I Don’t Want to Look Like a Bad Christian if I Leave My Abusive Marriage [175]

Abusers who leave a relationship are as rare as steak tartare. In fact, waiting for an abuser to leave is similar to waiting for them to change.Or asking for a hippopotamus for Christmas. Riding a unicorn. Losing weight on a cake-only diet.Not likely.If abusers are so unhappy with their victims, why don’t they leave first? Because staying fits within the point of abuse: to control you. And unless he’s discovered an excellent and easy alternative, you’re an endless supply for your emotional abuser’s selfishness. On top of that, if you’re a Christian woman, he knows you take your vows seriously. He’s counting on you to stick it out, no matter what. He’s got “God” on his side. Finally, when he mistreats you, like any sane person or hurt puppy, you react, and it ain’t pretty. You’re so ashamed of your behavior. He knows it. So instead of focusing on the harm he’s doing, you’re consumed by what a failure—a raging, bitter wretch of a person—you feel like. And you wonder: Am I the abuser? You’re stuck between a boulder (an impossible, destructive marriage) and a hard place (your paralyzing beliefs). What now?This episode is full of answers:Where I got $1.75 (and you can too!)Why your choice to stay or leave your abuser is less important than your reasons My relation to a judgy jerk (she looks like me, she sounds like me, but I swear, she isn’t me…anymore) and the hope that should give youAn abuser’s approach to counseling and change versus a survivor’s (one involves kicking and screaming)Two analogies to solve your shame and restore your power steering: dogs fighting and a locked car in a parking lot.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com