If You Keep Asking “Is It Me?” You May Be Living With Coercive Control, with Carine Van Hee

Send us Fan Mail🛟 A Note Before You ListenThis episode contains honest discussion of emotional abuse, toxic relationships, mental manipulation, and the experience of leaving an abusive partner. Some parts may feel close to home, especially if you are currently in, or recently out of, a difficult relationship.If you find yourself overwhelmed at any point, please pause the episode. You are not alone, and you don't have to figure everything out today. Reaching out for support, even when you're still unsure of what you're going through, is one of the bravest things you can do.The helplines below are free, confidential, and available to anyone seeking clarity, safety, or someone to listen.International:Find a Helpline (every country): https://findahelpline.comInternational Association for Suicide Prevention: https://www.iasp.info/crisis-centres-helplinesIf you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services. Your safety matters more than any conversation, podcast, or post.That sickening loop of “Is it me?” can feel like a personality flaw, but it can also be your nervous system trying to tell you the truth. I sit down with artist, author, and advocate  Carine Van Hee  to name what so many people struggle to describe: emotional abuse that doesn’t leave bruises, yet still reshapes your mind, body, and sense of self. Carine’s work with the Family Justice Center Alliance and her book, *Is It Me? The Hidden System Behind Toxic Relationships*, bring language to experiences that are often dismissed as “complicated” or “just a rough patch.” We talk about why emotional and mental abuse is so hard to prove, how an abusive partner can look charming and credible in public while acting completely different at home, and why that “mask” causes friends, family, and even professionals to misread abuse as ordinary conflict. Carine explains the key distinction: conflict has equality and shared power, while abuse runs on imbalance, control, and fear. We also dig into the lived reality of the cycle of abuse, the push-pull of affection and cruelty, the exhaustion of tiptoeing, and how constant unpredictability can lead to trauma symptoms, including PTSD. If you’re still quiet about what’s happening, we discuss safer next steps: talking to someone trained in coercive control and narcissistic abuse, using local support centres or helplines where available, and taking extra care when planning to leave. If this conversation helps you put words to your experience, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find support sooner. Website: https://www.carinevanhee.com/Email: [email protected] Book: Is It Me? The Hidden System Behind Toxic RelationshipsTowards Wellness CoachingOffer: 25% off | Code: POD2026. Available internationally in paperback and eBook formats.Avita YogaFree Avita Yoga class and exclusive interview with Jeff: Know Your ConstitutionCouples Tantra ProgrammeUnlock Deeper Connection and Intimate Pleasure in Your Relationship.YouExGet 50% off the first 6 months of YouEx.ai!Immunology Diagnostics30% off of IMBXX. Code: Healthymind Get the test, insurance covers.Royal Oasis Psychotherapy InstituteFree for life, and no code needed. Download now, and start changing your life today!Friending, IncOffer: 15% off our coffee as stated above | Code: Podcast10 Find friends in real-life in a verifiedJumppoint ConsultingOffer: 30% Subscription | Join COO and author Chelsea Byers for her weekly newsletter.Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.Support the showWant to Be a Guest on Healthy Mind, Healthy Life? 👉  DM me on PodMatch 💬 Want to come on the show? Be a Guest 🌐 Explore the full network  | 📨 Newsletter | 👥 LinkedIn CommunityThis isn't self-help. It's self-honesty.💼 Sponsor Our Show | 🎬 Check Our Services📌 Disclaimer This episode is for educational and informational purposes only. Guest views are personal and do not represent the host or Healthy Mind by Avik™. The Network does not verify or endorse guest statements. Nothing here is medical, legal, financial, or professional advice, please consult a qualified professional. Engage critically. Third-party content referenced under fair use. Guests are responsible for their own statements. Concerns? Contact us | Full disclaimer.By listening, you accept this disclaimer in full.