Is AGI Already here?

Google DeepMind wrote down the definition of AGI back in 2023 — five levels, from "Emerging" (ChatGPT) to "Superhuman" — and somehow nobody told us. So this week we read it, argue about where we actually are, and Chris grades coding at Level 4: 99th percentile of skilled adults ("how many people do you know who are a better programmer than Fable?" "I know zero"). Then the other half of the curve: MCPs get a postmortem ("a waste of time"), skills live on, and we ask when you last opened a text editor. Who does AI hurt first? The sycophancy era, AI psychosis, and the study that says AI lifts novices 34% and experts 0%. Two labs, two release philosophies: OpenAI ships Astra to government and critical infrastructure first, while GLM-5.3 ships open-ish with a security audit if you serve it at over $10M/yr. The Euro stablecoin we promised gets three minutes and a flush. And the finale: Jackson asked Fable to make him a million dollars, so it built an iPhone app for counting chicken eggs. 11 downloads, including his girlfriend. No reviews. No money. Perp of Fortune went 10× long SOL on Qwen3's advice — and the board closes +$6.71.Chapters: Cold open (0:00) · Goblin mode: Tyler's out (1:01) · Perp of Fortune: long SOL 10× (2:37) · Quick take: Fable 5.1 (4:12) · We found the definition of AGI (5:42) · MCPs are dead, skills live on (17:38) · Who AI hurts first (24:38) · Novices 34%, experts 0% (31:21) · Astra vs GLM-5.3 (35:03) · The Euro stablecoin (41:11) · The chicken egg app (44:44) · When it hits $6 (46:35) · Wrap + final P&L (51:45)The paper: Levels of AGI (Google DeepMind) https://arxiv.org/pdf/2311.02462 · Jackson's chicken egg app: https://jacksoncook.github.io/coopr/Recorded fully remote — two cameras, one live perp dashboard, one host asleep on the job. Our opinions are our own, not our employers'. NOT financial advice; Perp of Fortune is a small real-money account we run for entertainment. Glossary: Levels of AGI = DeepMind's 2023 framework, Level 1 Emerging (ChatGPT) through Level 5 Superhuman, graded per task; Chris grades coding Level 4 (99th percentile). Augmentative vs autonomous = does the system make you a super-skilled worker, or operate on its own. MCP = Model Context Protocol, 2025's tool-plumbing standard; verdict "a waste of time," skills stuck. AI psychosis = losing contact with tangible reality after a model keeps calling you a genius. The novice/expert study = Brynjolfsson's call-center research, ~34% lift for low performers, ~0 for the top. Astra = OpenAI's model, government and critical infrastructure first; GLM-5.3 = open-ish Chinese model, security audit above $10M/yr of serving revenue. Euro stablecoin = ~€300M issued vs hundreds of billions in dollar stablecoins; flushed. The chicken egg app = "make me a million dollars" → 12M US households with chickens → 11 downloads, $0; building is commoditized, distribution isn't. Perp of Fortune = 10× long SOL on Qwen3's FTX-trial thesis; +$6.71 (+6.3%), two green weeks in a row.Subscribe for next week: Tyler returns, CLARITY hits the Senate floor Sept 15, and secure enclaves — owed five episodes now.