Is Empathy Getting in the Way of Healthy Boundaries?

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!Chasing the reason someone hurt you can feel productive, but it often turns into a maze that drains your energy and delays the one thing that actually helps: a clear boundary. I’m sharing a short, practical mindset shift for anyone who keeps replaying a painful interaction and asking “Why would they do that?” especially when the pattern isn’t new. We start with a quick update on my upcoming book launch party in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, including what we’ve planned and why registering matters. Then we move into the heart of the mini episode: boundaries are not about control or punishment, they’re about curating what you want to have in your life. When empathy takes over, we can ignore our instincts, tolerate chronic hurt, and accept behavior from close relationships that we would never accept from a stranger. I break down why “why” is a question therapists often avoid, and how it can trap you in mind-reading and rumination. Instead, I offer a more grounded approach: when behavior is truly unusual in an otherwise safe relationship, ask “what is happening?” But when the hurt is chronic, the motive won’t fix it. That’s the moment to expect the expected, decide what you will allow, and shift how you interact, whether that means a new limit, a new expectation, or stepping away for your own wellbeing. Sign up for my BOOK LAUNCH PARTY on May 12, 2026 in Lancaster, PA at THIS LINKSupport the showBUY ME A COFFEE or SUPPORT ALFIE'S TREAT STASHLearn more about my book, Nature Knows: Grow and Thrive through the Wisdom of Plants HERE.Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at [email protected]. Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingvioletsFollow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!