I Can't Even Die

The latest James Bond theme song has been released, and I’ve had to put myself on suicide watch. Is it too much to ask from a Bond film to offer us some sex, snobbery, and sadism, as the world’s favorite secret agent romps across Europe, bedding dangerous women, wearing great suits, and killing enemies with cold-hearted satisfaction? Apparently, it is! As we won’t be getting any of that in the latest installment of the franchise, No Time To Die. In the Current Year, 007 is outmoded and unnecessary and has been replaced by a smart-talking Black lady. And who could blame Mi6, as Bond has become a sad, demoralized shell of man, dumped and betrayed by his gf and barely keeping it together. All of this is encapsulated in the boring and depressing title song, performed by Gen-Z avatar Billie Eilish.