Reaching 5 million subscribers on YouTube is a milestone I could never have imagined when on purpose first began. Over the years, I've had the honor of sitting with some of the most extraordinary people in the world. Artists, world leaders, athletes, visionaries and experts. These conversations have offered us glimpses into how greatness is built, how vulnerability becomes strength and how love and resilience shape our lives.
I'm truly grateful for how far we've come and it's all because of you, it's also just the beginning. So today, we're celebrating our community and this milestone by revisiting some of the most significant moments from incredible guests along the way. The number one health and wellness podcast. I remember this one really well because I was in France, I flew to London to take a flight to the US and then flew back to London to interview Tom all within 24 hours.
When I spoke with Tom Holland, he shared something deeply personal, his decision to quit drinking. In a world that celebrates alcohol, he stepped away to protect his mental and emotional health. And he's not alone. Surveys show more young people are choosing sobriety than ever before, with many saying they feel healthier and more present.
Here's Tom on how that choice changed his life. One of the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave up drinking about a year and a half ago. Yes. And you said it was the hardest thing you ever did.
Yes. And I wanted to know what was so hard about it for you. Why was it so hard? It's interesting.
I didn't one day wake up and say, I'm giving up drinking. I just, like many Brits that had a very, very boozy December, Christmas time, I was on vacation, I was drinking a lot, and I've always been able to drink a lot. I think I get my jeans from my mum's side and that thing, I can drink. And I decided to just give up for January.
I just wanted to do dry January and all I could think about was having a drink. It's all I could think about. I was waking up thinking about it. I was checking the clock.
When's it 12? And it just really scared me. I just was like, wow, maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing. So I sort of decided to punish myself and say, I'll do February as well.
I'll do two months off. If I can do two months off, then I can prove to myself I don't have a problem. Two months go by and I was still really struggling. I felt like I couldn't be social.
I felt like I couldn't go to the pub and have a lime soda. I couldn't go out for dinner. I was really, really struggling. And I started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem.
So I decided that I would wait until my birthday, which is June 1st. I said to myself, if I can do six months without alcohol, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem. And by the time I had got to June 1st, I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. I could sleep better.
I could handle problems better, things that would go wrong on set that would normally set me off. I could take my stride. I had so much, such better mental clarity. I felt healthier.
I felt fitter. And I just sort of said to myself, why am I enslaved to this drink? Why am I so obsessed by the idea of having this drink? And I would look back and recognize that I would go to events for work and I can't enjoy myself until I've had a few beers.
And I just felt so much pressure. And this is one of the things why I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby community, because so much of it is about how much can you drink as get you as drunk as possible. And it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done a year and a half into it now. It doesn't even cross my mind.
I found amazing replacements that I think are fantastic. Ones that are also really healthy. I found this one beer that sort of electrolytes and it's, you know, the carbohydrates and long lasting energy. So like having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing.
I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive about it. I've never run into that scenario where my friends are like, I'll go on, just have a beer. Like you're fine. They've always sort of really supported me.
I don't want to be that person that's saying to people, you should get sober. You should get sober. If I get encouraged someone to drink less, then that's great. But I don't want to start getting into the world of, you need to stop drinking.
Because it's not for me to say, I went on my own little journey. I'm really enjoying it. I'm delighted that my mum has also given up. She's loving it.
And it's been amazing. I can't believe the difference that I feel from not drinking. I feel amazing. That's amazing man.
I love hearing that. And I love hearing that. It's been great for you, right? I think that's the point.
Not everything has to be like, look what I did. You can do it too. It's been great for me. I was in the beginning where it's like, I can drink, come from my mum jeans and it doesn't affect me.
And then all of a sudden you realise, well, wait a minute, it's more than that. Because I think there is that. I was like, as a young man as well. Like, for me, it was easy to drink.
I didn't drink daily for me. I drank a lot more socially. Sure. And I love playing drinking games with my mates.
Yeah, absolutely. I enjoy the most probably. And for me, when I quit, I could just quickly see how it just got me into doing things I would never do if I wasn't drunk. Sure.
For me, it was more that. But yeah, I wonder for you, did you find that there's a really fine line between, I know I can drink a lot. You're kind of, not addict to be on that. No, addict to be.
I'm happy to say, I was definitely addicted to alcohol. Not shined away from that at all. I think anyone that wakes up and has not wakes up. Anyone that has a beer every day has probably got a little bit of a problem.
But yeah, you're right. I would drink and drink and drink and drink and then you would just reach that moment where you're like, well, I shouldn't have had that last beer and you wake up the next day and you have a terrible headache and you're suffering. I bought one of those rings that will tell you about your sleep. Yeah, it was amazing because I could sleep.
I was like, why can't I sleep? I'm working 14 hours a day, I'm doing two hours in the gym, eating really healthily. I can't sleep, what's wrong with me? I bought this ring and it was booze.
It was completely affecting my sleep and since I've given it up, I can sleep anywhere. It's also interesting as well going on nights out and having a great time as the sober person and then getting to that point in the night where people start spitting in your ear and everyone's like, I love you, man. I love you so much. I love you too.
I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to bed. I love being that person now. I love seeing my friends on the golf course at 8am in the morning feeling fresh and ready to go and they're sort of crawling out their car.
So yeah, so I'm over the moon, so sober. I love it. Yeah, for anyone who is listening right now I want to do it too. They're listening going, I'm having too much every day.
I can notice some of those things, but I'm just stuck and it's hard because we know that addiction's that way. We know that this is heavy. It's not easy, but if someone is watching going, Tom, tell me, what did you do to even get started? How did you have that course to say?
I'm going to do January. I'm going to stick at it. Were there any moments where you actually fell back and then had to get back on the horse again? Just walk us through that a little bit more for anyone who is watching going, Tom, mate, I want to be in your position in like six months.
I didn't fall back on it. I have done in the past. I've had periods of my life where I'd given up drinking and then gone back to drinking. But this time, I don't know, it was just different.
I really worked to sort of change my mindset. I really asked myself, like, why do you drink? Why are you drinking? And a lot of the time my answer would be to feel more comfortable in a social environment.
And I just put myself in those environments and just would force myself to be there, I'd force myself to hang out and go to a club or go to a bar, go to a dinner. So you weren't avoiding those places? I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like I could go and not have a drink because of the stress of it. But then after a while, I sort of was like, mate, you've got to pull your socks up here and you can't just live in your house all the time.
You've got to go out and enjoy yourself. And if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking, then you really do have a problem. But I just changed my mindset. I just, I found really good replacements, things that I could sort of attribute to having a beer.
I often found with me, most of it is just the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends and drinking it. Whether it's sparkling water or a beer, I now can't, I don't associate, like, I don't see a difference. I think it's different for everyone. I had a great support system.
Jack is one of my best mates and we travel all over the world. He doesn't drink and doing it with him was a really helpful experience for me. My brother is always on the road with me. He was very supportive.
And yeah, I just really set my mind to it. I really want to do this. I want to prove to myself I can do it. And then once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full self.
Oh my God, this is the best. But do you not drink? I haven't drank for 17 years. No way, congratulations.
That's amazing. Yeah, it's incredible. Wow. So one of the best feelings in the world.
And it's my biggest worry when I was about to quit was like, how am I going to hang out with my mates? My biggest worry, I was like, my mates knew me as the guy who was like first of the game lost to get out. That was me, bro. You know, the clown when I got drunk, like the life of the party kind of like that kind of guy.
And then all of a sudden I decided I wasn't going to drink anymore, I was like, crap, I'm going to fit in. And then I remember I went into the corporate world for a bit. And I didn't drink it. I was like, God, am I going to miss out on opportunities and networking like, you know, all the guys afterwards are like going to get drinks.
And I'm like, I'll come but I'll have a water or I'll have a soda, whatever it is. And what was really interesting for me is not relying on drinking made me rely on qualities and skills I had. Sure. That were actually better.
So now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads, I was bringing out parts of my personality that I probably would have just hidden away with noise and all of a sudden you were actually getting respected and liked for who you were rather than the person who you were when you were drunk. Sure. And actually that worked in the workplace. And there was no one at the workplace going, RJ doesn't drink, so he's not getting promoted.
Right. It wasn't like that. People were like, oh yeah, hanging out with you. He's a really good guy or whatever it may be.
And I was still getting the same opportunities. And I was still getting promoted at work and whatever it was. And I think that's what I'd like to remind people that don't feel like your career or your work is going to suffer. Even for you, like I'm sure as a, you know, with your career path, you have to be at parties, you have to be at events.
Of course. And the fact that you're able to do that now without having alcohol. And it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career. If anything, it's the opposite.
Mate, I honestly cannot believe that the amount of times I've sat down with an actor that I really admired or sat down with a producer or director and be like, oh, you know what, I don't drink anymore. And they go, I don't drink 10 years. And you're like, oh my god. And I've had so many insightful conversations with people like yourself where you've heard their story, their reason for giving up.
And there is a wonderful community of people. And I love it. I love being a part of that community. I'm really proud to be a part of it.
I hope that, you know, I can meet other people and chat them about it. Because it's really nice. It's lovely to be like, let's go get a lime soda together. Yeah, let's get a juice.
Let's get a smoothie. Yeah. Yeah, no, it is true. It's true.
And it's really interesting because I can't remember. I'm trying to remember. There was this blog that came out years ago. I can't even remember it now.
And there was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments and a lot of attention. And one day she just disappeared. Like she stopped posting. And everyone's just like, all the comments were like, where are you?
What happened? Are you OK? Like, what happened to you? Everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to her because they loved her.
They were following her and all the rest of it. And what they didn't know is that it was built by a team that was trying to show that what people didn't notice is that in every picture she posted, she was drinking. And it was a made up. It was almost like a reasonable AI that was made up to prove the point that you can love someone and you can think of it really close to them and you can think their lifestyle looks amazing.
But actually, they've got a drink in every picture they post and you didn't realize that an alcohol problem. So there was no real person who died. But the point was that your friends could be struggling even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures. But are you aware?
And are you conscious of how much it affects you? I can't remember who built that page. I think that's one of the problems with alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now, if alcohol wasn't a thing and you know, I've invented this drink that is going to make you like either really happy or really aggressive or really stupid and we're going to just sell it to the masses, people will be like, nah mate, keep your funky juice like we don't want that. That sounds terrible.
And it's one of those things because it's socially acceptable that the addiction side of it, the bad side is a bit really do fly under the radar. And that's really interesting. I tell you something I do love about being an under drinker. I love being a designated driver.
I love being that person that makes sure that everyone gets home. I don't know. I just I like being a dependable person. I think I'm quite dependable.
I really like that thing. And I saw this crazy YouTube video once, this was years ago of a guy that went to a bar, he got drunk and he drove home and he crashed his car. And I don't know if this is real, it could have been fake, but it's really impactful. Basically what his friend had done was set up the room as if he had been in a coma for like 10 years and his friend wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is there and he had all like old makeup on to make him look older.
And now I'm thinking about it, there's no way this could have been real because how would they have been able to pull that off. But he basically is saying to him like, you've been asleep for 10 years, everyone's missed you. I can't believe you're awake. This is amazing.
And it shows like how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future of your life. So I do love being the designated driver. I enjoy seeing my friends have a good time being like, don't worry, Tom, we'll take you in. Yeah.
I used to love being the designated driver until I realized that next girlfriend just had me do that because I was the one who didn't get that right. That wasn't a fun, doesn't they? But I've always been that guy since, because so I lived as a monk for three years. And when I came back off that was I never went back to drinking alcohol and everything.
And so I went back into the workplace and I remember everyone was open up to me, give me advice. But it's what you're saying when someone was drunk, they tell me their whole life story. Yeah. Next day they'd come and go, Jay, you'd actually remember what I said.
I remember everything. Yeah. I loved that part where I was like, I was able to be there for people to hear their stories and someone that had context the next day, because if they told someone else who was drunk, you'd both not remember. Then it'd be gone.
No, I think the benefits that you just pointed out of good sleep, good health, like mental clarity. Huge. But there's a couple of things I want to point out for everyone who's listening just to take aways, because Tom makes it so seamless when you're talking about it's really beautiful as well. But one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives.
And during my month life, we always talked about how there was something that we called the higher taste. And he was saying, you can never give up a lower taste unless you had a higher taste. And so it has to be a switch. It has to be a replacement.
You found alternatives. Sure. Because most of us are trying to take something out of our lives, and then you're just trying to fill it. Yeah.
And then you have to go back to what you had before, because you're not finding a replacement. So that was beautiful. And the second thing you said, which I loved, which was having this conversation and dialogue with other people, someone who's one year ahead of you, someone who's 20 years ahead, who's gone through that process. And they're open and honest and vulnerable about, you know, I did have a weak moment or you know what?
This was really tough for me. And I think having those communities where you can talk about these things makes a massive difference. If anyone's struggling, I hope that those two things can kind of, you know, give you the support you need. Have found that consistent, deliberate practice is the strongest predictor of peak performance.
Talent is valuable, but without consistency, something Colby embodied in every area of his life, it's rarely enough. Let's take a look. How have you been able to in your life see past the cloud of emotion to actually execute on things? Because I think what we were speaking about earlier, this challenge that young people after everyone has today of just so much information, so much cloud of emotion, so many feelings, so much childhood baggage that you're bringing, like how have you always cut through that and execute on that?
You know, what I try to do is just try to be still and understand that things come and go, emotions come and go. The important thing is to accept them all, to embrace them all, and then you can choose to do with them what you want versus being controlled by emotion. You know, a lot of times I've seen players, even myself, when I was younger, being consumed by a particular fear and to the point where you're saying, okay, no, it's not good to feel fear. I shouldn't be nervous in a situation.
It might not. And it does nothing but grow versus stepping back and saying, yeah, I am nervous about the situation. Yeah, I am fearful about the situation. But what am I afraid of?
And then you kind of unpack it and then it gives you the ability to look at it for really what it is, which is nothing more than your imagination running its course, you know? Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Because what you're saying is that when you're dealing with something, it's almost like, how can I get to the root of it?
Yeah. Because sometimes what we're dealing with, like you're saying, it's an imagination illusion. It's not really a thing, you know, like you think about game-winning shots or game-winning free throws and people go to the free throw line and they're nervous about it. What are you really nervous about?
If you're really nervous about it, okay, you're nervous that you're going to miss the shot. All right? So you miss the shot, then what happens? People are going to be embarrassed.
You're going to be embarrassed because thousands of people, millions of people see you miss the shot. All right. And then what? People are going to talk bad about you.
Okay. You know what I mean? That is my fear. What is, you're worried about letting your teammates down?
Okay. Have you let them down before? Well, I'm sure and practicing things of that nature, right? They're still here.
Yeah. You know? And so when you're able to unpack it, you kind of look at it for what it is, which is really nothing. Yeah.
I love that. Breaking it down. I think that's so important. I think everyone is listening and watching right now.
Next time you're facing a fear. Next time you're going against something, do that. Like literally unpack it. Don't just settle for your first answer because the first answer is really the right one.
Don't hide from it. Yeah. I love that man. And you talk about that because you talk about, you know, when you talk about missing fight throws, you talk about getting over yourself, right?
Like getting over yourself. How did you get that mentality of just being like, I need to get over this. Like I need to get over myself. You know, trial and error.
You know, you grow up and you make game-winning shots and it's awesome. You come back the next day and miss a game-winning shot and it's misery. And then the next day comes and you're back playing again and you understand that life has a cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you do on Monday. It's fantastic.
But then Tuesday is a bad day. But guess what? There's Wednesday. So are we just supposed to live our lives like this the whole time?
Like this and understanding that it's really just a journey of evolution every day. It's just constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters.
Yeah. And we all get obsessed about the results. Yeah. We get obsessed about like the output, not the input of not figuring it out and not like changing things.
We're just a trial and error like experimenting. Yeah. We forget to do that. It's unfortunate man.
Like I've seen a lot of players, especially now in youth basketball dealing with that. Yeah. Players are like bigger and faster and stronger and you know, they're coaches or just coaching them for results. You know, we're just going to use your size that because you're bigger than every other 12 year old out there to dominate today, but they're not growing.
Right. So they're just based on that result. They're not focused on growing this young child is becoming a better athlete. And through that, teaching them how to become a more well rounded person.
And we're missing that. Yeah. See what you've said there. Just I want to ask you this and I'm not saying because I, you know, like you know yourself best and you know how you've got there.
So I'm asking it from a place of humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like, you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is like you think strategically.
Like that's a very strategic thought of saying this person could be this in the future if they were a whole individual, rather than just like let's use them for the short term. Right. Where did you develop that from, that ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to reflect deeper? Where did that come from?
Well, I had to do that because you know, I grew up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there, it was, you know, I didn't speak Italian. I didn't have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball and through sport and playing soccer.
I was able to make friends and build connections. But it was a lot of time spent alone. And when I came back to the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid. You know, I was really strong, like really, really skinny and had like major knee issues because I was growing.
So I was the dorky kid with hot socks and big old knee pads. It's fashionable now. And so I had to look long term because in the hearing now, I couldn't compete with these kids. I mean, there was kids that were like 12 years old with beards.
Like what's supposed to do with that? Like they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and I'm happy to like tap the backboard. You know, so I had to look at it from a long term because I wasn't going to give up on the game. So I had to say, okay, this year, I'm going to get better at that next year.
This and then so forth and so on. And then patiently I was able to catch them. Yeah. Kobe taught us that greatness isn't an accident.
It's built through discipline, consistency and the willingness to go further than most are willing to go. And live on as a challenge to bring our best to whatever we love. When Emma Watson called me to be on the show, I was thrilled. One insight in our sit down out of the many that she said that stood out was her view on building relationships from wholeness, not need.
In a younger year, she might have chosen from uncertainty, but now she seeks love from peace and self knowledge. She also spoke about asking the hardest questions. Am I really happy? Am I aligned with my values?
Questions that push us beyond appearances and towards truth. One of the hardest questions you talk about asking, asking yourself difficult questions. I don't want to ask you something about that. But one thing I've said to my wife is if you ever fall out of me, please tell me.
Because I don't want to live a day without love. I'm really confident about the fact that I'm worthy of love and that I want to experience love in my life. If you ever fall out of me, just tell me it's okay. Because I don't have the desire to stay somewhere for any other reason.
And it sounds risky saying that and extreme. But to me, it's a great risk to spend 10 extra years with someone. And then they tell me, I haven't really loved you for the last five, 10 years. And I'm like, I've lived without love for 10 years of my life.
And I don't want to be in that place because I've seen people go through that and not be happy. And so it does come with a humility and a openness to have very difficult conversation. And not to force something. Oh, it's been going to go for 12 years.
It has to. It should do. It must do. And it's like, well, maybe no.
Like, yes, it does. It's great. And it is right now. But why should right now be a prediction for how you feel in 15 years with everything else that's going to change?
I think if I knew I really couldn't meet the needs of someone and they couldn't meet my needs. If I really couldn't make my happy and they couldn't make me happy, forcing them to stay in that situation, surely that makes love impossible, like the gates. So I totally get what you're saying. And my mum said this thing to me, which was like, you want to be with someone because you want them not because you need them.
And I think maybe another reason why I didn't get married younger is because I think maybe I would have married someone not knowing who I was. And I would have needed them. Maybe not wanted them. And I think now I have a life that's whole and complete as it is.
And I would be making a choice from a place of, I just want you. And I don't need you, but I just want you. And I don't think I was that woman five years ago. Yeah, I love that.
And there's so much to be said for attracting from a place of peace. Because you know what peace feels like. And so then anyone know anything that comes into your life. I'm not feeling satisfied.
It feels like. Satisfied is probably even a better word. And that feeling of, I know what it feels like to be satisfied. And so I now know whether someone makes me more satisfied or less.
I know what my baseline is. You don't know what your baseline have is. Then how do you, you've got no idea of knowing what's going on at all. And that's not feeling of being complete or having to all figure it out.
It's like, I know what satisfies a great word. It's like, I know what it feels like to be at peace with myself or satisfied with myself. And now everyone can show me where that pendulum swings. Yes.
One thing you said, which really resonated with me is that you've had to ask yourself so many hard questions to do the work. And I wanted to ask you what's one of the hardest questions you've ever had to ask yourself. If you could recall. Well, the first one that comes to mind and then maybe I'll dig for a deeper or different one is like, to have to admit to myself or ask myself the question of like, you right now have the career and the life that like, looks like the dream.
But are you really happy, Emma? Are you really healthy? Are you really happy? Like, is this really what you want?
And to be at that point and like, really, and have to admit to myself that I wasn't and I didn't was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. Because, you know, I basically had to ask myself on a daily basis. Like, I felt like I was crazy. And walking away from something without knowing what you're walking towards was not having the answers, but leaving something that was the world considered to be such of such high value, such a high value kind of moment in my professional life and career.
But I think that was a real, sitting with that was a real moment of reckoning of like, can you tell yourself the truth? Can you live with your truth? Can you accept the fact that for most other people your truth is pretty confusing and unpalatable? That was definitely a hard moment of sitting.
More recently, because I've been being my own partner, asking myself, are you really living your values, the things that you preach? Are you actually aligned? And actually looking at some spaces in my life where I was like, shit, no, not at all. I'm actually not doing what I talk about.
And I need to like create some sort of urgency or a deadline for that so that I make sure that I'm a participant in integrity. I purport to be someone that cares about the world and about the planet and the same ability and, you know, there are some things I was doing. Was it enough? By my own standards, not by anyone else's, just by my own?
Probably not. But what's nice is I actually have the time now to be like, okay, we have to do about it. Like, get on with it. Thank you for those great questions.
Really, really great questions. Emma's bravery and honesty reminds us that real love begins with knowing yourself. When you're complete on your own, you can choose someone because you want them, not because you need them. And just as importantly, fulfillment comes from having the courage to ask hard questions, to walk away from what looks good on the outside, if it doesn't feel right on the inside, and to realign your life with your deepest values.
Now, it's a given that Madonna is a cultural icon. But what struck me most wasn't her ambition or longevity. It was her devotion to spirituality. Even at the height of fame, the success she felt avoid and what sustained her wasn't the limelight, but the rituals that gave her peace and purpose.
From yoga and Sanskrit study to Kabbalah, spirituality became the compass she realized she needed for herself and for her daughter. What are your spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and emblematic of your journey that have kept you going at the time? As you said, there were so many times you could give up or things could go wrong or you kept pushing and they kept you locked. What were they?
What are they? Well, one really important thing is studying, making time every week to sit down and study. I mean, you can study the Bible, you can study the poetry of Kehil Gibran, or you can study the Vedas. And you did that, right?
You actually studied different traditions. I mean, to be honest, before I discovered Kabbalah, I was looking for answers. Why do you think that was? Why were you looking for answers?
Because I had everything that people would assume would give you happiness. I had a successful career. I had fame, fortune, monetary things, physical things. But I wasn't happy.
And I naturally sought out, well, when I was a dancer, I had a roommate. She was a Buddhist. And she would get up and chant every day. And so I was very intrigued by that.
Like nothing bothered her. You know what I mean? Everything bothers me. Everything bothers me.
I'm, you know, I'm a Leo. I'm Italian. I'm very dramatic. I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time, but I was just struck by her confidence and her knowingness that everything was happening for a reason.
She never got upset about things. And this is in the beginning of my career when I was living in New York, and I was broke, and a lot of crazy things happened to me. It's really scary, traumatic things. And I would always ask her.
Her name is Mariana. I would always say, why are you never upset? So I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it didn't speak to me. And then later on, I started practicing yoga, ashtanga, yoga, and my teacher, Eddie Stern, he still has a...
Love Eddie. You know, Eddie? Yeah, he's amazing. I got quite caught up in competitive about like first series, second series, third series.
But one thing I noticed is that a lot of people would come into his practice, his studio, where he taught, and they wouldn't even do the poses. They would just go and sit in front of the statue of Ganesh or light candles or prayer. And I realized, and Eddie pointed it out to me, because sometimes I would have injuries. Or I would be traveling, and I couldn't practice yoga.
And he said, look, are you breathing? And I'd say yes. And he said, you're practicing yoga. So I realized that I was too still to caught up in the physical poses.
He's like, no, you don't understand. You're missing the whole point. The poses are just something that you do to breathe through to calm your nervous system down and to bring you back to your center. And that really spoke to me.
There was a big... Now it was a painting on the wall of the yoga studio that says desire and detachment. And I said, what does that mean? And he said, well, of course we want all the beautiful things in life.
We want all the pleasures. We want all the happiness. We want everything. We want it all.
There's nothing wrong with that. You can't be attached to it. Because then if you're attached to it and you don't have it, what's going to happen to you? So I studied that for a while, and I studied Sanskrit.
I had a teacher, and I learned that the vibrations of the letters had a calming effect on your nervous system and centered you and placed you firmly rooted on the earth. And all of that made sense to me. But then, again, nothing happens by accident. But I was pregnant with my daughter, Lola, my oldest daughter.
And I suddenly realized, I was living in LA, I suddenly realized I'm going to be responsible for another human being. But am I going to teach her? I'm like a meteor, making my way on this planet. I have great survival instincts.
I have a great work ethic. Yes, I'm very ambitious. All of those things. But I was just knocking them down.
You know what I mean? And not looking back. I'm going to be somebody. Because that's why I came to New York in the first place.
I will never go back to the nobody life I had when I was a child growing up. So I definitely was fueled by an inner drive. But I would not say that I was spiritual or conscious. When I was pregnant, I suddenly realized I knew nothing.
And I was a slave or a victim of other people's opinions of me. And I didn't have really, even though it looks like and looks like I was confident, brave, audacious, whatever, you know, I deep down inside it was not. So I was at a dinner party. While you were pregnant?
I was at a dinner party at my friends in LA. And there was a woman sitting next to me. And I knew her vaguely. She was a costume designer.
She was a costume designer. Her husband's a director. And she said, oh, you should come with me to class. And I said, what class?
I'm open to classes, by the way. I love being a student. So what's the class all about? She said, there's a teacher there.
It's something called Kabbalah. It's next to a synagogue. And I was like, wait, so he's Jewish? And she said, yeah, but it doesn't have anything to do with being Jewish.
It's just a belief system, not a belief system, like a philosophy about life. You know, you could learn a lot from. And I said, OK, I'll go. So I did.
And that's how I met my teacher. And I literally would sit in the back of class for years. Mostly men were in the class at the time. But everything that he said seemed to make so much sense to me.
And gave me courage to be who I am and who I meant to be. And made me actually think about intention and a real sense of purpose. Because my sense of purpose can't just be, I want to be rich and famous. Or I want to be popular.
I want to sell a lot of records. Because none of that lasts. But it was until I went to class that I actually started thinking about those things. So I just kept going and hearing up today.
But motherhood or being a parent is really what made me start asking questions. But I most likely I should have asked them sooner, but I didn't. Because I was just caught up in my self. I love that story for so many reasons.
One of them being that my journey to my spirituality had certain similarities in that, not that I was pregnant. So definitely not that one. But I had a friend and friends who were starting to get interested in spirituality. And they invited me to hear a monk speak.
And I'd seen monks while I was growing up. But I'd never really engaged with one or really understood what they did or meant. And I'm so glad I said yes to going along. And I was very young.
I was 18, 19 years old. I wasn't even seeking. I was open and I was curious. And to be honest, I was doing what everyone else was doing at that time when you're 18, 19 year old kid.
Like experimenting and doing everything else under the sun. But I'm so glad I went. Because now looking back, I find that after meeting the monks that I met, it gave my life a compass at a very early age that I'm so grateful for. Because it changed the entire trajectory of my life.
I can't imagine what I would have ended up doing in the same way as you did. And it sounds dramatic, but it's true that without the group of friends that invited me to go along and meet my teachers would become my future teachers. I can't imagine what life could be like. And are those teachers still your teachers?
Yes, absolutely. Still since that time. So it's been nearly 20 years now. That's meaningful.
Yeah. Very meaningful. And are your friends that came with you still also studying or? One of those.
Yes, absolutely. One of those friends was my best man in my wedding. And he studies under the same teachers. Yeah.
That's cool. The woman who took me to class. No. Okay.
No. Just stick with it. It's amazing to hear that you had this ambition and this drive to become successful. And at the same time, there was this spiritual calling that was almost happening simultaneously.
How did you reconcile the two when to the external eye, they could look very opposite? How did you actually see them? Like, look weird, you mean? Not weird in the sense of I think a lot of people assume that spirituality and success don't go together.
A lot of people would think that. That's absurd. Those are narrow minded people. I mean, you need to be spiritual to be successful.
Success is having a spiritual like period. It's interesting because I had this boyfriend some time ago and after we broke up, we saw each other years later. And I was telling him about kabal. I was like, oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you grew up as a Catholic and know how religious your mother was.
And I was like, no, no, it's not what it is at all. It's nothing to do with religion. Everybody has to find the path that speaks to them and resonates with them. But I do think it's important to have one.
And I dare say, if you didn't have a spiritual path, you wouldn't be as successful as you are today. I will make that assumption in your work, in your marriage, in your friendships, all your relationships. Honestly, it sounds like a really, like a cliche to your spiritual life, even a sick, the reason, but it's just got a bad rock, you know, you like 100% can have a spiritual life and be successful. I wouldn't be here.
I didn't have one. Madonna's story is a reminder that success without inner grounding can feel empty. True resilience isn't fueled by ambition alone. It comes from a deeper sense of purpose and doing the internal work to find a full woman.
She demonstrates the takeaway that spirituality isn't separate from success. It's the foundation. When Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez sat down with me, it was evident that their love wasn't just playful. True.
They shared how they handle conflict, take space and return to one another with honesty and respect. Research shows lasting couples aren't those who never argue, but those who keep respect and practice repair. Real love isn't perfection. It's creating a safe space through communication and trust.
Sometimes she'll say, this is so funny. No, boy. No, no, no. She'll do this and it's really cool.
She'll go. I'm feeling a little irritated and I think I need like 25 minutes and I'll say, okay, and then I give her her space and then after like five minutes, she's like, hey, we come back. But it's knowing that and we have the proper boundaries set with each other. Like I don't have to be on top of her every second.
She doesn't have to be on top of me every second. We're together. I just want to know she's in the house so I can say like, hey, I love you and then go back to what I'm doing. You know what I mean?
Because look, we're both highly independent people, okay, but we're both little mushes who just need to be attached. Yeah. We are so cheesy. It's so fun.
Yeah. But it's like, but I feel like I think it helps us too that we're both, you know, on my list, a thing was I wanted someone to be driven and inspired by something. I didn't care if they made any money or anything. I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day.
And when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did, I'm like, I'm not sitting there like, yeah. Like when you're talking to your mom, you know, when you're talking to your mom and you just keep talking to go, yeah, yeah, like she comes back and like my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm. I see what she did. And I'm like, it inspires me.
I'm like, I gotta do more in this way. And it's like, we're in this place where we're inspiring each other and we're so inspired by what the other person's doing and and she'll help me out. She'll be like, well, what if you did it like this, this and this and then she'll say something and I'll be like, well, why don't you handle the situation? Because we have such different personalities that are also the same.
But we're the thing that one of us is really good at the other one, maybe lacks a little bit and vice versa. And it's so cool to be able to like, workshops, like little conversations or how to handle a situation. And I just feel so comfortable with her, like that I can say anything and she won't ever say it. I don't know.
I love the maturity. I mean, hearing you both talk about it. Yes, but let's be clear. We are not the perfect.
No, we're so silly. No, no, no, but I think the maturity of, and I agree with you, I think that's actually the difference. I'm glad you brought that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection.
Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement. We never have to take space from each other. We know which you're not saying. You're saying, hey, I just asked for 25 minutes.
And then I was like, wait a minute, I need to. And I think there's a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts for you to first say, hey, I need space for you to say, I get it. I respect you. And then for you to have the maturity to say, actually, I want you back and for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so, for you to be like, I'm here for you.
Like that's not perfection. To me, that's maturity. And I think that's I really want people to get that from it that you are going to have disagreements. You are going to want space.
Me and Riley went through that she, at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement and we were the same, we never, we made a rule that we'd never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great. She comes from a home where her parents don't raise their voices, but I was just like, I never wanted them. I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred and I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug. And I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen.
But it took a long time for us to realize that when she at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space. And I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me. And that wasn't true. It took space to process.
So it took time for us to mature. For me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space, is you carrying the relationship? Some people, I get it. They want to talk about it right then.
The one thing that also works for us so much is like, we're not chill people, but we're like, we're never going to get, I'm not going to yell at anyone in my life. Yeah. And you know, I came from a home where a lot of that was happening. And I saw at a young age and I was just like, well, my parents weren't speaking the same language.
Obviously they were speaking the actual same language. They weren't speaking the same language to each other to communicate. And if someone comes at you, like hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to do and I know she's going to do is shut down. So you're not getting anything.
You know, and I always say this, the guys are so quick to like, they got to win. They got to win the argument. And it's like, what are you doing? What are you winning?
Like, you're going to argue with your wife and like, make her cry. And then you're like, I won that argument and she hates you and resents you like, wait, like, don't be an idiot. And it's like, I only. I've been guilty, though, to start.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm not a few. Sorry.
I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other situations of mine, it was, I was very reactive. I think that's why I was alone for five years, because I really needed to collect myself. I think in the past, that's why I say to them all the time. And 10 years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you.
I just wouldn't have been in the right headspace. And I don't think that you deserve what I had gone through before. So I've learned a lot of lessons and I've made mistakes and I just want this to be right. So for me, that was a lesson that I had to learn because I think girls can equally want to be right.
That for me, it was really difficult in the past and he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if I even get to the point where I'm so frustrated, he's like very quick to understand. I hear you, like you're allowed to feel that and that helped me shift where my mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger. So it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments that allowed you to not be reactive. What was it that allowed you?
Because I feel like as Ben was saying earlier, you carried this baggage from all of our relationships into this one. Yeah. I respect Benny. I because he's done nothing but respect to me.
I again, trust him. I can tell him anything. Even if it's about something that's uncomfortable and maybe you should just talk to your girlfriends like he is that and that helps calm me down to say, okay, so I'm going through these things because of maybe what I had before or whatever it is. Nothing is ever bad.