EPISODE · Jun 2, 2026 · 27 MIN
I Tried Everything And It Was Never Enough | Mismatched Libidos
from In Bed with Science: a Sex Podcast · host Leigh Norén | Sex Therapist and Relationship Expert
A listener wrote in describing herself as a "well-scraped peanut butter jar" — nothing left to give sexually, and tired of trying.She'd had sex four days a week, spent evenings cuddling and massaging, and offered every kind of intimacy she could think of. Yet every week still brought sulking, silent treatment, and rejection tears.After two months of no sex, the pressure finally stopped — so she asked me: why would I ever go back?In this episode, I unpack what that relief is really telling us — and where to go from here.We explore:Why the relief of not having sex is usually relief from the pressure surrounding sex — and why that distinction is importantHow sulking, silent treatment, and emotional withdrawal are all examples of unhealthy relationship communication behaviours, and how they can make it impossible to say yes to sex freelyWhat happens when sex becomes a partner's primary way of feeling loved and important — and how that puts unsustainable pressure on the other personThe questions I'd ask if I were working with this couple, including when sex became this loaded and what the relationship looks like outside the bedroomWhat happens when sex becomes a partner's primary way of feeling loved — and the pressure that puts on the other partner The questions I'd ask if I were working with this couple, and why I wouldn't start with "how to get you to want more sex"Timestamps:01:46 – The Listener's Question02:24 – Why You're Depleted (And Why That Makes Sense)04:18 – "Why Would I Ever Go Back?" — The Real Question05:20 – The Relief Isn't About Sex — It's About Pressure06:12 – What the Absence of Fighting Really Means07:50 – Understanding the Behaviours: Sulking, Stonewalling & Withdrawal10:19 – The Gottman Four Horsemen & Sexual Rejection13:04 – Why "Just Try Harder" Fails the Low-Desire Partner14:21 – What I Would Do If I Were Your Sex Therapist17:41 – The Key Question: Do You Want to Want Sex Again?18:59 – The Path Forward: Removing Pressure Before Rebuilding22:58 – Summary & Takeaways26:09 – Outro & Working with meInterested in my services? Check them out hereJoin my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link
What this episode covers
A listener wrote in describing herself as a "well-scraped peanut butter jar" — nothing left to give sexually, and tired of trying.She'd had sex four days a week, spent evenings cuddling and massaging, and offered every kind of intimacy she could think of. Yet every week still brought sulking, silent treatment, and rejection tears.After two months of no sex, the pressure finally stopped — so she asked me: why would I ever go back?In this episode, I unpack what that relief is really telling us — and where to go from here.We explore:Why the relief of not having sex is usually relief from the pressure surrounding sex — and why that distinction is importantHow sulking, silent treatment, and emotional withdrawal are all examples of unhealthy relationship communication behaviours, and how they can make it impossible to say yes to sex freelyWhat happens when sex becomes a partner's primary way of feeling loved and important — and how that puts unsustainable pressure on the other personThe questions I'd ask if I were working with this couple, including when sex became this loaded and what the relationship looks like outside the bedroomWhat happens when sex becomes a partner's primary way of feeling loved — and the pressure that puts on the other partner The questions I'd ask if I were working with this couple, and why I wouldn't start with "how to get you to want more sex"Timestamps:01:46 – The Listener's Question02:24 – Why You're Depleted (And Why That Makes Sense)04:18 – "Why Would I Ever Go Back?" — The Real Question05:20 – The Relief Isn't About Sex — It's About Pressure06:12 – What the Absence of Fighting Really Means07:50 – Understanding the Behaviours: Sulking, Stonewalling & Withdrawal10:19 – The Gottman Four Horsemen & Sexual Rejection13:04 – Why "Just Try Harder" Fails the Low-Desire Partner14:21 – What I Would Do If I Were Your Sex Therapist17:41 – The Key Question: Do You Want to Want Sex Again?18:59 – The Path Forward: Removing Pressure Before Rebuilding22:58 – Summary & Takeaways26:09 – Outro & Working with meInterested in my services? Check them out hereJoin my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link
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I Tried Everything And It Was Never Enough | Mismatched Libidos
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