Brought to you by Y Refi Refi Refinance, your defaulted private student loans today at Yrefi.com slash Ramsey. Alright today's question comes from Madison in Ohio. My husband and I have been happily married for six years. The only place where we struggle a bit, I love that a bit, is on our finances.
My heart is with my babies and raising them while his is focused on money. I'd rather him tell me what our monthly budget is so I can just follow it, but he wants me to be on his level of monetary ambition. We have no debt, save roughly a thousand bucks a month and we have 25 grand in savings. If I'm not negatively impacting his goals and why is it bad that money doesn't excite me like it does him?
I feel like finances is his thing and raising our family is mine. I'll support anything he wants, but I don't want to lose myself and his ambition. I think they've got more than a bit of a struggle here. Yeah, that's the bigger challenge going on, man.
Yeah, I, I, okay, I'm just, that's the Ramsey show, so I'm just gonna say what I think. Yeah, I'm calling BS. I am too. Okay, I think it's a bunch of crap.
This is the, I think she just wants to be taken care of and buy anything she wants any time and he said no. This feels like it counts and they call it the one down position. It's like when the, when somebody's mom goes, oh, that's okay. I don't want to eat there, but I'll just eat the napkins in the glove box.
I'll be fine. That's that. We're not going to buy any other address. I'll just use the drapes.
Right. I don't want to get my fingers dirty, my hands dirty with the money stuff. Money stuff. I'm the mom.
Right. Oh, brother. You're killing me here. Okay, now there is some truth to this and there's a bunch of both to it too, but the truth is that you're the free spirit.
You're not concerned about spreadsheets and that's fine. He's the nerd and he's all into the details and that's fine. You can function in your strengths, but to what you've done here, you've spent the entire email making him the evil bad guy that's a money hungry and you're the sweet person that loves little children and bull crap. Yeah, if you want to take care of your kids, you got to have money to take care of your kids.
Your kids like food and dry diapers and college degrees and whatever. So you got to do both. So being a grown up mom involves being an adult woman that is raising children, involves having enough say and enough involvement in the budget and in where our money is going that I get a vote and I am in agreement and we're aligned on where we're going. That does not make you money hungry.
It does not and the fact that he has a gift with detail doesn't make him money hungry and doesn't mean he hates children. So and actually I guess I can feel my heart rate getting up a little bit getting a little frustrated is the number of calls I get from live saying I wish my husband would just include me and I have somebody here and now he's not he's speaking spreadsheet, which if he was here I'd bonk one ahead and say bro lead with your heart first and do spreadsheet second, but this is somebody that sounds like they're trying to connect and trying to bring mom in bring his wife in on the finances and the money and here's what we're headed here's what we're going to buy and she's kind of beating him up for it. And I kind of I mean based on this little paragraph here I honor the fact that he's trying to connect with you even though you keep saying I don't want anything to do with the money part, I just want to do the mom part. Yeah, I don't want anything to do with evil money.
Yeah, I just want to be the sweet mom and that just that really drips off of here and it's insincere. You want something to do with evil money if they're in and being paid. If the light gets cut off and the water gets cut off, believe me, my wife was there when she had little babies and she was concerned about that. So anyway, so I would say going to the root of this.
I don't like him. He annoys me. I don't like having conversations with my husband. Let's get to the truth here or I'm really kind of spoiled and I don't like to deal with some of this stuff.
We need to get to the root of these things because this is the way some people just operate in the world and it ends up in ash. Yeah, it ends up and then he's going to get painted as the bad guy. Yeah, he already is. And he didn't know his wife didn't like him.
I don't like you, right? Yeah. So he could he could take the thing we could give him some help. The help we would give him is like you said lead with your heart and what does that mean?
And what I believe is I believe you have something to add to this conversation, honey. And so your vote counts. I want your vote in this. It doesn't mean you're overwhelmed with money.
I mean, I'm overwhelmed with money, but we're two adults trying to make our way through this world and it involves money. Or the dreams you talk about these babies that you just want to be yours, you said, I want them to drive this kind of car because it's kind of college. Well, that takes us planning right now for that to happen down the road. Let's talk about what we're not going to do so that we can do.
That's right, just dreaming about it together to make that decision together. You're way too smart to be a kept woman. Right. And he needs to lead with that rather than, we're going to have $5,000 a month and here's a spreadsheet.
And the other side of it is, hey, these are my kids too. I want to be a dad. You don't get to like just do the kids and I do the math. I want to be involved with the kids.
And if he's not, Madison, then sit down and say, you're kidding dad. More than you're spreadsheet right now. They need you to talk to him, hang out with him, go do whatever dads, you know, dads do in this house. But so ultimately, this first line, we're having been happily married.
I think these are not as great as they seem. Let's be honest with each other and go from there. Yeah, we're married. Yeah.
Yeah. And sometimes it's happy. Why refi refinance is delinquent private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at y-r-e-f-y dot com slash ramsing.