I Have Been Quiet

It feels like I landed. Thankfully, I had wings and knew how to fly! For the past eight years, I have been traveling, helping family, and working remotely. I never stopped painting. I never stopped writing. I never stopped meditating. These three were, and are, my constant companions. It has been a time of creative chaos. And if I could, I wouldn’t change one moment of it. My chaotic adventure led me here, to Eden, Utah, in the beautiful Wasatch Mountains. There have been many legs of this journey, each one blessing me in its own way and helping to pave the path toward what feels like the most wildly creative chapter of my life. I have played many roles. Some I was well prepared for. Others, not so much. There was a lot of on-the-job training. I discovered the many parts of myself that rose to meet the different occasions, situations, losses, opportunities, and adventures. I was a completely bereft mother who lost her oldest son. I was a carer for my mother-in-law as she was dying of cancer. I was the free spirit living with her husband in Om Shanti hOMe, our little camper. I was the spiritual director, offering meditations, counseling, and hosting a weekly podcast. I was the artist painting in the great outdoors and making her wings appear. I was the wanderer traveling from coast to coast and camping off the grid. I was the mother who came to Utah to live with, love, and nurture her children and grandchildren. I was the one who kept learning things like the Enneagram, how to be a fun grandmother, and how to make salted caramel brownies from scratch. I was the one who went to care for her mother and held her as she crossed over. I was the one who spoke to her therapist regularly! I was the one who gathered women and sat in sacred circle. I was the one who partnered with Diana. And together, we were the ones who gathered women and invited them to share their stories. I was the one who flew, grew, and landed. Through it all, I have grown, and my life feels more like a fit than ever before. I really believe I was made for this moment, this body, this family, this life. I have learned to move through life’s thresholds with a little more grace and ease. I am quite proud of myself. It wasn’t always easy. But strangely, some of it was easier than I thought it would be. These days, I paint and write from my cozy Aspen Cottage. Besides my family, my community includes the four-legged, the winged, the finned, the creepy crawlers, the elementals, Earth, trees, plants, the warmth of the sun, clean fresh air, healing flowing waters... and the occasional human. I am the one who feels nurtured, inspired, and at home. I am the one who is writing and loves it. I am the one who can’t stop taking photos of what I want to paint next. I am the one with her wings out, ready to fly when the wild calls. I have been quiet, but I haven’t been still. Something has been taking shape here in the quiet, through painting, writing, women’s stories, friendship, and more than a few pairs of wings. I’m ready to begin sharing it with you. If you’ve been quiet too, I’d love to know what has been growing there. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit herwingsappeared.substack.com