If No One Was Watching, What Would You Stop Doing Tomorrow

Trauma therapist Kristin Burrus and co-host Jen Anderson explore “performance mode”—the version of yourself shaped to meet others’ expectations—and what it costs to live there. They unpack how people pleasing often begins as an early survival strategy in unpredictable environments, then persists into adulthood as an automatic “audit life” of self-editing for approval. They name four common patterns: overcommitting, overexplaining boundaries, staying in outgrown roles, and saying yes out of guilt, and discuss how chronic performance can erode identity and make it hard to know what you want. They also describe what it looks like to step out of performance mode—slower, more deliberate responses, discomfort and pushback, and eventual relief—and offer three tools: the audit question, a 24-hour pause before commitments, and setting limits without explanations. The episode closes by revisiting the prompt, “If no one was watching, what would you stop doing tomorrow?” and asking what you’d start if you trusted you were enough.00:00 The No One Watching Question02:22 Meet the Hosts and Theme03:06 What Performance Mode Looks Like05:49 People Pleasing as Survival08:27 Four Patterns of Performing08:43 Overcommitting and Busyness10:16 Overexplaining Boundaries11:37 Outgrown Family Roles13:31 Guilt Driven Yeses15:30 Losing Your Sense of Self16:57 Stepping Out of Performance19:14 Three Tools to Practice19:22 Tool One Audit Question20:16 Tool Two 24 Hour Rule21:00 Tool Three Drop the Receipt22:02 Closing Questions and Wrap UpIf you enjoyed this episode, connect with your hosts, Kristen or Jen, you can find us at the links below!Email us at:  [email protected] more about Kristen here: Instagram : enlighten_servicesWebsite : www.kristenburrus.comFacebook : enlighten_services Learn more about Jen here: Website : https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/Facebook : @thankfulheartscoaching Instagram : @[email protected]