of a conversation because you realize someone is not a potential client, that says something. So does the way you treat volunteers, servers, students and event staff.The same goes for follow-through. If you offer to make an introduction, send a resource or connect someone to a person you know, do it.Yes, the person you dismiss today could be running a company in five years or could already know someone you would love to meet.But even if they never become useful to you in any business sense, they still deserve to be treated like a person.Before your next event, decide what would make the night feel worthwhile to you.For me, three really good conversations would beat collecting a pile of business cards every time. You might also go in hoping to connect two people who would genuinely benefit from knowing each other, or use the night as a chance to get better at explaining what you do without turning it into a pitch.The point is to give yourself a simple focus so you are not wandering around trying to “work the room.”Try walking in with the goal of making three people glad they met you.I think that changes everything.You listen differently. You stop trying to collect people. You relax a little more and allow an actual relationship to begin.And for the love of the cheese tray, please do not read anyone your entire resume. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit loubowersmarketing.substack.com