If You Accidentally Became the Default Parent

If you’ve ever found yourself doing the “invisible work” of your home while also trying to keep everyone alive, fed, and emotionally okay… this episode is for you.This week, Meredith, Hannah, and Anna talk about what’s underneath “I’m fine, I’ve got it,” and why asking for help often feels harder than just doing the thing (even when we’re drowning).Holly is traveling this week, but we’ll be circling back soon to unpack what this season of travel has been like for her, with and without Iris.What we’re really talking about: asking for help in real lifeThis episode isn’t a “make a better chore chart” conversation. It’s about the lived experience of motherhood where:* your brain is carrying 47 tabs open* your body is overstimulated by the end of the day* resentment starts to feel like a pressure in your chest* and you can’t even find the words to say what you need… until you’re already past capacityWe talk about how to notice what’s happening sooner, how to ask more directly, and how to do it in a way that invites partnership instead of defensiveness.Here are the big themes we address.1. “Take responsibility for the help you need.”That sentence hit because it’s not about blaming anyone—it’s about recognizing: my system is overloaded, and I need to say so out loud.Not passive aggression. Not storming around. Not silently keeping score.Just the brave, honest moment of:“I feel like I’m carrying a lot. Can we talk about where we can shift things?”Anna referenced a really helpful Big Little Feelings Substack post that captures the “default parent” tension so well. Here’s the link.2. The “behind the sink” resentmentMeredith named something so many of us feel but don’t always know how to explain:Sometimes our partner is “helping”… but we’re still the CEO of the kitchen (or the parenting, laundry, decisions, etc.).And when you’re always the person behind the sink, it can start to feel like your home runs on your constant, unending effort.The need wasn’t “help more.” It was more specific:“I want you to step in and take the main task. I’ll be the support role for a minute.”That clarity changes everything.3. A reframe that actually helps: “It’s too much for both of us.”We said it plainly: parenting is a lot, even with two engaged adults.When you start from “we’re both carrying a lot,” the conversation becomes:* less accusatory* more collaborative* more honest about realityAnd it opens the door to solutions that feel sustainable instead of combative.A few scripts you can steal* Name it early (neutral + direct):“I’m starting to feel overloaded. Can we look at what’s on my plate today?”* Share impact (without blame):“When I’m doing dishes after bedtime every night, I’m exhausted and we lose our time together.”* Ask for one specific shift (not a full life overhaul):“Can you take nighttime dishes this week? I can’t do the kitchen one more time today.”* Make the work an expectation, not a favor:“This is what our family needs to run. Everyone has a role.”Have a friend who could use these scripts? Share the post.Use tools that remove guessworkFair Play cards (mentioned in the episode) can help you see what’s being carried—and decide who owns what based on capacity and what each person doesn’t mind doing (or even enjoys).It’s not about “perfectly equal.” It’s about “clear and agreed.”Consider outsourcing without shameSometimes the most loving solution is: stop trying to do it all with zero support.Meal help. Laundry help. A babysitter for two hours. A cleaner once a month. Even one recurring outsourced task can change the temperature of your whole home.BTS: We also discuss inviting your kids to help you.A gentle reminder we all neededSome seasons are temporary.Some tasks are forever.And both are easier when you stop trying to be the only functioning adult in the building.If you’re feeling resentful, overstimulated, or chronically behind, it might not mean you’re failing.It might mean you need help. (And you’re allowed to ask for it.)We want to hear from youIf you have:* a script that works in your house* a way you split responsibilities that actually stuck* a system that lowered your mental load* or a future topic you want us to coverSend it to us. We really do build episodes and resources from what you tell us.And if something in this episode hit close to home and you want support, you can book a coaching session with any of us.Today’s episode is sponsored by Pediped—shoes designed to support growing feet, and they’ve been awarded the Seal of Acceptance from the American Podiatric Medical Association.If you’re looking for kid shoes with more room for toes to move (and a better fit for real-life kid feet), check them out. Use code MOMREADY for 20% off your first order.Get Mom Ready is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free subscriber! Get full access to Get Mom Ready at www.getmomready.com/subscribe