The West Coast Cowboy tour. If you want to see where I'm going to be, go to vjsonalis.com to see tour dates and where I'm going to be because I might be in your town. vjsonalis.com, do it. Go now.
Look at you. Sit out. I'm sorry. You spoke.
You know, you spoke 100 cigarettes a day at that getcha. You know, I disagree at the start of the show, but I've come around. Nick and team products do make you look really cool. Yeah.
Welcome to the show. It's great to be here. If you're just tuning in, which is highly likely because it just started cigarettes. A lot of people say they're bad for you.
And they're wrong. They're wrong. My guest today in roommate Ian Finances here to prove you wrong. Smoking is cool.
It's cool for sure because James Dean smoked, right? Yeah. He's dead. He didn't die by smoking.
Name a cool part because he famously died in a car crash. Everybody knows that. Maybe he was reaching for a cigarette. Oh.
They make you have preoccupied with stuff. By the people being thank you. Name a cool person that died from smoking. On the autopsy smoking.
David Lynch. No, huh? Yes. Like a week ago.
Yeah. And look how well. Isn't that cool though? David Lynch was very cool.
I don't know. He was. Are you serious? You don't know David Lynch?
No. Oh my god. You don't even have to like his movies. Go back to Australia.
Is it direct? Yeah. I don't really like directors. Eraserhead Twin Peaks.
Mahaland Drive. Yay. You are so lost. And you need to be fake.
Sweet bits off. You are out of control. God. No, I'm going to be honest.
Nobody say razorhead. Never watch Twin Peaks. I tried like five times. Never see it.
But every girl gets hot like this. OK, so sometimes you can make stuff that's debatably cool, but just be cool. Yeah. It's possible.
He's that. Can we get a picture of David? Like he's just fucking he's very, very, very cool. Yeah.
He's a tremendous hair. Probably out of the womb to the beginning. Look at that guy. That's David Lynch.
Dude, he's cool. He became best friends with Trent Reznor, lost highway. Come on. All right.
All right. Look at that guy with a look at that. Look at that. Look at that.
And then now show this. Now show this. He's like, look, this is how I died. What's cooler?
David Lynch or show Jason? Why don't I see him on the screen? Are you showing Jason? Yes.
I am. How come I don't see him on the screen? I'm cool with him. Because we see the stuff that's on the screen, but people who are watching this are amazing.
But are also seeing stuff that's on cameras. Can you do it side by side of David Lynch smoking a cigarette and then Jason with a naked cat on his shoulder? I'm cooler. Rumblebee and he's way better for your health.
David Lynch made lost highway and Jason has just lost. He's just high by side, but I can do this. I am. That's so cool.
I love you, Rumblebee, but this is Christ. I love all my cats do that. Dude, my cat's the Amsterdam's and I go give me a kiss and goes and puts his head up on my face. Oh, I miss him.
Yep. We love animals here. We love life. I love life molding in cuisine.
Obviously, once a dog sees some of his packets today, each of their own. And I'm walking to a suicide chamber yesterday. I don't want to get into it. I have naked.
Look, it's my house. You're wearing underwear. That's not any heat on. He turned it into some sort of homemade sauna.
I have haylist cats and they enjoy the heater. Dude, I was sweating. I came into my friends the second I got in. Hey, Brianna, pop your boobs on the screen or else I'm reading out your address.
That's funny. Guys, call Brianna six. Daddy. That's my dick.
I wish. She says that. If Brianna had a dick, I would move here for her. It's literally the only thing stopping her from being a perfect woman.
Oh, my god. Yeah, really. Good guy. I love girls.
All right. Do you have a penis that's just an added bonus? Do you love trans guys? No.
Because I like feminine. And all trans guys are, you know, they look like they work at, you know, a UPS fact. That's not true. What?
Are there a lot of trans guys? That's like what that's like that's like what they would say. It's the weird thing for you to be by and to not have experienced all different kinds of trans men and women. Because I mean, it's like a clueless man.
Like a feminist man. I like a feminist man. You're not listening. You're not listening.
You're not listening. I'm talking. You're not listening. Go on.
There are trans men that are, and they might not like it, but they're very feminine with manly touches, like Conor McGregor. I've been with non-binary women. Right. Yeah.
Okay. That's like that are like more masculine and that's fine. I have a trans man friend who has really long legs and a really nice butt. They're in flat, very long.
Really? Yeah. And they're cute. All the ones I meet look like they're managers at a chevron and their names are like.
Yeah, but you're generalizing. I mean, it's just what I'm trying to get to that. Like you're doing the thing that normal white dudes do where they generalize everybody and make it one thing or the other. And it's like you haven't sailed the seven seas, so to speak.
Well, I've sailed 69 of them. And I'll say that if I met a trans dude that I vied with, I wouldn't be opposed to it. That's all I'm saying. All the ones I've ever had access to are like very like manly presenting.
I don't like when I go for men. I don't like manly presenting. Me was too. Don't shut up.
I can shut up. I cannot shut up. It's true. I don't even look at this show.
Nobody cares. Nobody cares. I mean, because crap what happens on this thing anymore. I can be gay tomorrow and fucking trans tomorrow.
Nobody can give a shit. My life by myself. I'm by myself. I can get anybody to come over here and blow me.
I don't want to do it with dudes. That's just what's really happening in my fucking mind. All right. I don't know why anybody has a doubt me.
I don't care. Then why did when I walked into the house like tonight at 2am, there was a note on the door that said your bedroom door doesn't lock. It's kind of odd. So you can't say stuff like that because some people are very gullible.
Like speaking of gullible, he literally doesn't know what he cares. I can be gay or trans tomorrow. Nobody cares. There's a note on the door that said sleep.
You gotta stop. You gotta stop. You gotta stop putting me in it. I'm not gay or bi.
That's fine. I'm happy for you. Yeah. And you know I am.
I'm just not I'm not and I don't like it. It makes me almost mad. I have to correct myself. I don't I don't like when people mess it me go.
Hey, what's up? I'm like no. And then like seriously I'm like, okay, what is fucking no me dude. I mean, dude.
It's just a tran- shut the fuck up. You understand that there was a phase where you were engaging in that type of behavior and like stuff and that's fine, but people are still gonna make assumptions. I also had sex on my fucking camera with everyone. Yeah.
And now I can't think of anything worse than what? Then that, if you're a dude and you touch me, I'm- I have control- I'm staring directly into your cat's ass. I will punch you in the fucking head. I hate it.
Well listen, I saw this video, right? Oh, smoking's bad. Pop another nicotine thing in your mouth. That's bad.
No, they're not. The nicotine will hurt you. No, the nicotine will hurt you. No, the nicotine will hurt you.
Dr. Drupinsky. Dr. Drupinsky's a fraud.
No, he's not. He's a friend of the show. He's an actual doctor. Yeah, but he's- and I know health people and I know fitness people that say this is okay.
It's not bad. So then why are cigarettes bad? Because in your lungs and it's got other poisons in it. This is just nicotine.
It's natural. Tobacco. Tobacco is bad. Thank you, Michael, for having an education.
Do I put this in my mouth? You live with your lower- Is this one of your own- No, no, that's the whole one. Oh, wow. I wouldn't be your first used patch.
I definitely wasn't. Now how do I work this? Look. You go.
But I have- I have- Oh my God. You have- Spina Biffy, like what do you have? Just put it in. God, give me the back.
Put it in. Do I put it in the side of my mouth? No, down the front right here as I showed you. But I have low gums.
I have receding gums. Put it lower. Your hairline is matching your gums, son. PSX products.
These guys send them to me. Here's a sweet thing. It's just not fun. It's just like you're Pizza.
It's spins and everyone gets to deal with gas stations, and the zen sucks. Do I swap out? But there's the only one you can gain. Jesus.
Jesus. No, he's asking if he swallows it. No, the juice. Yes, he swallows juice, yeah.
But that's gonna make me sick. No, it's not the one you put in a baseball game that gives you chin cancer. But that's the fun of- That's the one that's bad. That's the things you like.
Change my head stuff. Anyway, these are PSX, check him out. You're PSX? Everyone.
That's what I said. I said PSX. It's like three letters. Yes.
Well, I'm my mum fuck the dingo. Yeah, but listen, I saw this thing on TikTok. This is how gullible the world is, including myself, I'm not trying to say I'm smarter. I'm definitely as dumb as everybody else.
I saw this thing where a lady goes, did you know that eyelashes were invented by a prostitute in London in 18 something like 1884? And do you know what she called them? It tastes like you. She called them, cumbrellas.
And I was like, oh, it makes total sense. It does? No, I'm being honest. I'm being honest.
No, it doesn't, Michael, because I'm pretty sure in the 1800s, no one took clothes to the face. That's like a 90s 2000 thing. I don't even know if they called it come. I don't know when or why we started calling it come.
Right. Yeah. I think that's horrible. Yeah.
So I go, wow, and I start writing a joke about it. And I go, you know what? Let me check for sure. Wow.
I'm doing a slow clap. Look at you. Spit it out. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. You're not. You smoke. You smoke 100 cigarettes a day in that kitchen.
I just agreed at the start of the show, but I've come around. Nick and team products do make you look really cool here. Ha ha ha ha. You look like a badass right now.
I'm like James Dean. Yeah. I'm like James Dean. It's you got to make it adjustments.
So yeah, Michael, please give me this like I'm stuck in the app and very often. The word calm is on record as originating in the 1920s. Right. Which this is 30 years before 40.
Do the math. Read between the lines. So anyway, now it says calm is attested from 1650 in walking in a metal green. It says 16 with its sexual sex.
As it says in the 60s. Oh, that was a verb. I would assume that it would have been a metaphorical like once why don't you come with me. Yeah, it says now like to me off.
Like are you going to come off anyway? Yes. Listen to this because I know stuff. This never happens.
Fairly. But I know this. Well, it was actually that's not true. And I the reason I came to the conclusion is not as good as your Michael, but I was like there's nobody just on the face in the 1800s.
Right. But it was actually in I believe it was 1902 or 1911. I can't remember. It's a big age difference.
It's a little far actually. It's not that far. It was invented by a lady Anna. Anna, I think Anna or something.
What? I believe it lashes or come. And she used actual hair and weaved it to the eyelashes. And then a man trademarked it.
I believe his name was Carl. And he trademarked it in 18. That's I think it's 18. No, sorry, 1911 because I can't get the dates right.
But then the people that made it famous was Marilyn Monroe. And who's another lady from back then? Gene Beaded. Gene Beaded.
No, it's Grace Kelly. Grace Kelly. Dude, Rumble Bean's not here. I would have thought.
I'll tell you. I would have thought it would have been like a Mae West. Like somebody from old, old movies. Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe made it famous because they started using it in movies because it made their eyes look really cool.
But yeah, Carl Nestler invented them. He's a hairstylist and an inventor. So that's how that happened. That says, and then so Carl did it and then Annie, Anna Taylor patented it in 1911.
And then they started. But Jason, it says right there, I last enhanced procedures as early as around 753 BC as short lashes were seen as a sign of aging. So it's like, what is real anymore? Wait, what?
Look at all this. It's telling us all these different things. It's not telling us definitively what's true or not. I would argue.
I'm talking about the Caucasian world. That if you're the Roman world is the Caucasian world. Oh, yeah, T.J. That once you have that in your head of, I don't know, it says lots of stuff.
Who knows anything anymore? Truth is dead. Was truth ever real? Like you're here.
All it takes is an extra second of reading that. What I see there is them saying various methods for trying to make eyelashes longer have been around since Roman times. We know even before that this particular method using these strips, this lady in 1902 did it. The cat and the Canadian guy took it first.
Cleopatra probably did it too, Michael. Right. And that's way before, right? People have probably been doing this longer than we could possibly now.
As I'm fond pointing out, when we say prehistoric, before like, you know, the mist of time, it's lots of prehistoric history is things that are written down. Lots of shit happened before human beings were able to write stuff down. We might have been doing it 40,000 years ago. Nobody had figured out how to chisel into a papyrus yet to mix the metaphor.
Somebody probably took a load to the face in the 1700s. I think a small number of people got incredibly freaky because there was so few things you could actually do. Think about how much time you spend, the average person spends on their phone. All that time used to be spent doing something else.
I reckon gays probably invented it. It's not out of the question. It's like a lot of black people invented stuff, but we erased that because of racist. That's not true.
Eracist? Eracism. It is true. What, like, what's something black people invented that we erased?
Electricity. It's not true. Black people didn't invent electricity. Black people didn't.
No, we didn't. You watch, you watch Black Twitter TikTok. And then when someone's like, we was kang, we were like, they were the kang. I might have been wrong.
I'm just guessing of electricity, but I know that a black dude invented a lot of shit. No, a black person invented a specific type of like, like, light ball, but actual... That's a good problem. Lewis Latimer made significant contributions to the development of the light bulb.
In particularly improving the carbon filament, making it more durable and practical. Yes. So that's important to note. He was...
He was an integral in the process. But he didn't invent electricity. Well, I wonder if he worked at the Edison Lab because Edison definitely took credit for a lot of stuff that happened because he had guys on the payroll. Like, Edison was a businessman.
He was a mover in his Shaker. I recently read about this. Like, he had a light bulb that would burn out in like 20 seconds. And so when he showed it to the press, he showed it to people for 15 seconds at a time.
And then was like, I'll get somebody to figure this out in a weaker too. Black eyed it. Yeah, and enter Lewis Latimer. Which is way more important.
And there were lots of different competing kinds of electricity. There was AC. There was DC. There was the filament.
There's this, that and the other thing. I don't know which one out. I don't know which one should have won out. He may have invented a type of light bulb.
It may have been the best one, but it may have just been one of the eight... So by the way, again, we could probably find this out by just an extra eight seconds of Googling could save so many of the problems that play our world right. It came on a lady with diving goggles on. You or her?
No. I'm not scared, but also fuck you. I want to call on someone's face wearing those Elton John glasses with the squeegee's windshield wife. Wouldn't that be fun?
Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was like a snorkel. Yeah.
This was that shoot you did? No. It was another time. Was it the same gear?
Off cam. Is there footage of this? I don't have it. Is there footage of you going down periscope?
I didn't say that, but that would have been better. Yeah. It was a vacation. Wow.
Well, that makes the context of that's important. I was thinking that you were just like... It was on the roof of Airbnb with three ladies. Oh my God.
Wow. Were you doing cocaine at that time? No. No, this wasn't that long ago.
I mean, very old. There's a lot of phases of jakes. Yeah. Yeah.
That was one of the last times I was cool. No, I'm cool. Never been cooler. I'm cool, dude.
I've got a lot of accolades. I've got a lot of stuff. I will give you all the money in my wallet right now if you can spell accolades. I don't want any money.
Money's not worth it. Cooler is better than rich. Yeah. That might be stupid, but I don't care.
When my landlord asked for rent, I put on sunglasses and go, isn't this enough? Yeah. That's cool. I see what you're saying.
Cooler is better than my girl. Look at those shoes. These are my house slippers. Yeah, dude.
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You know, Seal took a lady down deep down into the depths. Killed her.
Pretty cool, right? Yeah. Does this happen recently or like out back here or something? Ah, sorry, I take that.
Dude, you got to stop getting your news from TikTok. It's fun. You know what? Okay.
What if I get the news from television? Conor McGregor is in the Oval Office. Stop watching news. That's a great thing to know about.
What about Ted Cruz saying, look at this cool Tesla out front of the White House and then Elon Hitler over here going, ah, that's cool. And I'm like, you know what's not cool? People that aren't cool saying cool. You don't know what cool is.
If you're not cool and you say it's cool, it means it's not cool. It's not cool. That car's not cool. It's never been cool.
Ted Cruz is not cool. You can be a lot of things. I'm happy if you like him. I don't care.
But I'll tell you what he isn't cool. Let's read about that. None of the people are cool. I'm sick of people idolizing people because they're rich.
That's true. Be cool. You look, look, I like, you know, Bruce Lee was cool. It was rich.
Yeah, but before that, he was still cool. In my opinion. He was cool with the problem, but everything else he dushed. What?
What else? The other movie was in Socknaw. He was in other things. He was in other things.
He was shit. He was so handsome. He was not. Yes, he was.
Pop up a picture of Brandon Lee right now. I defy you not to come in a cool way. Who's your number one male celebrity crush all time? Dude, I don't really think I have one.
Brandon Lee seemed to be. Yeah, he's a celebrity. He's like a jaw. It's like a hexagon.
He's not like a person. He does. Wow. He looks like he's a cat.
And that guy, when I saw that gladiator documentary, that guy was the biggest douche out of all of them. Oh my God. He was such an idiot. I love that series.
He caught him with a kiwon. He put on shiny clothes and shoots you in the ass with tennis balls. Wow. Hey, let's watch the trailer for rapid fire because that looks like it's going to be a bit.
Okay, so I watched that. Let me tell you what it's happened to. Yes, it's really bad. I love bad movie.
He's girly. He runs like Steven Segal. That's actually a fun race. I would like to watch that.
That is one race Segal might be able to win these days. Yeah. Yes. Yes.
We're not. Do you watch the trailer? Volume on the podcast. No, we don't attach a TV to the podcast volume.
You can't have the volume on the podcast. So we just watch it. Oh, he's shooting. He will tell the people at home.
He's running. Oh, he ran under table. Kick it up. I'm going to do that.
I can easily run that motor. He's fake. He's a motorcycle through a glass. Wait, don't answer sketch.
That's a picture he drew. There's a black cop. I'm going to put it. He wasn't shredded.
He wasn't. He was a slam. He's like a trans man. I would date him if that was a trans man.
Dude, this is a cool movie. And he was not good at karate. Look at what's down. Different story.
You could not beat up both of you. I'll beat the shit out of you. The hubris you have. Absolutely shit.
I really think you beat up Bruce. I would not slap him. Show a video of Bruce Lee. Congratulations.
It's a movie. I'm in a movie where I beat up five guys at the same time. Why? Because it's a movie.
Hollywood is bull shit. Bruce Lee not in a movie. It's never had a real fight. When he got the thing where he had to have a kung fu fight to say that he could actually do kung fu to white people isn't true.
It didn't happen. He's a liar. Great actor. You have to do Bruce Lee's real fight with karate.
One inch punch is bullshit. You got to get your hand next to my chest to give me one inch punch. Listen up. It's fake.
That's fake. You dumbass. Look at his one inch punch. Yeah, get your hand near me.
I'll pull it off and shut up your ass. I could want it. You can't beat me up. Dude, you're like 130 pounds.
I appreciate you doing that. He was pretending. Bruce Lee is. Yeah.
I would pick him up and smash the dog shit out of him. Oh, it's a backhand punch. A backhand punch does not drop me. He would drop you with that backhand punch.
No, he put it. You're crazy. You got to be very watched. You didn't eat a punch.
I eat punches all the time. Dude, a lot more than he did. He would. Chuck Norris.
Different story. See I can admit it. Yes, it's Chuck Norris. Why?
Chuck Norris because he had real fights. He's a real fighter. He went to Brazil and learnt your Jitsuit. Really?
He did a lot of stuff. He had real fights. There's interviews with Chuck Norris. Look, I love Bruce.
But you got to be joking me. He said it in a way where he was trying to be very flattering and not real in his career or anything because he's a good guy. But the facts are asked people that really fight. He didn't really fight, bro.
Man. Stop it. Look, you know who's a really good fighter in movies? Jason Statham.
I would beat the living shit out of Jason Statham. That boxing on the heavy bag is a joke. Sidekick my ass. That's a slow, that's just not, it's not gonna work.
This is the real world. Things have changed. People know real stuff now. Like, Karate used to be like, people would do this in a street fight, and the other guy would go, whoa.
That's not a good move now. People know stuff. Look at the look on his face. I've never seen you look like that.
That's not sure. I look like that all the time. I believe he can convincingly look like a man possessed. Thank you, Michael.
Let me see it. I don't know, man. I don't know. Hey.
Hey. Hey. I do. It's okay.
I could beat up most people. I think Bruce Lee. I really care about it. But that also makes me cool.
I think Bruce Lee has already stayed there. Speaking of real fighters, there was one at the White House as we did. Yeah. Yeah.
What happened? Kind of a great one at the White House. What? He's a rapist.
I mean, why's he at the White House? Because that's where everybody hangs out. Like, B, women is at the mother ship. It's crazy how many people are kind of shitty.
kind of shitty that are in charge. Like it's a weird thing now, where it's just like, you know who we should get at the White House? Who's creditable? That's be kind of McGregor.
I'm like, wait, punch an old man, video of it. You're punching an old man in a bar. Not debatable. That's not debatable, right?
I can't remember all the things he's done. He threw the chair into the basket. He's done, he's uncooked, let's say, not all the time, but most of the time, he likes cocaine. I think most people who've done cocaine would recognize him to be a guy who occasionally likes it too.
Who's done more? Him or Lazoari? You know, like it's neck and neck right at this point. Sure.
Can we be fair? Let's on TV for the kids that grow up with evidence. And we have actual, we've seen actual scumbags in front of us take over, whereas before the scumbags are doing it behind closed doors and in suits. And now we've seen it with actual people on camera on footage with their own eyes.
And we're still like, well, whatever. Actually, I'll accept this because I saw a bunch of guys. So it's cooler than a guy that's a senator from Tennessee. Yeah, can you step down to my chair with your foot, come on down to me?
Yes, sorry, man. I'm being comfortable. Sorry. Come on, you'll see.
Well, I have a band of, I know. Did you? I do. I'm sorry, man.
My back really has been killing me lately. I think it's from all the flights. Oh, what? It's such a pussy.
Me? You back hurts from being on a plane. You know, I got hit by a car last year. Yeah, it was last year.
Have her already. What do you do to fish? Shake it off. When you get hurt.
I'm the fuck up. She's looking to it. You like that, Brianna? You don't have to suck your cock?
Jesus, Jesus. She says, is there, well, I went down and I got PRP therapy. Wait. You don't have to go down to get that.
No, I went down to Miami to get it. They said that if it doesn't take, then I'm going to have to get stem cells. And my back was fine. And recently I injured it against some of my health.
You know what effects? You know what effects? This is going to bum you out. But it's not.
This is true. It is shy. They tell you not to smoke when you get stem cells. You're supposed to eat a plant-based diet for like three months.