If we want children to be safer online, adults have to go first

When we talk about keeping children safe online, we often talk as if the responsibility sits mainly with them. They should log off. They should show restraint. They should manage what some of the most sophisticated behavioural technology ever created is designed to do: keep them scrolling.That’s a lot to ask of a developing brain.And what do they see us doing, as our children are watching us. I once asked a group of teenagers what they thought adults struggled with online. One girl said instantly, “You can’t stop checking your phones either.” She wasn’t being rude - she was just being honest.So part of creating a safer digital world starts with us. Not perfectly, not performatively, but visibly. Letting our children see us put our phones down at mealtimes. Letting them hear us say, “I think I’ve had enough online for today.” Letting them see that managing technology is something we are learning too, not something we expect them to magically master on their own.But this is important - safer internet use is not just a parenting issue. It’s a design issue. Platforms are built to capture attention, not protect wellbeing, and meaningful safety will only come when governments, regulators and tech companies are required to design differently. Real change happens when there is accountability, not just advice.In the meantime, we do what humans have always done in uncertain environments - we stay close to each other. Parents talk to parents. Schools talk to families. Communities agree shared approaches. Conversations stay open. Because a safer internet isn’t created by a single rule or a single app setting. It’s created through thousands of small, everyday interactions where adults and young people learn, together, how to live well in a digital world.And if we want our children to build healthier digital instincts, the most powerful place to begin is not with them - it’s with us.Thank you for pausing with me. Take care. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kimmccabe.substack.com/subscribe