Visit BetMDM Casino and check out the newest exclusive the price is right fortune pick BetMDM and game sense reminds you to play responsibly 19 plus to wager Ontario only please play responsibly if you have questions are concerned about your gambling or someone close to you Please contact connects Ontario at 1 8 6 6 5 3 1 2 600 to speak to an advisor free of charge BetMDM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGamingOntario Hey everybody, it's Jason Ellis. I'm doing stand-up at Brea improv Jason Ellis and friends That means it's a big comedy show and I'm the headliner and everybody's talking about it because now the big gun has finally showed up The skills the hilarity it's all gonna be there and I'm gonna be on fire and you're gonna be pissing your pants full of laughter Or you're gonna be shitting yourself because you missed it so don't blow it get tickets right now vjson Ellis calm Brea improv August 1st be there. It's my time show up for it Hell yeah, I like this I like to smoke I think this but smoking some of the tastiest smoke I've had in my life But would I like it if the smoke machine smell like weed? Yeah, but it can't be weed because I can't get high anymore because I'm sober But it would be cool if they had like a CBD smoke, and you know what I changed my mind that is so lame.
No no Alcoholic weed I know like what I said I was about to say yeah Shut up, you're fit right in West Hollywood. Okay, okay. You already attacking me for where I'm gonna move. We've got a guest You know we're talking to show so feel how you're doing Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not the only one that can bring a smoke machine Bro, I'm saying is you drinking lava before the podcast bro Dang dude, you're the iron lung.
Yeah, man. You bring you got a smoke machine I got mine From the kitchen Your plan is there You guys try to smoke me out. I'm just clapping back. Yeah, okay.
Well man. Yeah, nice bounce back I think it's scaring the shit out of you man. He's in there. I have new Tea is teaman, but you know just a boy on somebody yeah melt their face off Yeah, it's a weapon and tea I feel like if that part of me it'd be like that robo cop scene remember when he got acid on him And then they he was like walking around like His buddy ran him over and he exploded everywhere.
Is that before they made him robo cop? No, it's not No, he was robo cop. Oh, yeah, you're about to terminate him. No, wait You don't know about the acid guy.
I love how McCone knows the guy he got acid on him, right? And then he like goes over to his buddy like oh And he's like oh, I recognize you can just don't melted and then he strungs him off And then they go into another fight scene and we forget about acid guy And then all the sudden acid guy walks out in front of a car driving somewhere and and he's like oh no The car hits him and he could he's been acid bomb so hard He just really I feel bad for the driver of that of that the extra driving that car I kind of would like to do that I would like to explode somebody off the front of my car But only if he was a really bad guy, right? Yeah, if he was a nice person Then I would probably have nightmares if he was an evil guy and this guy watch was he bad? Oh, yeah, really bad You're gonna have to live with that if you hit you try to kill robo cop before he's robo cop You're gonna live with that?
And then Hey That guy was that guy was distracted before they were cell phones the driver of their cars Well, the cops chasing is like old school cell phone. Yeah, the dad from that 70-show had a lot going on there That was so weird that they picked him to be a bad guy Yeah, cuz it was just like not something about something about that haircut. That's not intimidating Let me see the guy driving the car was a dad from the 70-show. Yeah, get out of here.
Go back to red Wait, you never see robo cop? Yeah, but it was so long ago. I was sure that was him with here Yeah, no, he wasn't he doesn't have here. Well, then he did on the 70-show.
Really? Yeah. Yeah. He's on that 90-show now Yeah, he's always a bad guy Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he doesn't look honest to I wouldn't give him some money to go buy me something expecting to come back Okay, but that's small crime.
I did he look like he would murder you. Yeah, I like that look at that Really? Yeah, it's a murder right there. Oh, wow Well, what we just witnessed was a mercy killing if you pop like that when the car hits you you weren't long for this earth anyway Yeah, and in his defense if you look at the camera he was looking back right before he ran over his buddy So you can do it on purpose.
There it is again. He looks a lot like your team. I Mean when he hit the windshield. Yes, then you look like the two smoking in similar fashion Have you always been real cool?
I mean we have an uncle. I appreciate that school and stuff. I don't know I just you know, I just chill I think looking cool. It's kind of like a cover to not fuck up You know what I mean?
Like I do admire a lot of people who do like Shit in front of people that I'm too afraid to do. Yeah, and sometimes it works and sometimes they don't but at least they had the balls to like Every moment energy contrast. Yeah, yeah, yeah But you like when you do stand up you're like you're cool about it and it's like I feel like a lot of comics I'm gonna be like hey, you know, I mean like pay attention and you're like man like take it to leave it and you still kill It's like it's like risky. Oh, yeah.
Yes. Yes. No there. It's like I Wish I was an animated comic you do yeah, yeah, and sometimes I think I'm animated and everybody's like man you're a good writer And I'm like man.
I'm gonna see me move from take those two steps to the stool Right, you don't think that you don't think I was animated but that's this is all I got just but it works though It works. Yeah, I'll take it so this is pure like organic You don't you're not like because you just said like sometimes I'll try to be animated and people are like no You weren't right. It's like you just can't be I feel like when I was younger and I saw what stand up Like Richard probably was like my idol, you know So I was like and I liked how he painted pictures and acted stuff out and he became every object Yeah, so that was my idea of stand up Okay And then when I did start I did a lot of black rooms and to get a good response or to like really get your point across You had to be animated so I used to yell a lot so you won't be work kind of animated at one point in the style Yeah, like almost like a preacher style. Yeah, but then I switched and how did it happen?
It was a gradual I was it like a sudden thing well, it was effective right yeah It's like get on top of the audience today don't get on top of you Okay, because New York audiences are intimidating like they will boo okay You could do 10 great jokes in a row and then back then and this do one okay one and my focus are like whoo You know, what happened to the last 10? Yeah, like now. Yeah, you just sold your credit man That's it what so nice to like stay on top of them But when I moved to LA and when I first started doing stand up I always liked Richard price I like Richard Pryor and every comment that I like I like them because they were themselves Yeah, and they wear themselves They brought their off stage cells on stage. Yeah, so I thought you got to start doing that So then I was like all right stop yelling and just go up there and talk the way you talk They were talking and it also forced me to like make sure the punch lines hit after like right strong punch lines To hit just as hard as like JBS movies mad animated, but he he cheats.
He's a great writer and he's animated So he has them come in a combination. So I hate him because it's cheating. Yeah, it's just a natural so you know You got when you were gonna talk you're like, okay now I need to like punch up like I need to make sure that these are good better than they were before yeah for sure because you've caught the crowd Laughing on things where you're like I could do better, but I'm just I'm just saying it loud and it's getting across it. Yeah.
Yeah. Wow It's funny I remember seeing Chris Rock working on really really new material on time at the comedy store And it's funny how the material wasn't there yet. He would have been the first to admit that Chris Rock can get a laugh with his face So he does the joke that's not ready and then and then he just makes Chris rock face and it's like oh, it's nice We got that in your back pocket man the first time I ever witnessed that before I even did stand up I went No McDonald was on our serious show news I come to come to no wasn't he'd been on the show and then I went to see comedy I didn't even really understand how work that was I got in early and they're like oh if you go I sat in the front and I didn't know I was like oh you're in the front like seen a band like being in the front's good And I look like this, you know and I didn't really I didn't put it together after that day I put it together but at the time I was like cool. I'm up front like who's who's on and it was a bunch of people that were pretty Established but then he was like last minute.
Oh hey word is in the back We got a special guest and it's like no no McDonald I'm like well no really and then he came on and he had sweatpants on like matching sweatpants Like the jacket in the and the and the pants and he had like a stain on the front I just noticed like a stain on the side of it and he had food on the side of his mouth And I was like is he serious like we're talking about being yourself really a presentation yeah, and I'm already laughing and he hasn't even said anything right and I was like what am I laughing at? Like and then he said a couple things where it wasn't even any punchline yet It was just you ever think about dying like it was something that was like you know like off in some kind of way But it was just like super funny, and I was like this guy's Funny without a story like the guys funny with note with nothing yet and then started saying stuff where and everybody was in the green So it wasn't just me we're laughing right and sure It's the great normal so everyone kind of is like in order and ready to enjoy themselves But make no mistake just the way he was standing there in the first couple of words that came out of his mouth Because he stole them and said them so staggered and slow they were funny and then he noticed me He's like oh, you know what? You know what happened to your head and I'm like ah no you know and then the next comic oh man look at that guys head That's when I realized don't ever be in the front row if you have a wolf tatted on your head unless you want Constant shout outs for looking like a dickhead. Yeah, you became the show because every comic comes up there You got to address the elephant in the room before I can move on but also it only has a tattoo of elk I that was not as noticeable, but yeah, but also I feel like from doing stand-up now like not watching other people sets is One to me disrespectful to you start dropping something on somebody was already roasting it and you come in like Johnny come lady That crowds been there for 20 minutes.
They already heard the first guy talk about the wolf head tattoo Right like unless you got better material. It's kind of like when you go. Oh, oh this guy here with a woman He said everyone's like yeah, man like the last three comics brought that up like you got to catch that Yeah, so you started in New York in New York When and why did you move to New York in the first place like what do you mean? Like did you go there particularly like you were like were you already doing comedy?
I grew up there I grew up in New York really? Yeah, yeah, you have no roots whatsoever in England Yeah, I was born in England. Okay, but I mean you still have and then I was raised up in accent raising Jamaica Yeah, it's my parents moved us from England to Jamaica That's where they from okay, yeah and then grew up there till I was like 17 then moved to New York Was that moving with your family or my family? Like I would like to say man, you know, I said, hey, I'm out Yeah, I'm going to New York.
Yeah, but there's their idea I rolled with them. Yeah, and then I went to school there high school and stuff like that and then later on I was like And I never even thought about stand-up at all like I watched it and I was like those people are truly talented I'm like you could fake anything except stand-up You have to be funny. Yeah, because people were not laughing just for free back then You know and then so I was like, what made you do it? I was working the drive-through of a Burger King and Wait because the job was so shit is I mean, no, I was like still like Let me let me make a long story short.
There was this guy at work. His name was Greg Ellis Yeah, one of the funniest people you ever meet. Yeah, and when I worked in the kitchen he worked in the kitchen I'm at the broiler putting the patties in the broiler Greg's on fries. I don't know who's he's on fries He's on fish sandwiches and chicken sandwiches burgers are being made on that side this side was lit.
That's like Greg's side Funny as shit just whoever's in that section is completely being entertained. Yeah, and it's funny And then I'm like, you know, I'd come from Jamaica in England And I was still kind of stuck as a person and my personality is like still I'm just being careful about everything I say and everything I do I want people to like me and I forgot to fit in trying to like Gather can't Intel or how to operate in this society. Yeah, like what the sports. I don't know Wait, did you move to Jamaica from England?
When I 17 wait, I thought you move from Jamaica to I mean Jamaica to from England Jamaica to Jamaica from from when I was nine Okay, so you made to nine in England. No, then to Jamaica till 17 then New York then New York, right? Yeah So even I went to high school and all that shit. It's still like you just know when you're not flowing freely Yeah, and you're not like that's so different.
Yes all different and It's the first time I've ever been someplace. I don't even have everything in common with black people You know because black Americans are different. So I have to learn black people around you in Jamaica No, no in New York. There was some so I was getting friends with them first.
Okay, that's okay Yeah, and but they were none of them at Burger King and other places I went okay, you know So in high school in New York, you know, I played soccer with them And I was friends with all the Jamaicans first Yeah, and then to like friends with some black Americans, but still trying to like assimilate Yeah, you know what I mean? It just be like love up, you know, just talk freely know what you know I didn't know American football basketball. I'm like watching TV. I'm learning hip-hop Yeah, I'm learning just like what is this country into and I wasn't aware of that Yeah, but I know now that that's what was slowing me down We're here today to tell you about our favorite sunglass company the good folks at Nevin I wear Jason I'll tell you the sad story of the time that one of my children needed a kidney transplant No, it's a very expensive procedure But I had I had my heart set on a very expensive pair of sunglasses Yeah, it's a tough decision ultimately as you probably guessed I went with the shades right no sooner had I walked out of the store I put him down on the chair of my car Oh wait, I got to go think sat back down crunch my fat dumb ass destroyed my now.
I don't have sunglasses That's what my kid died for a child right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? Wow that was a bad decision everybody who's watching this I have no doubt has a similar experience to mine obviously stop paying too much money for sunglasses You're gonna lose them. You're gonna drop them.
You're gonna break them and then your kids gonna die And what are you gonna have to show for it? We've got a better way buy one get two pairs free at nevin eyewear.com look cool And save your child's life with Nevin by one get to free does not apply two prescriptions Here's the great news free shipping worldwide you buy one you get to free. Oh, they're just gonna charge me much shipping No, that's not how Nevin rolls also free exchanges and returns yet my favorite glasses are spacecoast like look at me Are you serious get me while I'm walking in these low-riders? So fans of the show if you want a pair of regular sunglasses I got the hook up with 35% off one regular pair with code Ellis or if you want to stock up you can get there by one get any Two free deal these discounts are not available on prescriptions So check out nevin eyewear.com slash discount slash Ellis for quality shades at great prices.
That's nevin in een eyewear.com slash discount Yeah, I can't do my cool when I was 17 so yeah from where from a shade. Oh shit. Yeah, so I remember like Lakers and Celtics and Lakers Celtics playoffs NBC. That's way hold you.
Yeah, we're about the same age Yeah, we're about same age, but so we came about the same time. Yeah, I was LA you in New York Yeah, I was some someone's house where they I'm like what's going on like this like a cell tix on my cuz I could like this It's and it was bird and magic and it was it was fucking awesome Like I didn't have to care about basketball. I fell in love immediately because it was one still to this day one of the greatest Match-ups in the history of sports. Yeah, and it was like well America Like cuz I didn't know that that was going to be like this legendary It's like season.
It was just wait This is what you guys watch on a Saturday and it just happened to be bird and magic duking it out and this rivalry and and and I'm in LA So my this house is just like oh the emotions and I'm like man you guys have the coolest sport ever Yeah, man. I used to just Saturday or Sunday just eat that shit up like yeah, here's the crazy thing like I didn't even become a Knicks fan until we got cable You know what I mean? So you didn't get to see it cuz you get to see the regular season games Yeah, so you got to see the big teams on regular TV Yeah, so I was a lake of fan before I was a nick fan cuz I couldn't see any nick games Right and I was before they got good That was like the end of Bernard King and yeah, right so then So then when we got cable because we can afford cable so when we did get cable then I became a Nick fan But then when I moved to LA I was like shit. I'm gonna enjoy this Kobe Shaq shit because I was a Nick fan Yeah before I was a Nick fan.
Yeah, you know that's respectable. Yeah, yeah me too. Yeah, I was curious about like you the trajectory of your background Cuz you mentioned Richard Pryor influencing you you talked about the way in which like you weren't clued into all the pop culture references Or like the flow of the culture around here But on the other hand you also brought stuff that made you unique from the jump Like obviously you continue your education of comedy as you go through your late teens and 20s But I think everybody has a couple people that they see when they're a kid that really like crystallizes with them And it seems like okay, Richard Pryor was obviously global you would have been exposed to different comics in maybe not so much in England But in Jamaica you must like who are the other comedians that you were influenced by where any of them outside of the stuff that Other people in New York and LA would have been influenced by I mean growing up in England You know there was like Monty Python and it was like all these other schedules Yeah, which I didn't know they would affect me later on in my life yet so I saw them and like Their brand of humor I guess gets imprinted on you right and coded into your DNA without you knowing Yeah, so a lot of English people definitely have like my style of humor just period and then going to Jamaica Jamaican people are so direct. They're very funny.
Yeah, and nobody takes things as an insult Like I remember if you were went to high school in Jamaica, which I did like your first year You're called a grub, right? And then after grub then comes your grub what so there was a guy he was ugly so we called him grub man ugly So grab my an ugly. Yeah, and that guy was never insulted. Yeah, his name was grub man ugly He responded to it We laughed we joked and it's like just whatever you look like that's what you were Yeah, you know and it's kind of a shame and that's what we and then you know so So there's the directness of Jamaican people in me the directness of New York people in me also in help in helps to inform our humor And then moving to America and seeing Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor George Carlin Bill Cosby just Bob Newhart who just died I just Just Absorbed when I started coming I just started watching everybody So Greg so then now, you know, I'm trying to simulate I'm trying to like I know I'm not Jamaica Ian like free-flowing with my friends Just talking to everybody.
I know I'm shy I'm not England Ian like where I was born with my family my cousins and just talking to people and free-flowing and not shy I know I'm like listening to conversations and Trying to think of something to say or add to it and then not being able to or once you know I'll be able to come up with something you know within context of what the conversation is But then watching Greg it just said oh, bro. You're not tapping into your comedy side of you like Greg's having a great time He's not thinking he's just being funny. You know, and then like I just told myself You have to tap into your comedy side. He made me aware of something.
I wasn't doing yeah, and that frees me up Yeah, that's like I let's just have fun. Yeah, like Greg. You know what I mean? And did that make you want to be a comedian right there or well?
So just take that forward so now me and Greg are going back and forth me and all the other people are going We just talk into now. I'm just talking. I don't need much context. You say a sentence I can come up with something off that sentence I don't know what to need to know the history of America the history of Irish people history like you could just you just figure out how to narrow a thing down to Being funny right away as opposed to like needing all this knowledge to be able I come down trying to play catch up anymore Yeah, I'm on offense.
Yeah, you know what I mean verbally and so then I take that later on to now I can communicate better and then I'm taking orders on a drive-through is kind of boring. So let's just be funny So I'm just talking shit at the time on drive-through. I'm just cracking jokes every time this guy pulls around He's like hey, man. Did you just take my order?
I was like, yeah, he's a man. You're funny as shit You should be a comic never thought about that ever before and that is inspired bro. Let me tell you something that shit snapped Something inside of me it hit like a spot that intuitive spot and inside I responded That's what you're gonna do for the rest of your life immediately immediately and then where did you go? Just did you go to a fucking open mark straight away like yeah pretty much shut the like the next day or some shit I would say two weeks later because I we there was a I was I lived in Union dell the Burger King was in East Meadow down the street in East Meadow was this place called cross-county flea market Yeah, and they used to you know Friday and Saturday.
They used to have like sales So I would go with Greg to cross-county free flea market. He would spend his entire Burger King check their own records Yeah, right so and then in the parking lot across from the parking lot of tri-county flea market was governor's a comedy club Yeah, so that's how much Greg like just going with him to spend his Burger King check. Let me know where comedy club was Yeah, cuz that's what going they just walk by yeah It was like right there Yeah, so now's like I'm gonna go to governors and check out somebody open mics Yeah So I went there sat in a few other open mics and then in between that two weeks time or three weeks time every time I spoke to somebody I'm gonna come up with a tear I said man I say funny shit to people all the time write some of that shit down now this shit is gonna be your material Yeah, yeah, turn yourself into a comedian on the fly on I mean yeah And then how many open mics before you started get a grassman like get a shot a shot a long time bro I was so nervous. Well, you know this when you were doing over mics.
Yeah, did you enjoy it at least always there? I mean I get because when I started to it's like this is fucking uncomfortable man like and then the more I did it I was like oh, that's kind of the whole point like there is no fucking highlight in this This is this is just like you're nobody cares sessions You know me like and you try to get past that so you can refine your craft But at first you're like I don't know what I'm doing I don't know why I'm doing it like when you leave there's no like you know like in skateboarding like you work hard at it and you make Something and you go home that day and you're like I put that work in and I got something out of it Yeah, you know what the game is about straight away, but with comedy to open my eyes I might what why does anybody come here like this is degrading like nobody people are the only thing I can tell is people Like it when you suck that is their joy in their life And I guess you're supposed to join the club and when they suck you can have a chuckle to yourself like that was the game Yeah, I feel like back then the comedy advantage goes to the audience because if you do good They're gonna laugh and if you do bad they're gonna clown you so they're gonna win anyway They're wasting no money, you know what I mean like you're gonna But for me I bombed the first time I was so nervous I ruined every joke But the last joke I got it together and I said it right and I was like, all right if I could just not be nervous Yeah, I could be a comic and then I knew somehow like So then that here's Jamaica's like, you know part first world and part third world country So there's a lot of hard life, but it's fun. Yeah, I was like shit The Jamaican is it means like you got to keep doing this until you get good. Yeah, you know what I mean And so and then I saw examples of other comics doing it until they got good.
Yeah, so this is just a part of it Yep, so it's like fuck it. So there was there was no excuse to not try to get good at it It's just like trying to get good at math or just something in the work you got to put in the work. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it makes sense. Have you subsequently gone and performed in Jamaica?
I'm sure you performed in England if you performed in Jamaica as well not Jamaica, but Trinidad Similar enough similar enough Yes, I'm a major maker I use a map to go to the farm Australia. Thank you. Yeah, thank you I use my map to go to the comedy store and I've been there one thousand times And when I go home, I use my map to go home just in case it's a shortcut that comes up. Yeah, get it ready for that shit You know I go with everything bro.
Yeah, I've googled how to get from my bathroom to my kitchen Just in case Yeah, it's fucking LA man. It's LA man traffic everywhere at all time. It could be an accident from the living room to the bathroom And now I've got a shortcut. It could be a flood anything That's right a lot of that shit while fires we got those all the time.
I actually was my my wife doesn't like I don't go anywhere Without GPS and stuff my wife is like I know how to get there I'm just gonna go and I'm like yeah, but women things have changed My girlfriend drove me the airport the other day and I was like why don't you have the map on? Yeah, she was like I know how to get to the airport I was like are you sure she's like there's like signs you never know how to get to the other signs, but you never know, you know I thought she's crazy. Well your girlfriend takes risks. Yeah Looking at the ocean in that region the world reminds me I feel like this is new this is old news But apparently this is a new phenomenon that sharks in Brazil are testing positive for cocaine Yeah, but that doesn't make them any more aggressive.
No, it actually does it this is how shark NATO begins I think is Wait, are you trying to argue with me because you just become gullible or you're trying to tell me they're Shaft on cocaine and more aggressive than a normal shark. I think it is crazy that enough cocaine goes into the water there I don't think that these guys are like fully scar-facing or anything that they actually are able to find cocaine in in the bodies I say we go swimming near Brazil. That's what I say. Yeah, get some bumps.
Yeah get some free bones Yeah, wait, I just take the music when I was there and I didn't swim in the ocean long and I say they're eating coke heads or they're eating coke I think it's probably that enough coke gets their own overboard. Yeah that it actually is in the water Right like isn't it like everybody gets anti-depressants from It definitely makes the sharks more confident Shucks are paranoid. Yeah, I had a friend that got attacked by a shark I'm not a friend just a guy that I met at a shark museum I was in Western Australia and I was at some giant house like this big building that had all these sharks jumping out the great White sharks jumping out of the water and there's like the sequence of great white shark There's this beer in Australia called Forex and they had a giant floating Forex logo in the ocean and a sequence of a great White shark open in its mouth and engulfing the Forex logo and fly it out of the water like fucking 15 foot great white Shark thing was like as white as a fucking car and then there was these photos in black and white of a dude That had been bitten by a great white shark and they pulled him into the boat and I'm like look at this maniac And then a guy comes up to me old guy comes up and he goes that's me mate and I'm like fuck off and he's like no What it is this is my this is my store and I'm like bullshit and he goes look mate and he pulls he showed up and shows me the Crazy as you've ever seen like all the way up his arm all they ran his stomach and he said he was in a Spearfish in contest and he got hit by like a 16 foot great white shark from behind He said he was looking for fish and also he gets hit and he's going down to the bottom and something's cracking his ribs Chewing him and he looks down under his arm He sees the sharks nose like I already got him dude and it's cracking his ribs munching him. It's munching him Which is he's telling me the story and I'm like to me he's becoming like you know magic job He's becoming a legend in my eye looking at my urine legend You know and he's like because I saw the scar and I know this guy's telling the truth And he's like so I'm like punching him and I'm like you're punching him punch the 16 foot great white shark You're the sickest dude I've ever met in my life and he goes my arm got caught and he and the tooth Surrated some tendon and his arm flopped so it stopped working and then he chewed through the like he broke free Comes up to the top and people are in boats trying to get to him like look at how and he's like what and he said He looked down and it was like all the water was red from his blood and he looked down and then the shark Coming up from the bottom of his mouth open at him and it missed him and his belt And I guess it like in the air and it was chewing his belt Yeah, and drowning him so he was stuck beside him drowning and he said he was like taking him water He was about to give our pass out and the shark chewed through the belt And he broke free and was just like you know sitting there all mangled for a second And then people grabbed him and pulled him out before the shark came back and ate him and he said that the wetsuit held his stomach in Oh, that's the reason he lived because he's gots got held in by the wetsuit and then same thing with everybody there Because he was everybody to kill sharks and then they get eaten by a shark and then they fucking study sharks And they go oh sharks is this is their land and they're water and then they start saving sharks So this dude was like a shark saving guy after he was like, you know I think might have been potentially spearfish and sharks He didn't want to say that but I think he was but then he became like a shark rescue guy And he's the guy that invented the perspex perspex cage where they filmed Jaws name, you know what?
Sorry, that first of all that guy sounds so Australian. Yeah, oh, yeah You know I've understood him at all. Just like you know, we were introduced a lot to Australia by like crocodile crocodile I don't need so many times for a movie. Right.
You got one late for that movie. So much. You know, do you guys like it? Yeah, yeah, I go on walk about yeah I use my Australian accent sometimes get I got his meat.
Give me a melo Australian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I Hockey player chose to have his finger amputated why because he like broke his finger and it wasn't gonna heal in time So they gave him the option of just chopping off part of his finger and he's like well, I really want to go to the Olympics I respect that that's a runny. Latch it did Ronnie. I'll do that.
Yeah for football game Yeah, like he was a safety for San Francisco legendary player and it was even broke or something and so he's like cut it off Yeah, I would do that. I mean, isn't there a healing process after you cut your finger off? That's what it should be in the game. Yeah, the game is yes The healing time is gonna get in the way of the playing time.
Yeah cut it off My point is like how much better is the healing time from a finger amputation than from a broken thing? Listen? I'm with you. Yeah, but the fact speak for themselves That tells you that if I cut this off you can play right now But if I don't cut this off you can't I tell I need to hear yeah because you have to if I'm gonna heal it You have to take time out yeah to heal it But if I got nothing to heal then I could play right now.
I mean this pain. Yes, but that's that's this guy lives for that Yeah, I think he literally plays for a team called the cook of a rose and he's not even playing ice hockey's plane Oh god, you're right. I mean put that together. Oh, you should get it.
Yeah, yeah, wouldn't I had ice hockey in the summer? Yeah, that's the time I keep your finger. Come on. Yeah, that's enough already victory.
Yes. I'll keep that shit to myself That's like I want to race in a previous like congratulations to you We have a segment to do yeah, right now, you know if you've heard but there is a presidential election coming up this year It's fairly big news and recently one of the major participants decided to drop out and the current vice president is now running in his place Which means we potentially could really have is the best shot So far at having our first female president, right and we got to talking about the fact we've never had one before and say What you will about Kamala Harris is if they get a period Michael literally let my guy friend say if a girl gets a period She's gonna hit the nukes right. Yeah, no that argument I'm just I'm not saying I've just said I've heard it from some of you mates right yeah, some of me you mean real tough I'm not insecure at all. Yeah.
Yeah, people have been eaten by shots I Munch don't They say things like I don't trust anything that leaves for 40 so doesn't that that's what they're saying to me So we're not sweet enough we can put together a list of other women who we also we think might be as worthy of not more worthy of being our first female president We can play the game. Yeah, I got intro Because mom did thank you I did as As the day I became a successful radio host That's the thing in the thing when they're all put the thing in the thing and then culture I did yeah, I really did tell me the chat has questions as far as nominations and what the rules are okay Well, I mean I think I think the intro is pretty self-explanatory they can't be mythical yes They can't be cartoons because like Zina warrior princess is probably the best she would be the best president not real Yeah, but Lucy Lautilus I can't really get behind She gets she's gonna be real right and she needs to be alive. Do we want to do it that way or do we want to do it? Who's the greatest let's start who's the greatest historical lady ever Ian?
You ask me to replace the black female vice president. We have to make it. I know that really yeah I'm just pointing this out. I'm just making you're like let's find a better theoretical One that doesn't get a period but it's people are gonna stop believing I actually really think in that but but I'll play the game Yeah, yeah, yeah, so he's the great lady ever you gotta give me some suggestions.
Oh, sheer up. Oh, he man's Was that his sister or his girlfriend or both? It's hard to tell right everybody's fucking on that So this woman doesn't even exist. No, she should be president somebody that doesn't exist.
What about? How about share? Oh? She's great.
She would clean up on the gay vote. Yeah, isn't that many of us? Let me them. Sorry.
I forgot another part of it anymore what happened I got sober and decided I didn't want to do anymore. Hello Did she always look that much like little Steven from Bruce Bringstings band? You better watch talk about my She Still his queen fam. How dare you?
Yeah, and there's the same headgear. I got the same wig on too. Um I mean share is she is all gonna be a president shares almost who's all the hero Joe Biden? She moves better than Joe Biden.
Yeah What about now though? Oh, you know what? And she banging like a rapper. Okay, hey, Bob guy.
Yeah Yeah, but I'm tiger or some shit. It's not a tiger but it is a young like 30 But I think she broke up with him after he got into a fight with tiger at the cons film festival this year in France She broke up with him because he got in a fight but right after that fight because it was like I don't know Yeah, stability in your mind. Yeah, if you're gonna fuck a 70 year old Rock Wayne you need to compose you need to have some composure exactly you can't be like acting like you just fucking chick around away I'm sure it's share. Yeah, it's the queen of queens.
I took you the cons like what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I got 17 grandchildren And they're all in their 30s. Yeah, I got great grandchildren and they're seeing their great grandmothers boyfriend fighting on the news It's pretty stupid Like Grandkids I heard the most Hollywood thing I've ever heard in my entire life someone that I know their kid is in an elementary school class with Eddie Murphy's kid and Eddie Murphy's grandkid. Oh, yeah, they're in the same class at this.
They're like both in second grade right now Yeah, because he's had kids. You've been having kids for so long He has a seven year old kid and a seven year old grandkid and they're in the same second grade with a friend of mine's kid That's terrific. Your friend is rich. Yeah I'm sure that sounds that way, right?
I don't know. I think kid is going to a school. Yeah, that has Yeah, like Eddie Murphy's great grandchild We're not accusing you of being in the 1% using your best friend Yeah, I think your friends rich bro. Yeah, we're doing anything to protect your friends They doing so wrong that you're trying to like make them poor in this conversation Whether it's being rich with such a crime.
Yeah, yeah, go. Uh, what about Madonna? Oh my god. I don't think about her.
You better. That would be problematic. Why? She's powerful.
Yeah, she's into health. She's very presidential. She loves fresh. You're self-idirself.
Yeah, what about if we all got kimbucha? That's good. And it's tasty. I have some thoughts.
What about Michelle Obama or Oprah? She did some bad stuff with Hawaii, right? But Michelle Obama's a lawyer. I like Michelle Obama.
So that's different. Yeah, but you said two people then one of them. Yeah, yeah, I'm agreeing with you on the Hawaii She's like trying to get money and then turns out she's taking some of the money not giving it to the locals and then she like bought a bunch of Land she ain't fucking wine. That's their land man.
You should be giving it back I want to go to why because it's super awesome there, but it's not my land And I'm just a fucking white tourist shithead. It's taking poopy's in there magical garden. I feel like it's not mine Oprah and the rock They they started a fun to collect money. This is loose.
It's not 100% Yeah, we go off. Yeah, cool. So they donated some money and asked people to top it But they only put in like five or ten mil. Which is nothing for them Which I feel is nothing for them and I feel like they should have just covered it.
Yeah, because they have enough Yeah, why it's like you're bragging about it, but you're not really doing anything. Just give it just give it But have any more pat on the back to you two dickheads. Yeah, you guys got this Yeah, just give it to the locals Yeah, especially when you live there and you're like you probably have a crazy mansion where you're taking in the greatest sunset Sunrise is surf water all the food that they have you're living the greatest life ever from Hawaii They're land and now they're in trouble and you have all the money to say save it And then you instead instead of just saving it you go on Instagram with your butt buddy and go Hey, man match out money. I'm like none of us have your money dickhead Yeah, and you know if it's like just just just just just sort that out You know what I'm saying that fit and I don't want anybody there's an outfit running this country I'm sick of that be the rock or Oprah The rock if he goes for the rock trans transitioned.
I would I would say he's the best female candidate for a layer Oh, that changes things for a list of the most acceptable female candidates includes every Let's see It would also change the his saying can you smell? Yeah, what are you referring to at this point? My man Oh, sorry. I haven't seen I told you rock Elena.
It's hot. Oh damn. You guys turned it down me But look at her. She's smoking man.
That's a smoke show. Yeah, I think he's actually more attractive as a woman. He is wow. She is See the rock is a blonde rock Elena is a smoke show son.
Yeah, and I and I I would vote for her And think about like she's like having debates. Mm-hmm. She's like shut up bitch and slap some old dude She is freaking hard. Okay.
I can't believe how right I am. She is really Like is that is that Jessica Elbert? No, it's rock Elena the hottest president that Americans ever had that's what I wanted to rock a scene That's bananas. That's trippy how hot she is.
Yeah, I can say that. Yeah. Is there like another wrestler That's that hot if you make them like John Cena as a lady works out quite so no, I'm right. He's got a dumb ass head Sorry, no offense to his head, but it is dumb.
Yeah, you know what I mean? Sorry, but that shouldn't be honest. Never honest ridiculous It's a goddamn a professional man. You know what?
I'm leaving. I'm so disappointed I Can't sharks in bromb facility like we got the stash cocaine sharks would be more aggressive, but they wouldn't be hungry Yes, he shocks only eight because they're hungry right they don't just attack people no Jaws gave shocks a bad rap right because and you got to try to understand Like at one point Jaws 4 there's like son of son of son of Jaws. Yes is looking for chief Brody's son of son Huh, and if you think about that you got to think you're an idiot because no no sharks son of son Has a personal vendetta against some dude son of son first of all how would original Jaws have time to tell his son when he was Exploded by an oxygen tank when chief Brody shot at in his mouth. Yes, when did he get the memo out right?
How did he witness it? Yeah, because he did. Oh, let's put no no, josh jr was like watching from a distance I was like imprinting formative memory like the way you got manti python in you Yeah, but you know then they should flash back to that in jaws too. Thank you.
Yeah, what's it? Yeah Yeah, they game a frozen jar they game of phones Jaws. Yeah, yeah, they blew it. Yeah, because the first one made perfect sense After that they really dropped the ball.
Yeah, it did. Yeah, I don't know. I got a bunch of names here angela besset She's a actress. She played she's like the queen in black panther Mm-hmm.
So I feel like we can like picture her in like a regal sort of way she played In what's love got to do with it Tina Turner? That's right. Oh shit. Yeah, Tina tone is dead, right?
Yeah, she just died she was last year So awesome at it. Mm-hmm. Tina Turner. Yeah, what'd it been?
She could have like yeah, I turn her as he did I was just saying if they were both alive and Tina Turner was president she'd have Spent his life on the run just play huge bounty Telling Frankly's gotta be dead right. She said she would have been an excellent choice. Yeah, she had a long funeral without Who was Aquaman's wife? Oh Lisa boning.
Yeah What yeah, I'm basing it. Yeah, fuck it. She's hot. She tells me to do it She's like right from now on we're against the gays.
I'm like, oh man, that's harsh, but okay. Yeah, you gotta understand how men think right? Yeah, thank you. Yeah get with it Brianna.
Yeah, Jesus. I'm not in control of anything. Why dig into the whole show. It's so simple I don't believe women are in control of the world already.
Right. Fuck you all do it. How long does it take to be president? We're very visual How will we in control this long?
It's like you know what you don't deserve it. Yeah. Yeah, at this point for this amount of years that you haven't figured that out. You don't deserve the time But yeah, she would be an excellent president Yeah, Putin's gonna be like what are you saying?
You created my lunchtime. Yeah, she was like a like a like a what is it the low-cut? Like so you can see like some cleave or side titty We'll get whatever we want with some side titties. Yes.
I'll give anyone anything they want with side titty It is that simple like I came up with this idea once right but then I heard and I was doing it as a joke And then I kept found out that there was actually a Greek a Greek philosopher or there was a book about it and Spike Lee made a movie about it But it was this thing where if all women in the world banded together and said we're not having sex with any man until we end all wars Yeah, then all wars would end. Yep, you know what I mean? And it's like but sometimes I feel like women don't understand And I'm gonna get killed with how powerful sexuality is very base. It's very base to use their sexuality But to achieve world peace it's gonna be something basic that would affect men.
It's a huge level I'll do it They don't deny it's the same as women not getting paid a lot in sports watch the sport And then you'll have everything you want, but you don't watch you don't team up You let us do it. You got a team up ladies and I have sex with us and then all wars The chain is only as strong as its weakest help and some hoes get covered up Michael. Yeah, exactly There's gonna be a few holes that's on There always is Based on Lestrona that was written in 1411 BC. No, it's been a long time and still nothing's happened Yeah, I mean Spike Lee made a movie about a modest shot But I thought of that idea just independently and I so I stopped doing the joke, but I feel it still has some merit like right now women are banding together online and having meetings to get And they did this during the election to get by then elected but they're doing it right now to get The Kamala who were trying to replace right now.
Yes elected, you know, so you know, you gotta you know, I mean These were finding people who are gonna run against her. Yeah, I mean sure put her on the list too. She's cool Yeah, put on the list. I mean, I have I do you said you early have doubts about her and I do too Oh, I don't okay.
I don't really but I probably just said it for shits and giggles But my only thing with her is she did do some stuff with people that smoke marijuana and she for sure smoke marijuana Oh, and that shit some bitch ass stuff. Well some guy and she was a threesome chick with Montel and that's I have a problem with it That's pretty cool. Yeah, that's kind of some real shit. It is okay You're right, but the we smoke weed with him for sure I did the same time.
She was like Getting people getting thrown in jail for a week Well, they looked it up somebody looked it up and found out it wasn't like thousands and it wasn't like a crazy amount and and it was like 45 people So that was exaggerated my issue with her. Okay, my issue with her was Before she was when she was running for vice president Rogan had some guys on from the Innocence Project and Second what's the innocence? It gets People out of prison that have been in there for a long time and they didn't commit those crimes And through most of the time is through DNA testing. Okay, so I went she was a DA in San Francisco She blocked DNA testing for some minorities because to be a DA you have to side with the police and to allow that that's like You know because the police I think you know, I don't know how politics work But I think the police are the ones that helped the district attorney get elected because you're working together But I don't even think they should the way all that is set up works in favor of fairness to the person who's being accused because Everybody's looking out for himself.
Everybody's looking out for himself and one branch of the whole legal system is working together Which it should be like we're just trying to find out the truth. Yeah, you know, so it's not okay So I that kind of turned me against her so that people need to look that up to see if that's true and that's all I'm saying But also anybody who is that high up in the food chain in Politics has greased a wheel or two right to get there because you're telling me is like if you're not playing the game the right way You're never gonna get in that place. I mean, they're all crooked, you know, you know, there's never done anything like that is Sigourney Weaver Umano umano Like if she gets attracted robot, then I'd vote for it But if she doesn't have a track the robot then no because remember when she was in that movie where she was too scared to go outside What was it? It was the it was the guy the musician that plays piano and he was the murderer.
He was a copycat murderer. Harry Connick Yeah, Harry Connick Jr. Thank you and she got he started fucking with her and she got all she got some disease not a rachnophobia Agoraphobia, yeah, and she couldn't go outside and then he forced her she like spoiler that she goes outside like save herself I don't mind if she's afraid to go outside the White House. That means she stays in there gets worked on I'm not supposed to go one for an around anyway.
Yeah, my problem was Sigourney Weaver is that her name is not Sigourney She's a liar. She made that up. Oh, and it's one thing to be like I think I look more like a camp like she gave herself that stripper name Yeah, is that a stripper and that's a gorny. It's kind of like yeah, what about weaver is that real?
Yeah, she's her name is Susan Weaver But when you think about like masterminding yourself into becoming a famous person. Yeah, so goni was a balsi move It was crazy because that could go that was high risk. Hey reward. Yeah, it could read grandma Right, so when we first saw her she showed up on the scene.
We were like hell. Yes. Yeah French name meaning the conqueror Oh, she should be present. Yeah, that's a bold movie.
I see that man I think getting some suggestions from the chat if you want him one at a time or do you want me to list him? Just give him give us judge duty. Fuck. No, she's such a cranky bitch She's she's gonna press the new button for sure.
I kind of like her as a choice Explain yourself how like negotiation was or what that rule was she's gonna be like pretty cutthroat on all that's chilling like relaxed style Yeah, because like I never really disagree with the outcome of her cases 30 years Okay, so it's pretty good to be keenie for like a 130 year old lady did see that's my problem. She's not that hot and she's already rich I need a hot president. So she might not need more money to corrupt. She's so rich.
Yeah, super rich. Okay. Yeah, sorry my bad Yeah, he's spot on. Yeah, okay.
She's on the list for sure. Yeah, all right Serena Williams Yeah, I mean, I mean she's got a terrific service game. How far is that gonna get us that asshole get her pretty far with me? Taylor Swift fuck.
No, shut the fuck up. I really will know you bring I just mean I know I threatened a lot, but I really will move We're both Canadians like instantly. Yeah, hilarious. I believe my daughter behind me.
We're forced to be swift these come on Listen to Beyonce's albums no more Be bad The president has just dropped a new album everybody got to play that shit if you don't listen to country music you're out of here Yeah, no, I'm not doing that get out of here. All right, David Brugman is suggesting sandy Bullock She had her time man. I don't really care anymore. Yeah, I feel like I'm just looking at her nose.
I'm trying to understand what is happening with that I'm like, what is it a good nose or is it a bad nose? She looks mad Asian in that form I mean, but she was gonna have the races for a while to remember that. Oh, yeah, that's suspect No, she ever I need you to don't know right. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. We can't blame it for that. Oh, yeah But I can't blame you for being involved with a guy that it's like what was that?
I think called the blindside. No, what was he's like, he had a logo that was the fucking the real Hitler looking thing Oh, what? And I was like man, that you know what that cross looks like. Yeah, it looks like something Hitler would have under his helmet Yeah, she was slumping there.
I think she I think I need somebody with more self-esteem to the president. Yeah, she's very insecure. Just Jesse James. Yeah Yeah, if you fuck him, you're insecure.
Yeah, not the real one. That's cool. No, that'd be cool. That'd be bad Also, having your name after a guy is Sounds amazing makes me make sound like a porn star.
He was in a house So it's like if I get in the street fights, it's pretty hard to be because I've chopped you and break your clavicle and I was like bitch Fucking please chop my clavicle and see what happens. I know there is I can spin me some bullshit. Yeah, he's looks like a street goofball Yeah, he's a tool. Yeah, even longer.
Yeah. Oh, now we're talking. I'm in She's like a uniter not a divider. Oh, yeah, she says I'll do it.
Yeah, why is she president already? She like produces stuff. Well, she doesn't even like act anymore because she produced the hot flamin hot cheeto movie. Okay, like she's even bother acting I thought you want to be bragging about it.
She's like developed a bunch of TV shows I mean, I want her off the list for that movie. She's a strong country. I haven't seen it. Yeah, I can't vote for her until I see a movie I mean hell yeah, because I've got her number and I'd be like hey Like you know, give me something yeah high possibility Governor of you know like some shitty little place where I can be like I'm in charge I Possibility yeah, yeah, she would hook me up and she's dating a skateboarder Which means skateboarders would have more power in this country in this great there is turn the whole country into a skateboard in park I'm okay with that.
Yeah, all right, and then last one is Britney Spears. That's not it. That's it. That's mad told We're already going off the rails and the rails on the crazy train like you may as well just accelerate that process He's running against Trump if she'd lose.
Yeah, I believe yeah, she can't tell I don't have a faith in America I think they make the right call there. You know what's crazy about Britney Spears like not dancing Like she only she makes the most sense when she was trying to get out of her conservatorship Yeah, like when she got out and then when she gets out there I just think that maybe she should get back in she'll be getting a bit her fighting for her life to get out Yeah, like the speeches or the testimonies are like this is this is a sane woman right here. Yeah, yeah the medication might actually work Yeah, so some of those googly eyes on Instagram. Yeah, I see that's when she's up taking medicaid I'm like that's not good.
Yeah, like whatever that look is it's not a good look last one rolling in is Sophia Vergara Yes, yeah, she's not American though. No that actually real. Yeah, pretty sure that's some Spanish descent is evil on Gorya Good point. I don't know where we are check here.
We need to check. Yeah, this is very serious governor of California. Sure. What?
Hell yeah, yeah, yeah, let's America plays in America. I don't know push comes to shove her or judge Judy I mean, I want to have sex with evil on Gorya, but I want to typically I base my vote on which to be the more sexually attracted to Yeah, basically I'm here. I'll just read this great nation I will make a decision without using my penis. Yeah, and I will say judge Judy because it's right she every decision She made you when you watch in the whole thing you like yeah, that's who that's who deserves it She never did one way you go idiot like that dude clearly fucking crashed her car whatever and I'm gonna sacrifice This how much I love America.
I'm gonna sacrifice the possibility of having sex with evil or Gorya and go with judge Judy Yeah, me too. That's a big of us. That's as patriotic right. We're both very patriotic as an Australian and a British Jamaican Those colors don't run.
Yeah We've settled it yeah, so judge Judy is the president of the United States of America. Yes, all right I'm all the Harris. Yeah, we did a lot of good work here. We did that job is done.
We saved the country excited by having our first Three-foot tall president. Oh, yeah, wait that changes things She can't stand next to anybody. I'm just gonna like ride on the secret Services shoulders master blaster That'd be different to a big robot meck for her. Then she rides the rock everywhere she goes.
So into that rock Alina even better Rock Alina nice VP rocket leaner. Yeah, but at least you can stand better than Biden true. Yeah, she has the energy She's she's cognizant. She can make decisions.
She's here. Yeah, she's not like saying crazy shit like Trump. Yeah, you know Yeah, no, she said crazy shit. She'd be like that's not true fact check it right now Boom you're done boom and you and you'd be like you can move on to your next bullshit out It's because you just got caught in the first one.
Yeah, she knows the laws We're just crazy that somebody hasn't already done that we're not having these debates and the guy just goes I'm doing this and it's like no that's not possible fucking liar everybody He just lied in the next bullshit. You go and again. Here's the check of it lie, but no one ever does that they do it after But do we know this you don't know this? Honest yeah, yeah, yeah, actually fact check bullshit.
Yeah next story dick head Yeah, and then the next debate. Yeah, we wouldn't have to hear this fucking gay frog shit all the time Fucking angry toes. I'm so sick of fucking dumb old white people. Oh, no problem since we have president Judy right?
Yes Thank you straighten all that out and where does everybody go to see what you do on Instagram? At E&E was comic and I got The comedy store in La Jolla coming up August 9th through 11th I might take my special that weekend like one day away from confirming that so the weekend of August 9th through 11th And then the rest of my dates or on Instagram at was comic it go there check it out Okay, man. I don't have you on the show. Thanks, man.
Thanks for having me beautiful time. We fixed a lot of shit That was classic work. See you next week everybody don't die