How to Talk to Kids About Death and Dying: Honest Conversations in the Messy Middle with Abigail Gellene-Beaudoin, LCSW

It is perhaps the conversation every parent dreads the most: explaining death to a child. Whether it’s the loss of a pet, a grandparent, or a sudden tragedy in the community, our instinct is to protect—to shield our children from the pain of grief. But as we often discuss on this show, protection isn't about the absence of pain; it's about the presence of a Secure Base.Today, Dr. Courtney is joined by her long-time friend and colleague, Abigail Gellene-Beaudoin, LCSW. Abigail is a Certified Child Life Specialist with deep expertise in palliative care and supporting families through medical trauma, chronic illness, and end-of-life transitions. Together, they pull back the curtain on why we are so afraid to talk about death and how our own "Internal Weather" as parents shapes our children’s ability to process grief.If you’ve been searching for the "right" words to say or if you’re navigating a loss right now, this episode provides a compassionate, science-backed roadmap for moving from overwhelmed to attuned during life’s hardest moments.In this episode, we discuss:Defining Palliative Care: Shifting the focus from "cure" to "comfort" and why this mindset shift is vital for family communication.Anticipatory Grief: The "amorphous" phase that happens before a loss occurs. Why kids sense the tension and how they fill in the blanks with their own (often scarier) stories.Defiance as Communication: Why a child’s opposition or acting out is often a distress signal of powerlessness and a desperate search for control.The 10-Minute "Connection Dosage": How using a timer and Child-Directed Interaction (CDI) can fill a child’s security bucket when the family system is stressed by loss.The "D-Word": Why we must avoid euphemisms like "went to sleep" or "passed away." Abigail provides a specific, concrete script for explaining death (e.g., explaining how the brain and body stop working).The Sturdy Parent: How to model healthy grief by crying in front of your children while reassuring them: "I am sad, but I can handle this and I am still taking care of you."Continuing Bonds: Rituals for keeping a loved one part of the family "fishbowl," from favorite breakfast spots to rainbow window film.Re-Grieving Through Development: Why a child may seem "fine" at age three but experience acute grief again at age six as they begin to understand the permanence of death.About Our Guest: Abigail Gellene-Baudoin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Child Life Specialist (CCLS), and child-centered play therapist dedicated to helping children and families navigate the complexities of healthcare and loss. She is the author of several children’s books designed to provide parents with the scripts they need for life's hardest conversations.Resources & Connect with Us:Abigail’s Book: When Hope Changes (A fillable script for parents sharing difficult news).Recommended Reading: The Invisible String by Patrice Karst.Join our IBH Parenting Newsletter: To get even more valuable and hands-on information.Identify Your Parenting Values: Grief often clarifies what matters most. Download our Free Values Workbook here.The Co-Parenting U-Turn Workbook: When the family system is stressed by grief, conflict often rises. Learn the skills to break the cycle here.Book a Consultation: If your family is navigating a loss and you're seeking specialized therapeutic support, book a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation with our team at Integrated Behavioral Health.Keywords: Death and dying, child grief, bereavement, Child Life Specialist, Parenting U-Turn, Attachment Theory, how to talk to kids about death, Palliative Care.Remember: You don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent. We are all learning how to raise kids these days.Legal Disclaimer: While this podcast may provide information that is educational in nature, it is not intended to be a health care service, psychotherapy, or the practice of psychology. This podcast’s main purpose is to provide educational insights for all stages of child and family development. We will not provide diagnoses or specific recommendations for your family. At no point is a therapeutic relationship established by way of your unilateral participation by listening to these episodes, and we cannot provide advice or privileges associated with a therapeutic relationship. We recommend that anyone who is seeking a therapeutic relationship reach out to Integrated Behavioral Health at [email protected] to begin the interview process of becoming a client or receiving a referral. If at any point in your listening or engaging with the content of this podcast, you experience an emergency, please immediately call 911 or go to your local emergency room.