Integration

I have been sitting with the word and energetic of integration.The last three years for me have been hugely transformative. I wish I had a word with even more gravity to describe it, because transformative doesn’t really hit the spot. Metamorphosed.Revolutionized.Completely and totally remade, may be more accurate.I was pregnant twice and birthed, completely naturally and in my power, two babies.I became a mother for the first time.I became a mother of two. I was in one the deepest feminine containers that exists with my teacher Perri Chase and fifteen other women for over two years exploring our individual medicine and what we came into this lifetime to serve. There was a global pandemic. These are just the highest level changes. I could list pages and pages of smaller but no less monumental changes in my life. These changes are gifts. Every single one. It was three years of me learning to turn toward Truth [the resonance of Truth, not the mental idea of truth] and say, “I trust you. I will follow you. I am willing.” It was three years of me taking off layer after layer of egoic identities to feel what was underneath. This past few months there have been a lot of endings as well. The container I was in with Perri Chase ended and we all graduated. I will continue to be engaged and present in her community but this particular container and iteration is over. The yoga studio, Our Yoga, that held me through both pregnancies, postpartums and provided deeply needed community for me as a new mom in the middle of a pandemic closed their doors. I signed away my doTERRA account. Meaning, I do not have any ties to the company of doTERRA anymore and do not collect commission or any money from it. I didn’t write much about this process or ending previously, but I’m sure a lot of you reading this knew or got to know me in that phase of my business and life. doTERRA is just no longer true for me, and it really is that simple. My gifts are being called to be used elsewhere. My insomnia has largely dissipated. My youngest, Maya, is about 1.5 years old and I can feel weaning coming in the next six months or so and even now, she nurses only about three times a day. This is a huge ending of my body being entwined and constantly connected to my baby’s body and the slow transition to my body being entirely mine again.With all these endings hovering around the end of the calendar year I feel ripe and ready for the next level and the next phase. This is where, before all this transformation, I would have rushed. I would have tried to bulldoze and run to the next level. I would have powered through to the next level. But, what’s required for actually moving into the next level sustainably is a period of integration. To do the work of transformation we have to take things apart.We have to unpack. We have to disidentify and separate. To clean out the closet we have to pull all its contents onto the floor. We have to go through everything and decide what we want to keep and what we want to give or throw away.Then we need to put the things we want to keep back in the closet. Hopefully, in a more beautiful, organized, and accessible way. This is integration; taking the time to intentionally put the pieces back together in a new and more true way.Allowing yourself to come back together as a whole new being.Then we need to take ourselves for a spin in the world. How do we feel as this new being? How does this new being react to this or that type of situation? What does this being value? We have to be willing to get back out there and get dirty. Maybe the new organization of the closet doesn’t actually work that well and we have to reorganize a specific corner. This is integration as well. It’s having patience with this process and approval for the mistakes we have to make as we go. And so that’s where I am right now. Allowing myself to be awkward and under-devloped in certain places that are new for me. Allowing myself to feel raw and exposed in certain places and loving myself through it. Part of this new integration of Clara is that I love myself in the all places I am and this changes my entire experience of life. My wounded little one gets lots and lots of space and love, in all conditions. I do not brush her away or dismiss her. I listen to her, just like I would listen to my toddler Alma if she was crying out for me; down on one knee, direct eye contact and my full attention. As I parent myself better, I find myself being a better parent.Which really shows me how true it is that the way we become more attuned and compassionate humans isn’t really about what we do or don’t do, it’s about how we tend to the parts of us screaming for our own attention. Integration is about how we take what we’ve learned through our lived experience and put it into practice in our lives and actually embody the lessons we’ve learned.Integration is a piece so many people want to skip over, but you can’t skip it if you want your life to change.It’s the final piece to how transformation actually solidifies into tangible and real change. Ways to Work with Me: * I have a few spaces for 1:1 Alchemical Journeys available. These are a one year minimum and a big energetic and financial investment in yourself and your transformation and integration. These are for people going through big changes (motherhood, death, divorce, spiritual awakening) in life and needing some guidance, teaching, and doula-ing into their next level. * The next round of FED will be starting end of January 2023. This is a 6 month group container where we explore deep feminine nourishment together. This container brings in my gifts around nutrition, female physiology, hormone balance, minerals as well as exploring how to feed and nourish yourself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.If you feel called to either of these please just reach out to me and we’ll get on a zoom to explore the details and make sure it’s a good fit. Clara Belize Wisner is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit clarabelize.substack.com/subscribe