You're listening to the Impact Theory Podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Billu, serial entrepreneur and co-founder of a billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Relationship Theory.
I'm your co-host Tom Billu and I'm here with my lovely wife who's very angry about my microphone. Hello, my name is Paul Heehy. He's like, he should find a sec up to me. Funny thing is, like, no, I'm gonna lie, it's like a kid.
Oh no, yeah. But we gotta forget this power, this is so weird. So this is the type of thing that we actually argue about, where it's like the production or things like that, where it's like, it's blocking your face. It ain't right not to worry about it.
Hi guys. I worry more about you guys. So this week we are talking about the holidays because next week we won't have an opportunity to film because Thursday, because we've actually now switched relationship theory over to Thursdays. And next week is Thanksgiving.
So this is our kind of holiday episode that's gonna cover next week. Nice. Yes, I've got some holiday questions and some fun things today. Alright, so now we'll have other holiday episodes as we go.
Yeah, just not next week. Correct, just not next week. Got it. So we thought, okay, what's the one thing that people at home are gonna be dealing with in their relationships over these next couple of weeks?
And it is, I'm sure, in-laws, family, juggling both. One of our favorite movies is For Christmases, we both come from divorced parents, so Christmas is quite interesting. But yes, I've got a couple of questions in relation to that. So let's get going.
Alright, so last week I had to would you rather, and I've got the results of them. So the question last week was would you rather have every detail of your love life made to public or have the details of your finances made public? And the results are in. All males, all people that voted were male.
So come on women, wanna hear from you guys. Eight out of nine votes were for finance. Yeah, to me that's like, yeah, it goes without saying. Interesting.
Yeah. So yeah, that was the result. I'm still surprised that like you're like, oh, I'd rather have the intimate details of my love life. Like that's it.
So let me see if I can capture this. It exists in a part of people's brains that is just immeasurably different than the rest of their life. Things that are okay and normal when you're in an intimate encounter are very different than things that are normal in your everyday life. So it's like you finances exist in that everyday party.
It doesn't mean that you love or hate what's gonna be revealed in that. But it's in that same frame of reference. Yeah, I'm still like. Yeah, the funny thing is, all of the ways I've had time to think about it.
I was like, yeah, maybe I'll change my mind. Yeah, so weird because the people that are reading it, the lurid details are gonna be like in their normal life, which makes all the lurid details seem weird. Yeah, it's like that I'm really not doing a great job of capturing this. But I think that any person's psyche is broken into, not broken into, but frame of reference matters.
So even just think about ways of talking, like ways of talking in the midst of an intimate encounter are very different. If I started talking like this in an intimate encounter, I'd be like, what are you doing? It'd be so weird. But yet in this context, it makes all the sense of the world.
So that to me is like, because you're asking for something to be taken out of context in like this interesting bubble that hopefully, Jesus, I hope for everyone out there, that they get to experience that level of intimacy and having sex. And it's amazing, but it's like this, it's own universe in terms of being a frame of reference. All right. So I've got a new would you rather for everybody at home, please put in the comments and I want to hear your answer.
Okay. Would you rather spend the holidays with in-laws that you hate or would you rather spend the holidays all by yourself without your other half? Whoa, wow. Okay.
So in the comments, would you want to be with the in-laws over the holidays, even if you hate them, or would you rather be alone over the holidays without your other half? God. I've got my answer. So it's, it makes a big difference for me if this is Thanksgiving or Christmas.
So, Michelle initial question was, would you rather Thanksgiving with the in-laws that you hate or Christmas alone? Yeah. Well, that ultimately becomes the same answer. So Thanksgiving, I'd rather be by myself and Christmas, I'd rather be with you, assuming that like I get some like sneaky moments where it's just you and I, after everybody else has gone to bed, you and I would have our like proper little celebration and I could see like doing a little Christmas at the end of the bed or something.
But being around people that you hate, life is way too short for that shit. And it's interesting that we talk a lot about in-laws because I feel just, we got so lucky in that we can really enjoy each other's families. Like I love your family. In fact, the reason by the way, and I know now will all be forgiven because you were a little annoyed.
I'm sure that I'm like literally sliding out of the way through the intro is for your dad. Am I dad? Yeah. And I'm like, what I was doing for him?
Just know that it was for your dad. Okay. So they called me up, your dad calling me and I thought, I didn't hear your phone ring, which means they're coming in right now. Now I'm really intrigued.
Hang on, my dad called you. Yeah. And now you're writing something about yourself. I thought to dad, and Tim was running.
What? How? How is this possible? Because we set up their domain for them years ago.
Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Okay. I can issue with the domain, whatever. So unfortunately, not cool, not holiday related, but nonetheless I was trying to deal with it before I started.
But I don't want to pretend that we haven't had issues with each other's parents because we have. He was very concerned about how you were going to support me. Your mum was obviously very close to you. So she had issues when I came into your life of now she had to step back and kind of give you room to be with me.
So we really have worked through it. But I want to address the people that may be having issues now, right? And then how do we help or one of the advice and tips we can give them to? Well, what are your answers to the would you rather?
Yeah, definitely. I'd rather be around my in-laws that I don't like because I would make for both because I would steal you away, like not being with you at Christmas and just for you guys at home. Be prepared if you follow me on social for since after Thanksgiving, everything's going to be Christmas related because we are like little children. And this is one thing we really bonded over is that like I love Christmas.
I'm like a little giddy kid. I wear my Santa hat whenever I'm any time of the day that I can possibly wear my Santa hat. I wear my Santa hat. We were Santa hats on the streets of New York.
Yeah, we did. And I'm saying we do. Every year. And you're exactly like that.
And that was one thing that maybe you guys at home can relate where you find that one weird silly thing and other people judge you and call you silly and then you find that one person that just embraces it and loves it. And literally on my car first date you even like, yeah, look, I'm like the biggest Christmas fan in the world. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, no. I'm the biggest Christmas fan in the world.
And so now it's just become such a bonding for me and you that I look forward to because of the bonding. So if I wasn't with you, like that would make me miserable. So I would put up with it in laws and I would keep telling myself like you're doing this for the love of your husband. You're doing this because you want to be with him.
And then like you said, I would take time and still be away. I would when we're going to bed, we'd stay up for another hour and just hang out or in the morning, you know, maybe we'd spend a couple of hours before we like left our bedroom. So those would be more meaningful to me than the misery I may have to face being around people I didn't like. Right.
So. Word. Okay. So kickoff question has to do with in-laws, not to do with holidays per se, but if anyone has any questions in regards to in-laws or any problems they're dealing with, put it in the comments and we'll answer them live.
So first question is from last week from Andy Frisch from Facebook. Guys, please help. I just married the most amazing woman, love of my life, soulmate. Her parents are very religious and do not support the marriage.
My wife's brother actually left the family due to them and refuses to talk to them. My wife is in the middle and I don't want to pull her away, but I cannot continue just toughen the fuck up and deal with it. I cannot continue to just toughen the fuck up and deal with it. I'm not religious and for the only way for us to survive is to cut ties, but I can't bring myself to give my wife an ultimatum, nor should I.
We listen to relationship theory and impact theory, so I think the future is bright, but how do we survive now? Thank you so much. You guys are changing lives. So to me, so full disclosure, you and I know we wouldn't deal with this the same way.
And ironically, I think my way is right and you think your way is right. And every time we encounter something like this, you seem like an alien to me. And I'm sure vice versa. And so I will give my very emphatic advice.
And that is, you're never going to change them. So either cut ties, which is almost certainly going to cause a massive amount of distress for your wife. If she were the one that were leading the charge on cut ties, okay, then that's nice and easy. The reality is you need to learn to like water off a duck's back.
Like here's the thing, I'm never going to find like, even if somebody were outright heckling me in a relationship, and let's say that it would your parents know your parents are insanely lovely. So thankfully, I'm never going to have to deal with this boring, like some significant head trauma to one of them. They're just great people. They're so good.
I love your in-laws. My in-laws, your parents. So, but if they were outright heckling me, and I was like, you're, you love them, and you're like in this really weird position where it's like, I think they're so horrible to you. And for years, let's say you tried, and it was stressing your relationship out and it was becoming a bigger issue.
And they were actually getting worse towards me, and it was eating you alive. I just be like, don't worry about me. And I'm going to go, and this is going to be practice time. And I'm going to see like, how much can I do it?
Like how chill and zen can I be in this situation? How much can I defuse them? How much can I win them over? And it would just be a game for me.
Is there a way for me to win them over without changing who I am, but being, like, have you ever tried to push rope? You can't do it. Right? Like I remember somebody, not only haven't heard it, you've heard it from me a thousand times, minus the sound effect.
What they usually say is if you ever tried to shoot pool with rope. So, and that's what I'd be like, whatever they were trying to do to attack me, like, there are ways to defuse everything. The reason that people get into these like gnarly situations is they feel like they have to defend themselves, have to protect their ego. They've got to like make a point.
It's the principle of the thing, all starting to sound familiar. I don't know what you mean. So for me, like that, there's no logic in that. Like it just doesn't make sense.
So once you rule out cutting them out of your life, then it becomes either you're fighting fire with fire and so you continue to escalate and it's absolute misery or the cops are going to call them. I mean, this is how people get into literal physical altercations, it's total madness. Or you just go, I'm going to, this is a game and I'm going to practice. How do I defuse the situation?
And so as long as they're not like clubbing baby seals in the living room, like, I don't need to change their behavior. I don't need to stop them. So, yeah, and just to give people context. So I'm Greek author docs and you were the first person really in my entire family, or I was the first person in my entire family to ever marry out of the Greek author docs religion.
But when I met you, I said getting married in a Greek church was actually important to me. I had a dream as a young girl and it was really important to me to get married in a Greek author docs church. And you had to be christened though to do that. And you had turned around to me and you said, and this was one of those things that you build the bricks of trust and just you're there for me.
I so remember this and you said, baby, if that's going to make you happy, I would do whatever it takes. So if I need to get christened so that we can get married in a Greek author's church because this is a dream that you had, I'll do it in a heartbeat. But you will also very much yourself and you said, the one thing I won't ever do and I just need you to know is I don't believe in God. And so I need you to know that I'm doing it for you and I don't want this to be a slippery slope where all of a sudden now I'm going to church all the time and you're acting like I believe in God when I don't.
And you were always very honest about that, very upfront and very respectful. And so from the get-go, I then told my dad, I was like, look, here's a man who wants to marry me in a Greek church. He's willing to do it, but please don't pressure on him to have to believe in God. I don't want you preaching to him.
And I was very honest with my dad of that. And so you really did help when it came to my family and my beliefs and you did jump in and embrace it all. You learn how to speak Greek. And I know this was all for me, but it really did help us bond.
So that was very powerful. And yeah, you never held it against me. And that's the one thing. And when this guy said, and I think he's very aware, right, he says, I don't want to give my wife an ultimatum.
Like, that's just, you can't do that. That's not fair on her, in my opinion. Like, she doesn't control her parents. So how they act is not a reflection of how she's acting.
And then for me, when it's the flip, and I haven't obviously been in that situation when it comes to religion, but I definitely have a little different way of seeing things because for me I don't like to be disrespected. And that's just my thing. So if you're, let's say your parents are disrespected you in front of me. I know better.
Like, I'm not going to get involved. This is you're an adult. You can handle that situation. I will still have my opinions, but I'll just keep them to myself.
But if I felt like we were in a situation where I was actively being disrespected, I've got to say, I don't really care who you are, whether it's you're my husband or whether you're my husband's parents. Like, I just think there's a line that you don't cross. And as you say, you get treated the way people treat you. And I really hold to that.
So whether it be your parents or I mean, I've, you know, what to movie sets and they've been A-listers who have disrespected me and I told him to the face. Like, please don't talk to me like that. Show me respect and I'll show you respect back. And so I've got that line that I just don't cross.
So yeah. So give this guy advice. Tell him exactly what to do and I want to see if the crazy comes out. I don't know what you mean.
So for me, it'd be like, make sure that A, your partner needs to know how much you love her. Like, baby, I'm here for you. We're going to get this through this together. This is an issue that I have a problem with.
I'm really struggling right now. But we need to work as a team. That is a must because you have to be united. You cannot have other people's outsiders or your partner's parents influence the affection and the relationship between the two of you.
You've got to make that mark. So step number one, then deal with it as a team. So talk to her about how you're feeling versus feeling like I can't talk to her because it's her parents. Like, don't be insulting.
Like, oh, you're effing dad and like be respectful. It's still her parents. But be open about how that makes you feel so that he can now feel like he's got an ally. And then yeah, I would say like at some point, if they are rude to you, if it was me, I would be very polite and just dismiss myself from situations.
And say like, oh, it's, you know, it didn't out with your parents. Have fun, baby. Love you. Let me know.
Tell your parents. I say hi. I just, I don't like putting myself in situations where I feel like I would have to be quiet if someone was disrespect to me. And so you're telling him to not go.
She can go, but he's not going to go. Right. Now, if there's certain situations where it's like a birthday, like go bite your tongue. Christmas.
Make it nice and hard. Christmas day or Christmas season? Day. Christmas day.
Yeah, I would go for sure. And I would bite my tongue. And you have taught me the one phrase you say to me a lot is, oh God, like don't. Don't deal with the world the way you wish it were.
Deal with the world the way that it actually is. Exactly. So there. So I would do that.
But let's keep it hard. So he goes on Christmas day and they're disrespecting him. Yep. That's what you got my daughter.
I would do it. Right. Yep. I would repeat to myself.
Why are you doing this? Right? Like I would figure out why I'm doing it. It's because I love my wife.
Yep. They're married. It's because I love my wife and I would just keep repeating to myself. I love her.
I'm here to make her happy. I love her. I'm here to make her happy. I'm here for her.
I'm not here for them. I'm here for her. And I would literally like a monster just repeat it in my head because it's important to know why you're doing it because then I won't get caught up in the emotion I'm feeling in that moment. I'm here to make her happy.
So when I go home at the end of this Christmas dinner, maybe torturous, when I go home she's going to be so proud of me. And for your partner she needs to make sure, in fact, you should tell her. And this is what I would do. I really am looking for a pan the back.
Like it was really tough for me just now to sit through that lunch with someone so being disrespectful to me. I'm ready to do lunch. Oh dinner. Fine.
But I would like I would. We were with him on Christmas Eve. I would be honest with you of what I'm looking for in return because if you then didn't show appreciation that would really bother me. If you just like well of course you need to shut up in front of my parents and not answer back.
Like if you were like that, like what am I doing it for then? I would want you to say baby I know that was tough and I really saw how strong you were and to thank you for doing that because then I'm feeling good about it. I've seen you happy. You know that I'm trying.
So that's what I mean by teamwork like really working together to have those conversations on what my expectations are before and after. That's great advice. Let's talk about the most powerful force in wealth building compounding. There's a reason that people have talked about this forever.
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HSA FSA tax savings vary. Thank you. So I'm not crazy. Well, so now do you want to talk about what I think would really happen?
Oh, you don't think that I'd be bad. No, you would do all of that. But you would get angry. You would get very upset.
Yeah, I would probably leave and... Like even this morning we were talking about not this, but we were talking about something and I had that same sense of how it's really interesting to have different levels. And it's really interesting to have differently react. So somebody was doing you dirt.
There's no question. They're doing you dirt. Like I don't argue that. I'm just saying it doesn't make me mad.
It's so predictable. And because it's predictable, I don't have an emotional response to it. And you know, I've talked a lot about this. Behavior that's predictable should not upset you.
And yet, even though we've been talking about this for several days, you know this is going to happen. You know what's going to happen? When it happens, it still makes you mad. And so that's the part where I'm always like, wow, that's really fascinating.
Yeah, you're right. I would leave the house. And I would need to tell you about it. Like this moment when she said that, or when he said that, it actually really did upset me.
And that's when actually I would say to what I'm looking for. It's like, baby, I totally get it. Love you. I still appreciate you going through it for me.
Like a total... And so now that's like, do you mind if we really get mired in the mud here? And I don't like to linger on one question. I was going to say you're the one that tells me...
I know. And I'll be fast. But so here's what ends up happening. So because you're getting...
Like it's easy to talk about the abstract and the reality, they're being total dicks to you. So then you start getting mad. You get quiet, which is your defensive strategy. But then they can tell that you're getting mad.
But they don't think you should be mad about it. So now they feel justified because you're being in their mind, bitchy. And so now you're both escalating. So even though you're escalating out of silence, but you're giving a look, you're giving off this vibe.
And so it turns into this really freaky escalation. So on paper, like your advice actually works. But in reality, if you are actually getting mad, it won't work because you won't be able to hide it. So what I'm saying is, like, water off the ducks back, where you're actually not...
You're actually not getting upset. So I'll give you a really weird example and hopefully I can bring this all together. So there are people in my family who... Not my immediate family, but like start thinking sort of second, third cousins kind of thing.
Who do drugs. So there was this one time where people... I don't remember meeting. My mom said I met them when I was really, really young.
I don't remember it. They show up at the house. Now imagine we're all sitting around the table when they show up. So there's like 12 of us around the table.
These two come in. They're hilarious. Like they... To me, they look like comic characters.
Like they're so disheveled, like really white trashy, like missing teeth. I mean, just crazy, crazy like hillbilly shit. And they roll up. Now everyone fucking scatters.
So it goes from 12 people around the table to me and the two of them. And that's it. And I sit and have one of the most memorable... Like, I think this was Christmas Eve.
One of the most memorable Christmas Eve of my life because I turned off judgment and I just started asking questions. Right? So I tell people if you want to be interesting, be interested. And I thought, let me just learn from these two.
Like they... I don't want to say what they do because it'll be too revealing. But they have a very interesting job that you don't hear a lot about anymore. So I'm asking them like all these questions.
I'm like, wow. Like yes, they're super high right now. And I don't know what they were doing. If it was weed or heroin to be honest, but it was pretty funny because they would like me falling asleep like in a conversation.
It was amazing. I just had so much fun like learning about them without like being like, oh my God, I can't believe so. I'm like, I'm like, I've got to bring these together because it seems like a weird example to use here. It's just, it's a very visceral example where there's all the reason in the world of past judgment on these two to shut down and just leave the table.
Right? But instead, I really found a place of legitimate interest and intrigue in them to learn more. So because of that, I was radiating very different emotions in all the nonverbal cues than everyone else in the room who was giving off like negative vibes. So of course, like it became this really interesting exchange.
Now, it didn't mean that suddenly like, I'm all for like people doing heroin. Like, that wasn't it. It just became like, for that moment, I'm going to take them as they are not trying to make them a different way and find my own way to enjoy, which for me is learning to tap into learn something to find out like ask these really ask these questions to which the answers were so interesting, not that I was like, oh my God, I'm learning how to be in my own life. It was just interesting.
And so in finding that, like, I know if I was getting assaulted by somebody, I would go into interested mode and I would just try to learn about them to find out more to steer the conversation where I wanted to go to take them into waters where maybe they light up. Remember, we were working on this house. We had this one guy who was so fucking grumpy. And so finally, I was so, I was getting into this house.
And so I was getting angry. And I thought, this is where I'm going to get myself into trouble because I'm going to start being like really fucking direct with him because you know how I get when people are inefficient and dickheads like that red lines me. You can be a dickhead or you can be inefficient. You can't be both.
And so I thought, get interested. And so I asked him, like, what's your deepest passion in life? What really makes you happy? Because I wanted him to like get out of this fucking dark funk and he started talking about his daughters.
And I thought, whoa, like, okay, this is actually really interesting. And now he's in a better mood. I'm in a better mood. So anyway, that's how I deal with anger aggression.
You're so tempted to go deep right respect that you're ready to move on. No, actually, I was ready to definitely move on to become more questions. All right. So this is from Dan Brofitness.
What's up, Dan? What would you have done if your girlfriend boyfriend's parents did not include you at Christmas holidays? Yeah, you got them for us. What would I have done if your family didn't want to include me?
I mean, the question is, do you include me? Do you go to your families or do you stay with me? Oh, that's so easy for me. But that's what I'm saying.
Like, it depends on if you were to stay with me, then your family doesn't mind me. That's really the answer. So if my family said that you weren't welcome in the house, I would all but burst into laughter because it's like kids of all the dumb ultimatums to make. Like, that's the world's easiest decision.
So I choose my wife. This is a very foolish ultimatum that you're making. I'm very sad. I would never make that of you.
I think it's ridiculous that you can't find a way to appreciate and love this person that I care about. But by the way, I'll see you sometime after Christmas. Yeah, that's not even like difficult for me. Yeah, I think it depends on how the person actually reacts to the person whose parents is.
That's what we're saying. Yeah, I mean, I think if you're in a committed relationship and you're in love and somebody else says, oh, that other person isn't welcome, then on a holiday like that, I got out of here. Yeah, like that. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't even miss a beat.
Um, so yeah. All right, so we've got another question. All right, so guys, if you do have any questions, please drop them in the comments. We're talking about in-laws and holidays, but doesn't have to be that subject.
If there's something else that's bothering you guys out there that we may have dealt with and come up with some tips or tricks, let us know. Okay, so we've got next question. Hey, Tom and Lisa, my parents are struggling to accept my brother's fiance, which is a lot older than him, 23 and 30. What are your thoughts on mandating older women?
Thanks. And the heart wants what the heart wants. Like if they're in love and they're both of consenting age, like I got no beef with it, man. It's like it's hard enough to find somebody that you're really truly like head over heels.
They make you feel like the best version of yourself. You love being around them like, man, take it where you can get it. Yeah, yeah, I don't know why people get so hung up over age, even the other way around. Like if a guy's 50 and the girls like 25 and they're both happy and they're both getting what they want at the relationship, like I really don't get why people get themselves all heart and bothered about it.
It's like sure, you may not date someone that is that much older than you. Great. So don't go back to judgment. People put so much judgment on what other people do.
As long as you're happy, it's hard to be in a relationship. It's hard to find someone that you really love, someone that you really connect with. So if you find someone that's like that, who cares how much, how many years are between you? We have some stats on in-laws and things like that.
Yeah. Break it down. Alright, yeah, Michelle's done her research. Nice.
Alright, so a 26-year study concluded in 2012 that the husband's relationship with his wife's parents was essential to lasting marriage. When this relationship is good, the chance of divorce decreased by 20%. But women who reported having a close relationship with their husband's parents increased their chance of divorce by 20%. I'm not sure I understand that.
Do we know why increased that by 20%? That's interesting. That is so shocking. I don't even know what to make.
I know. Anyone else got theories on that? I'm so intrigued. That's really weird.
I've got a bizarre hypothesis. The only thing I can think is that they gang up on the husband and he feels overwhelmed in some way by the women essentially uniting. If you and my mom started, if you were to magnify my mom's concerns, my mom always thinks that I'm a hair's breath away from being homeless. The irony being it does not matter how much money we have.
My mom's concerns are not tied to reality. That's what's very strange. If you started echoing her, like, oh my god, are you okay? That would be too much.
That's the only thing I can think of. It's funny because in the Greek culture, I've seen both sides where the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, they just are at it. This is my family and I'm the matriarch. I understood that side.
Right, so that's what I'm saying. But sometimes you actually see it where the mother and daughter-in-law team up. The husband comes home or the son comes home and they team up on him. That's the only thing I can think of.
That's really weird. But you and my mom don't do that. No. But you guys have a good relationship.
I would definitely say that's been a win for us. I wonder if people find they need an ally? All the issues they have with their husband, yeah, the mom understands. His mom gets it.
But me and you, we talk through all our issues and we're always trying to resolve them. I would never turn to somebody else to help me with an issue with you. I need an help. We just do it with it myself.
Okay, next question. Michelle Elders- The proof is in the pudding. I understand I've been through two failed relationships. I get it.
I'm going to go into this as open eye as anybody else. Hopefully she understands what went wrong in those relationships and how she's taking a different trajectory this time and going to do things differently. But look, I want you to know that I love him and he makes me feel better about myself and I'm around him. I'm very excited to be moving in with him.
But I'm not going to try to convince you not to be worried from the historical reasons I get it. Statistically speaking, you have reason to be worried. As long as they're not heckling her and she feels like she's got to talk them down, I don't convince her not to worry about me. She does worry about me.
I get it because from a female perspective, I really do want my parents' approval. My mom is always supportive and pretty much anything I do. Any crazy idea, my mom is like, you go, you go, you go, and she just supports me. I don't feel like I have that with her as much as I do my dad.
My dad doesn't approve of everything I do. He's always got something to say. He's always got advice of why I'm doing something wrong. Out of love, of course.
But I still find myself, in fact, here's a situation with my digestive system. You know, my dad thinks everything I'm doing is wrong. I need to go... And you keep them clowns?
Yeah. He's got a way of thinking, traditional medicine, you need to go to a doctor, you need to get medication. But I'm not doing that, right? We're going through diets, going through more, which one of my listic doctors, like figuring out functional thank you.
And so my dad doesn't get that. So every time I talk to him, his opinion is you're doing it wrong. So I get the inclination to try and persuade them. I did try to do that with my dad.
Every time I would talk to my dad about my health, I'm finding myself persuading him. And I never win. Trying to persuade him. And I'm never able to persuade him.
And I get frustrated and I get upset. And you always say to me, like, what is your goal? Like, you know, he's never going to agree with the way you do it. So now you're just upsetting yourself every time, instead, just accept that he doesn't agree.
But it comes from love and he just wants to see you get better. And you need to let go of that. So I kind of guess would give the same advice to her, right? It's like, I get it.
I totally understand why you want your parents to be on board. I get why she cares. And I get why it's important to her. So trying to persuade them, totally understand that instinct.
But if it's like my family, the chances are you're just making yourself more upset every time you try because they may go, uh-huh, sure. So I get it. And then also I'm just going to say, you know, I think moving in together is a great step before you get married. So you can see what it's like to live with each other.
You can see whether you're compatible. So I personally, as much as I know the situation where I'm like, this is the man of my dreams. I want to marry him because I was absolutely like that with you. Getting a bit older now.
I don't know if I'd ever put that stake in the ground until I moved in with you, tested the waters, see if it is right. And I would be honest about that. Like, I really hope he's the man of my dreams. I really hope that you're the right one.
And I feel like you are. And this will be a great test for me to know whether it's actually true or not. So. Word.
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V-A-Rail. Love the way. Ah, we got it. Would you rather segments?
Love these would you rather. Alright guys, join in with us as I read them out. Put your comments in. Would you rather ask fans to play?
Oh, ask fans to play long. Thank you. I did. Alright, number one.
Would you rather never celebrate Thanksgiving again or never celebrate Valentine's Day again? Wow. Oh, I've got an easy one. Interesting.
Yeah, so do I. And I think they might be different. I would rather never celebrate Valentine's Day. Yeah, me too.
So guys, what about you? And the reason being is Thanksgiving to me, obviously, being British, we never celebrated Thanksgiving. But it's Ochikovsky Christmas. Yeah, it's like this four day extravaganza for you and I where we go crazy deep into Christmas.
It's certainly a more extended romantic period because it is a very romantic time for us which starts with like our favorite Christmas song. We dance to it. And yeah. And then just like totally soaking in the vibe of Christmas all four day weekend.
And yeah, so it's become one of the most important weekends of the year for us. Yeah, it really has. We have these traditions that we always do and it becomes like it's so special. It's next week.
It's next week. I know. So we go to Target with our Santa hats are going with my like Christmas leggings and we just like load up the car. You want me a whole bunch of Christmas sweaters which I'm excited to see when they arrive?
Yeah, well, I've got a whole bunch of Christmas sweaters in my Amazon cart. Oh, you didn't know. Which reminds me, I'm now we're panicking on time here. Oh, yes we are.
But yeah, like I love that we indulge in like just the silliness of like the love we have for Christmas and that holiday. So yeah, for us it's easy but dropping the comments what you guys would prefer. All right, next one. Would you rather have an arranged marriage or a soap with someone you met last week?
Oh, yeah. I mean, for me, I'd rather a lot with somebody I met last week. At least that is I've got some inclination that I like them. It's not like the other person you know either.
Yeah. Yeah, I would too. Guys, I hope. Next one.
Would you rather have your entire family at your wedding and none of your partners family or none of your family in your partners entire family? Except rather my family. Oh man, that's that's rude. Sorry.
Yeah. I mean, I feel the same right to not have my mom dad and sister there would be gnarly. Yeah. But here's actually you know what the truth is.
I'd rather have your family. I was going to say because it would be so heartbreaking for you in a way that you would never really recover from and I would. So like you having your dad walk you down the aisle like all those things I think were just insanely, insanely important to you. So it would have been brutally heartbreaking for me as well but not on the same level.
Yeah. And just to address like we would have that talk because it's not like it'd be easy for either of us, right? So we would say like what is meaningful to you? Why is it meaningful and then I would say how I feel and then we would just wait like who would be more upset about it and then we'd kind of go in that direction both of us.
We'd agree. And we'd just like push against each other. No, it's my family. I mean, even take our wedding.
Like so there was 190 people on my side of the family and 10 people on your side. These are real numbers. Real numbers. Yeah.
Greek weddings are very big. Okay. Last one. Yeah.
Last one. Would you rather have your mom ask every day why you aren't having kids which happens by the way. We live for like eight years. Or have your mom tell you every day that you're that you're raising your kids wrong.
Oh, that seems really. Yeah. I'd rather have my mom ask me every day. Yeah, for sure.
Because telling me that I'm raising my kids wrong is like a. Dagger in the heart. I mean, even without kids, I can say that you can't help but wonder if you're raising your kids right. Everyone has an opinion.
And so to have somebody heckling you like, oh. Someone's always going to have an opinion as well, right? Like do you spank your kids? Do you not?
I'm glad we don't have to answer that question because I will tell you right now that I got spanked and I'm grateful for it. And now like fucking child protective services. I think that's madness. Like I don't think you should beat your kids.
I think you should spank them. But that's another thing that we've actually had. We don't even have kids and we've already discussed all of that. We've already discussed how we would raise our kids if we were to have one.
I think even conversations like that just help you establish where each other's minds out like how they handle situations. But do you know what pariahs we would be if we spanked our kids now? I mean, the times have changed. Yeah, but look, they're my kids and I get it and be sure to tell the judge that when you're trying to get them back from child protective services, I'm telling you the world has changed.
There's no more spanking. Not in California, Southern California. Forget it. Wow.
If you touched your kids and somebody saw it, even if it was in your home, you are in real trouble, real trouble. Homie, it has changed. It has changed. We're not having kids.
So thankfully we don't have to worry about that. That's true. But we do talk about every little detail like that. Like even with our puppies.
In fact, we had a discussion today. You did. You didn't find out if I was surprised by that. Yeah, because here's the thing.
I forgot her yesterday. So Wookiee barks, our little baby girl, she barks a lot. We're trying to keep training her. We trained her quite well.
Yes. And she was all but silent. Over time, it's got a little lapse from some entities. Sure.
I'm trying not to raise my stress level. So if she barks, I try not to escalate. Right. So I tried to do that parking more.
So now she's now barking a little more. And so yesterday I locked her up because she barks. So I put her in and think she cow is now which breaks my heart. So she cow is when she barks.
Yes. Because she knows she's going to get locked up. And then I forgot about her. I was like a day.
You forgot about it for 40 minutes. It was about an hour. I was so bad. And I felt so guilty.
So this morning she barks and you said, baby, I'm cooking. Can you go put her away? So initially my heart already broke. And so I locked her up and I said to you, you let her out in 10 minutes because I need to go up and get ready.