I told him he was useless. Why do I keep doing it?

This week's letter is from a wife who shouts at her husband. Not often, but when she does, she says cruel things. Then she apologises, means every word, and promises it will never happen again. He says: "You said that last time." She asks: why doesn't feeling this terrible change anything? And what can she possibly say to him now? Psychotherapist Sia Bartrum's answer starts somewhere unexpected: feeling terrible isn't the first step towards changing. For most of us, it's what we do instead of changing. Read the letters: https://www.siabartrum.com/letters Write to the show: [email protected] A conversation, not therapy. Letters are retold with details changed.