How to Spot an Emotionally Shut-Down Man (Part 1)

What does an emotionally shut down man actually look like?Spoiler:Usually not what people think.In this powerful conversation, Luke and Alana explore the hidden reality of emotional shutdown in men—especially the high-performing, successful men who appear “fine” on the outside but are deeply disconnected on the inside.From avoidant attachment to compulsive behavior, emotional numbness, and relational loneliness, this episode helps both men and betrayed partners understand what’s really happening beneath the surface.Healing is possible. Deeper connection is possible.But first—you have to feel.Chapters01:48 What Being Emotionally Shut Down Looks Like04:01 High Performing Shut down09:13 Inside the Shutdown12:39 Signs and Logic16:54 Learning Emotional Safety19:35 Tears and the Body22:27 Busy vs Stillness24:14 Chasing Intensity30:00 Numbness and Dissociation38:35 Individuation and ReconnectionRegister Now!***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. NEW GroupsMaking Sense of His Behavior - NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. Know Your Story is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks.Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your LifeQuestions or topics you'd like us to address? Send us an email with “Choose To Be” as the subject to [email protected]. Watch us⁠ on YouTube.Follow us on Instagram: @choose_recovery_services⁠Schedule⁠ a complimentary consultation.Join our email list to be notified when new episodes air.More from Choose Recovery ServicesBeyond the Facade Podcast - Helping men live authentically and aligned with their values.Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women navigating betrayal trauma and its effects.Intensives - Immersive healing experiences designed for deep transformation in a short time.Help. Her. Heal - A program for men to build empathy, improve communication, and repair relationships.Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - Support for men working through addiction, shame, emotional growth, and relationship healing.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Empowered Divorce Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ with Amie Woolsey for those who are leaning toward divorce.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dating From Within - Learn to date yourself first and recognize when you’re ready for a healthy relationship.Should I Stay or Go? - A self-paced course guiding you toward clarity and personal empowerment.Trauma Trigger Kit - Grounding tools to help you manage triggers using your five senses.Believing in You - Learn brain-based tools to rebuild trust, empowerment, and joy.Intimacy Within ⁠- A self-paced guide to building authentic, vulnerable intimacy from the inside out.