How to Write About Family Without Repeating the Past | Monica Macansantos

What if writing about your past didn’t mean reliving it?In this episode of the Holly Hughes Podcast, Holly sits down with author Monica Macansantos, writer of Returning to My Father’s Kitchen and Love and Other Rituals, to explore how we tell the truth about family, identity, and the stories that shape us, without getting stuck inside them.Monica shares how her father’s openness transformed pain into connection, and how writing became a way to process generational trauma without passing it forward. Through food, memory, and lived experience across the Philippines, the United States, and New Zealand, she reflects on what it means to belong, even when you feel like an outsider.This conversation moves between the deeply personal and the universal. From complicated family dynamics and cultural identity, to the quiet ways we carry home with us, wherever we go. It’s about learning how to hold your past with honesty, without letting it define your future.If you’ve ever struggled with where you come from, how to tell your story, or how to make peace with your past, this episode will meet you there.What you’ll learn in this episode:How to write about family without reinforcing generational patternsWhy storytelling can transform, not just revisit, traumaThe role of food and memory in shaping identityWhat it means to feel like an outsider, even when you belongHow cultural identity evolves across countries and experiencesWhy you don’t need labels to understand who you areThe connection between creativity, grief, and healingHow to process the past without letting it control your futureWhat “home” really means when you’ve lived in many placesWe talk about:00:00 Introduction to Monica Macansantos and her work02:10 Writing about family, trauma, and healing05:00 Tango, trust, and understanding complex relationships07:20 Food, memory, and connection to home10:00 Growing up between cultures and identities13:00 Leaving the Philippines and expanding opportunities16:00 Travel, belonging, and building a life across countries19:00 Toxic environments and creative communities22:00 Feeling like an outsider and finding your voice25:00 Ghosts, memory, and being haunted by the past28:00 Cultural trauma and historical silence32:00 The “landlady” story and learning boundaries36:00 Writing process, discipline, and current projects39:00 Female friendships and power dynamics42:00 Identity, labels, and being human first45:00 Connection, understanding, and shared experience49:00 Monica’s warning label and closing thoughtsConnect with MonicaInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/madamebutchay/ Website: https://www.monicamacansantos.com/ Connect with Holly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thehollyhughes/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@hollyhughesintuitiveGet Holly’s book here: http://bit.ly/4ggvAamWebsite: https://hollyhughesintuitive.com/ #WritingAboutFamily #GenerationalTrauma #CulturalIdentity