How to Undermine Your Own Repentance

“That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish.”Jonah 4:2Why is Jonah complaining to God? What is going on in his heart? “That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish.” This is a marvellous example of undermining your own repentance.Jonah repented, and God forgave him, but now Jonah wants to explain why he went to Tarshish. He feels that there was some justification, some defence for what he did. As soon as you start explaining why you sinned, you undermine your own repentance.Repentance says, “I did this. I am sorry, I take full responsibility, and I trust myself to the mercy of God.” Self-justification says, “You need to understand why I did this. There is a good reason. Let me explain my disobedience.”A great struggle goes on in every human soul between repentance and self-justification. You think, “Well, there’s another side to this. Look at the pressure I was under, the lack of support. It would have been amazing if I hadn’t fallen!”Does this sound familiar? A man has an affair. He repents. He takes responsibility, and he says he is sorry. But later, he begins to explain himself. And the explanation undermines the repentance.There’s a subtle change going on in Jonah. He used to see himself as a sinner who finds hope in God. Now he sees himself as a man who can explain the wrongs in his life before God!“I went to Tarshish, and I know that was wrong, but actually, God, it’s your fault! If You judged the wicked like You should, there wouldn’t have been a problem, but I knew that you are a God who relents from sending calamity. That is why I was so quick to flee.”When you feel that there is an explanation for your sins, you undermine your own repentance, and you will become angry toward God.Can you think of a time when you undermined your own repentance with explanations?