It’s Them, Not You: Toxic Parents, Childhood Trauma, No Contact & Breaking the Cycle

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!Content Warning: This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse, domestic violence, addiction, suicide, family trauma, and estrangement. Please take care of yourself while listening. If you are in the U.S. and experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate emotional support, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are outside the U.S., please contact your country’s local crisis line or emergency services for immediate support.What happens when you stop numbing the pain and finally have to face what was underneath it?In this powerful and candid conversation, Noelani sits down with Mr. Josh Connolly, author of It’s Them, Not You, to talk about childhood trauma, toxic family systems, addiction and recovery, parenting, emotional neglect, boundaries, masculinity, and what it really means to heal.He opens up about getting sober at 24 and discovering that alcohol wasn’t the problem he thought it was. Once the alcohol was gone, he was left face-to-face with the emotional pain he had spent years trying to escape.Together, they explore why families and society so often protect the person causing harm instead of the person experiencing it, and why speaking the truth can make you the scapegoat in a dysfunctional family system.They also dive into adult children going no contact, the difference between imperfect parenting and abuse, and why a parent’s willingness to listen, take accountability, and repair can completely change a relationship.Josh shares how childhood emotional neglect can show up later as hypervigilance, chronic people-pleasing, difficulty knowing what you actually want, and building your identity around what other people need from you.The conversation also challenges traditional ideas about masculinity. He explains why healing wasn’t about becoming a different kind of man. It was about becoming comfortable enough to finally be himself.They discuss:• Addiction, sobriety, and discovering the pain underneath the coping mechanism • Childhood trauma and emotional neglect • Toxic parents and dysfunctional family systems • Why families protect abusers and scapegoat truth-tellers • Narcissistic mothers and mother-daughter dynamics • Adult children, estrangement, and going no contact • Parenting, accountability, and the power of repair • Hypervigilance and chronic people-pleasing • Developing a healthy sense of self • Boundaries and why toxic systems fight back when you change • Men, vulnerability, emotional expression, and masculinity • Raising children who are allowed to become themselves • Why being yourself creates healthier relationships • Taking responsibility for your healing without taking responsibility for what happened to youHe leaves us with an important distinction: you can take responsibility for what you do moving forward without taking responsibility for what was done to you.His Book - https://amzn.to/3ULzMXaConnect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearesthttps://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearesthttps://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearesthttps://substack.com/@beyondmommydearesthttps://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearestConnect with Josh Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/josh_ffw/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@josh_ffwFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/joshffwYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JoshConnolly_FFWLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joshconnolly/X/Twitter: https://twitter.com/josh_ffwWebsite: https://www.joshconnolly.co.uk/Support the show