I Just Discovered My Boyfriend’s $80,000 Secret

brought to you by the every dollar app start budgeting for free today so i recently found out that my boyfriend of a decade is in eighty thousand dollars of secret credit card debt i knew he had forty grand in student loans that he was slowly paying off um and he recently asked me to co-sign on a hundred thousand dollar heloc on his home that he owns my name is not on it but i do live there i'm only live there about two years oh my god that credit card that because he's maxed out every card um and is how did you find out about this he hit the end of the rope what is his addition cars um he runs his own classic car restoration shop and i thought he was making more money than he was apparently he wasn't he was leveraging most of it on credit cards um he is excellent at what he does but he is not good at the business side of things he sees a car he wants to get it he cycles through like three or four sports card a year hmm interesting he sees he sees a build he buys it he builds it he gets bored with it he sells it repeat repeat so you definitely told him you're not signing co-signing the hundred thousand dollar heloc right because if he takes one of those sports cards and grabs her own telephone pole i'm stuck with his debt for the rest of my life yeah that's where they put it for context i did not live with him for what for the majority of our relationship i was on baby step six um i got an early fail car accident and my health insurance sued me personally to take back the half a million they spent on me um i lost my car my house my job my life savings the only thing i was left with was my kids college savings because they legally could not touch that and i moved in with him he took care of me after the accident it took me like two years to learn to walk um get out of a wheelchair come out of a walker and get a job again um we lived on my life savings that's where they all went and then the health insurance took everything else so i did consider the key law for a second because i felt like i owed him but i'm i'm debt free yeah yes no i let me let me affirm that in you you don't if someone takes care of you it's out of the goodness of their heart and it's an act of generosity um and i am a firm believer that if somebody does something out of an act of generosity you're not looking to be paid back and it's even if they were this is not apples to apples okay i'm sure that's something happening we don't enable financial behavior because of that um that being said um i'm trying to say this delicately i don't know if there is a way to put it delicately you're not okay what's it matter to you you're not married you've kept your financial life separated he does this you do this you know he has his house so what's it i live in his house i've lived in his house the last two years because the health insurance company sued me and took mine right i was 40 grand you know 47 and a half away from paying off my own house are you working full time now meet every dollar budgeters christy and steve their life is chaotic but their money is simple because they budget with every dollar budgeting with the spreadsheet took a ton of time but now it's every dollar i can do a budget in five minutes and tracking purchases is just as simple it's so freeing to know exactly where your money is going it just takes that stress out of the day-to-day life you got this handy family every dollar create your free account today are you working full-time there i am working full-time but my earning capacity is greatly reduced because i have final degrees i have a tbi and i cannot work at the same capacity that i used to so i went from working i think about three thousand dollars a year from the 70 i used to make okay right but again he has eighty thousand dollars in debt are you worried that he's going to lose his house if he loses his house you lose your house he has 80 just in credit card debt 40 in student loans got you are you sure this is all of the debt yes we sat down and i made him show me we pulled everything we pulled a credit report i said i have to see everything because i'm currently paying all our bills why are you paying the bills because he has nothing to pay them with that was being the rope okay so okay again because again i asked the question um how can i put this there's no real lines around this relationship so it's very hard for me to say here's how you get involved financially in someone with that you're not married to and a has really lied for the course of a decade and the hard part is you're feeling like this person took care of me there's two there's two really emotional lines here that are hard for you they took care of you when you needed it and you're kind of if this goes south you kind of feel like you're up a creek without a paddle because this is where you're living i'm completely up a creek without a paddle because i don't have any family members that i can rely on i don't have any friends anymore a lot of them unfortunately turned out to be fair weather friends and that came out during my accident i'm sorry but and i do not i'm sorry but not make the minimum to get a house where yes but you can't if this is a dysfunctional relationship you can't allow yourself to stay in a dysfunctional relationship for the financial benefit and now that there's not one right i would rather you definitely not you feel like you're against the corner and i can see that and i can hear that but i want to encourage you to look and say you might there might be other windows that allow you to get out of this if you made more money would you leave this relationship today knowing what i did about hiding 80 grand in debt yes yes okay so if that's the case then why don't we go rent somewhere find a roommate or two if we have to yeah and get to some stable ground where you're not attached to this anchor that's going to continually drag you down because you're paying his bills and you're broke yeah you can't afford that yeah so you're not really gaining as much as you think i'd rather you go pay a thousand bucks in rent and have two or three roommates the mortgage is 1100 so i've currently been doing that looking around you know trying to find somewhere that's affordable most places you know i have an excellent credit score i have an 18 credit score so that's not the issue so you could go rent anywhere right now then i would problem is the three times the monthly rent and the um average rate in my area is $2,500 okay but george is also saying is there a way that we can get a roommate situation yeah i've been looking okay keep the hunts up for it's a lot of hunting there's facebook groups there's all kinds of resources you know there's a bunch of great gals out there who would love a great roommate like ali who can pay her fair share and more and i think that's your situation get out of this not staying in it because of desperation he's made it clear i mean it's been a decade of this he hasn't committed to you there's been no ring no engagement just secret and so i don't know that this is the ship's gonna turn around magically the next year it sounds like he has chosen his obsession over you yeah yeah yeah tell us a little bit more about your work situation again um so i was an emergency room nurse um i work like 70 hours a week but what you're doing now and i now work um doing uh maintenance surveying for my county okay and the your health is what's keeping you from doing more hours um i work full-time 40 hours a week it's the physical aspect of it um so then let's let's hook you up let's hook you up with some other prospects we're gonna make sure you have uh proximity principle we're gonna have you get find the work you're wired to do because i think there's probably other jobs out there that are less physical that you can make more money doing for 40 hours a week and so maybe getting your administrative roles in a medical setting that you could do um i look at it but because of the tbi sometimes um i have issues with short-term memory i have to write everything down um i have vertigo attacks and sometimes anything with a lot of like but you're working 40 hours a week now which means there are things that you can do for 40 hours a week yeah yeah so i just want to do something that maybe it's not as taxing on you physically but still gets you the hours and still gets you the money we'll hook you up with the things that you need create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life