I Look Like a Man They Told Me to Hate

The messy middle doesn't always look like one hard thing. Sometimes it looks like being biracial, bisexual, a therapist, a storyteller, a single dad, and a first-time memoirist — all at the same time, all in the same body, all navigating the anxiety of major life changes while asking the same question: who am I when I can't fit into one box? Johnzelle Anderson has been living in the duality his entire life. Growing up mixed race in Southwest Virginia in the 90s, raised in whiteness while being told he looked like a man he was never allowed to know, navigating a marriage, a separation, a bisexual identity shift, and a trip to Sierra Leone with his six-year-old daughter — all while starting over and helping other people heal from the exact kinds of wounds he was still uncovering in himself. In this episode, Johnzelle and I talk about what it feels like to grow up being asked "what are you?" — and what it takes to finally answer that question for yourself. We talk about the transition anxiety that comes with losing who you were before you know who you're becoming. We talk about writing a memoir structured not in chapters but in tracks, because that's how memory actually moves. We talk about holding mixed emotions — grief and gratitude, identity and belonging, connection and isolation — all at the same time. And we talk about what it means to be worthy of connection — not entitled to it, worthy of it — and the difference between the two. This is a conversation about identity, emotional complexity, and the messy middle of becoming more fully yourself. For anyone who has ever felt like too many things at once and wondered if that meant something was wrong with them — it doesn't. That's just what it feels like to be human. Get Connected & Support the Show: - Grab your free resource, What If You're Not Doing Anything Wrong — It's Just Hard Right Now, and give yourself permission to just be where you are. - Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions - Order Johnzelle's book HERE - Follow Johnzelle on Instagram or visit his website  - Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts