Humanity Is Doomed - H3 Podcast # 245

You know, how did you know the devil wears product to he's a movie event 20 years in the making obviously count the secrets anymore So I think we just we should tell it you to please spit it out already This Friday be the first to experience it only in theaters in light of a recent scandal. I'm trying to restore your credibility Oh, cuz we're a team now. That's a nice story Devil wears product to in theaters Friday to Welcome everybody to off the rails. I'm your host Ethan Klein presenting We are now committed to off the rails brand so much so that we even have our own theme song now Here it comes.

You guys made no Otis McDonald. He makes like all the most jamming music on YouTube That's in like the library music library, and we commissioned our boy To make us a song We got a whole orchestra 50 pieces listen to each one their singers saxophones There's a whole quartet Now you just do it on the keyboard, but I love it here. Let's break it down a little bit break it down Break it down feel it out wait for the drop I thought I got it. I thought the drop was a little more tense, but the great Otis McDonald Thank you for the theme song, so now we're off the rails with me.

It's official should we call this off the rails number one It's really not number one though. How do you numerize it? We can't we can't disrupt the numbering seat Oh, okay, you know, I mean we've so long rails do we put it in the title or we just off the rails We've been off the rail. I think if you know, you know like yeah, exactly where this is off the rails We're off the rails self-evident.

We need like a train off the rails. I think cars aren't generally on rails Right today I'm so sick of these dealing with idiots, bro. I don't know. I feel like this show is just from one idiot to another Just fucking shouting at morons like I'm getting you know Joe Rogan we talked about Joe Joe Rogan.

What's in our last episode in like last or the one prior? I forgot Joe Rogan is on his show telling people not to get vaccinated, you know, Carl Tucker Carl tux's dick between his legs Carl Tucker said is do you fucking most despicable person alive as far as I'm aware right now and the shit he says on a show I can't I can't believe what he's saying to be quite frank. We're gonna watch all this stuff I mean just to give you a taste. He I believe he was saying people who wear masks are so offensive to him He encouraging now his viewers to approach people who are wearing masks and tell them that it's making them uncomfortable And he said if you see kids wearing masks you need to call child protective services or the police to come because they are not responding Right like I mean, I'm not off base.

This is what he's saying. Oh, yes, sir Call the police immediately. There you go. That's what he says when if you see someone wearing a mask Your mask is making me uncomfortable, right?

That's the new I don't know what to say because like they're so inconsistent. I mean they're the party of personal freedoms And now they're not even okay with people minding their own business and wearing a mask right Like I just this personal is personal like philosophy. There's no coherency in it at all None, you know So there's that you know There's all kinds of stuff. Caitlyn Jenner is running for governor.

God help us Um, but that's not all politics. Oh, though. Let's be frank. I mean look We also have a um powerpoint on this prank channel that I missed During my hey days of making fun of pranks called luxury pranks, which is apparently one of these legendary prank channels But I they're new to me and so that should be fun going over some of their content But um right at the top here we've got a japanese man Was arrested after dating more than 35 women at once for the purpose of getting birthday gifts That's fucking that's I mean hey dude if you can okay.

Do you get really? I don't really get that good of birthday presence. Yeah justify that much work Look at this is the guy by the way What would you buy him for his birthday Whatever he wants whatever he desires. So apparently this guy was such a prolific data That there was a uh a support group formed Right for his exes for his exes who then reported it to the police They formed a victims association and then went to the police and he was actually arrested for fraud suspicions of fraud damn I don't know how I don't know how that's a crime necessarily the guys just got game Yeah, right he's a criminal player.

I guess I don't know the details, but I just thought it was a funny ass headline I mean, I guess if you are um You know being given gifts under false pretense You know, it's not like I don't know if he's like you have to buy me this Fraud Yeah, I don't know. That's a weird one. I mean, obviously fucked up like I mean it's basically I'm not gonna pretend to know what the laws Are in japan it's cheating on three dozen people and i'm it's job rules perfectly fine with it Right, I think job real nailed that one on the head Yeah, I don't know in america if this would be I'm because it's like if I have Three girlfriend or let's say I have 30 girlfriends and they all think they're the only ones. How does this guy that much time?

Yeah, that's a full-time job dude. They'd be hooking up birthday presents like like that like a thousand dollars That's a good point. How does he make a living? He's preoccupied with dating 35 people, but hey this guy's got swag He's got 35 girlfriends.

So if you're out there Yeah, who are we to judge, you know in sales if that wasn't clear sales. Okay. It's a job, too. Yeah Motherfucker this guy works this guy works 48 hours a day Where does he find the time for this is there details about what kind of gifts he was getting and stuff like that?

Yeah, he says he he received gift cards and presents totaling a hundred thousand yen, which is This article is from Britain. So it gives him pounds, but it's only six hundred and sixty eight pounds. That's it. Come on This dude's hustling for six hundred pounds He would have made way more money just working for minimum wage probably Yeah, I mean so you know the the women who were victimized by him say that they were scammed Which is why you know he's being charged with fraud, but that's just that's such a gray area.

I mean birthday gifts Well, I don't know what a birthday gift. I'm not sure about it, but hey First of all what he's doing is wrong. You shouldn't be dating multiple people like that, but Right. I love this like a sting operation too with a hidden cam You know what the real justice will be someone catfishing him and getting a birthday present you know worth like 50 bucks or something Hey, we're sorry Weird story alert Apparently he's gonna be spending a life in prison for that life in prison without parole That I made up Not true.

How are you guys doing? How's everybody doing doing? Okay? We're doing well.

We're feeling strong is everybody um vaccinated fully maxed out now I am getting my second tomorrow Oh Big day. So I might be really fucked up for after dark on friday potentially. Yeah, I worry about that That's all right. You know, I got my second vaccine on I think last friday and um I was kind of knocked you on your ass, right?

I was kind of fucked on saturday, but it was just one day and then sunday felt great And now I'm fully vaccinated. I feel like I'm fucking super here I'm going to go lick some damn uh doorknob You know My uh vaccination process got messed up because I had the covid scare which I tested negative thank god but um It happened today. You were supposed to go get vaccine. Oh, it was the next day.

I see Um, so it's a catch 22 You need the vaccine not to catch the covid, but you've been exposed to covid from somebody that's been vaccinated Make it make sense Oh, right. I forgot that it was somebody they were fully vaccinated in this book. Are they okay? Yeah, they're fine.

I mean they had symptoms and shit. Um, but I mean, it's a fucking miracle that we tested negative So um, but you have the one shot. I had the one shot They say is actually pretty effective the second shot knocks it out of the park. Look.

Yeah, so I'm going um next week Ian, are you fully vaccinated? Uh, yeah two weeks We tried as of yesterday and you had covid too. So you're like the uh You are the covid warrior champion dominator Not quite And my taste never came back fully. I feel like wow Are you having any other lasting symptoms other than taste?

I I don't know. I want to go to the doctor soon. I feel like i've been having some trouble breathing I don't know if it's related, but I find myself pretty often, especially at night having to kind of go like Like trying to get a big full breath, you know, like if I don't it you feel like you're not getting enough oxygen That's terrifying. Is that a corpse breath that I just heard?

I wasn't caught breath. Okay. Oh my god So I just came to my pants. I don't know what happened, but I just got an immediate boner.

It's true. No Yeah, I don't know if it's code related or not, but i'm gonna go try to scary though It sounds like it would be I mean if you're having long issues and breathing issues, that's all covid stuff Yeah, oh boy. So the covid warrior So you are out there on the front line, man. I don't know what i'm doing Oh, okay I mean, that's fine.

Hey, we're all just gonna stumble into life right Ian I'm stroking pussy down here. Okay. I didn't ask about that. I'm trying to be inspirational AB you're fully vaccinated.

I am. Yes No, it feels good, man. It feels really good to be fully vaccinated I'm thinking we're even gonna take the family like Disneyland soon because Theodore is gonna be turning two up here pretty soon in june And uh, you know, he's been locked down for a whole year. So like he has not he's been so starved for Well, not starved.

There's always people around him, but like he's never spent time with kids He had we even really been going out in public and doing fun stuff. So now we're finally able to kind of go out into the world And um, it's really exciting. It's fun. Last week or two weeks ago.

We went to an aquarium with Theodore Right, you know, it's nice. It's just fucking it's nice dude What is Carl gonna? What is Carl tuck the penis between the legs gonna do if he goes to like a public setting Because like at the aquarium and at Disneyland you have to everybody has to wear their mask It's like their policy. So is Tucker Carlson is gonna go there and have a meltdown?

Uh, I just take off your mask. I mean, I don't know for sure, but my read on uh, mr Tucker, I find him to be purely cynical. I think uh, he I know he hasn't said on his show But I'm pretty certain he's fully vaccinated and will likely wear mask anywhere he goes because um, he doesn't want to catch covid But he will say whatever he needs to say On his show that contradicts that we should watch it because we keep talking about it Call the police immediately. This clip is the most unhinged disturbing thing And just remember this is the most popular network news channel fox news and he he has become the most popular like, uh, Shell is that right?

No, uh, yeah, he's the highest rated on fox and like you said it fox is the highest rated Quote quote news channel. So I don't know what their endgame is. I really don't I mean I'll be honest like back in I feel like back in the day when I was doing youtube I kind of I understand what it means to get lost in the sauce a little bit Like you can get addicted to covering I'm gonna do a little self-reflection here as I try to understand tuck the dick And back in the day and like up I don't know five years ago It was really popular to be making anti-social justice warrior videos and when it started it was really I felt just because It wasn't like a political thing. These people were like back in the day.

They're superb notches Uh, like zarna, you know, the girl who went off on humongous for me. That was just slammed on she's just so annoying and like so wrong Right, but so over the years though You start to see that you're getting this audience you're you're gathering these audience of reactionaries and you see like you start to see comments like Making generalizations about all women and liberals and shit like that and you go and then you start seeing your videos retweeted by people like That I go. Oh, you know, I don't like that guy. You start to see it being retweeted by people like mark dice.

You know that guy I know the name who is your hero follows me and then like Dave Rubin follows me and they all want to get me on the show and talk About social justice where it's like what is happening, you know what I mean? But that also they get the most views people love the social justice warrior thing So it came to a point where I was like You get addicted to making that content because it gets such a rock a strong response But part of you is like, am I do I even believe what I'm saying now and and also What is the effect of me making these videos and the people that are coming to my channel and watching it like these? You know what I mean? So there's a little bit of a self delusion that takes place to keep making those videos and it came to the point where I was like, you know I I don't I can't do this anymore And I think there was a lot of disenfranchised fans at the time that were like When I came out as like a liberal I came out of the closet as a liberal Are you crazy?

No, I feel like I was up front with my politics But people always like with internet personalities people always want to pretend like oh, he's one of us And I most definitely was not one of them. So it was a little disturbing to me Be like, hmm, definitely not one of them But I can't stop making these videos because they're just like get the best response my channel's growing, you know what I mean? Well, anyway, um, that's where I that's where I the only way I can possibly identify with what Carl tuck the dick is doing Is that he's lost in the sauce. Yeah, I think he's ruthless and uh, you know addicted to growing a show in the ratings, you know There's an ego element and he's the top rated new show, you know, all these all these guys are But she's my alpha male type of people and they're you know, they want to be number one There's an alpha male.

You see this motherfucker work both. Well, I don't believe that alpha males are a thing I think that that whole concept is stupid, but they believe in that and that's what they see themselves as so you think tucker sees himself as alpha Well, how you alpha if you tuck your dick between your legs, bro, that's not alpha Not that anything wrong with it, but I mean, it's not alpha just ironic that he talks his dick It is yeah, that is ironic. He's well known for his dick tucking habits. So we wear them because we have to I can't pause Putting this out on television and you know, unfortunately they have they have checks and balances and they have lawyers and this this Is the worst thing I've ever seen him say and he says a lot of that shit like you know a couple weeks ago He's talking about white replacement theory.

I was like whoa tucker is becoming like a straight up white nationalist But like the more anger the more outrage The more views, right? Yes indeed and I've learned that firsthand, you know, that's that's just the truth. So Um, let's watch and brace yourself because this is fucking vile We did give in this grotesque first of halloween went on for more than a year and it's still going on Not even tony fauci still pretends that master medically necessary He's lying. I don't even know what he's referring to Um, probably the fact that they're saying that you know, if you're outdoors and uh, you've been vaccinated then yeah, it's pretty much cool to not wear a mask Yeah, but like he's conflating that with with How do I call him tony fauci instead of he's a pony?

He's a doctor. He's our highest level medical expert on on On disease, bro, and you're gonna call him tony like okay, dude That's doctor tony to you dick tuck Anyway, um, yeah, he's lying Equally necessary instead mass are purely a sign of political obedience like king ill songpens in pyeon yang Again, it's like what are you talking about mass or not a sign of political obedience? How are they still saying this? Pyongyang pyeon yang pyeon Yeah, that's the capital of north korea.

I know but what does mass have to do with pyeon yang? Uh, he's just saying that you have to people that are uh wearing the mass are bowing down to the government the way that somebody in north korea would I guess I mean Can't really try and pick apart the analogies on this because i'm trying because he's sitting here To act like he's doing something so i'm trying to understand what the fuck is trying to say We wear them because we have to the only people who wear mass voluntarily outside are zealots and neurotics Come on I don't feel like gazelle it and I wear one because I want to be safe and also because I don't want to make people around me uncomfortable I'm just it just feels like a common courtesy kind of thing at this point Yeah, you know like they say well fauci said which I think is a good point the only reason really to wear Well, first of all usually when I go walk my dogs, I don't wear a mask, you know, but if i'm gonna be around people and I know Of course i'm gonna wear a mask, but um, i'm fully vaccinated, you know Um, but they say you know the optics are important because we don't we want people to know it's still important to wear a mask That's what the doctors say So the perception is important that like Everyone's still wear a mask and we know you don't know if the people around you are vaccinated So if i'm fully vaccinated and I go into a Starbucks or something and there's somebody in there who you know Is at risk in some way and they see me they don't know if i'm vaccinated They could just they could think that i'm about to give them a disease like again It just seems like a simple courtesy there. Yeah It's just and there's plenty of people who are who cannot get this vaccine because their immune systems compromise people are undergoing chemotherapy Who have cancer, for example, and of course, you know Tucked the dick just wants of them all to fucking die You know, and they always they always conveniently forget that in south east asia Who have been the most effective at dealing with this virus in china and in uh town on Vietnam has been vietnam these motherfuckers don't have covid because wearing masks is a huge part of their culture New Zealand doesn't have covid straight up. No fucking covid must be nice.

They don't wear masks. You know why because there's no covid there Um How dorotic are they what we know a pew survey from last march found that 64 Of white americans who classify themselves as liberal or very liberal have been diagnosed with an actual mental health condition There you go. I mean guys. So like how do we how how do we live?

With somebody who said who's basically saying here that white liberals are mentally ill That's why they wear masks the reason they wear masks and the reason they do everything is because they're mentally ill That's the only justification what study is he citing by the way Or very little as you said it a pew research poll or I mean, that didn't even sound like a study It sounded like a poll. So those are people that's self-report that they have a mental illness And also, you know mental illness can be depression I think that's really gonna impact your uh cognitive. Well, I think white liberals are probably people who tend to be you know uh People who are more, you know, there's a lot of stigma against mental health and so I think people They're more willing to uh, they're probably more open with their like I would say I struggle with mental health, you know In my life for sure. Sure Anyone who's honest would say that to be honest with you like nope Like tucker is obviously clearly fucking uh as an extreme personality disorder No, he's very normal.

He's a very normal man. Who's insane joker left Him and uh doork Right Uh, dude. I can't believe he just he literally just said this should this line sent me of white americans who classify themselves as liberal Or very liberal have been diagnosed with an actual mental health condition I can't get over this line. We're all mentally ill if you wear a mask you are mentally ill And you see them everywhere when you walk down the street in any major city If you dare to go on foot from union stations to the capital for example and watch without wearing a mask Angry Biden voters will snort at you and judge but how could you they're saying I doubt that I see people with masks masks was all the fucking time I don't snort and jolt at them and I lay a lot of people wear masks and guess who says shit to the people not wearing masks outside Nobody.

I've never seen anybody say anything to them Fucking weird fantasy world he lives in. Where does he live DC? Uh, I would guess New York, but to be honest, I don't know Maybe DC Where does he live? Somebody looked that up.

I gotta know where this douche fuck Where he's walking around people are snorting at him Please take off your mask. Fuck you. Uh, there was an article from last year saying he sold his home in DC in Bada House in Florida So now he's right. I know he's right at home.

Oh, I'm sure he sees lots of people getting in fights over You should be wearing a mask in Florida. It looks like his show is taped in New York though, which is what I figured So, uh, you know, I mean this dude has multiple houses. He's a trust fund baby He's an heir to a until like a billionaire fortune or maybe not quite billionaire But he is well. He's really successful.

Yeah, the uh Swanson frozen food. This motherfucker's got Swanson money. He's got Swanson money Hmm. Interesting.

Yeah, his full name is Tucker Swanson McNeer Oh, no, why don't you take this one? It's not a little bit much Tucker Swanson Puffidick Swanson I think he also doesn't necessarily want people to know that because his whole shtick is like the everyman thing But uh, he is not every man. He is what's his net worth Basically according to google, which of course, you know, can't really trust but And that worth is Tucker Carlson that worth is 30 million, but I find that really hard to believe Yeah, that doesn't seem very high. I'm sure he makes that much even from Fox.

I mean what he's gotta make more money than anyway, whatever Cause how could you that's the question? We should be asking of them in return The rest of us should be snorting at them first. They're the aggressors It's our job to brush them back and restore the society. We were born in so in this hypothetical dog fight on the street Where people who aren't wearing mask outside are being attacked by the society and everybody snorting hoards Does it have that a mask?

I have never seen that have any of you guys ever seen that? I've never seen a mask confrontation one way or another No, I've never seen a mask confrontation. No Essentially, I've seen people in public without a mask Especially, you know earlier in the pandemic when everybody was a lot more freaked out about it and market them like a dog No, I didn't say I didn't say shit, but I got to say I gave them a wide berth and say the fuck away from them. Yeah, you're not around them.

Yeah I go like this I spit in their face So in his hypothetical dog fight happening everywhere around America where people just brawling no we need to attack them first because we know what they're thinking So paranoid so the next time you see someone in a mask on the sidewalk or on the bike path do not hesitate ask politely But firmly would you please take off your mask bro? Can you imagine the fucking balls? If somebody came up to you on the street and said dude you need to take your mask off What happened to personal liberty tuck tuck what happened to the conservative personal freedoms? I can't wear a mask now outside.

What what is this insanity? He's in cur he's telling his fans his audience You need to go up to people outdoors and tell them remove your mask You know you remember the super spreading event at the White House that happened outdoors dip fuck It happened at an outdoor event when your president almost died of covid billia likes baby stem cells injected into his fucking eyes Yeah, I mean I think generally outdoors is pretty safe But if there's a lot of people there, I mean I was just looking at the because they they've been updating the guidelines since people are getting vaccinated now And you know they said if you're outdoors you're doing activity whatever not really necessary to wear a mask But say you go to like a crowded outdoor activity. Yeah, exactly. You can definitely still catch it there So yeah, I mean look at the White House event with this was a super spreader You know got transmitted by like a dozens of people they were sitting in chairs close together and You know a lot of people caught covid but also besides that it's none of your fucking business dude It's just such a non-intrusive thing.

It's none of your business Dude if people want to wear masks or not, why should that offend you? You fucking snowflake Snowflake outrage right here, bro That's JW. Tucker Carlson that he's so just this word. That's what I'm saying these conservatives turn into the social justice warriors They don't see it, but they are I mean this is some Zarnish it right like go up to people and say remove your mask It's offensive to me.

I dude. I wouldn't know what to say if somebody said that's me. I would just be flabbergasted. No, nobody I did Science shows there was no reason for you to be wearing it your mask is Uncomfortable your mask is making me uncomfortable.

Okay. Snowflake. Why is it making uncomfortable? It doesn't affect you bro You need to say they're the snowflakes your mask is making me uncomfortable.

He's so trigger He needs a safe space of again the masks are triggering tuck Your mask is making me uncomfortable. It looks a lot like the device. I used to tuck my dick behind my legs Very uncomfortable right now. This is this is the most I mean this is the craziest shit.

I've ever seen on television almost Please take off your mask for you to be wearing it your mask is making me uncomfortable We should do that and we should keep doing it until wearing a mask. You're a pussy You would never do that we we you don't say shit to anybody bitch I dare you to go up to some random dude on the street and tell them to take off their mask Tell to a big guy too tough fuck and see what happens you little bitch fuck you such a pussy You know you would never say that to anyone. We should we fuck you such a phony He is You aren't saying shit to anybody talk and I'm not a tough guy But I feel like I feel like if tuck him up to me and say that even I who's a little bitch and probably would cower from any fight Would be like he should talk him. You know fuck off Take your mask off outside is roughly as socially accepted as lighting a marble in an elevator Let me back up to really take that one in wearing a mask outside is roughly as socially accepted as lighting a marble in an elevator Sorry wearing a mask outside Is as socially accepted as lighting a marble in an elevator.

He's comparing wearing masks to secondhand smoke Someone make that make sense I he's just saying it's it's as much of a social for pause wearing a mask outside That's I'm that's I gather that harms nobody right you're talking about you're talking about secondhand smoke You're talking about hot boxing and elevator or secondhand smoke People think this guy's smart It's repulsive don't do it around other people. That's the message we should send because it's true As for forcing children to wear a mask outside actually talking to be going up to like kids getting chemotherapy You know kids who are like super immune deficient. He's in the elevator the hospital going down gets some fresh air He's got a mask on he's like fuck what the fuck are you doing kid? I might as well just let up a cigarette and hotbox this elevator.

Take that fucking mask. He's making me uncomfortable He's such a fucking piece of shit be illegal your response when you see children wearing masks They play should be no different from your response to seeing someone beat a kid in walmart. Oh Yeah Either you see a kid getting hit the ship beat out of him in walmart You're saying does carl beat his kids because I you know I'm saying like like think about what he's saying If I saw a kid getting beat up in walmart, I would find that pretty disturbing but to him It's like no I see that all the time just like no different than putting a piece of cloth on your face Right Dude, this is crazy. This is the craziest I ever heard When you see children wearing masks as they play should be no different from your response to seeing someone beat a kid in walmart Call the police immediately contact child protective services.

Keep calling until someone arrives. What you're looking at Kids wearing masks By the way in walmart and most I think every store in america this point they require you to wear masks So carl's saying go shopping at walmart and call and you need to call child protectors Those kids those kids would be better off in foster care Then parents that take their health seriously At is abuse it's child abuse and you're morally obligated to attempt to prevent it if it's your own children being abused then act accordingly Let's say your kid's school emailed you to announce that every day after lunch your sixth grader was gonna get punched in the face by a teacher Stop to respond to that Respond when they tell you that your kids have to wear masks on the soccer field that is unacceptable It is dangerous and we should act like it because it is but two few of us have responded like that Not you either pussy So your child bro, how is he really saying this? I don't get it Would you like it if I shot your child in the face would you like that very much would you? He's like how would you respond to your child with being punched in the fucking face by his teacher full force?

Well, that's what's happening every day in america with masks And this is why I say I don't nobody believes that I don't think he believes it at all like he'll just say anything Yeah, but like well, what about the people watching some of them? I mean, yes exactly. I'm laughing like oh tucker He's so crazy. No and now t-minus, you know How many days until the caring videos of somebody doing exactly that to people in public?

Oh, yeah, I mean, that's that's coming. He is a legend Tucker. Yeah. Oh god.

I mean it's so upsetting like damn, you know People are working so hard, you know, I mean I've talked about this but in India they're literally burning people in the street because The virus is so out of control there, you know here We've worked hard to get it under control in america and with vaccines and social distancing and wearing masks We've been able to get to a manageable place the most of the country and now it's like uh instead of following through and finishing the fucking job Um people like this want to sell outrage. Meanwhile in india, they're out of medical oxygen They don't have enough vaccines and people are dying so fast. There's so many new cases. They're burning bodies in the street That's what's happening in india.

Please take off your mask. I don't understand their end game I don't I just don't understand the the goal here You know, I don't get it. It's it's more attention more more division more uh polarization You know here's india the way tucker Here's your utopia. Should I show that?

It's pretty crazy. I don't think you can see bodies. You can't see bodies Burning but I've seen pictures of like uh, you know, parking lots and streets just full of bodies on fire Because there's nowhere to there's just be so many people dying scary I saw a video of these poor guys yesterday where their mom 50 years old healthy lady She ran out of medical oxygen and she passed away And there's nobody to take care. There's no but nobody doing anything They waited days for somebody to come pick up the body and what they had to end up doing is they got on their motorcycle Their little moped and they had to both sit with their mom's dead body Um sandwich between them and they had to drive her to a morgue like that.

Well That is really dark Tucker should go spend a fucking week in in india Please take off your mask before he gets so offended at people wearing masks It's making me very uncomfortable. Your mask is making me very uncomfortable Your mask is making me uncomfortable. Now. This is dystopian.

I feel like I feel like he's working against the interests of humanity. He's on the side Of the robots I don't know. You know what I mean? If there's somebody trying to kill the humans the robot is a terminator Yeah, he works for the terminators, man.

It's kind of baby. He's fucking these he's on the wrong side He 100 The year is 2021 A man was sent from the future to eradicate humanity his name tuck the dick carlson He's undercover as a human agent to send disinformation and to pet the humans against each other So far it's worked almost 600 000 Americans have died millions around the world tucker I'm so offended when you wear your mask. It's working. Please take off your mask People are fighting in the streets and spitting on each other dog fights over not wearing masks Haha, the end is coming Tucker Carlson reporting it Tucker Carlson journey a journal entry April 28, 2021 I suspect I have successfully convinced The humans to not wear masks and to fight each other I am now saying that the vaccine is is can't be trusted and people should not get vaccinated For all the police immediately.

I have now I am wasting their resources and having police to respond to people wearing masks on the street Care chaos I'll report in tomorrow tomorrow. I'll be convincing humans not to eat Tomorrow I'll be convincing humans to shit in the street because toilets aren't safe The end is clearly here Yeah, that's the only that's honestly the best explanation I've heard is that he's a terminator from the future I watch that film That'd be a ribbon. I mean that'd make a lot that would help me understand Oh Yeah, and Joe Rogan's back at it, you know And shit and on Joe here a little bit Joe Brogan, but again You know This is the kind of shit that's just not acceptable in my opinion and people say do you think it's safe to get vaccinated? I've said yeah I think for the most part it's safe to get vaccinated.

I do I do but if you're like 21 years old and you say to me Should I get vaccinated? I'll go no. Yeah, why I love us guess is like you know Yeah, why why you just said it's safe. He can take Joe Rogan will never I feel like so many people are trying to explain to him like the simple fucking piece of information that he continues to ignore Is old and you say to me should I get vaccinated?

I'll go no no The way he says it to like no That is a fucking worst idea Are you healthy? Are you a healthy person? Like look don't do anything stupid, but you should take care of yourself You should if you're a healthy person and you're exercising all the time and you're young Well, like I don't think you need to worry about this. Okay, Joe.

I don't know how many times I need to explain this to you I'm sure other people are trying to make you understand this too. Okay, so so listen the fuck up Everybody needs to get vaccinated to stop the spread of the virus healthy young people get the virus They are asymptomatic and they spread it to people who are vulnerable, right? It's very fucking simple. It's really simple.

Yeah, like why are we ignoring this simple fucking fact? Um, you know, it's not rocket You know, also there and let's be honest young people do catch the virus and fucking die That it's not unheard of or I mean we just talked about it on our show or on Ian He got the virus he didn't die, but he still has lasting effects from his face is gone and he has trouble breathing sometimes Here are some of the long here first of all, this is a not okay, so Joe Rogan I would be more concerned about the long-term effects of taking alpha brain Which is like basically some dude in a factory picking up sawdust fucking from outdoor hide led like a lead and asbestos putting in a pill and make your memory better Like you how long you been taking that shit Joe? I would be more fucking worried about that than a clinically trialed Vaccine that was tried independently by Every developed country in the world and has been administered hundreds of millions if not a billion times by now Um, you know young people can still catch the virus and suffer debilitating long-term symptoms including prolonged shortness of breath fatigue migraines brain fog Loss of smell or taste. This is a novel virus.

We don't understand the lasting term. You do not want this virus trust trust and listen I'm not a doctor. I just listen to them Right. Yeah, we uh, you're right One 1.06 billion vaccines so far I don't know that I trust a vaccine that's been administered to over a billion people Over the course of a year.

I mean he opened the statement with I do I think it's safe I think it's safe he's saying over and over again. It's safe is mostly safe Okay, so so I have to begs the question. What are you so worried about people getting vaccinated? You say should people get vaccinated if they're 20?

No No Why explain why explain why they should get vaccinated Joe And you you selling alpha brain. There's no fucking there's no trials. There's no FDA approval There's no assessment of what the fuck is in those pills that you're telling your audience to take to enhance their fucking memory Vaccines? No DMT.

Yes Do we know the long-term of benefits of do we know the long-term consequences of taking dmt like on a regular basis? I don't think that there's been too many studies of do you recommend dmt brain fraud? You know, listen, I'm a proponent of drugs. I try drugs, but I wouldn't recommend taking, you know, I'm trying to argue with somebody that it's a That it's healthy.

I would definitely encourage I would say if somebody I was like, yeah, I have a great time at ntma They say is it's more or less safe than a vaccine. I'd be like, oh the vaccine is definitely safer Vaccine is definitely safer than any recreational drug. Yeah, that's pretty true Oh, dude. What are you doing, Joe?

Fuck this guy such a meathead do I can't I tend to agree with you, but there's a lot of jobs that will tell you you need to have this That's what's starting to happen People are worried about them doing it for their children and we talked about this earlier There's that that you might have to have your your children vaccinated And you know, I can tell you as someone is both both my children got the fact the virus it was nothing I wonder what gave them the virus you piece of shit Yeah, the virus doesn't affect kids very strongly. We know that dude again You're how after all the time you're missing the point is to stop the spread Stop the spread Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

See you. Stop the spread right. I hate to say that if someone's children died from this I'm very sorry that that happened. I'm not I'm not in any way diminishing that but I'm saying the personal experience kind of are You kind of are saying that because you're saying my personal experience is the most important thing in the world We all caught covid nothing happened to us So I don't think anyone should get the vaccine and if your kids die and you die then hey with peace and love I we made it through because we're healthy and you're fucking obviously fat or unhealthy or something My children had with covid was nothing one of the kids had a headache the other one didn't feel good for a couple days Like maybe I don't want my kid getting a novel virus where we don't even know the lasting effects Thank you, Joe I'd rather stick them with a vaccine which they've been getting their whole childhood up to this point Trying to think but nothing happens You know the real truth the real truth is Joe Rogan probably thinks that like you got autism or something from a vaccine There's something he has some weird conspiracy theory that he's not willing to say because yeah, oh, it's not safe It's not safe.

Why would you do that? Why would you take that risk? You're not but they never say what they're afraid of right? I I agree I think that that's underlying this but he either doesn't want to or perhaps can't because of his spotify deal outright say he thinks it's you know putting a microchip in you or uh giving you autism or whatever it is that he believes But yeah, there's a contradiction there that's not being resolved in his statement It's safe, but you shouldn't take it absolutely shouldn't take it if you're healthy, right?

So tell me what's the concern Joe Joe Rogan MD? He's afraid I'll turn you to a beta Oh, no anything but that is actually he's gonna have to download the alpha brain, right? I Google what's an alpha brain? I know we've talked about a long time ago, but uh new tropics Well, what is someone who's an alpha brain besides lead?

I mean I can't even announce half from out of hide sawdust brat droppings Apparently the two uh well There's it sounds like there's a shitload of things in here But um there are two ingredients that I'm gonna really struggle to pronounce here. Hi Hooper zia serata Mm-hmm. Hooper. Hooper zia serata.

Serata Hooper zia serata and This is a malacharim. Do not take the vaccine Moharachim. I bet you with moham and halachim got vaccinated. He's got a lot more brains than Joe Rogan Well, and then by the way, this is you know Like this is the same group of people all these fucking conservative big brains are all hesitant about vaccinations for some reason You know, they said they're fucking sketchy.

They want to get heard him. Okay. Hold on. I'll get to that Just watch this.

Is there any intention of tracking folks? Nope Is there any in the vaccine we heard about an injection of a tracking device is is that being done anywhere? Yeah on your fucking cell phone, dude There's not a vaccine with a tracking device embedded in it that I know of exists in the world Period is there any intention of tracking? These are elected leaders guys.

Jesus fucking christ our people are Being injected with tracking devices. Hold on. Hold on. I'm getting a text from google maps.

Anyway Let me complain about this tracking device on twitter right now where I tag my location Let me ask you this is there possibly a technology that was able to track your body manufactured And the greatest scale we've ever known and put into a clear liquid that could be injected into your arm to track your location What you already do on your phone Was that able to be where we able to do is that what's happening? So can you imagine the logistics of of inventing a tracking molecule to fit through a syringe live in your body make billions of them All for the purpose of doing something that's already that's already being done to everybody Girl the FBI can listen to me right now. Like straight up. That's not even that's not even a joke They can fucking they can listen to me right now.

Yep. They can be like oh bla bla bla bla bla bla Ethan, what's he up to that ci and fbi couldn't do that. They're doing NSA. Yeah with a warrant or without we learned from Snowden They'll fucking just watch me change on my phone if I said they don't run here.

Hi fbi get vaccinated I'm sorry guys. It's just too much It's just too much for me. It's like the tracking one really pushes me over the edge too It's just such it's just such a stupid talking point. It's just what why do you need this massive conspiracy to do something that's already been done It's already done the greatest technological feat He's paranoid.

He's like, yes, sir. We're putting tracking devices in the we're putting tracking devices in the vaccines all of them Yep, all of them your reports are true. You're fit the facebook post you read Russian propaganda on facebook is true Maybe tucker Carlson brought them from the future technology and the year is 2021 My name is tucker Carlson. I come give that music exact The year is 2021 the name Agent tucker Carlson terminator version 69 for 20 I am infiltrated the humans and put futuristic devices to track their location in each vaccination The only problem is Now i've been too good at convincing people not to get the vaccine and so we can't get the tracking begin in them Please take off your mask.

I can't get my talking points straight. Do we want the vaccine or not? Please take off your mask The humans watch my show and uh I'm sending back money. I'm just an immigrant robot sending back money to my family in the future future He's here to buy bitcoin.

I've heard it by bitcoin before it blows up Tucker's on the next level, man. So then our favorite people converge Uh tucker defends joe, of course So we have a perfect crossover perfect anime crossover as they say And what she says surprise surprise more of the most heinous uh low brain shit ever You want to film it you sit in your chair hit record Zach you want the chair you could have the chair No, because then you call dibs on it first and I look like the house go ahead. I call dibs on it. Yeah, okay We I went to the bathroom and we're having another fight here.

We're not having a fight. We're just talking about what what's going on guys No, Ian was very nice though offers help For me to move in a couple days and he's like, you know, I'm putting that offer out there But I really hope I don't have to help you like a good sign felt moment, you know, sure Yeah, please don't ask me But then ab ab is like, you know, that's what you get for trying to help a friend out What were the words exactly? Well, I said it doesn't matter when you're sincere because when she said you just get fucked over as well So how do I know you were sincere? You wanted to film it?

Who got fucked over? I mean, I was just trying to be a good friend and now I'm being called a cloud goblin. Uh, I say I say I say well And I was actually upset about this chair. I'm not upset about the chair.

Now. There's a new thing So razor so we got a bunch of free gaming chairs that razor was kind enough to send me So I was like does anyone want a gaming chair Now Ian was quick on the draw Ian immediately was first like I'll take it smart man for his but I will say and you guys You guys tell me what you think about this No, but listen, I'm happy to give the chair out to whoever wants it I didn't expect this whole drama to unfold so but I'm just putting this out there You guys can tell me if I'm off base or not If it's for Ian's girlfriend He is not sitting on the chair right now Then I don't know if it holds the same priority as a direct crew member We know it's part time. She's part time employee. I'm just putting that out there I'm just putting that out there.

She's she's been helping out behind the scenes and some things She helped us on frenemies the other day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I know Well, it's an honorary crew member to backing up on that point Yes, like you said He did the point dibs He called dibs on it first and I messaged him privately yesterday saying you know what man To be fair you called dibs on it first. Yeah, it's a lot of the law. Dibs is pretty.

I'm glad exactly I'm just putting that out there. I don't believe that Just trying to talk this all out So Ian is good. We all agree Ian's good, but why is jin comes on the second chair When I said I have another chair who wants it. Now.

Here's the thing. Zach was moving out on his own Right, he's about to move into a new place The chair would be nice to christen a new apartment. It really would it would be fantastic But he'd be called dibs on it But okay, so hold on the role of dibs now hold doesn't hold sovereignty Well, he's sitting all high in my Ian's chair. He's in the chair actually Yeah, I think it's a fuck you to me.

I think that's what it is Okay, I got this chair so I can look at some arguments. Okay, so let me get the logistics right So I was trying to be kind. Well, first of all, Zach You forget to mention that on the side is that if someone else takes the other one you could have the one that I have Did I not say that multiple times? But then you put me in a predicament where I look like an asshole because oh no Like an asshole, right?

He's not gonna actually take you up on that offer A.B. I know what that means Yeah, I mean the Why would I do that? The same kind of asshole if you if you actually took me up on my offer to help you move which was completely a token offer Well, in fact, I do need your help to move So I want to straight. I was a second person to ask but I'm being questioned now.

Hold on. I will say That A B respectfully waited to call dibs on the second chair Zach, where were you when the dibs were taking place? Were you not on your phone? What happened?

It was I believe it was a chat late at night and it wasn't that late, bro I go to bed. Exactly early. I'm 30. That's a little baby.

He goes to bed. I'm 30. Yeah, dude. I go to bed early And that's late.

That's late for him. What's wrong with you. Why would you go to bed at 930? You're like a young man.

Why are you doing this? I wake up relatively early He's like a responsible adult. He was responsible. That's neurotic.

That's way too early. What I wake up I'm usually up at six. I like working in the morning. He wakes me up at seven.

Wait. Okay, so nine to six Usually from nine to six That seems like too many it's a what nine hours. It's nine hours. No, it's a little more than average, but yeah, nine to six Right.

Okay. I guess that's fine Why he's just I guess I just not you have to go to bed at nine to wake up at six bro. No, I don't have to go to bed My body clock wakes me up at six seven o'clock. No matter.

I mean, I'll be I of staying up till three in the morning and I'll be six Yeah Yeah So I put the dip call out and at first there was crickets. I said nobody wants these chairs He incomes and he says I'll take one if nobody else wants AB waits to be and he says I'll take the other one Look, I'm mad that AB got it because he just can't own up and fess up to his own shit But what did he do? Like the whole the whole spiel last week he wanted me I'm not even twilight zone. I don't even know what's going on anymore Wait, but but there is a genuine I feel that AB's being genuine when he says that he thinks you're the one that brought it up Like I feel like you're both genuinely think the other person brought it up He did bring it up on a stack of Bibles if I had one a stack of them I'll do it on my I'll buy you a thousand Bibles to sit upon you Jewish man.

How much weight does that really hold? Okay, give me a couple toras. Okay, there you go I know I believe that you both are being sincere and saying the other person brought it up That's always changed so many times. I mean, how was it changed?

How was it? It's on in the episodes. Let me ask you this when I said forget forget The message I sent you when I said I don't know if I offered yet, but I could help you move You know what you know your argument is that I brought it up prior in a phone call, right? You did Yes, this is watergate.

This is so why would I say I don't know if I offered yet about helping you move What his message says I don't know if I offered yet, but if you need any help with the move I know the message before you said let's go hold on AB. You're saying I don't know if I offered yet It could be perceived as you know you've offered before thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Find me Thank you. It could go either way. I'm just saying right, but I saw I had this whole we had this whole discussion about oh, yeah We should film it as well, but I'm saying the only thing I feel like we have to we have to Say the truth is out there, but we don't know what it is. It's like a russian Yeah, it's it's I think you both are being sincere But now we move on to the chair issue.

Zach. Do you believe AB's wronged you in taking the chair? I feel like he could have said, you know what? Zach I'm gonna be a good guy like I've always been a good guy And I'm still doing a good guy You believe AB should have not claimed the chair knowing that you would have wanted that for your new apartment I feel he should have the like, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, essentially. Yeah, I don't know man Is it I is it maybe a little bit of misdirected anger here too because I mean Ian's the one that said He would take a chair if nobody else wants it and somehow you wound up with it. It's not what you wanted it I'm not mad at Ian.

Ian. I'm not even sitting in the chair. That's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah I gotta be honest that once we got it in here.

I sat on it and I said to Sam I think I might want this chair You shake you you betrayed both Sam and Zach a double betrayal You said Sam has back problems, which is why I'm like, okay, you know what? Oh, you like the back problems He does if she was here. I bring her in which is fine, which is cool, man. I look I get back problems AB should have like, you know, okay, you know, that's moving away.

You know what I am. I'm talking about you Can I say something I have I have an observation real quick that there were two chairs I said I will take a chair AB says I will take a chair The math is done. It's over there. Hold on.

Hold on. The chair look great in my place out of nowhere There's no he's coming to pick a fight. I feel like you're skewing this narrative a little bit Ian. You didn't say I'll take a chair.

You said I'll take a chair for Sam if nobody else wants one That's a very different type of I don't think he said that in the man and at the time we thought there was one chair He did say that we thought there was one chair at the time then Ethan after's like well, we have two of them I thought I said a picture of two of them after Ian claimed one and then I was like fuck that Yeah, I'll take the other one of course you are you should have known like hey Zach's moving Now the way the way that they were acquired is interesting right because Lena comes to our house all the time now AB did you take the chair did Lena Lena see that's not fair so she's there all the Yeah, so here's what's interesting is that Lena's here all the time every day dropping stuff off for us from today fresh and so Like it was real quick like boom chair done But okay, he called dibs and what's interesting is when this conversation came up yesterday when Zach was starting to be like mmm Having a little bit of a regrets Ian messaged me directly and says I'm coming to get the chair at 10 a.m. Wow fucking exposed dude Well again to backing up I messaged him so there's no workplace conflict because I think you know being on the same page is very important I'm gonna do Zach. I'm gonna buy you one of those chairs for a house one present. Oh wow You don't have to that's very sweet you.

I mean if you want to give me AB's like I literally told him take it. I said it's too big for me. Okay, but do you see do you like it now? I like it.

It's just it's really like I don't know if it's really big for my living room Do you see that makes me look like a complete asshole if I were to take on hold on hold on AB doesn't even like the chair he's offered it to you Zach Is this sincere or is it sincere or is this sincere or is this me being a good friend and saying I don't like it? So you could have it who knows I mean Why are you saying all high-mighty in it like oh, I'm mr. Chair. I'm literally slumped on my eyes Your chair.

Let me ask some questions here AB. How would you rate this chair on a scale of 1 to 10? It's up there. I'd say fuck yourself really 10.

Oh, you're as is so comfortable, huh? Wait, it's a 10. He says Zach So it doesn't sound like you really do want to give it up. I mean be honest for once He's making it very hard, but uh Yeah, no, I mean I could live without it.

You could live without it. Okay, but if I take the chair I look like an asshole Okay Both Zach AB and myself all said if nobody wants it, I will take it that wasn't just me All three people are doing this weird. You know, it's all you know, but I'm not going at number seats Let me show you just say okay, so we have Zach Excuse me a little bit. Oh, yeah.

Well, Zach comes in at 9 p.m. Zach. What's going on? You should be asleep Bedtimes 930, but that's what I'm saying you were awake when this was all going down Okay, I got the time wrong.

AB said I'll take it if nobody wants it at 5 p.m So all three parties said I will take it if nobody wars Ian We're so humble. Yeah, we're here Where's yours? You all just had a conversation about how I said that like two minutes in where's your message where's your message that you're not sure? Your receipt is very It's not now.

I'm a little like if you you know Can I read the messages yours? Can I read the messages of the chat of me and Ian last night and Ian's response? Okay, well Ian's just getting all the information before they make a difference. Okay, so Zach sent this this is Zach At 10 45 p.m.

I sent that to Zach last night Okay, that's that's from you. That's from Ian. That is from me to Zach last night Wait, what is this message I'm reading? It says okay This is from Ian to Zach.

Okay, let's Chance last chance final offer led the record show that the chair is sitting there waiting for you to take it if you so choose If you decide to pick it up, just let me know. Otherwise we will grab it in the a.m That's that's pretty slam dunk. Zach I sent that to Zach I said if you want to take it, I'm just clarify. Well, that's fair But here's the thing you I'm not mad at you.

You called dibs on it first Like I have no issue with you or Sam takes this is really this isn't fairly about the chair now This is interesting. Okay. Here's when Ian at 4 55 claims one chair He says Sam will take it if nobody else wants it. Okay, right and that was the first response That was 4 55 Sam will take it if no he was upfront about the fact that it wasn't for himself So he gets points for that for sure, which is fine.

I like Sam I like you Ian Ian made a pretty definitive offer that it was yours for the taking It sounds like you don't want the one he has you want the one a b wants right that is interesting observation again You want a b's chair. You don't want Ian's chair again. Okay. Again.

I would be an asshole If I took it from Ian who he sent that message on purpose, but he's deep down He's oh, please don't take this chair. Please don't take this chair Are you hoping you take it Ian? No, both Sam and I had a conversation because I got the vibe that Zach really wanted the chair For Zach, he just wanted the chair so bad And we were like just take it. I even said no, but you wanted it like don't don't like That's not you Zach.

Yeah, that's on you because I want to be a good guy I want to be a good guy That's what you want. I feel like I did some good guy moves. No That you've created. Look at this.

Now. This is my private message. We have more messages If Ian takes the other one and you can have mine for real Wow, dude. Just all AB show it all.

Zach is saying there's a message above What's the message above? You're like bro. You need to hop on that chair. What?

Hold on Zoom call is a zoom call. Well, Zach you send it then if you got some let's see it Yeah, what you got Zach is anybody willing to give their chair to Zach? I am willing to even though he's uh, I don't want it though Because it's not a great you feel it's not a sincere offer Correct. It's almost like, you know what, Zach, I want to give you my chair You want me to kiss your feet and say take this $500 chair?

Yes, kiss my feet and admit that you came up with the idea of phone first I'll tell you this is why I was thinking that this is what I was thinking that this is not about the chair It's not about the chair. It's not about the chair. Is it a cool chair? Yes, would it look great in my new apartment?

Absolutely But if I take it from Ian or Sam or AB So I'm gonna buy you I will spend my own money to buy you this chair as a housewarming president Well, it's very sweet everybody gets the chair everybody wins I don't get why Zach feels entitled to a chair. Just because he's moving. I don't get I just move I don't get a fucking chair. Well, I can't do you want a chair?

No, exactly Dan. Did anyone ask you all? Yeah, did anyone who had dibs ask you if you wanted it? I actually I I was the first person to get the offer because I was here at the house when they arrived And I was like no, I'm good.

I I have a nice chair at home. Thank you AB says Dan. Do you want a chair? I feel you should get dibs.

Dan says simply no. No I'm above it. I'm above all material wants. What kind of chair do you have?

I am okay listen listen listen listen Ian and AB have said no we will not offer our chairs to Zach in this moment We've you've missed that. Whoa. You've missed your opportunity You've both offered previously both offered previously Zach declined and this moment is anyone gonna step up and make a gracious true offer to Zach I'm tired of offering this chair to Zach. Exactly.

It's like the seventh time. Yeah, you want the chair seventh time What the fucking seventh time he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to take it. We're trying because I feel I feel I didn't take the chair Because I sacrificed for the sanctity of our work relationship, but it's falling apart.

Don't you see? You're you're resentful that they got the chair. Yeah, yeah That may have been your intent and your intent may have been pure But you you're having the opposite effect. You're tearing this family apart right now Can I hold it a little ammo against AB maybe right?

Let me you let me rub my naked eyes over this chair and I'll give it to you and it's a win-win Obviously satisfied knowing that and you get a new chair. Okay. All right. Let me summarize Zach I'm gonna buy you a chair done.

Well, you don't have to do that I wanted to get you a half-forming present and I'm glad that I found a good gift for you. Okay. Well, thank you That's very sweetie that you don't have to do that though. It does sound like you are harboring some resentment towards AB Well, I just feel like, you know, he lied last week and then he gets this chair like, you know, well, it wasn't right.

It was okay Yep, you guys have some do you guys talk? You guys in council. Yeah, you guys need some counseling, I think Some rocky uh some rocky water everybody gets a chair. Dan.

You don't do you want a chair? No, I I've got a nice chair All right, you see that. Well, thank you. That's very sweet.

You're very welcome and I hope you all enjoy your chairs I bless. Thank you. I know AB. Well, I wonder if razor will send me another chair, so I'll have to buy it I'll just send him this clip and just say nothing and see what happens.

You don't have to buy me another chair I'm buying you the chairs. I see he's rejecting a chair again I have something here's the thing. I have something called jewish guilt And I think even you can you can attest to this where it's like you have to be a manch and a good guy, right? You think you're going in that Jewish guilt?

Listen, I know what I know the impulse you're talking about. I'm gonna buy you the chair. Well, thank you. That's very sweetie Okay AB will you accept would you rather AB get the new chair and you get AB's chair?

No, he rubbed his ass all over it. So you want the new chair? Not yet Not yet. I don't know what you've done in that chair.

He's definitely jerked off in the chair But you don't want it. It's been like it's been like eight hours. That's it. That's all it takes Yeah, he wants that chair.

Okay, the case is closed. Zach is getting a chair Dan is an adult who buys his own chairs And uh, but this is their spare chairs. They're spare the chairs for spare and everybody gets one. Well, thank you So are you keeping the chair in or is Sam getting it?

I'm gonna let Sam use it. That was that was actually serious where I said her old chair gave her an aching back Oh, well, that's fantastic. We love to do what we can to help Sam's back. That's an honor.

Yes I want to make it clear. I want to make it clear how much of a saint I am and how kind I'm the same Well, I'm the same. Well, you know, I'm the same. I'm the same That's true.

I think I might be the same Dan. I've risen above. I've extended the chair debate Well, they're my chairs. Okay.

Let's let's get that facts rate I'm the scapegoat AB is always the scapegoat for AB. AB takes heat for everything And a lot of it is undeserved. Thank you, Dan. And a lot of it is deserved Yeah, that was that was that was that was the implicit part that statement part of the same I mean, let's not forget the AB did show a text of you saying you should film it like let's like not fucking let I'm fully I'm exact.

I love you, but I'm 100% on AB side of the uh the filming debate I'll feel so good until you come up with some receipts until you come up with some Oh, yeah, there's no receipts by his own admission. We'll get it in writing next time buddy lesson learned You we could we could you know, we could possibly this well. Hold on. We could possibly subpoena the phone company I'm gonna do that.

I'm gonna hit up Verizon. I'll be like you got the recording. Yeah, do you have a warrant? Yeah, under H3 jurisdiction.

Yeah, the content court judges in say she'd a warrant to subpoena AB's phone record The honorable judge now, that's a content card. I would what? AB's phone records subpoena under warrant Only person calls me Zach. Well, because I care I didn't even care how you doing.

I care about our work. I know it's sweet. Oh, it's sweet I love going to sleep by six. I mean woken up at seven.

It's very sweet. What the fuck you stay up all night? Like what? That's another thing AB your sleep schedule is not very compatible with work.

Although you've not been late. No, I work. I mean, I work I was done. Yeah, but what time did you start work?

Be honest with me What time did you start working on that powerpoint? Oh, the powerpoint was late But that's because we decided to do it yesterday and also just because a ramen down my schedules was off It's like I don't eat all day. I don't have the energy to do anything And I eat and I get tired for a little bit and usually I'll take a nap for like an hour or two You still you're still holding fast What is it? You're still holding fast.

Yeah, no water during the day this whole time. No water. How many days in are you? 15 15 halfway there where there may be Nice.

Look, I will say AB does he's the hardest worker. I know he works. Excuse me. I'm right here.

Yeah, thanks Is that does always something? Maybe by Zach's fucking maybe by comparison to what Zach does in a day He's the only person he knows Okay. All right. Everybody I'm glad we could uh we I don't know if we make things better or worse.

Okay, Zach got it. It's Zach's getting a chair out of it Right. Well, thank you. What are you doing that old chair?

What'd you say? What are you doing with that old chair, Zach? This old chair? Yeah, the red one.

I don't know Can I have it? Dan wants your chair. I'm just like around You gotta talk or more cares douche Fuck him. Welcome.

There was something in this one. He said that was really good. But hey, oh about the herd immunity shit Oh, yeah, wait. Hold on.

It's in the very beginning. Yeah, that's pretty it's pretty good. Yeah, Harvard educated race lady. Now.

You're really confusing If you've gotten the vaccine, why is other people's refusal to get the vaccine a problem for you? Again, this is another point that keeps saying which is so willfully ignorant I might If the vaccine is so effective, why are the people who choose to get it matter to people who choose not to get it? Huh do people who've slimmed down from gastric bypass yell at fat people on the street fat people do not spread a contagious disease And actually they do demi Lovato just did that last week, right? Actually, yes, apparently demi Lovato does do that But your analogy is horrible because fat people think fat is not contagious I left that yogurt store and didn't get the yogurt that I wanted it.

Right. Well, that is a them, you know And then I had a hard time the rest of the weekend, right? I'm so sorry that happened there. Damn.

It's so tried my heart has been bleeding for her You wouldn't think so. It's not really their business. You're body your choice, remember? But your body your choice is definitely not the standard with the covid vaccine with the covid vaccine It's your body msnbc's choice.

Watch this guy explain except when it comes to wearing masks This guy cannot keep a simple this was literally on his show the night after he was making that rant about the mask that we just talked There's no consistency, bro You literally talking about ripping people's mass other face and calling child protective services on people who have their kids wear masks I don't know how we get to herd immunity unless we normalize the framework around vaccine certification Listen, we're doing it in colleges. Some organizations are doing it We're in a global crisis. We have to reach herd immunity and the carrot and stick of you get the vaccine You'll be able to participate and travel restaurants you name it because that's frankly easier for small businesses to adhere to Herd immunity boy. It seems like not so long ago He was back in the fifties or like last week that using the phrase herd immunity was enough to get you yanked off the air It's an anti-faxxer.

Okay, so this is my favorite Tucker tuck the dick Carlson is thought is he thinks that He was a proponent of everybody gets covid and we get heard of unity from millions of people perishing from catching This guy's talking about herd immunity through vaccination, right? The human weight that's how we're actually going to get rid of this virus And he actually thinks that those are the same thing He thinks that this guy's a hypocrite for wanting to achieve herd immunity through vaccination because Tucker wants people to just catch covid Can you imagine being saying this Your body your choice is making fun of that the guy okay, I'm enough enough fuck that guy Oh, there's enough. I'm sorry guys, but like there's so much shit I have to talk about it You guys heard about this whole thing now about like a joe biden's climate plan includes cutting 90 percent of red meat from our diets by 2030 Oh, this of course comes from lorn bober. Is that a same name, right?

Uh, I think so the q and on Shit for brains Representative she got me from floor it right where she from no, uh, I believe she's from colorado Oh, yeah, colorado is good too. She's the one Because there's there's her and there's the majory taylor green lady and I get them kind of conflated I think bobert though is the one that had the the restaurant where all of the waiters are armed and like carrying handguns for some reason And famously, um had like multiple food poisoning incidents where they gave diarrhea to like 300 customers on mass. It's awesome Uh, wow Hopefully not the other one why anyway, she's one of these like conspiracy theory psycho republicans this becoming more and more normal She says joe biden's climate plan includes cutting 90 percent of red meat from our diets by 2030 They want to limit us to about four pounds a year. Why doesn't joe stay out of my kitchen and the basis for this nothing It's totally false joe biden doesn't want to cut your meat consumption obviously if you had a fucking brain cell You would know this doesn't make any sense.

And of course it doesn't make any sense Also joe laura also just to supplement this information her pork sliders allegedly poison dozens of people at a local rodeo There you go Home with bloody diarrhea. Yeah, they didn't follow any health codes whatsoever and they gave like a giant amount of people I was right about her having the restaurant and the restaurant by the way was called shooters Shootin fucking bloody turds on my ass Who needs a weapon when you're when you're uh selling the the poison Going to go into going to a restaurant where your waiter just has a nine millimeter on their hip for some reason like that's the gimmick Anyway, she's just made this up basically and you know It was uh, it all apparently originated from uh the good old daily mail our favorite daily mail Well, obviously it's not true. She says stay out of my kitchen. Okay.

Nobody wants to be in your kitchen You're causing bloody diarrhea. Remember everybody's staying out of your kitchen But not because of joe it's because you Suit you serve bad food And so now all these fucking big brain conservatives are back at it again with fucking here on fox news of course guys I mean, oh it can't be played The internet archive has failed me No, because I took it down. Let me try one more time. Oh, there you go.

No, it doesn't mark son of a bitch Did they retract the story? Uh, I guess it's very possible as it was completely debunked as being bullshit How would that even work? Okay now You got your beef. You got your beef break and start rationing.

We got beef tickets here Know your way around some meat. I was trying to think about funny to eat like a joe biden is limiting us to one square of toilet paper per Shit. Oh, that'd be tragic Now that's something worth getting upset about day out of my bathroom joe and then conservatives or whoever people are upset about it They start posting photos of their of their wife. They're Joe Biden.

You're gonna take away my toilet paper. I use two rolls to wipe this shit What do you think about that boy and very soon you go to hell? Damn Ain't taking no stakes from that man. I just love that she says stay out of my kitchen the woman who actually gives people bloody diarrhea cooking so bad It's awesome Yeah, the truth biden has not proposed any limit on america's red meat consumption in fact He has not proposed any limit on any americans consumption of food obviously Yeah, I believe this all originated from him setting some goals for climate change purposes and but not sharing any details and then the daily mail went and found some paper from the university of michigan, I believe that Explained one of the ways that we could get carbon emission down is by cutting um our meat consumption Yeah, not only did that have no association with joe biden.

It was actually published before joe biden was even president Right. They just found some random study and we're like look. This is what he wants to do Thanks a good man. Oh, thanks.

Yeah. I do think you're going to hell like Wally, but that's all right. Hey, hey, come on The year is 2021. I'm a terminator My name is lo and barber The name the name is the name is lo and barber.

What do you call your lo and barber? Bober? I was sent from the future to destroy humanity I started by poise name everyone that came to my restaurant But the poison wasn't strong enough. They only shit blood now I'm trying to convince everybody the global climate change is a hoax And I'm encouraging everybody to eat as much meat and to use as much energy and to waste and burn trees as much as possible We are trying we are trying everything is possible to eradicate humans if not through covid then through climate change I'll make meat now smoking these meats here Mark Zuckerberg is also an asset He's smoking so many meats that the climate has raised a full half degree just from zuck smoking meats On the beach.

Zuckerberg is doing excellent work to ending humanity The t3 billions is doing a great job humanity will soon be extinct signing up lo and barber meat chef CEO of shooters diary bloody diarrhea sliders I Listen guys. I'm just talking about shit that really grants my gears That's all I've ever done on this show. That's all I've ever done in my career And I'm not stopping now just because it's some fucking it just because it's like the people that are really talking bullshit Or the ones that are in politics, you know what I mean? They don't get an exemption just because they're not doing pranks on youtube fuck them Like you said you're just you're just doing that stw thing in 2021 Exactly Your mask make me very uncomfortable And I will keep going fuck it Caitlyn Jenner is running for goddamn governor the woman who I don't understand Caitlyn Jenner.

She's like a staunch republican She supports the party that literally hates transgender people I mean, she's like a super supporter of donald trump who passed a law discriminating against or not past law But he made an executive order discriminating against trans people in the military He said if you're trans you can't serve the military around and Caitlyn Jenner is like cool I mean it doesn't make any sense By the way If you guys don't know there's like a recall of our governor here in california Gavin Newsom And so Caitlyn Jenner is like i'll do it So she's gonna be on the ballad she'll be the first transgender governor of california Is there ever been a transgender You are a transgender. Oh, you know, Caitlyn Governor of some kind or like even elected official has there been a transgender? Yeah elected official for sure, but uh, but uh, uh, Yeah, not certainly not governor Yeah, not that we know of I suppose it's true She is a staunch supporter of donald who hates basically arms. He doesn't like it Correct me if i'm wrong Ian since all things Kardashian are your realm of knowledge and you follow it so closely He's like what the fuck are you talking about?

That's not true, and you know that I mean I agree with Dan Ian I've followed everything closely. I know I was being I was being a physician. Stand up. Stand up, please Ian, but I don't think Caitlyn Jenner voted for Trump in 2020.

I think uh, well, it's a big it's a better story than that She voted for him in 2016, but not 2020. I think no that not was that wrong. Okay. I've got the details here Got it equality California.

I don't know they are but they say this oh they say they're the nation's largest statewide lgbtq plus civil rights organizations They said of a Caitlyn Jenner's run make no mistake We can't wait to elect a trans governor of california But Caitlyn Jenner spends years telling the lgbtq community to trust all the trump We saw how that turned out now she wants us to trust our hard pass burned ice All right, so let's just have some fun here now and talk about the luxury pranks. This is the Overlooked by me One of these classic pranks there's a team left behind Right. This is something that apparently he's making there. Let's watch this one.

I saw Uh, this is a typical breakdown of his videos here. You guys are going to be following this episode We posted an ad in the missed connection section on Craigslist claiming to be a 16 year old girl Several older men responded to this ad who are interested in meeting up with her despite thinking that she was 16 years old Out of the several older men who responded. We invited one to our set today We did our research and found out the man that we invited here today is in his mid 30s We're going to have our decoy actors before you have been to be this then what what about this is a sexual free event? I mean come on.

I'm so good. Oh, man 16-year-old girl who posted this ad notes that she's actually 21 in real life Let's see what this man's intentions are behind meeting up with the girl that he thinks is 16 We just need to send the cameras and get to work. Are you ready Chester? Look at the work.

That was good No, it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't I don't know. It's sort of like his catchphrase. Chester always does that. Oh, yes Okay, so bear in mind that this is meant to be real.

Okay now I'm fucking in disbelief that bro. This is just a strange world. We live in here here. He's arriving Got a heartbeat on the top So a dude covered in duct tape Um dress as a these wrapping duct tape and a bunny outfit and he's just hopping towards her Yeah, this is you saw this is unreal dude Um can somebody please help?

Excuse me. I am people entrance. This is real believe about this right now. This is real.

According to that. So not Sir, what's going on here? Sure. What's going on here?

This isn't normal behavior. Why are you dressed up like this? Dude, what are you doing? Stop.

Okay. All right. Good. Stop.

I'm christian. I'm a D line. I'm using I really don't know what to do. I'm a speech of this honestly No Sir.