I’m annoyed... and it’s all my fault! Ep 82

Yo fam! Ever get into a place where you feel super annoyed at everyone and everything and yet, you know that you created all the problems and discomfort yourself!? Yep, that’s exactly where I’ve been hanging out lately. What’s even more annoying is that I know this intellectually and still find myself feeling backed into a corner where the only way out is to use. And don’t get it twisted, I did all the “backing” myself. No one pushed me into the corner or manipulated me into the corner... I backed myself into the corner. This morning I “used” self-pity, anger, and frustration towards my wife and in-laws because I had to get up earlier than I wanted to on my day off. Truth be told, this has nothing to do with having to get up or being inconvenienced and everything to do with what I have been doing lately for my recovery, mental health and spiritual health. As one of my sponsors would say, “I’ve been operating out of self-propulsion.” What he means by that is, I’ve been trying to manage my life using force, willpower, and subtle manipulation. Think, trying to push an elephant from behind, lol! One of my favorite lines in the big book talks about trying to “wrestle joy and satisfaction out of life.” That sounds about right! So what’s the solution? It’s always the same... do all the things that I know I must do to enrich my spiritual life. Prayer, meditation, talk to people that help me get a new perspective, read recovery literature and maybe even do Byron Katie’s 4 questions. When I blame others for how I feel... I lose. If you haven’t already I would love to hear from you in the form of a rating and review on apple podcasts or iTunes. If you think we’re great give us a five if you think we suck give us a one! Love you