How to Talk with Kids About Death and Other Hard Topics (with Dr. Elena Lister)

Dawn Friedman hosts the Tell Me It Will Be Okay podcast and interviews therapist and adult and child psychiatrist Dr. Elena Lister about her book Giving Hope: Conversations with Children about Illness, Death and Loss (co-written with Michael Schwartzman and Lindsay Tate). Lister explains that asking children about difficult subjects—including death and suicidal feelings—doesn’t “put ideas in their head,” but builds trust and opens communication, noting kids already think about these topics through experiences like Disney movies, nature, and news events. She emphasizes caregivers being grounded and “steady and sturdy,” using delaying or revisiting conversations when needed, admitting mistakes, and allowing children to set pace while keeping doors open. Lister shares her family’s experience when her daughter Liza was dying, discusses talking about uncertainty and differing beliefs about afterlife, offers guidance on cremation and funerals, and highlights that mentionable is manageable.00:00 Welcome and Guest02:55 Fear of Saying It05:53 Disney and Death07:42 Start Before Loss10:50 Grounded Parent Mindset12:43 Deer in Headlights15:42 Good Enough Parenting16:44 Classroom Disclosure Story23:24 Anger and Humanity26:55 Distress Tolerance Check30:19 Death in the News35:00 Living With Mortality37:05 Aging and Nature37:58 Afterlife Questions40:26 Family Beliefs Clash42:02 Living With Uncertainty43:01 Grief Work Origin Story45:25 Schools Can Talk47:47 Let Kids Set Pace53:41 Child Life Support55:47 Cremation Explained57:55 Funerals and Rituals01:02:09 Preparing Kids for Loss01:05:46 Final Thanks and WrapWebsite: Elena Lister MDGiving Hope by Elena Lister MD, Michael Schwartzman PhD with Lindsey Tate (affiliate link on Bookshop)A Short Good Life by Philip Lister MD (affiliate link on Bookshop)Mentioned in this episode:TELL ME IT WILL BE OK: The PracticeI invite you to check out TELL ME IT WILL BE OK: The Practice, a guided reflective journaling podcast for parents raising anxious kids in a worried world. This is not a list of things you’re doing wrong. This is not a bunch of one size fits all parenting advice. This is a place to remember what you already know. (And to learn some new stuff along the way.) Each session is approximately 30 minutes. I help us get grounded; share resources, inspiration, and information; and then using thoughtful prompts we journal together to move you forward in your understanding. It also includes access to our own private community. You can sign up for a free sample practice at my site: OpenBookParenting.com