Hey everybody, it's Jason Ellis who's like kind of a comedian now. I'm on the road. The Jason Ellis dot com is where you can see all my tour dates and you can buy tickets from the same website. Crazy right?
What about Miami? Yeah, May 21st, I'll be there. I'm gonna be in O'Connor May 23rd. If you know, if you're in O'Connor and I'm saying it wrong, you know what I'm saying?
It's in Florida and I'm gonna be there and then Canadians. I'm coming to Canada. So watch out, every 10, I'm gonna smash. Hey everybody, Jason Ellis here, originally from Australia.
I moved here to be a professional skateboarder when I was 17 and now I'm going back to Australia to do comedy, Brisbane or Brisbane if you're American September 10th 11th September 11th I'm gonna be in Sydney September 12th in Melbourne if you're American Melbourne. But if you're Australian, I'm 8 Melbourne and then on the 14th, Perth, Maine, I met the guy that got eaten by 16 foot great wide there. Get your tickets out back in. That's not a word.
Australians, the Jason Ellis dot com. I'm coming home. Can you take me my word? Can you trust me?
Yeah, I give you my word. I will not bring anyone back into your home. I told you I wouldn't and I'm not going to be with Bing bunks. Catherine, what are you doing tonight?
Nice. What are you children doing? Nothing, Dad. God, I tell you what though.
I kind of liked it. It was like when you watched the Johnny Carson show and you're a kid and they come back from the break and the celebrity guests would have been having banter during the break. Yeah. It feels chummy in a Hollywood sort of.
I was incredibly rude. I was cutting him out. Ladies and gentlemen, my roommate and buddy Ian finance is here. Hey, everybody.
Somebody should be more excited about that. And then I have to be I'm a conservatory. I really hate when you're playing for the tears. Well, I'm not my friend.
I'm not associated with it whatsoever. And my cat wrecked her pants because he knew that she bought them from Beyonce. Good boy. Good boy.
She bought them for Beyonce. Okay, still good boy. But they're not even hers. They're rent the runway.
They're not. I got these I got these tailored for Beyonce concert. You know who you know what they look like? What?
Teller James. Something that Chanel West Coast would wear because of her new single I'm a little bit country, which is the worst song in the world ever made except it's not actually a song somebody else wrote it and it's a revival of another song that's from the 70s and she can't sing or dance or do anything the most untelented fuck knuckle that's ever lived. And she's on the show today. Chanel West Coast everybody.
Hey, who's Chanel West Coast? Why do you have an issue with her? Yeah, I like you. No, but I know what's really isn't a day.
I don't know. I want to go to a therapist to talk about it. Who is it? Is somebody that's denied you?
The cat looks like the same for the Chanel West Coast. I don't if you deny me, I like him all. Is that Chanel denied you? Is that true?
I deny you. You did not. I do not. How many times do you have to kick Ian out of your bed every night?
Never. It's a weird thing to say. He knows. I know if he's there.
It's the answer is no. Yeah. I just wait outside the door. Like I was like, he brings other girls and then they stand at my door and analyze my son or I can tell me that I'm going to die from sleep apnea.
Now I have a sleeping app and I go to all checked out and I don't have sleep apnea. So shut the fuck up. And stop watching what I do at night. I can't help it when I walk in at night.
It sounds like you're revving a chainsaw. Well, it's really. And I'm trying to make sweet love to my my my life. Random, random, random Bing Bong.
Yeah, it is. It is a good Bing Bong. Yeah. It's your hanging out.
Look at me going out with it for a minute. Wait a minute. It's the same one. You're not dating her.
You're not dating her. This is the same Bing Bong. You have a you have an album. Which Bing Bong are you talking about?
Those full drinks. No, no, no, no. Wait, another Bing Bong. It's a different Bing Bong.
Okay. Exactly. That was an international Bing Bong. That was an international Bing Bong.
This is an LA Bing Bong who you met. Yeah. And she's great. I'm not saying she's a bad person.
I'm just saying that you are not in a real relationship. I know. So don't talk about it. So that's my name.
I was saying what a Bing Bong is a Bing Bong is somebody that you sleep with from time to time. No, she's more than a Bing Bong. Yeah, it does sound like if you guys are standing outside Jason's door and talking about a snoring. You're not too busy enough in the bedroom.
Better finish up on the women. Go ahead. Does it sound like you're keeping her busy enough in the bedroom? She's got to go look for other activities.
Nice. That was our foreplay. Yeah. As I listen to this man snoring, you know, revved up.
Yeah, something else. Okay, you revved up because you can't do it. I I maybe some kind of link is less. My friend is the quite as I've ever heard you.
Yeah. I'll have you know, she's not a Bing Bong. Les Amos in LA. Did you just spill in?
Yeah, a little bit. Les Amos in LA. We hung out a bunch, one of a bunch of dates. It was amazing.
She visited New York. It was incredible. And then we hit a little bit of a speed bump. Sorry.
Was that funny? But now we're going to go for a walk tomorrow night and talk. Yeah. Right.
And so you'll have four more podcasts to talk about her on. And then it'll get too much and you'll dump her. Did you see somebody else in the time that you guys had a little bit of a bump in the road? She bumped me and then looking at answering the question.
Yes, because I hit the speed bump fell out of the car and I needed to be caught. Because you're not ready to settle down. I am ready to settle down. You're not.
I never ever be ready to settle down. That's not true. No, you'll never be. Thank you.
I got you. Thank you. She's a hater. She's a little bit peanut butter and jelly, I think.
She is a little bit peanut butter and jelly. She is a little bit peanut butter and jelly. I'm already settled down and neither of them. I'm already settled down and neither of you.
Neither of you. I'm sorry. You could be. Why?
Because he's old? No, because you were in a long term relationship. You have children. You're a wife at some point.
I'm capable. You're capable. And now that I'm sober and in the program and I have actually not had a run where I just plowed everybody, I did a thing where I was just like home by myself for a long period of time. This is no longer in control.
This is in control. And then I've tested it. The cat is the whole thing. No, no, no.
It's him. Rebel Bean tells me when I can have sex. He blocks it a lot. But I did have a girlfriend where I didn't cheat on it and we dated for over nine months.
That's incredible. And I didn't get close to it. And do you have a new gal now? Yeah, do.
Yeah. Wow. It's new. And I'm taking it very slow.
That's great. Very sensible with it. I'm happy for once again. I'm not interested in anybody else.
And I'm just like taking it easy. And that's really need to discuss about it. I'm done with that. And that's what I want.
And that's what I want to do to do that. You need to stop playing bing bongs in the meantime. I'm bing bong free. That's a lie.
I've got the bing bong patch. It's a lie. What are you talking about? I'm bing bong free.
If you meet a girl tonight at the Comedy Store, will you bang or not? No, I will not. Can you be honest with me on the show? Can you take me my word?
Can you trust me? Yeah, yeah. I give you my word. I will not bring anyone back into your home.
I told you I wouldn't. And I'm not going to be with bing bongs. Catherine, what are you doing tonight? I got a nice room at a place.
Sherman Oaks. We got a pool. I'm going to get my audience. That's a really good way to like me too.
I'm touching me. I'm not a bong. Bing bong gave me something I'm a dingo. No, I was sick last week.
So I got on antibiotics. You know, I'm taping down. Why are you on antibiotics? I keep having a.
Why are you having your mouth? She is her. I just have a tonsillitis. How'd you get that from the Lord?
The Lord does the Lord? Yes. How do you get tonsillitis from blowing the Lord, dude? You do.
Yeah, you can. The Lord does not. If you're looking up enough and you're praying, you're like, oh, wow. Isn't it like a young person thing?
Yeah, yeah. Which is the person she has. Well, you're old. Hey, how'd you get it?
I don't know. I feel like I get it every three months. I think it's just kind of I live with it. I got on a tonsillitis because I have bad allergies.
This is a thing, right? I have horrible allergies. You should probably more than I obviously hate you. Maybe.
No, actually, you know what it is. My career is going really well. So I'm in airplanes and hotel rooms all the time. Me too.
Yeah, bad allergies and then your nose gets stopped up so you start breathing through your mouth and a freaking window. I guess you could you could blame it on your success. Oh, you say it windows. Interesting.
I say, careers are going that well. Shut up, Homewood sweets. This is from Kato. K.
Right. You have the same swimming drugs on for the show. The fuck. I'm going to show you the show.
You don't even know what it is. Yeah, it's my friend's band missing link. Check them out. New York.
Are they all white in the band? This is this is Chicago. I'm pulling into that. This is when they played Chicago and this is Chicago Blackhawks.
So not everything's about racism. Catherine, we got it. You're like Beyonce. I'm trying to lead you into saying something racist.
Don't leave me. I'll go. Let's play. Let's not go.
I don't want to go. You know what? Nobody cares. I wanted to ask because I've never known.
So I wanted to come to the source. Not you. Jason. What is an aborigine?
An Aboriginal is a native Australian. He's a real Australian or she she can have a vagina. They are real Australians. Yeah, they're the first people.
But all the first people out of the first people. May I say everywhere is black first. Where the Aborigines in Australia prior to the British. So just being black.
Shane people were black American people black. That's why we can say the word. It was so good. Hey, but but I would be to North America like Native Americans.
You mean Americans? Yes, but you understand. Indians. Which one?
Casino or call center? Hey, now we're able to see we're all on one land and then the earth cracked into the island. Yeah. Yeah.
The Pangaea. So at one point it was just everybody was an Aboriginal. Right. Yeah.
It was not people in Pangaea days. I don't know. Pangaea is like. What could you say?
That was just um, Pangaea's when all the land masks together before it cracked up. People didn't get sent around the world because Pangaea's a continental drip. Continental drift happened and then people happened and then boats happened. Yeah, it was just Ray Romano as a as an elephant.
Ice. Ice age reference. Okay. You guys ever watched Ice Age?
Yeah. Wasn't that funny? It was so funny. Sid.
Now that I know I was good. John like was um, I was slumming in that. Which one was he? He's the one you talk to.
He said. Yeah. Okay. That's what I'm making.
Yeah. You kind of resembles. Sid a little bit. No, I don't think the little guy that's after the not the whole.
Oh, the squirrel. I'm just a squirt. I'm just a squirt. I'm gonna get a nut.
Yeah. And that's why you never settle down. Yeah. Cause you're not is slippery.
You know that old thing. You will. Yeah. You have to do what to.
Well, you're gonna have somebody and then you're gonna blow it and she's gonna break your heart and that's gonna make you wake up and realize. I just want someone to hold down and I want to hold down. You have enough pain. Dude, you love.
Here's the thing. You love you have eight black coffees a day and you have two packs of six a day. You love a quick hit and then and then when it makes you feel bad immediately afterwards, you go after another quick hit and then that makes you feel bad. You go after another quick hit.
It's a vicious. You feel bad and you do the same thing with your relationship. But here's what I want to do. You didn't hear what she said.
I heard no. You answer. You went straight. You already think you're about it.
Don't be mean before she finished her sentence. Take it in and accept it. This is actually an intervention. You're an addict.
I'll take it in, Daddy. Yeah. Don't talk like that to me. That's rude.
Stop. I really don't like that. Don't you're a fuck. I'm trying to use humor, dude.
Yeah. Swata way. That cat's cute. Where did you get that back?
That happened, man. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Where did you get those shoes?
It looks like you found them under an under My best friend Fred I've read farmer Fred cappuccus carpichoot. They're nice. They're nice slippers I don't mind that I like your fingernail polish. Thank you.
My friends shut up hat his daughter's painted my fingernails at Christmas So nails a Christmas, okay, and this so hasn't grown out enough yet put that face away Like a little British guy that lives in a garden What are they called your feet are better your feet look like The ring guys that try to find the ring the best. Oh Your bit how many you like profits, dude, I have long toes my toes That is a long talk what? There's small March doesn't doesn't a longer big toe mean that you have Like just a whole your whole nail of your long of your middle toe is longer than your big toe. Yeah means you're retarded Dude, that's disgusting.
Hey, I think when your toes got an extra knuckle. Hey, yeah, man Wherever they is gross dude, you're like half-jowah Yeah, let's get those back so we can focus on doing a show and not vomiting on our own laps As a lister's at home. This is a bit we are Ian's feet these you guys are back Well, I have to back in though these are not hobbit feet. These are good feet The toes are long I can pick up a tennis ball and throw them Oh that's all tennis ball Will someone on the internet look up what it means when you're big toes longer than your other toes there It's a sign of retarded something If his toes are on a dog you'd be like and Brett in reading has gone too far Yeah, Catherine has hands like he goes claws.
I do my hands are girls I have yeah, I have no cuz I come from a labor some family. I come from tobacco I'm from your hands. They're my skin is really wrinkly and thin. Yeah, they're like claws Looks like they should be attached to a foot and as a wing on it Bottom and then they really triangle What is it?
Tell us what it means if you're clits longer than your dick look that up what? Wait, huh? If you're her man, you have a longer Yeah, you don't have a dick. Why would you say look it up and let me know?
It's not a thing. How do you have a longer clip in a day every girl has a longer clip than a dick and you know dicks came from Clips yes, I know because I've had friends that it goes and takes us running in there little clits turns into a little Peepy. I love it. Yeah, have you seen the picture of the wrestler?
Who's that person who's the person and we look at a second? Greek toe no I've had several but I've seen a I've seen a Google image of I think she was a Female she's a wrestler and she she her glitch. They're so big. She pierced it It was like a tiny dick.
It had like the mushroom top Yeah, I have a couple friends that have been on it for over a decade and they have like a Like it's up some of them are a little bit bigger than micro painters So they're actually going a dick. It's very it's like man. This is I just keep I got a duck it and then I realize Nobody cares anymore. We can do it.
We want it's like a it is a pain It's hard when you blow them you blow them more like a boy than a girl wait what what it really? I'm stuck you suck like instead of licking it you suck it. What are you talking about? Trans men Bono lady and now man and been on tea forever a decade.
Uh-huh. They have like a pain to see Clitoris Scientifically speaking right does it kind of look like my big tail your mortons toe. Yeah, what's it mean? It's one toe is bigger than the other nothing.
No, there's I tried doesn't mean something it means something go down there People also what's it mean? It's like the higher risk for certain foot issues really and all it means and you're not there's no mythical meaning behind it You're more racist. Well, that's for sure. Well, yeah, so it's in my blood.
I can't help it It's your toes. It's it's called a royal toe. See go there. Okay.
It's called also a a Greek toe a royal toe Reason being it will toe is the third. Oh, well sometimes associate with nobility or an aristocratic foot because there's no scientific People can tell you why why because for whatever reason a lot of statues from ancient Roman and Greek days had the longer toe because they're Because I am tied to austerity I am tied to an esoteric force I am tied to nobility in history my feet were celebrated in the history of time and nobody's making statues with your fucking talons or your fucking, you know My what gorgeous face God you look you do it that you you look well in one of those fluffy white collars I thought you do especially that face and that one yeah, and that one Wow you cannot fight being stuck up Yeah, you do like a white fluffy from being like a white fluffy color right here and you had some little bitch dog on your lap Like that People because the insecurities that you carried by looking in the mirror I'm like the least talk down to other people person you know you have this nobody's face I've ever seen you your nose looks like a transcliff mine nose is built more You have your nose in a lot because it's good That's not pretty hot I mean you're pretty you have one of the worst noses Yeah Hair extensions Or at the end of it or yeah at the end of that you said whore yeah You honey your roots are showing anyway You can't have a extension because it's nothing to extend to right fucking Landing you want you have fucking cartoons all over your body your child because I'm a piece of art He is a piece of art and you're a piece of ass. Oh, I'm trying to take you know It's good. I regret that it's good.
I do like your nose. I do mean you're gonna nose I'm gonna stop but I will be getting when I start making money you guys will know That's right you when you're on here last time you're full of shit You don't like something about your something we're gonna get surgeries of some sort where I was like what are you talking about? I'm not the one with your face or your hair or what was it? I'm not gonna do something to a face where I was like why would you do something to your face?
I'm trying to face what's happening up. What was it? Yeah? What was it again?
You were gonna do I'm gonna take off my eyelids what upper blephin in them any I'm not sure it's called upper blephin I'm in the mini. Yeah, I know I ever put on I'm an enemy Yeah, this is these little subtle things you don't realize and you're like you've seen these 70 year olds that are really hot I just watch you when I take talk the other day I wish I could find her the who the seven year old that was really really I disagree how's it mine doing these days? I bet she's that David Bowie's widow. Oh, yeah, but that's yeah Jane Fonda so hot.
She's always been amazing for her. I know he's hot Susan Sarandon. Yeah, she's hot Hot too God I wish I could find him but when you do when plastic surgery's done well, and it's just subtle over time You know who's not hot? Pierce Bros.
Nint or piers Morgan. He is a double neck turkey. Mm-hmm Who's like who's the white-haired guy down at the very bottom? Yeah, he's over one who is that mean he's a pheroment?
He's he's like if I was a cave woman Everyone would be after him because she'd be like he is gonna breed well He was built to be Hellboy. He looks like the most quintessential Neanderthal. Yeah, it looks like the Thor of Neanderthals What's he Thor? Who's that blonde right there?
He was Hellboy. She's a baby. Look at his forehead. He looks like he was like he could take down a tiger Who is that?
She's famous. I know that's who Catherine wishes she was I will be one day The cat there looks like the guy on the right Blevver That's gonna be staying in my house tonight Can you tell he a train to trim his sideburn before I get to your house? Hey there honey, he's taught to be short. How are you honey?
You get to finish that cigarette. Oh good. Oh god. You sick of people Stupid everyone's dumb and gay that's gonna be my birthday car when it turns 70 I actually think that you will live a very long time.
Yeah, what's that a real old girl? She made like a hundred and twenty it's ice bike cigarettes every day a drink. Oh my god. Yeah, if I reach 90 I am fucking ripping shots.
Oh, I am really in I am fucking shooting. Yeah with you. I'm with you I'm with you. That's like if I when I get too old to take care of myself and my family or my kids will be in Old person's home.
I'm gonna tell my son I think my daughter will go for a tube I'd have to like be real clear with it, but like look you need to get me some heroin You know me like I need to be like I say I stayed sober for the last 50 years Mm-hmm make sure that I could be good for you guys Don't don't leave me in here with these people. Yeah, give me like give me obviously you're busy with your lives and your kids Or whatever it is you're doing with your life I don't expect you to come and see me every day so because unless you want to see me every day and spend quality time You're gonna you need to give me drugs. That's what I say to people now Unless you want to spend quality time with me give me drugs Let's hold off on that. Why?
I don't want to go to hospice. I don't want to go to an old person's home I live like that. Well, they do have sex with other old people and that doesn't sound that bad All that I was I think of it I'm old I will slay the old people house like I will I'll be in there. No, but if I'm there I'll make them I'm the one of those guys that makes the most of it when it comes to push No, but when you rather just do 10 days in a house in Malibu looking at looking at the beach and Somebody younger and like I like to be positive right now anyway And I think that like that she will be my last relationship and I'll die in the house with her because she'll live way Yeah, so I'm saying don't do Yeah, do 10 days in Hawaii, you know, it'd be cool and remember the Sunshine Comedy Festival If we all retired to a hotel complex like that that was cool.
Yeah with everyone's friends in different little apartments It'd be fun. It's a center congregating area. There's right by a beach. That'd be cool But you're watching all of your friends disintegrate.
Yeah, yeah, but you're high so it's not so bad Everyone's high everyone's fucked up. It's a skateboard by you just go to the courtyard and every day you watch one more friend Die in front of you. Okay smoking. I put him in my doobie.
What am I one of my good friends? We used to say a mansion next to each other and make underground caves so that we could go there We would call that rid of this cove and we'd go down to a like a lake where we would all hang out and do drugs secretly behind our wives back That sounds fun or just because I don't know they were not gonna let us Which is understand even in your fantasy life, you know that you're marrying a materialistic thing bum. Yeah, yes Ring the bell, you know, it's great that that is that slapped me in the face so hard last night last night. Yeah, well, I was like No one that I've been with has really loved me Second but I was like you're not You know you're with somebody that loves you enough to care for you that doesn't want you to do drugs because they love you You don't hide it from them.
Okay, I'm lying one person did love me, but I didn't love them Mmm, what a stupid idiot might have you might have that might have I don't want to go. I don't want to go. No, I'm not racist I've got three black friends. I you might be right.
Yeah, but also I wasn't ready Well, cuz you're just you're just chasing love if they give you the love you're like well This is boring. I it because I grew up in a inner in a thing where I was trying to do that. Yeah, that's how I was raised Right to chase it. Yeah, if you get a lot too easy, it just kind of tells you you probably could have done a little better Yeah, you're bored with that you're addicted to the You're addicted to chasing it.
Yeah, you're addicted to rejection. That is the best part. It really is I've been married for like 15 years. It is the best part.
Well, I'm chasing it. Yeah, the real I miss the thrill of the chase all the time Absolutely, you guys have your role play where you're like, oh, let's meet somewhere and pretend we don't know each other Oh, I'm just happy if we're both conscious at the end of the day. Oh, like that's sexy We're both still like alive and game. Yeah for a solid forty five I can lay in bed and hold hands like two otters so they don't float away.
I'll do a lot of that. That's cute You probably have TV shows you watch together. We're watching cheers currently. Oh Yes, isn't that cute look at those two otters in the middle others are cute, but also they're very angry Yeah, they are.
Yeah, the fur gives off vicious the fur gives off like love vibes But they're like really mean people mean spirited. Why are they mean again? I'm just making it up. Why are they I think they can't fuck you up Pretty easy.
There you go. That's like me. They have talents. Yeah, they're like And then and then when I'm with her I'll say I don't I don't want to love any otter Thank you.
Yeah And I hear you're a Jew now what yeah, it's that true. Yeah, it's so convenient that you just found out your Jew It's so no no I feel like I found out before it was like not good to be a Jew Wait, wait, when was it not good? It was not good to be right now like really 1940s Bad I've heard so I heard you know it'll happen. Let's get movies covered that but yeah, I always knew Mmm.
Thank you. Yeah, and I never judged you for it. Thank you. I'm also I'm also that's kind of big appeal.
Thank you You've just judged me for every single other thing about me, which is Can't blame me. You keep throwing it in my face. What am I throwing in your face? You know, it's funny Is it this morning?
I woke up and Jason I hugged each other for over 30 seconds. Yeah, you know that's too long He said he said I thought it's okay if you hug for 30 seconds It makes you feel like sort of endorphins or something. Yeah, and I counted to 30 and it was for a long time But we did it and I felt good and we were laughing and smiling and talking outside and then now that the cameras are rolling He's big mr. Bully.
I'm not a bully. I'm looking out for you like a side bitch. Yeah, really nice Yeah, and we're around like the family now and he's like get out of here whore and then when the family's gone He's like come here. Let me hug you for 30 seconds a little bit of tough love.
It's a little bit tough love I agree you don't and I look at listen. I apologize. Thank you hug for 30 seconds. There's something about you What?
It's about tough love coming your way, baby. What? I don't know it feels safe to unleash on you and it almost feels like you need it most of the time Well, I know I grew up an only child So I very much have like big brother little brother syndrome where I like just want to play all the time and like be you know like you do and Some would say that's nice. Yeah I get like child like wonderment always want to play.
Yeah Also, I was a long way I experienced irrevocable tragedy at a young age And I think I'm still stuck at that age in some ways. Yeah, well, they go. Okay. I feel like I can give you a 30 second hug right now Can we all hug or should we all sit on his laps?
That's weird. Yes, Katherine you forget You still feel it If you sit at me almost How did you find out your Jew I think people do it oh really just say you're a Jew stop That's what I didn't know disagree. I don't know I don't actually but I can't be racist to say he is a Jew Is that bad as it is Jewish well, you can be an Armenian and look look who cares You are a Chinese. No, it's it's not Chinaman if you say you're a I'm not gonna say Well, so saying a Jew is bad.
I didn't know why do it when I sneeze it's not bad Where's joke ever stop see Katherine on the road with more of that humor I Did you find out you are Jewish it took 23 me a couple years ago. Yeah, I'm Asian Really I could see some like Mongolian and like I could see you being a descendant of Genghis Khan Oh, thank you Conquer yeah, I definitely conquer One time I met a guy NFL guy smokes a lot of weed. What's your name Ricky Williams Ricky waves Michael and he does astrological charts and he said that I am a descendant like I died Obviously a long time ago and came back with reborn as me but before I was me I was a king and I was betrayed by my people and killed Why they betray you but because I had sex with someone's wife if I had to guess but you were the king you should be allowed yes But it was like I was with everybody's wife It's not really a betrayal. It's more like you had it coming.
Yeah, yeah, which that's why I'm okay with it Well, you a good king you know, you will well, yeah, yeah except for the having sex with everybody's wife But apart from that doesn't that guy keep your people online I don't get it. Well, do you see parallels with that in your life now? Stop touching me Yeah, what is this? This is like the touch train?
Okay, let's all touch up for 30 seconds and see if you feel better Made it Selly touch me. Oh, I got your skin touch skin touch skin touch skin Touching One two three four five the longest I've ever hands with a man seven five eight nine Nine ten I am touching you eleven. So 12. I'm waiting for the door fits 14.
I'm already feeling it 16 17 Eight like we go to morph into the power ranger monster. I think I might have twenty one if you repair power And we want to be what would you pay 24 the black Ranger 25 26 that one 27 28 29 Good oh I feel so much better now itchy. Yeah, oh, I feel so nice with everyone It does feel good. Yeah, I feel happy now You know, I'm sort of doing a stop listening to music or podcasts all the time and sit in quiet sometimes I will if you've ever done that constantly Can't have you ever experienced silence never I have been trying I've been listening to music that's not because I listen I like hardcore and punk all the time.
Yeah, I've been listening to like music. That's not that You gotta do you gotta do it. I see you. Yeah, what's up white people?
I don't get it music That's your car course more inclusive than any other type of music. I do push up. I won't stop my pants hurt Stop my car. Yeah, that's more like it.
No, do you know the lyrics when you listen to the song? You haven't heard it. That's where I got that. Well, that's actually just those renditions of stupid Maybe my car Changing for the worst I gotta keep a positive outlook Yeah, that's what that's pretty what you know, it is.
It's like everyone's a fucking victim It's like a little it's like a Tony Robbins No, it's David Goggins. Yeah, it's David Goggins is actually a guitar I don't want to hang out with David Goggins because every now and then I like I want to like Sit there and watch Netflix like I don't you know, I thought everybody loves him. Did you post that I do what? But I do like him for the cuz I think like the society with the like take this pill or like I know that I've done this And I'm gonna do it over and over again, but I'm mentally real quick.
Are you thinking of Walter? Yeah, I said that as a joke. Okay, please He's a comedian. Yeah, he's on the road to I Like you know, he wakes up every morning and he runs 14 miles and and then you know, he does these marathons and his feet are breaking down and cracking And I'm like but you're saying because you're running it's healthy But I'm like you're you're just ignoring every other aspect of your life your relationships.
You're not getting it You're not getting it is it's not a good idea to be David Goggins It's a good idea to take a piece of David David Goggins and put it in your life. Yes, everybody I think is like tired lazy. Oh, I can't be bothered I'm just gonna get a cheeseburger instead if you had a little bit of David Goggins where you're like no fat ass Yeah cheeseburger go for a run not for six hours not for two in the morning until like in the Sun comes out Just a little run every day you work at it. It's like I need a supplement.
I need no supplements You know you need fuckers in here. I'm meddling blew my ass get up and run off I take a other brain my brain works tell your brain that it's a weak bitch and it's time to go and it will fucking answer I'm old but I'm not I'll be the fuck out of everybody. Yeah, I told myself to like a secure man now Look, you're not supposed to take David Goggins balls deep. You just take the tip right is basically what you were saying Right the little little dick.
Yeah Take a little clip take a little clip take a day of David Goggins and get on with your day Don't deep there or just kiss a tip. I understand that but I go maybe we take a little bit of that and then maybe Here's another option. We go self-love here. We go.
Hey, why are we soothing with a cheeseburger? Let's dive into that and go. Why are we soothing? Do we really think chopping our tits off is gonna make us feel like a whole person?
No, yeah, exactly. Why don't keep the tits and have a beard he looks great Beard first and then the tits You go don't listen to David Goggins keep your tits go trans I do feel like a dad whose kid doesn't they want to transition? They're like Over a run good God see I think I see here's here's something I'm saying with love you come from a very good place But because you're Australian and like a fighter you're very like no I'm gonna scream and I don't make it better and it's like no no no what you're saying is good But don't be mean about it add a little love in there Which is what you have but you've worked for yourself to get through with like no you fucking pussy don't be a bitch And it's like that's nice and that works for you But for other people they need a little bit of a balance between Well, I'm gonna take a little bit of Jason I just so you know, I love love Every week's not a bad idea a little bit of Catherine I don't need I know you sleep in the foot of your bed Great with the cat To relate back to the music I think I had to go in a second where Will be your 10 minutes late, so that's your fault. Yeah, really I was here early So you want to be 10 minutes late to this podcast, but you'll show up on time to the other podcast I gotta change soon.
I see how I gotta change it eventually. I'm taking a little David Goggins. You're changing before you go to the other one I gotta change my ways. Yeah, well, I was here early you've been here in this the only place that will let you live in LA So you're just automatically here.
Are you recording an episode after this? Yeah, I don't stop David Goggins Mm-hmm. I'm gonna go get tested. Do you want to come you have eight's there?
You know I get tested every couple weeks because you're why you get tested because it's a responsible thing to do because you have sex with random dinghongs No, I have sex with people and I'm safe and a form of safe sex is getting tested and knowing your status Yeah, but that's exactly what I just said so I'm doing something to be safe But I'm saying my hands another angle. What is a bad about don't sleep with random dinghongs? It's the only thing you can get but Don't you have somewhere to be Back back to David Goggins thinking about my music alive. It does your David Goggins does a community He's a sick freak.
Yeah, but there's a piece of him that makes sense because we're weak. No, we're not as a society We are weak dude. Okay. I know you society in your week.
You have the boomer mentality and that's why we're all I posted a Friday and I was told that I was a boomer I was a big boomer as far as like my parents were so fine dude I won't get into it I finally figured out my mom passed from cancer But I figured out it was a lot because she was suppressing so much shit because she's a boomer mentality that they all have I suppress yes, you suppress. No, you got the wrong guy. Yeah. Thank you Michael.
You suppress as far as hell No, I'm this is I let it up. So now I'm gonna go More than Barbara Walters. Thank you and fuck you at the same time I love that I think the idea of going because something is hard. I'm gonna replace it with something else that's hard You guys are missing what I said both of you are I do not If there's little moments in your life where getting like being tough about it and getting up and being motivated is key to success It's not 24 seven as I said sometimes I like cookies and Netflix sometimes I go no I'm not going.
I'm just gonna rest sometimes. I say I love people sometimes I cry when I feel sad I let it out I'm in touch with my emotions I deal with stuff But sometimes when I'm tired and shit needs to be done I get up and I go that's why I have a Great Like I've done I'm great done a lot of great stuff. I'm a legend you are a legend. I get that so you've you've conquered so many different I don't appreciate that snicker when I said that I'm just saying they said I get it makes you uncomfortable Sometimes you go to look at my loser in literate bald moron fat and old.
Yeah, I'm not so I think ash Shredder one of the greatest humans ever lived. This is also factual. No, I laughed because I'm a country and I'm also a little bit rockin roll You got the comp right sir Left and rolled my eyes because I whenever people are like I'm great. I'm a legend I'm not it makes me roll my eyes and then when I looked over here.
I'm telling you the truth in my head I thought I wish I felt that way about myself. It's good and so that's what that was Yeah, it's awesome. It's okay. You get there.
But I am What a legend a little bit Belief that's the reason I said a little bit. I'm a legend where you get you my lawyer is legendary I am a fucking my lord my story the tale that I have told through my life the book of my life the chapters They just keep getting added on more volumes to the story of who I am it should be studied and passed out from generations It should be taught in schools breakable how to there is no breakable I am the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt finance There is no way that I will ever let life beat me down and that shows are my story my lore You're my legend. I'm not done because a legend never ends. Okay.
That was good. That last. It was very good God I Have against all odds I am I come from no culture no education no Nothing that you don't know I said this is where I came from though against all odds and yet above against all of that I can't I don't read well Yes, I still inspire people I'm nothing but I can still be something And I have fooled many and thousands all across the country Yeah, well you when you period always always maybe just saying those are roller-coaster of not quite getting there So I'm not there yet. Let me try again.
Let me try again. Let me try again. You did great You know anything about me. You know I came from the mud.
I came from the dirt I came from the gravel and guess what we paved it. We made it great We made it so the streets of my life went from having glass and dirty gutters to now. I'm kicking ass and sucking others Okay, that's right. Now show you how no go now.
You're just cutting wrestling problems. Yeah, okay, okay Yes, yeah, yes I grew up a weed and I turned into the fucking beautiful bouquet that you give your mother on Mother's Day Who cocky yeah cocky that you give your your dingbat on Valentine's Day Yeah, I have a bouquet you have sex with double horse No one in Delaware no one from Delaware has ever had sex with a dumb war before you're the free from nowhere Yeah, you can tuck your bread piece of shit. Fuck you You'll get banged on top of a poor part of fucking inbred bitch Not many people can do that okay, you'd be born with web motherfucking toes That was my toes come from Yes To see these idiots on the road go to their stupid websites Ian Friday on Stockholm. I'm in Philadelphia Charleston, South Carolina Atlanta, Georgia I'm coming to coma.
I don't know the other places you'll be on a party near you the Jason L's calm If you want to see my days, I don't need to bring it up with Canada and Australia look out If you want to see more Jason L show four shows a week live everybody the sorry patreon calm slash Ella's mate Tully Yes, there you go. Thanks You got you Safer Ontario means more police and prosecutors making sure my car doesn't get stolen It means building new jails to keep criminals behind bars and it means there's no need to worry when I play at the park We're making every corner of Ontario safer to make all of Ontario safer That's how we protect Ontario for all of us learn how it Ontario dot C a slash safer Ontario paid for by the government of Ontario