Is Your Relationship Toxic? Or Touching a Wound?

In this episode, I sit down for a deeply honest and meaningful conversation about relationships with expert Jonathan Van Viegen. We explore how identity wounds, nervous system responses, and past experiences shape the way we show up in connection, conflict, and intimacy.Because the truth is…Most relationship struggles aren’t about communication.They’re about safety.1. Identity Wounds Shape How You LoveOne of the most powerful concepts we explore is this:You don’t just bring your personality into a relationship — you bring your wounds.These are the quiet beliefs formed early in life:I’m not enoughI’m too muchI’ll be abandonedI’m not chosenAnd without realizing it, these beliefs influence:how you reacthow you communicatehow you receive love2. Why Conflict Feels So IntenseConflict isn’t just about the moment.It’s about what your nervous system perceives is happening.A simple disagreement can feel like:rejectionabandonmentdisconnectionWhich is why you might:shut downget defensiveavoidor escalateNot because something is wrong with you…but because your body is trying to protect you.3. Separate the Person from the BehaviorA powerful shift that can change everything:What someone does is not who they are.When we attack the person, we create defensiveness.When we address the behavior, we create safety.This sounds like:“I didn’t like what happened, but I still care about you.”That’s how connection stays intact — even during conflict.4. Emotional Safety Changes EverythingReal regulation doesn’t just come from what you do alone.It also comes from feeling safe with someone else.When you feel:acceptedchosenvaluedYour nervous system softens.And when that happens…connection becomes easier, and intimacy becomes natural.5. Chosen and Cherished — Every DayOne of the most powerful reminders in this episode:People want to feel chosen and cherished.Not occasionally.Not when it’s convenient.But consistently.Because when someone feels that way, they:open their heartstay connectedfeel secure6. Asking for What You Need Is VulnerabilityMany people struggle to express their needs because of:shamefearfeeling like they’re “too much”But your needs are not weaknesses.They’re part of being human.When you can say:“This is what I need”You create the opportunity for deeper connection.7. Intimacy Is a Byproduct of SafetyIntimacy isn’t something you force.It’s something that naturally happens when there is:emotional safetytrustopennessPeople don’t just want to be loved…they want to feel deeply valued and seen.Work with Jonathan:www.jonathanvanviegen.com/www.instagram.com/jonathanvanviegenwww.youtube.com/@jonathanvanviegenWork With Sherry Shaban:Book your FREE 30-minute Food Freedom Call and start your journey to lasting change! Schedule your call at www.sherryshabanfitness.com/clarityListen & SubscribeCatch more episodes at www.makepeacewithfood.com/podcast or subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube so you never miss an episode!Connect & Go DeeperJoin our Facebook Community: www.myfoodfreedomlifestyle.comWork with Sherry: www.sherryshaban.com/transformExplore more resources: www.makepeacewithfood.comShare Your TakeawayTag us on Instagram (@makepeacewithfoodofficial), Facebook (@MakePeaceWithFoodOfficial), TikTok (@sherryshaban), or LinkedIn (sherryshaban) and share your biggest insight from this episode!