Is It Ever OK to Say, “If you do XYZ, I’m gonna divorce you?”

I know we all can come out with some doozies in a rip-roarin' marital. However, one of the most important rules of fair fighting is: the threat of divorce is never on the table. Divorce: Unjust if In Jest? So this is a short episode because we are on holidays! But we wanted to leave you with a good tidbit to chew over. We've noticed a few different folks mentioning that their spouse threatened them with divorce, if they did or didn't do certain things. Now, we don't want to be too severe, but... This one is simply unacceptable. Marriage is a sacred, permanent covenant that should only ever be broken by the passing away of one's spouse. In the heat of an argument, some have thrown this question into the fray in a manipulative way as a scare tactic. That is never acceptable. But what is surprising is the number of folks we've heard recently using this as a passing remark. "Oh, if you ever went out in public dressed like that, I'd divorce you!" Is that OK to say? We say, "No!" Learn the Language of Distress Now we can certainly understand that there are some things we feel very strongly about. But to use the threat of divorce, even in a flippant way, is a small but unnecessary threat to the sanctity of the marriage bond. There are other ways of expressing distress. Instead of creating a threat, give your spouse a window into how strongly impacted you are (or might be) by their choice. Try, "If you ever went out in public dressed like that, I'd feel like I was with my grandmother instead of my wife. Please change!" Stop and Think So this is just us asking you to stop and think before you speak. Understand what is bothering you so severely. Frame that into a language your spouse can receive without feeling threatened, and language that opens up your heart to him or her. We hope you enjoyed this! Remember, we'd love to hear from you. Please leave us a review on iTunes or send us your comments or a question for a future episode to [email protected]. And thanks for putting up with our mini-episode while we enjoy a family holiday in the Black Hills of South Dakota!