I’m terrified of my wife’s emotions – how do I reach her without reacting emotionally myself?

In this dialogue, a man tells Barry Long he has spent years terrified of his wife’s emotions and of his own reactions – if, for instance, his questions come from intelligence or his angry self.Barry turns the question around: instead of asking what is wrong with her, the man must ask, “What am I doing to make you emotional?” Barry says no woman becomes emotional without a good reason from her point of view, often rooted in something painful she cannot yet face.“The question is, why is my wife emotional? Why is my partner emotional? That’s the question… What am I doing or not doing to make you emotional?”“Our way is always to accuse the other, you know, but my way is to advise people to say, 'What am I doing to make you unhappy or emotional?' … When there’s nothing for emotion to hit against, no resistance, the emotion starts to die…”True love means taking responsibility for the impact one has, asking sincerely, and then listening without defence, justification, or counterattack. When there is no resistance, emotion eventually dies down because it finds nothing to strike. Otherwise, mutual blame hardens into a growing wall of resentment between partners.#BarryLongAnswers#emotionalreaction #consciousrelationship  #manandwoman #listening ~This Q&A comes from the fifth of nine recordings in Barry Long’s 1996 LEICESTER talks, recorded on 20 July 1996. These and many other never-before-published recordings have been meticulously digitised only recently and are now available for listening in high quality. The complete 1996 LEICESTER series can be heard in two ways: through The Barry Long Podcast or  The Barry Long Archive.The full recording will be published here – https://open.spotify.com/show/34rcMFK6b4CcicY7JDxo9f – on the 5th of December, 2025. A direct link will be posted here when available.~A reading list on man–woman relationship:📃 The Purpose of Love – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/28/the-purpose-of-love📃 Love is not a doing – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/29/love-is-not-a-doing📃 Love brings all to life – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/30/love-brings-all-to-life📃 To love a woman – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/45/to-love-a-woman📃 What love wants – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/46/what-love-wants📃 My love of woman – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/74/my-love-of-woman📃 Love has a purpose – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/11/love-has-a-purpose📃 True love – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/19/true-love📃 Pure love, emotional love – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/21/pure-love-emotional-love📃 'No problem' partnership – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/106/no-problem-partnership📃 The wisdom of love – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/114/the-wisdom-of-love📃 Loving or leaving – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/172/loving-or-leaving📃 Original love – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/186/original-love📃 True Tantra – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/266/true-tantra~Barry Long Answers is a new, free podcast that invites listeners into the intimate dialogue of audience questions and the spiritual master’s answer. These exchanges provide universal guidance to a range of everyday issues concerning man and woman. Each episode begins with a direct question put to Barry and his uncompromising response.  The series draws from the Barry Long Archive, a repository of over 20 years of Barry Long’s teachings.