Ilana Glazer

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman. Lily Padman.

Lily, Lily. Alana Glazer is our guest today. Funny gal. Funny gal.

She is a comedian, an actor, a writer, a producer, a director, an activist. Broad City. I mean, let's just start there. What a great show.

And The After Party, which I love. Rough Night, False Positive, The Planet Is Burning. She has a new movie out in theaters now called Babes. Pregnant from a one-night stand?

What happens next? I watched it. Very funny. Yeah, it's in theaters now.

It's getting like great, great reviews and stuff. Yes. This reminds me of just this intro. The other day, I was going to bed listening to a podcast, and I normally do sleep time at the end of episode, but I forgot and I fell asleep.

And when I woke up, it was us. Oh boy, what a nightmare. Us. I was so confused.

I was so, so confused. Oh my God. Well, please enjoy Alana Glazer. We are supported by Airbnb.

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He's an entrepreneur. He's an entrepreneur. He's an entrepreneur. Oh my gosh, thank you for having me.

Hi, how are you? Welcome. I've been doing this ad for years. That's so sweet.

I think the first run at you was Brooklyn. Bang on. Oh gosh. Four years ago.

Oh my gosh, that's crazy. Yeah. I kind of don't even remember. 2019, pre-pandemic.

You know, but I believe that I wasn't ready. You weren't ready. It always happens when it's supposed to happen. Agreed.

Five, one and a half. I do that. I'm five feet and a half inch. You're exactly one inch taller than me.

When we hugged, I was like, oh yeah, you're my... You fit. Perfectly fit. That was an incredible hug.

Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. How tall are you? Six, two and a half.

Yeah, and how's Kristen? Five, one. Okay, cool. But for you guys to say five, one and a half, I'm going to say five and a half.

We get it. For me to say six, two and a half, doesn't sound a little egregious. I think it's a life bit that's funny and worth keeping. Okay.

And you were born in 1987. Did I catch that correctly? Yes, love. Wow.

You don't think you're doing an intake form. And you've been married for six years. Did I get that correct? And we are year of the rabbit in the Chinese calendar.

Do I? I didn't. How old are you? Maybe that's the same.

57. 49. 1975. Wow, cool.

Wow, so maybe that explains the connection because on the surface, Monty and I are very different, but there's a rhythm. And it might be the rhythm of the rabbit. It honestly is that rabbit energy, which I'm already feeling already. Oh my gosh, we're all with my energy.

And I was like, let's go back. I'm like, hold on, put a pin. Okay, earmark's a big thing of ours. Exactly, earmark.

Where do you live currently? I live in Brooklyn, New York. Okay, because I watched an interview with you and you were in the backyard of an LA residence on Zoom and you were talking about how pleasant it was outside. And I thought, oh, did you get a place here or did you move here?

Were you here for an extended period of time? I was. When I was pregnant, I was filming the after party on Apple TV Plus by Lord Miller. He had them.

They're so delicious. They're just such good guys. Good guys meets good quality art. And no one smells.

It stinks, right? Not with them. They're so cute. And also the fact that there's two of them, it's not obnoxious because it's split between two people.

Yes, actually, wow. That's what I'm saying. It's just like, there's so much charisma there between the two of them. They're cute.

And they're that talented. Yeah, they're really cute. Yeah. Sorry.

Also, Curly and Straight. We got like, ready. Uh-huh. I mean, it's like cute.

Yeah. Wait, are you good friends with Darcy? Very good, very old friends with Darcy. She is so Darcy vibes.

Oh, yes. She is kinetic, magnetic. Never forget it. Really?

I'm trying to make that work, but it didn't play. Did it work? Did you guys meet at UCB? Oh, I love this question.

I'm always asking Dax this question. He always says the wrong answer about me. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's rough.

What do you say? Chinchilla. No, hold on. You are not representing me fairly at all.

Okay, tell your side of the story. Well, I have said a fox. You're clever. Oh, that's nice.

That's hot. Foxes are hot. Yeah, foxes are hot. I think maybe I made you say something.

I was like, can you say one that's positive? That's not insulting. But some of that debate landed on me saying that perhaps Monica was a sex chinchilla. Sex chinchilla?

It had to be sex. Is there any way you can say sex and then an animal is fine? No, no, no. It was like sex and then an animal.

I think you don't like it. I already know that. Yeah, I love it. I love it.

I love it. Okay. Tell me about it. You described Long Island as having white Long Island, Jewish Long Island, and then Italian Long Island.

And you were smack dab in Italian Long Island. And I want to know what that vibe was. So Long Island starts with Brooklyn. Consider New York City.

Queens. Consider New York City. Then really Long Island's two counties. Nassau and Suffolk.

Long Island is the experimental ground for the suburbs. The first suburbs were literally invented on Long Island. Really? Lovatown, it's called.

And it was like Army Barracks. And it's just this interesting look at what whiteness means. The city was segregated, but then you're all like mashed up and shit. And the suburbs, you could really separate people by redlining.

It was really first on Long Island. And Robert Moses, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. He got the L.E.

Yes, L.E. And he designed all this shit. He started in the cities. He invented projects.

And it was like, thanks, but what? And then he invented suburbs. Seriously. And so online in the two counties, Nassau and Suffolk.

Nassau today is very diverse, but still very segregated. Suffolk remains primarily white. Is that when the distal end of it for this from New York City? That's where the Hamptons are on the Forks, which the Hamptons are totally separate from Long Island.

It's almost only for Housewives to be filmed. It's a theme park. Yes. Okay.

Exactly. My introduction was Fitzgerald West Egg. And that's Nassau before real families moved out there, when wealthy people from the city would move further and further east for their beach towns. So my town, actually, St.

James, was a beach town during the 20s. Stanford White is a famous architect in New York, who his beach house was in my town, and then I did musical theater with his great grandson. How close to the water were you? 15-minute drive.

And were you there frequently? Is it a big part of childhood? Huge. So beautiful.

I love Long Island so much. It is so gorgeous. I think people are like, hold on a second. This is an ocean, and I can drink it.

It's fresh water. Crazy. Yeah. And I have a lot of pride in that.

I don't think I've ever been there, and I really want to. Because, you know, Kristen did one of my political messaging videos and talked about her love of her also home state in Michigan, and damn, did she sell it. I was like, shit, I want to go to Michigan, bitch. You got to go this summer.

Let's be fair. She could have probably put a really good spin on name shitty place. I'm too nervous to mention one now, but we all go to shitty places. I know.

That's that girl. So cute and likable. I also wanted to really quick say, so Jews are in Nassau. I was with Italians in Suffolk.

Italians have white people. Third, fourth, fifth generation, like white, European, like potato farmers, ancestors, and like truly mafia. That's what I've heard you say. Being in someone's house and being like, I think this is a mafia, yes.

Okay. And also being like, I had planned to sleep over. You would pull the cord. You would bounce.

I was shivering and sleeping back and being very uncomfortable. That was my vibe. I would go the other way. I'd be like, I feel so safe here.

The dad is a murderer. If shit goes down, he is well armed. We're gold. What year?

Is Sopranos on at this moment? That's got to be affecting your imagination of that. We didn't have HBO, so I hadn't seen Sopranos until the pandemic, but it definitely was bolstering a vibe. Yes.

This is a zeitgeist. You're going to be so mad at me, but I do have to stop and ask a very important question since you grew up at the beach. And you can answer this too, if you'd like. But it's a question that came up on things that show that we also have under our umbrella with Liz Plank.

And Liz thinks that everyone knows this piece of information, that when you get in water and you're on your period, your period stops. Did you know that? Yes. What?

You didn't know that? No. I'm so sorry. We are systematically kept from knowing our own bodies, so it's not on you.

Okay, thank you. I like that spin on it, but also I was sure that not very many people knew that. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that.

Okay. It makes sense, though. It does make sense. You don't want to track predators.

Gravity-wise. You don't want blood leaking out of you when you're in the ocean. It's not advisable. Yeah.

I mean, that's what they say. A shark can smell blood. Well, that's why it's like, be careful if you're on your period. Don't go near sharks.

And bears. And bears. That's true. The bears thing.

I'm like, for real. No, it's for real. And I'll tell you how I know. First movie I did was with Bart the Bear.

He wasn't the star, but he was in it. And they flew him down. You know, Bart the Bear is very famous. He's a big actor.

Truly. We're talking about an animal, a bear. I mean, Bart the Bear. Rabbit did a doc on Bart the Bear.

Great career and resume. He was in The Edge with Sir Anthony Hopkins. Many, many movies. Wait, a literal actor bear?

A 1,200-pound grizzly bear who performs in film and television. Several times. Oh, this is a bear who's ever a mess. The career would blow away almost any actor you would talk to.

Shit, bitch. And his trainer, Doug. I'm dying. Bart the Bear, because I love Coco, and we don't talk about Coco enough.

The gorilla? Yes. Okay, go on. Oh, this is like sickening appropriately, or am I sensitive?

I think you're sensitive. It's fine. Yeah, okay, okay. But he's the happiest bear.

Sometimes acting isn't all you think it is. Like, sometimes it's traveling in cages. Oh, it's so much worse than what you think it is, which is why I'm sickened. You'll also be happy to know that Bart regularly mauls the people that he works with.

So, if that helps you feel like the scales are everyone. Oh, no. Doug has 200 trainers with him, and they have scars everywhere on their face. You have to play Bart's trainer, you and Ike.

Like, come on. I was like, showing up. You think this is ill. Oh, I'm going to wow you right now.

The proof is in the pudding because Doug has no scars. The other two folks have scars galore. And they carry little baths. So, stop Bart's up.

But this is the speech Doug gave to us. He said, here are the rules when working around Bart. They must be followed. Number one, no one can be here on their period.

So, that's real. He will smell the blood, and he'll get very distracted by it. You can't even have a tampon in? He didn't specify about tampons.

Presumably maxi pads are a pass, because there's a lot of air exposure. Come to me, I don't know. The pheromones would get exposed. For sure.

Yeah, I don't think even with a tampon, you were saying, yeah. How does this are your present? For this. Scary.

Oh, I'm going to hit you with a knockout punch. Second rule, do not look Bart in the eyes. Well, duh. Third.

I'm chilled. Do not be scared around Bart. Okay, okay, sure. Fear makes Bart nervous.

Yeah, me too. Last rule number four. Bears make me nervous, Dax. Don't ever run away from Bart, because it'll trigger his predator instinct to chase.

My very first scene, well, any of our first scenes, with Bart, I'm standing. My back is to the bear. Seth and Matt can see the bear. I'm telling the story.

They're signaling me. Turn around. There's a bear behind you. I have to turn around in real life, look Bart directly in the eyes, scream at the top of my lung, scared, and then run away.

That was three of the four things you can't do is the first thing we shot. And as I ran away, I was waiting to just get fucking tackled by the bear. I don't like the intimacy between Doug and Bart. Oh, you think it's inappropriate?

It makes me uncomfortable. They love each other. For sure. I'm also like, does Bart have a checking account?

It's Doug's, right? Yes, I think Doug manages his money for him. But Bart is terrible at math. He would make a mess of his finances.

Ooh, ooh. Wow. Also, I don't think it's inappropriate, but I think it's a little worrisome for Doug, because it's like, what's the tiger guy? He's so not like that guy, though.

But what's that guy's name? The tiger guy. He's a guy who got killed by his tiger. No, he didn't get killed by his tiger.

Okay, he got killed. You're thinking of, you're thinking of Stigfried and Roy. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, we're thinking of a tiger king.

No, no, no. Joe Dodd, he got killed by a person. Yeah, not Joe. We lost him?

Are you joking? I'm not. Oh, I think famously the woman in the dock. I don't know.

I thought he was jail. He's alive. Oh, wow. Well, we gotta really take what you say with your name.

We're learning one time. I don't know if Long Island has two counties now. He's alive. He's kind of alive.

Okay, sorry. He's a version of the life. Sorry to the woman, mainly. To all women.

I was like, some woman killed him. Oh, of course you are. Okay, I want to know about a little Alana in elementary school in the Italian working class. You didn't answer if your parents were in insurance or finance, if I got that right or wrong?

So, my dad sells life insurance, and my mom doesn't work. She did telemarketing at night when I was a kid. What was she slinging? I don't know.

Have you ever done some telemarketing? I mean, I've done sales. Okay, where? At a company that we based my character's job on in Broad City.

It was called Lifebooker, and it was a weird pyramid scheme for spas. Oh, are you not selling these appointments? These are slow hours. Offer them on our website for cheaper.

We'll take a cut, and you'll fill that time. Instead of stand around. Why not just stand around? That was a closer.

It said it on the sheet. It was in triple bold. Also, it's like a little misogynist code. Instead of stand around all day.

To us, you fill that appointment. Were you a closer? I'm being serious. You must have been your personable.

Yeah, it was charming. Did you move product? A little. If it wasn't a good deal, I was like, I don't blame you.

It's hard for me to lie. I actually did that job with Abby Jacobson and Lucia on yellow. And Lucia got me the job. No way.

And I was actually selling whatever shitty appointments in L.A. And it was harder for me to grasp the vibe here. But probably less guilt. For sure.

You're like these fucking L.A. people. It's so far away that it was more distant. You need to be humanized.

All right, so I don't know where the finance came from, but the elementary school vibe. Did you go to public school? Yeah. What kid were you?

You were likable, I imagine? I was pretty this. I was funny, desperate to be funny, and really hoping to be like very anxious, and thus productive. Meaning you were a good student?

And more socially aware. Building relationships. Yeah, actually, my first grade teacher came to one of my shows on my tour in Seattle. And she was telling me how I used to, in first grade, organize the kids, and get everybody prepared for what was coming.

And it's so funny. My daughter does the same thing at preschool. Wow. Bizarrely.

She's a little boss. Yeah, and tells also the teachers what's going on. Someone's crying. She's just like, you know, helps people get their shoes on.

That's how I was, too. For me, I can't speak for her, but a little bit of trying to offer extra. Interesting. I'm not enough.

Sure. So you can't be left behind. You need to be needed. Uh-huh.

Oh, can I introduce Elliot? How much older? Four years older. My brother's five years older.

So I have a huge older brother syndrome. I want to be cool. I want to be worthy of hanging out with. And then I think that just invaded every aspect of my life.

Were you at all doing any of that? You adored him, right? Yeah, obsessed. And we played so much as kids and made a lot of comedy videos as kids.

And then when he was starting to go through puberty, I was so sad about the distance. I was like, bye. Oh, fuck. I really wanted to hang.

I hang with his friends. And I was also like, ooh, your friends. Tell me more. Your friends.

Yeah. But I also feel that I would act like the older sister, too. There was a comfort in being the second. The system had already been set up.

And so sometimes our roles would switch, too. Well, you're probably the same maturity level. And now looking back, I'm like, what? It wasn't that much.

No, no. It was dangerous, bitch. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like New York City. You don't remember what happened? Looking up with people. And it's like, you didn't have to do that.

You know? I wish I had stirred more shit as a kid. But I guess I didn't feel comfortable. And also, I went through puberty so young.

And girls do first. So we also were starting to go through puberty at the same time. It was so awkward. I just finished my tour and taped it.

One of my bits is like, I get titties at nine. Oh, really? Wow. And I was like, what the heck?

13 years old. And I was like, what do I do with these? Especially with the, should I just describe it? How do I act with these?

They're almost inherently naughty. And speaking of the culture on Long Island, it was a very aggressive culture. You mean like machismo? Yes.

And I got scary energy. Too early. I was scared. They drew attention to you in a way that you weren't understanding or comfortable with.

Yes. My parents also being Jewish. Your listeners should know your titties are actually out right now. I was just like, is there only one of these buttons?

I had more for the lower half to be. I was like, okay. But I have gone the other way. the best video segment they do wish we had a video just for that moment yeah i'm loving it all now but at the time oh but there weren't many jews we were a minority in my town and culturally we were too i'm just curious were the other kids aware that was there something visually were they able to identify you as other i mean i was a white person and there were people of color in my town that were minorities but it was my fro for sure my jew fro that i was like oh what do i do and i was like oh well i don't have a reference for like some 70 character my back hurts and my hair's curly truly so like just that but really more what it was culturally everybody else was so gendered the edges were soft and my family my brother's gay and he was gay and jews are also visibly queer the women are masculine the men are feminine and my parents are chill and they are who they are so i just didn't know what to do with it but yeah we were definitely going through puberty at the same time did boys like you middle school yes but it was scary and also i was only scared of my body i wasn't like this is cool and this feels good i was like this is so scary but it seemed like it was working for my male peers sure my body but you didn't like the attention i was confused i wasn't like hooking up as long as i was in michigan like kids were doing insane shit in junior high it started pretty early yes but i wasn't i just said this to my husband the other day i was like you know i remember in the commons of middle school this boy dan i didn't like him but he comes up to me i'm in sixth grade and he's like i just jerked off to you the other night whoa and i was like okay dan that's a lot whoa i don't know he didn't know what the fuck to do i don't know what he thought and yes it's violent but also it was y2k didn't you know what was ending i'm actually not shocked he said it to you as much as i'm shocked he would admit that in junior high i don't think dudes where i grew up admitted they even masturbated so much later well that's what i'm talking about with the cultural stuff where it was like yeah it was very way stricken off maybe it's already in a lot of movies because our age right maybe they were seeing people only it is comforting though as much as i'm sorry that was your experience it does remind me you can't win so like you had boobs you didn't want them some other girls like she would cut off her fucking pinky toe to have those boobs so now i've done so much therapy that i'm like what an interesting path of it i don't have a feeling about it but i used to be really fucking mad and i used to really mourn the loss of not hooking up i didn't really do it choicefully and enjoy it until senior year with a really nice boyfriend i was lucky enough to have i think that would be winning if i was taking pleasure in it honestly i didn't masturbate till later either i was scared as i grew up go get them titties i was rolling around all the time i loved it what a time to be alive and it's just a time to get to know yourself like that to me is winning either way if you're an ugly duckling but you're like you know what i am sexy i was so scared all around and i think no matter what your situation the way you can win is taking time and space and pleasure in yourself which i did not know how to do yeah the desire to have not been scared makes a ton of sense yeah but it would have changed your whole life that's why i'm like wouldn't you think yeah i'm not finding it now the pleasure in general in all different things wouldn't you think yeah okay when we get to high school what strata are we in what are the cliques are they generically the ones i think they are they're jocks and remote kids i guess there's jocks can a person say guido can a non-design person say that that's up to you to decide i'll tell you this i say guido all the time there are other white people you're a lot of other white people i call my wife a polack i mean if i can't fuck with the white people i'm gonna tap out the crowds the fucking guidos but like picture of jocks and cheerleaders and it's enormous three hours together and there's definitely emo like jizz stained jeggings that boys are wearing certainly being called the emo group jizz stained i think you can go for the fucking trans and driving there's like musical theater kids for sure us queer musical theater kids queer art kids real no i was a skateboarder punk rocker snowboarder but i read as a jock right do i trigger you as a jock at all isn't that jocky no no that was super antisocial to be into punk rock snowboarding and skateboarding and bmx those are alternative pursuits football it's baseball it's basketball you're only a jock if you get hazed so yeah there's typical groups like that and where were you in that you were in the queer theater group yes but i also had like a sort of main generally appealing somewhat good kids group ew i actually remember i was in this group called the positive edge dare had sunk into our brains and we were in an anti-drug group that then everybody ended up drinking and stuff on the trips and it was vaguely christian it was so off also like no overnight trips with teachers let's not do that let's not send teens with grown-ups anywhere remotely ever well that's a good question we were a very kind of agnostic family i think we went to church when we were with our grandparents and i would occasionally develop a friendship with a boy and then be like hey you want to come on my church's trip to the theme park i'm like i damn well i want to go to that theme park but i don't know about going to church so was that happening to you as a jewish girl i was honestly too creeped out by it all yeah i was not like trying to be a christian person at all me either i was trying to see the point i would do that at camp with jews and hebrew school i really loved because it was just sort of like a jewy ball-busting nature if you will you were really embracing it yeah and i was also always like annoying to the token jew to like present the jewish holidays or whatever and talk about the holocaust you were the masthead of the jew contingent school and also i had a core group of best friends who are still my best friends to this day and we get dinners in birth every month but we were really happiest before the high school group formed in eighth grade embracing the nerdiness before we had to try to be fucking cool again in high school we were so happy finding our nerdiness from sixth eighth grade we were hitting up in stride it's very rare for people to feel like you and i do which is if i could live a single year of my life over now we're gonna be seventh grade and that's rare i think most people don't like junior high eighth grade was good and sweet it's almost like when you see kids their baby selves they're so unconscious of how themselves they are and they are these little kids and then it's like a self-awareness so these cliffs of self-awareness it's the sweet spot between you have a bit of identity and then yet not too much also you have enough freedom to get in trouble yeah the boys i hung out with it was like we were doing this stevia stuff we were vandalizing things and throwing apples at cars and in high school it gets criminal it's like theft now everything just ratchets up yeah i also was the president of my class 11th and 12th grade which really feels related to comedy to me you know it's like i was in the ap classes but like a student not genuinely smart enough to be there but socially supposed to be there right and the president thing i remember tasting baked ziti for the prom that was just like my responsibility to choose a menu but it was the production it was social it was about talking to different people hoping they like me which is what fucking comedy is yeah yeah did you ever get to go and eat that sunday dinner at an italian friend's home oh yes constantly are you envious of that oh my god donna grisi her dad would eat these fresh pizzas literally the mustache everything yeah we are bring me in kiss my face i'm just like oh my god yeah so so good so they got that one figured out italians in that sunday dinner for 17 hours that day oh my god yeah so extended and it's beautiful kind of breezy actually the way she lives now among the family and everybody's helping out her brother i'm just like damn that looks good that's correct yeah it's tribal we were just in india and there's a weird parallel between the indians and the italians we figured out i think america is very unique in its individualism psychotic honestly it's a lot i don't know that when i go to england i'm like it's certainly not the italian right that's true that ranges england you've heard of it ever heard that for the first time did you say england england or england what did that england mean you're trying to see what it sounded like i'm trying to understand what you're i'm trying to understand what the cultural cadence was that you were trying to identify it's not a big passionate boisterous sunday family filled hell no no never been but hell no you know without going it's not i've never heard of it but it's not i love it i love it i love england my grandma harry used to get these giggle fits and we would all just like silently let them pass they're the best would she ever pee her pants it's possible okay because my mom was big and peeing her pants oh my god that's what you really knew you got her when she had to leave and go change herself so cute i love that can i say the funniest example of it of all what's your name love of my life she took me to a colonoscopy once here in la and so i go through the procedure and it's in one of these rooms but there's like 12 beds and the little sheets go around each bed you don't really have privacy and so i'm in one of the beds cornered off the sheet and my mom's 12 feet away and she's sitting on the bed i started on with a sheet around wait i'm sorry she has a sheet around her yeah she's sitting on one of those beds that you could close the sheet around just because it was your colonoscopy yes but we started on a bed where i changed into the outfit and got taken in there and then i got taken away and then brought back and they let my mom just hang in her weight on a different bed i don't even know she's in there i come out of anesthesia and the nurse says to me you may feel the urge to fart did they really say fart or did they say pass gas oh that's a good question i don't know that i know i just cannot imagine although they deal in farts man i might be completely over it so i say oh no i actually don't and she goes okay i'm gonna roll you on your side and i go oh okay and she rolls me on my side and then i farted for no joke maybe 30 seconds straight where i couldn't believe it and about 15 seconds into this fart i hear olora rev up the laughing giggles and now she's laughing so hard that i start laughing farts still going so now the fart is even like your grown son that's your son that is so cute like honestly little tushies used to wipe oh my god gallons of air out she peed herself on the bed so funny did you ever see the pee no she just told me okay i didn't know she was walking around with like a big i wouldn't have even looked in that yeah i don't know maybe it was visible i would never know it's like the best thing with my sister's boobs are no clue she could have monsters or none no idea i know i get that don't tell me i don't get that actually because i look at boobs how would you feel about knowing about your brother's penis size is that triggering like fine okay that's healthy yeah but it's like white noise right if i knew my brother's penis size i wouldn't register it as a real thing and also it's cute in that same way i'm like whatever we were in the bath it's not a dick it's not sexual it's like a part of my brother do you think any of this is at all predicted by the fact that you know he's gay and you know your brother's straight oh possibly does that change like the weird feeling about knowing about your brother's dick because you don't love the idea of your dick do you i don't love it i don't love it i don't like it but i love my brother and all parts of him and he has a penis yeah i feel that it becomes not sexual immediately just like your sister your sister's straight well that's interesting actually more that you need to not know yeah stay tuned for apartment if you dare okay 2005 you go to nyu yeah we have this in common i went as a job as well i went to college so that i could pursue comedy out here and my mom would pay my rent and so when you went to nyu you knew you were going to be pursuing this did that liberate you in the same way it did for me which is like i study anthropology i know there's no job in anthropology i just was interested in it so i had a freedom to just study whatever interests me is that how you approached it yes i mean there's a freedom in knowing my purpose but i definitely was also imprisoned in i gotta be doing this every night i was doing stand-up sketch improv every night i remember i study abroad and i was like nope i gotta do comedy i will fall behind you know i really was a c student but a good kid like i got into this general studies program i wasn't in tish i couldn't even get into the easiest school again because i went to public school truly so many kids go to private school and it's such a violent experience so many kids go there and learn true wealth for the first time it's so crazy and i was on so much financial aid and i was like what the fuck am i gonna do is the average student there loaded i mean it's hard to tell i think so because now it's eighty thousand dollars a year my brother went and he was on financial aid too but thirty thousand by the time i went four years later it was forty five thousand i was on it too and accruing student debt but i was like i'm gonna do this i catered and waitress and all that shit and did all my comedy what was the order of comedy what was first stand-up sketch or improv i kind of did it all i was just getting up every single night it's truly the class president thing i thought of it more as creatively networking not networking like i'm gonna get something from someone and extract some aspect but more i just knew this was special and a special time and special people and the people i've been waiting to be around was polar one of those people oh my god she was on snl and she was on parks but she was one of the four founders of the every citizen school that i was a student at that was how i got into improv i would see her do as cat and there was a cell close marathon oh yeah during that yeah it was really cool but who was around i'm thinking of the people who were just a couple years ahead of me like aubrey plaza and donald glover and pally and schwartz you're my age i also need to get it here though and it's that gen did you have eugene corte yeah eugene was one of my teachers bobby monahan was one of my coaches anthony tamenek pally was one of our coaches and i think he was like not wanting to coach us i love him who pally adam pally oh i cannot imagine him being responsible for yeah just giving like reluctant improv notes giving improv notes is just hard i couldn't do that i wasn't good at improv either i had trouble letting go into it and finding what came up i like sketch and stand up better more control yeah so abby and i were in a group you would audition to be a part of the ucb establishment and we just couldn't get in couldn't get in and finally we're like let's do something ourselves and when we started being broadcasted it was like oh my fucking god this is the thing we're supposed to be doing because it's that same class president thing organizing talking to people and creating your own system creating spreadsheets creating a production calendar which we didn't know that this was a production calendar we didn't know we were making a pr list and my brother and i really started in the scene together and he had his spreadsheet of blogs blogs used to be a thing that was really writing and producing and acting and directing doing the multi-hyphenate thing i felt like i was hitting in a pocket that was your lane whereas you weren't popping as an improv artist or making the herald team this had a combination of skills that you were built to do yeah how does polar come into this because now you're nice timeline syncs up a bit so i do a movie with arnett in 2006 i start going to ucb new york i'm hanging around that whole thing and so i know that vibe it was so intoxicating can i pause there for a second about intoxicating you know this was pre we all had razors and we're post nokia we're hard into the razor era but nobody's extracting presence from life people are still present and you can't capture every fucking moment or secretly record shit do you know tom power he's a canadian interviewer and he's 1987 too he's who you were in the backyard with yes his birthday's may yours is april yes and i'm wearing my kids headphones we discovered this thing of like this feels to me anyway like the last or raw the last scene right before prohibition you got the last no there's still scenes in new york people are doing great stuff and queer scenes are always necessary safe queer spaces and for queer people of color and black queer people but it feels like the last maybe broader scene of comedy it was just like this rock and roll period of crazy shit happening and also crazy shopping bad and good i'm not even saying it's better i'm so glad that some stuff that was happening isn't but it was intoxicating the thing that should be missed and mourned is that you could take a big swing on friday night you could learn real time that was over the line and then you come back the next night and then you could adjust and improve and do whatever there's a geological record of everything that's done now so i would imagine you're experimenting in a much more confined box than you used to but there was also no canceling there's no checking cancel culture i think it's kind of just fake too you think it's a moral panic i think cancel culture is people whining that they can't be as insulting as they used to be i don't think it's binary i think that's like left right i think currently the options on the table are binary if you're a far right conservative it's ruling the planet right now cancel culture and if you're on the very far left you're like it's not even a thing and that's not true and i think it is definitely in the middle of that because some people get like taken down and they disappear many people do and nor is it people are dropping in droves yeah right so i just right that's true i appreciate that but there was no checking at that time even can i argue though they're checking in that even in any given day there is a cultural appetite for certain things and people stepped over the line just simply it would bomb you would go too far and people like that's not funny there were still mores then there were still cultural norms you did go over the line and there was no laughs so even if you weren't checking yourself for some self-actualized goal you were trying to get laughs you were behind the scenes a little bit right i think i'm just realizing it's just like the comedy was different like in the ucb scene which was primarily white and primarily male i remember talking about watching bad boys and he's talking about it ironically and i remember being like what's the joke though also coming out of our teen years it was so fucking violent where were our girls at at that time amanda bynes and lindsey lohan and britney spears you know it's like starting to edge over the comedy at that time and jaylen was like i mean in one house that's mainstream so i think also what i'm talking about people weren't checked no the comedy was different at the time yeah absolutely at the groundlings what we did was i don't know if they still do this so there were pretty strict guidelines at the groundlings even when i was going through 1996 which is you couldn't play a different ethnicity that was off the table you could play other white people like a guido as we previously discussed yeah i love it there were words you couldn't say but once a year we had a show called taking out the trash and this is where everyone came and let it fucking rip and mind you it's a multicultural multi-gendered group and everyone's represented and it was vile hilarious and it's to blow all that carbon out and i just wonder not that that show should exist But I can't imagine it still exists.

But that was just an interesting approach to it. Yeah, it just feels so different. Even we used to have dirty a sketch show. And just like people's dicks on stage.

So many dicks in that time in comedy. Some that were cool, some that were not. And pussies. A girl took her tampon out on stage.

Right. I think at DCM, there was crazy shit that would go down. I do miss those spaces for darkness. Lolli.

Yeah, it looks like Halloween. You need a Halloween night in comedy. Well, also, it's just letting a pocket of your brain open for a second just because. Right.

You're human. You want to be brave enough to trust yourself that you're allowed to wander there and then come back. That's right. So I've never seen you do stand-up, I'm embarrassed to admit.

I'm so excited about my last hour and just tape it and finish this tour. And I can't wait for you to see it. What theater were you at? The Elgin and Winter Garden Theater in Toronto.

Oh, okay. And you don't have to be embarrassed. I'm not known for it. It's taken me a long time to get to this place right now where I'm taking so much pleasure in it that I enjoy sharing it this way.

Well, would you agree? We've just interviewed a series of stand-ups and there's a pretty well-held consensus that it's a decade-long experience. Now we're 18 years out from you first trying. And I would imagine you have a skill set now that probably is weirdly invigorating.

Also, to approach it more like a writer's room in a system and writing some jokes, talking about them with my husband, literally getting his pitches, trying them out, seeing what works, recording it, writing out what doesn't, getting a couple people together, pitching them, workshopping, going out. My husband, David, and my managers, who were like, take more people in, take more care. Approach it like a movie or a show you're creating. Yeah, I have more experience like a show I'm creating.

And then my coordinator, who pitched herself to be my tour manager, Madeline Kim, we just wrapped 52 shows over the course of 11 months. Always the default culture of anything in our world is so violent and narrow. And it was like, you've got to do weekends if you really want to be a road dog. I was like, weekends?

That's when I unraveled with my family. That's really going to fuck me up. And talked about it with my husband. He was like, do Thursdays and Fridays?

So instead of doing three months where I'm a monster, I did 11 months where I'm awesome. Yeah. And it was incredible. And with Madeline, too, editing and talking about it and getting her notes and at first being like, I don't know.

And then being like, what? You know what? Actually, I really love her taste and everything else. Opening my heart.

You're letting go of control. And you lack control, I think I've figured out. Yes. And also, control even who I am.

I'm in a place with my therapy. You just kind of watch who you are as it comes up. You don't even control who you fucking are. Right.

Right? You know, the thoughts come up. I think when you try to control who you are, it's not successful. Right.

More of what I observe is, oh, yeah, when you are a state of flow and you're you, it yields something. This version of you that's curated and crafted, isn't that appealing to anyone? But even this individualism thing, I mean, it's all ego. We're plants.

We're animals. We're not really me. I'm mostly patterns that I got from Long Island in the 90s. And a ton of genetics.

Ashkenazi Jews are always 100% Ashkenazi fucking Jews. A ton of dense Ashkenazi genetics. That sweet Ashkenazi scream. It's actually scary.

You don't control it. And giving up control of even who I think I am. And damn. Also, the pandemic.

I have an hour out on Amazon and I can't even watch it. I can't really watch Broad City, which I love so much. But it was like so painful. And it was part of this manic slew of getting so much stuff out after Broad City ended where it's like, no, I won't stop.

I won't stop. I won't stop. Then when the pandemic hit, I didn't do stand up for like a year or two. And that forced pause while doing more therapy than I ever had before.

And then the experience of getting pregnant and creating something without ever thinking about it. I've learned to take pleasure in a new way in the past few years. I've had so much fun. I feel truly on my knees, grateful to God for this experience.

So I did two shows. And the first night I was like, I got the words out. Because when people do stand up specials, they record a couple of nights or maybe more. And then they add it together.

Five second story. I know the lawyer of Richard Pryor. And he had signed this mega contract. And he came the first night in this really loud blue leather suit.

And they showed up the next night in a red leather suit. And I'm like, Richard, you might as well not do the show. We're not going to be able to. And I just thought what an incredible thing to show.

The opposite. And what if they were cutting me for? That's so funny and cute, too. That is cute.

But the second night I had so much talking to myself before shows because I was quite nervous this past year. But being like, I aim to take pleasure in this. Right, the process. Rather than being like, just have fun.

How does he have any credentials in judging your company? So he got his PhD in... Oh, is it a company? I don't know.

What he knows is molecular modeling of molecules when you look at diseases. So viruses and stuff. Yeah, proteins. Richard viruses.

Everything is made of proteins. That's right. Is he employed in this capacity? He has a biotech startup.

Okay, David. Okay, David. Okay, David. PhD.

Yeah, it's grueling. How did you guys meet? This is a lovely honor to you. Oh, my gosh.

We met in Washington Square Park. And it was like a horny, hazy New York Friday, the last Friday in June in 2012. Everyone's like, just looking up. Do it.

And I was on the East Catwalk, truly giving cruising energy. No, I was sitting. I was posted up. And it's just a gorgeous day.

You got coffee or anything? Handbag? Nothing. Crossword puzzle?

No, genuinely. Arms up, legs crossed, bike locked. Okay. And just staring at everybody.

That's all you have to do when you're a young woman is stare. But also, everybody's so fucking beautiful and glistening. And I'm looking up north toward the arch. Arc?

I don't know what people call it. And he walks from my left to right. And we immediately were like... Is there an age gap?

Same age? He's seven years older than me. Yes. Truly perfect.

Daddy. I can't be daddy. Okay, we reached that D. Okay, so he's walking left to right.

And we giggle. And we're like, what? And then he walks to us. And he turns around.

And I'm just staring like, yeah, bitch. And we take a second. And my heart stops. And he keeps walking.

He does it again. He turns around. And I'm like, no verbal. Energy is, yes, bitch.

Turns around a third time. Like, call me some threes. Truly three times. And then he leaps.

And I was like, what the fuck? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I'm like, literally, my heart is coming down.

I call my best friend empty. And I was like, holy shit. I just saw a really hot dude. What the fuck?

And what's up with you? We started chatting. And then eight minutes later, David returns. Walking right to left.

Comes back from the same place he had gone. He was finishing speech at NYU at the time. And he did to get a charger. And I was sort of testing faith a little bit.

And it was honestly good to just catch my breath. And then we chatted for 45 minutes. He stopped. And he said, do you have a charger?

No, he went to go get his charger. And then he re-approaches. And I was like, gotta go bitch, bite. Hang up.

Stood up and said hello. You stood up and said hello. Oh, you bastard. He had short hair at the time.

But I remember him just like tucking phantom hair on his ear. He used to do the motion of tucking, but there was nothing to tuck. And he said, hi. And I was like, oh my God.

I had just watched Ewan McGregor's Beginners. And David kind of looks like a Jewish Ewan McGregor. I was like, did anybody ever tell you you look like Ewan McGregor? I don't know what the fuck else is.

Great question, though. It sounds like just be quiet. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ewan McGregor's gorgeous.

It's true. If someone tells me I look like Ewan McGregor, I'm like, pop me your line and my score. Yeah. That's a great.

Okay, good. So then we chatted for 45 minutes. And then I was like, I gotta go babysit, dog. I gotta go make cashola, okay?