That's a good question. I'm getting telemarketers. I have to wait. You know, of course we need to figure out what they're selling.
Maybe we want to buy it. Hello I'm working on my beatboxing. Yeah, I can tell you're still in the process. I won't beatboxing unless I'm telemarketer.
Uh-huh, right? So that's like my time to practice right? Welcome to the show a lot is happening You know Jay Z is a bad guy apparently which is crazy because I remember when he first came in he was a bad guy And I was like look at this because it's a hard not life for us Then in it and there's a little girl sitting next to him on the step and she like bumped him and he was like Bitch and I was like whoa that little girl doesn't even know how gangster he is and then all of a sudden He's like mainstream and he's hanging out with uh, and I don't know how songs because I'm a goddamn man And I refuse to fuck over beyond those top fuck off, you know fuck off Talent great great. You can hit a note.
Do you know me people can hit a note shut up destinies my ass I don't care about destiny's child. They suck. They're gonna. Oh, you know remember that?
Are you gonna remember about Pink Floyd's the wall? You know if Pink Floyd's the wall album exists then everybody in destiny's child including Beyonce needs to shut the fuck up And if you disagree because you don't know anything about music and I do I am correct and you are wrong This is how it is. There's no it's a race and the winner is Pink Floyd's the wall I could do some more too, but I'll just do that because it's just one and that exists and it existed before her and they like oh listen to this Shut up just shut up, you know stop talking Let's get let's get tickets to shut up. That's what you get tickets to get tickets to live shut up Idiot, you know you're all idiots.
You'll oh, you know what we should get that app that like finds little Fuzzy thing shut up you idiot. No. No, here's a good idea. Let's wear crocs shut up idiot Hot-pocket civilization weak ass dragons My girlfriend is moving more stuff into the house.
She had a house of of of stuff I because this is the thing like I came from Australia Mate my mum had sex with the dingo and then oh mate here. I am and then I'm like, oh, mate You know I don't really like it here I don't really feel like anybody cares and I'm just gonna go to America because one time I saw this video animal chin and I was like There's these dudes and they were trying to find this Chinese guy animal chin and he invented skateboarding or fun In skateboarding. Oh, whoa, it's banded. If you made an appearance on the show this is banded everybody this and a banded talk See stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah Thank you, that's banded. Banded has a lot of legs and rumble bean as you guys know has no legs and they are a team and It's weird because rumble bean it's just like it's like a life you can have no legs, but you can still win because Banded is and we're talking about hairless cats because I don't think they're the greatest athletes in the cat kingdom They might be the worst athletes in the cat kingdom But when it comes to ethical superiority Banded is a athlete of the Jason Ellis house and rumble bean is not in he's a pigmy But he goes low And when he goes low he opens he wrecks shop he is a wrecker and I believe it's the heart I believe it's the he is like I don't know what legs are I don't know that she should have a better reach or any of that and he just deep in he accomplishes great feats on the regular I see her crying a lot because rebel bean has gone low and he's tearing her apart And I think that's a great metaphor for life. You might be listening right now and be like jeez. I don't have any legs Well, you need to shut up.
That's my new thing today shut up. I'm sick of Everybody I'm sick of me. Don't I'm not counting me. I don't worry I have to do a show because it's like I'm from radio if you stop talking for a certain amount of time They turn they turn you off and play music because they panic so I gotta keep talking But I should I too should shut up And I kind of gotta do this.
I was gonna uh, I was gonna use a flamethrower today at a skate park But I feel like I need to bring a tail because when I shoot gas out of my flamethrower It does leak gas It's like not all of it catches on fire. It's like a little bit of a I don't want to be gross with like a pre-come pre-fire come if you will or I don't know It's like it's it doesn't all light up. Maybe I'm using the wrong fuel I don't know I don't know but it's a little bit messy But also I feel like the bowl is dirty and gasoline could clean it But it also could make it slick so we could get hurt and it could be all my fault I forgot what I was saying Were you distracted by the feline anal ingas? Yeah, because he's got anger come from behind is a good idea when you've got no legs Oh, yeah, you're not gonna beat this guy at limbo Right Wait, does that count?
He can't go he can't cats can't do the limbo at all Well, the we can do the cats can't do We finally found something as well for right Well, they depends on if you're if it's if it's walking upright limbo. Yeah, there's only one limbo dude All right, so they would be disqualified. Yeah, if it's if one was allowed to army crawl. That's yeah, we'd be fucked We can for how big we are we get low but not not pigment.
Yeah, well, they don't have shoulders right so they can't get that low Oh, I still think he's got me beat Right, just standing there. He's got you beat. I think just the actual density of my skull is gonna not me. Yeah He is such a deformed critter But he's pretty happy Maybe it's just because he's not he doesn't have an instagram.
Yeah, so he doesn't know how attractive Kim Kardashian is right and that probably helps You know Oh, cool spam life really is what you make of it everything I always tell my kids that there's what happens And then there's how you choose to react to it how you choose to respond to it You would rather be an ugly person who likes the way that you look than a beautiful person who hates the way that's a fact It's a fact like michael jackson was pretty attractive guy. Yeah, I mean wasn't an ugly kid I don't I think he probably would have been like attractive enough. Yeah, you know, like is decent put like what it's a scale of like his Bruno Mars Haha looking in my pajakson before michael jackson had surgery. I think they're probably about the same Yep, me to Bruno Mars is like hot because his face just doesn't drop the ball with all the other shit He's got stylies got fame.
He's a performer Michael Jackson would have at least been Bruno Mars hot Michael Jackson before he had surgery. He was a could because of his talents and he's yeah Glittery glove and stuff. Yeah, glittery glittery glove before he had face surgery. Oh, that's a good question I'm getting telemarketer, so I have to wait, you know, of course we need to figure out what they're selling maybe we want to buy it.
Hello I'm working on my beatboxing. Yeah, I can tell you're still in the process I won't I won't beat box unless I'm telemarketed. Uh-huh, right? So that's like my first practice, right?
Yeah, right. I hate it when it's a machine because it's not the same. I like it when it's like hello I've got jet on and I go yeah, and they go I am selling and I and then I go Because you don't know with the base. We did the other day when you were here, right the basis We did a lesson on YouTube.
There's some girl a sad face. Okay, and then you breathe in On one lip and it goes And does the thing that those guys do where it is That's how I can't do it because I'm doing I'm making the face, but I'm doing it with my throat That's the same as me whistling Dude, they do it and it goes boing and it's like it's sick base. Yeah, jakey pull up base Be buzzing yes, there was some girl Yeah, you folks were particularly impressed with yeah, yeah, well she cheated because she's a girl So she can do the we were real high ones because she's got a girl's voice, but she also could go bar It was plenty of guys who can we can we can? I hate her not her.
No, I don't know who she is, but I already hate her I think every beatboxer that I've seen as a person I can be wrong can't judge a book by its cover No, I see you can judge him by their beatbox See I think social media is soul gift to the world and just realizing it now is I can tell if I hate you in like three frames Yeah, and I think it's it used to take me longer I think it sticks too. I think you can go I hate that person like recently I was bartending and a friend of mine was there who was drunk And he was like I don't like that guy and I laughed because he was drunk and I was like that's uh he's a Australian friend and I was like I remember when you would say that and we would not like that person right and I make that's interesting And then like an hour later that person came up to me and I was like yeah, hate that guy crazy Studies have actually demonstrated people's gut reactions to other people are it's not perfect But first and we formed strong first impressions for a reason human beings are very very good biologically We're involved to be able to be to make pretty decent snap judgments of other people's character On the other hand though, Michael a lot of women have told me that their boyfriend would listen to the show and I'd like I hate this guy Right, you just grew on me right and I was like there is that there is that I used to know it Dude, I knew uh at least three people who were like new york city libtards who all worked on the I know you do They all worked on the russian ball radio show. I hate that guy too They all slowly but surely I don't know I keep I believe so thank goodness he they slowly but surely they're like he does actually make a couple of decent good points Like he fucking wore them down. Yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, we have a bait box guy that does our base Yeah, let me let's see Michael jackson had his first plastic plastic surgery in um Somewhere between 1979 in the early 1980s. He claims that he broke his nose in a rehearsal Oh, what a bullshit.
Yes insane. Isn't it weird how you couldn't just say I like I'm changing my face because I think I'm most special than that Isn't it insane that the world that the world has changed so much? Okay, so you can tell keep this position and drop your jar like when you're set You're also not trying to make this I'm here to give you your dinner's license. Oh, you're sucking my dick.
I am. Yeah, it's about to come on you We're doing excellent. Oh That's so cool. I got to learn that Dude I gotta learn how to do that sexually Dude, he's he's saying he's breathing in when he's doing it drop the base on a badge Oh, that was yours for life.
I don't know if that's necessary It has a tutorial for every single which is one instrumentation. We just want the base son I just want the ones that I can use in oral sex You can he's probably good at it Yeah, just a white baby with that accent girls will date your Europeans. Yeah, which once again women who date Europeans shut up You know stuff saying that you will date Europeans Europeans need to be extinguished, you know Someone needs to reverse Hitler Germany. Did that make sense?
No, I know what you mean Just you know what about if the Jews killed the Germans? I and they put them all in I don't know camps Just kill them. Yeah, that's the bit I don't like is where you put them in a camp first Okay, this is a camp where you get like pizza and ice cream and shit like more of a traditional summer camp And you do exotic dance extravaganza and what it is Enlightened dance Exfoliating dance extreme dance expressive dance is it expressive dance? Yeah, you've mentioned that a question.
I still don't know what you're talking about But I said is that where um The people go down to the beach and where your buds so nobody can hear the music but them at the all dance to it. Oh, yes There's other ones that have done like one time remember that guy that I thought you'll see fired at car Kingsbury Yes, he was I showed up at the honor gym news like bro come on me Right and then he led me into a room where it was pitch black. Yep, and it was like 60 people in there They were doing expressive dance tell me you like ecstasy without telling you like ecstasy I was like if you don't have ecstasy in your body right now. I'm again.
I have no longer your friend, right Wait, did he just this intro to his website? Have a I hate I hate him I who'd you rather kill him the health care guy or The guy with the tail we're just talking about Uh, I would be happy to murder this man, right? Yeah, I think the health care guy Did you see I'm sorry somebody I know I'm related to just texted me apropos nothing and said can you smell fires? Yeah Everybody can smell fire.
I like just does they mean can I can I can I can I currently smell fires? Does he smell burnt toast? It's my sister. Yes, my sister having a stroke because that's how that comes right That's what they say.
I don't believe sometimes it's just toast. Well, that's if there's a mouser fire I think that's oh, can I smell the fire? That's what it is. That's right.
Wow. Isn't that crazy dude that? I'm I will do that if there's an earthquake are you okay? Am I what are you talking about?
At least this one It's in my half of the state. Yeah, like I actually theoretically drove past ish. Yeah, yeah, you're burnt Oh, so far so good. That's good.
There's scorch marks all over the Tesla. I think it kind of gives a character It's just looks like Jimi Hendrix guitar from Woodstock I think it's the life space man. Did you know remember the guy the dumbest MMA guy? Well, not the dumbest Wow, let's rank I think that's why Tito.
Oh, wow. Yeah, who's dumber? Tito or or van Lai? Van Lai is a very intelligent man.
Is he? I? I compared to Tito. Yeah, I think it's just like him and him and sideboard are like the Brazilian MMA.
Mr. And mrs. Potato I think Tito you just take your hair off and stick it off. I bog is very attractive compared to Tito compared to van Lai If Tito was a woman.
Oh, man, that would be I would run. Would you rather be a female Tito female Tito or mrs. Potato head, but really alive Okay, well if I'm really like am I like a decomposing potato or okay? No, that doesn't make any sense.
Okay, check it out. Yeah, female Tito or a head Oh boy. I mean at least female Tito has mobility. I could probably get a strap in Bellator Female Tito or that one guy in the Metallica music.
Oh, oh one. Oh, I gotta get remember ran a thing I'd rather be ahead or miss a potato head with a guy about one video Oh, yeah, or you say this I trade seven days a week three times a week a week and then every day I train one day Then five days a week I train once and then three days a week. I train two times Yeah, I train five days a week. I would rather make zero sense hanging out by the beach eating fish tacos that being trapped in my own paralyzed mind making perfect sense Oh, yeah, no, he probably is on the beach having a fish taco as we speak But what about when you go to take a piss in a mirror shows you your face?
I know hey, there's they will have our cross to bear arguably there's a day outside to be the guy in the Metallica one video Would you rather be the guy in the Metallica one would you rather be female Tito or tease or the guy in the forgiven video? Because what was he doing? That's the memory remains that was actually technically a woman That was Mary and faithful. Yeah, she was hot.
Yeah, she caught loads from McJagger. Hell yeah No, the guy in the forgiven video was just an old man without a shirt who was in a game that was covered with dust man I mean, right for the sucks. Yeah, I don't think he got out of there much He was he live in the cave? Yeah, he was sort of the original thing.
All right, I was watching Waterworld last night. It's better than people remember. It's that's a lie That's do you know that they were trying to do like a mad Max but on to see yeah? How about that that was not what they did right?
Max was caught once again as I said the other day streams are just better at making movies. It's just there's not many of them Yeah, they've got a right right guy. Let's let's rank them. Yeah, but in water world.
They have a tank of oil That guy does and he's like how much well we got in the tank and they open the lid And there's a guy in there who's basically the the guy from the Metallica video And he's on a little robo by himself and he measures it and tells him how much and he lives in it. Oh boy Yeah, man. I wish we had the technology to show the Metallica guy And then the guy who was in the we won this is Tony Hawk doesn't work here. He does research.
We don't Pull this off. Yeah, I'll just do it live right here. You won't check There's no way they have a clip the guy who's in the oil tanker where they got how much oil is in there He's in the movie for this guy. Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah, that guy sure did it. Okay. Now show us Metallica's that Any that way I know unforgiven he's sure something is what do you know yet? New blood joints is heard and quickly sub dude Yeah, yeah It's even worse than I remember I forgot any other hair and he's a those are I mean those are brothers See at least the oil guy got to see this on that one time one time But wait is the Metallica guy in the recording studio?
What's going I remember him being in a cave? Yeah, now all this He's spinning guitar center I'm trying to fucking light on I want to play sure it was cool playing the fancy guitars as long as I wanted it first, but I'm kind of tired now He's been playing stay away to heaven for seven hundred Oh, wow, he's got more hair, so that's not him. Yeah Wow, what is the point of that guy in the cave? I tried to understand, you know, it's like it's like when you go I'm gonna make your music video and you go, okay, right and they go we're gonna do this and you just go okay Oh, you know step in and go wait wait.
Why is it a hundred year old guy guitar center? You just go okay? And then they put it in right yeah, I think Metallica We're like over it, you know, they're like look we're gonna keep on going but I'm pretty much tapping out with making a new album So when it comes to two in the new video they were too cool to have creative controller video stuff You know, that's probably one or two. Oh wait.
That might be why probably inspired by a painting that Amsterdam one time. You know what? He's not a good drummer. Yeah, I go back and forth on that Here's his problem.
Okay. He's a good drummer. He's just not like he's not as good as slayer We've been listening to metellica headlars and they had Dave Lombardo. Yeah, can they just one time?
Get oh my god. Is Lombardo still among the functional? I don't know how those guys do it the guy from iron maiden just retired He's like in his 70s and had a stroke and he's and he still post stroke did like a tour with iron maiden Kerry kings on the road by himself. We were listening to Kerry kings new band like two days ago.
There's a logo. It says it's it's kk Yeah, I know no, you know that many tattoos in a shaved head and your logos kk. Okay, I'll say there's good and bad people on both sides Everywhere somebody said that here charlotte's bill. Right.
Um, he actually his final falling out with uh, kerry kings final falling out with tomariah The bass player and lead singer of slayer was tomariah using slayers official socials to put pro trump stuff. Oh, yeah Deb wait, so we did that tomariah did it and kerry was like fuck you you want to do that on your own twitter? Have at it boss But don't put that shit on on the slayer. So when he did the song about our switch he was back at it No, no, I think kerry.
I don't know how much tomariah. He didn't write the lyrics I don't know. I mean, I know but kerry, but but they're one of those weird at all They're one of those weird bands like like like the james like scottie and runs anthrax Does he oh, yeah, I mean, that's why they keep cycling through they kept cycling through singers because he's like he's the guy Yes, got he's the guy. I'm under the impression that he played scottie and play guitar on my intro true That's crazy Yes, believe that every time I sing that song it's me and scottie and Will's will pindoves his son Um, insane.
So yeah Kerry king and jeff hanniman the other guitar player who passed away wrote all of the wrote all of the bands music king hanniman and tomariah All contributed to the lyrics. I'm pretty sure that angel of death is anti-nazi Is it yeah because I know the way that I want you to die I think it's as a poet as a poem. Yeah, I did the riffraffa Like two years one of your favorite songs as a poem. Yeah, sure there are spoken word So I picked that first I did give me feel give me five then I was like no I'll do slayer and then I realized while I was doing it that this was a bad idea oh Slow-death mnstikay showers a cleanse of your life.
I'm sure it's the meaning of death the way that I want you to die slow death immense decay Yeah, um, you know what I think we we have gotten a lot touchier as time has gone on like it used to be Shows a cleanse of your life. I think it was just like looking what's more what's more evil than nazi's nahala cost we're the most evil Bands sing a song about it. I don't think that they would thought any oh, I think I think the Holocaust is more evil than sharks You don't know that because sharks don't have hands and they can't build a gas chamber, right? But they've got pretty bad intentions.
Hmm. When was the last time you saw a shark finish off the job on a guy? They could do it easily well they do finish guys, but they don't eat them entirely yeah, they do Oh, when now that um space man is in charge of x. It's just faces of death on me.
Oh really? People you go. Oh really what's because I like watching youtube where people punching in each other in the face for no reason of course And then all of a sudden the guy dies and they blow him up and I'm like, oh, right? I didn't that was I didn't want him to die.
You know something get punched in the face, right? That escalated some guy in Canada fought a polar bear off his wife. I wouldn't know she You don't know her. Yeah, but eventually you were gonna be annoying you would not defend you'd not defend your chick against a polar bear attack That's different.
I like it. Well, this guy probably likes this chick. Yeah, but eventually to wear off Right. So at a certain point you when do you anticipate the the breaking point will come where you would no longer defend your chick against a polar bear?
Oh wow. Yeah, well, maybe these two I just met maybe ten of she's maybe who still maybe they were still in the honeymoon period Honeymoon period I'll fight a polar bear, but once we're like four years deep. I'd be like I didn't see it. Yeah, I was at a polar bear Oh man shit, I miss it.
I thought you're watching Netflix because otherwise I'd be there if you're half each Is there really any point me getting involved? No at that point of because merciful to let the bear finish the jot I will carry on your legacy I don't think you can fight a polar bear. You don't meet jake. No, I fuck a polar bear up polar bears are like worse than grizzly bears They're like the meanest bear there is okay.
Well, this guy did it. So how can you say it can't be done? Yeah? Yeah, well, I don't know what this guy looks like is there he's a Nazi Yeah, well those guys are pretty heavy the man leapt onto a polar bear.
I'm telling you guys because I saw a video I believe did she leave to tell the story? Yes, and she backs this story could be fake He the she she couldn't find her dogs. They're like way they live near polar bears They're way the hell out there north west. I have false She couldn't find the dogs that she went outside to find the dog and walked into the path of a polar bear So it went for her so the dude lunged at the polar bear so the polar bear ran away I guess they were she she got knocked over by the polar bear I don't think she's standing serious injuries don't quote me on that a neighbor heard the kerfuffle and got his firearm and the Neighbor shot the polar bear after this man had scared it off.
They came back I'm I'm back on Facebook against my better wishes in a very limited. It's changed I haven't been there in like 15 years and they're all like the same now. They're all tick-tock They're all just like fuck what you say you want to watch watch this watch this watch this So like the first thing on my Facebook feed was a lady fighting off grizzly bear And the point and this is the point that I make all that I make all the time about polar bears grizzly bears sharks Even though they easily can win the fight like human beings can easily win fights against raccoons But we typically avoid them because we want sure things we want to go get our chicken at the supermarket Right, we don't have to fight the chicken to the debt. So it's the same thing the polar bear was like oh fuck this noise I got this way easier shit for me to eat.
This is real hungry. Right. It's interesting. Let's go back to the dumbest fighters in the world Okay, so the guy that he's new we saw that new but he's this flat earth guy.
He's Forgoes names. He's such a douche. You know, he's a chomp guy, but it's kind of funny that I could have guessed that from the flatter thing But it's cool though because he hates Elon Musk And he because he's against seat belts. He's I got a waste of oh, yeah sure um price Mitchell Yeah, right.
He's probably the most entertaining guy in MMA right now because every time you ask him He recently was let me get to see if I'm on it. No, okay He might have but not anymore But he recently was working on his barn and he put his drill in his pocket because he didn't have a holder for it And he accidentally hit the trigger and he screwed his nuts off Oh, really? Yeah, that's the kind of guy we're dealing with sure right but he also said that nasa made a fake sky fake stars Yeah, and their plan is to eventually tell you that aliens are here And they're taking over and we all go into concentration camps to hide from the aliens Right the government conspiracy. Yeah, but sure but the other day or today might have you know So video is like Elon Musk is his piece of shit and I was like, oh, that's controversial because you love Trump and Trump loves Elon But he said He's the richest guy in America And when you get to that money you show who your true colors are and why would you spend all that money on rockets?
When we're all down here and starving and I was like because he's like, you know the homeless and all that stuff I was like Yeah, right like the rocket that lands back in its little pocket versus anything that catches the rocket right yeah versus Getting Can you let him out slender man? Yeah He really is living man She said thank you Yeah But for the guy who was like seep out, it's not real right saying that well right so that was something imagine if he spent the rocket money on The homeless yeah Situation in America the plenty would that not make him really a great American plenty of plenty of poor americans Plenty of americans of color said the exact same thing There may be even been like a famous like Gil Scott herron song about her something in like 1969 that like cool You guys landed on the moon like my kids hungry cool. Yeah, yeah because landing on the moon. What did that get us?
Pissing contest with Russia, right? But they don't care anymore. Oh, they're but I guess we still do but it was now It's like no there was no accomplishing nothing practically right because now now half of america thinks it's not even real Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true.
Thanks to the Joe Rogan experience. Um this guy. We goes wrong man. Yeah Yeah, I like to eat but holy shit.
It's just It's just shut up. It's just show me a guy. Show me a guy. I've no experience with this man whatsoever He did not come out of the cabin.
He didn't sit there like splitting lumber and think of this shit and come out with this like Is he he everybody loves a story that's like Fiction like yeah, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction But usually fiction is stranger than truth people get excited about seeing shit on their phone that it's like it would be so cool If it were true that they just like willfully suspend their disbelief like Once somebody starts parroting one nonsense theory There's never they've always got 10 more other ones to go with it and it just tells me you got really into that wormhole on your phone Doesn't seem like a phone guy really I don't know. I'm just telling you what he seems like a guy lives in a barn Yeah, I think he's got 6G out there. He also said The meat well the meat in it should be meat. Yeah said it was like why can't I uh, I can't sell raw milk to anybody or give anybody in my meat Yeah, like that sounded weird, but you know what I mean Um Because the government will find him and put him in jail for selling meat to people because they own big meat is shut it down Okay, and he's like, I mean, I don't think that's true, but okay.
Are you sure? You know that is it distribute meat It has to be approved by the the Nevada athletic community. Of course it does Um, yeah, you saw it. It's got to test it.
Okay, so first of all, you mean distribute mean give or sell like oh, okay So he wants to sell me but he's not allowed to when when did he fuck isn't it fucking crazy that everybody Michael can't know I will not isn't it crazy that everybody just decided that like who fucking hands out the fucking bulletin Hey, this week we're all pissed off about raw meat and milk like if that's true today That was true six months ago Why is it that every fucking guy who looks like him is all fired up about that fucking bullet point this week? Like let's fucking write as a farm. Let's fucking rank our problems and figure out where I can't I can't distribute meat on a limited scale Rinks and I'm not saying it's not a real issue and I'm not saying he doesn't care about it I'm just saying isn't it fucking interesting how every fucking person from a particular walk of life He's always fired up about the same five things at the same fucking time and then a year later Miraculously they'll all be fired up about five different things all the fucking same as every guy who looks exactly like that And I and no way accepting the libtarts from that jay. Yes.
Is it illegal to sell your own meat and raw milk? I've never tried. No, I'm asking you to come. We're asking you to try I didn't think that you were fucking farmer Joe dude Dude, I'm just saying I go to farmers markets and there's definitely dudes there selling like chicken and shit like that And I don't I don't think that they went down to the FDA and spent a hundred thousand dollars for a license that this guy couldn't get I don't know dude.
I don't have a farm. I've never tried to sell meat to anybody. I just give it to people Hey, it is unlawful for any person to sell any dressed carcass or any livestock or poultry in California There you go unless it bears the I'm just saying is anybody enforcing that because I could go to you can't say it's not true And then it says that it's true and you go with anyone enforcing it. It is the law is anybody enforcing it I think I think they I think they enforce it if you make money from it I think if I had a cow and I gave you the meat and you were like here's 20 bucks Yeah, I can I'm all right and I'm saying first I'm telling everybody Jason Scott's absick meat.
Yeah, I'm selling it Yeah, right. It's only when they like wait are you chipping into us which is a When you what is it when you run something that one else can get him a monopoly? Yeah, yeah, you know like big meat Like I said, I think there's a far less conspiratorial reason which is that people want me that they know isn't gonna get them sick And I'm just telling you every farmer's market Sometimes they say that to make you not buy big meat I mean little meat every farmer's market I've ever been to Cells there's always a guy there with a cooler a shit that he killed that he's selling and I've never seen anybody do a goddamn That's what I got a farmer's market and this the meat the meat that they sell is it's the same Fuck I mean you get a whole foods. It's just like make couple bucks cheaper.
Oh really? More expensive Well, there's a part song wrote a poem about miles Okay, I hear miles his huge voice press against my small ears his vibe enters my soft pink brain He chill his chill tones move back and forth leaving my mind Turned and frothy like cream his name is miles. He is a beautiful man He is a loyal friend, but he's something he's something more. He's a treasure on Alone from the land where goals an angel saw I call that one beatbox my meatbox Probably get rid that better.
Hey everybody Do you like laughing and funniness did I say funniness correctly the West Coast cowboy tour? It's me and some people say it's easy on the cowboy thing. I got a horse It's still my foot I ride a bear back and this is my cat and it's a cowboy too So it's West Coast cowboy tour. I'm on the road if you want to see where I'm gonna be go to the Jason Alice calm to see two dates and where I'm gonna be because I might be in your town because I'm going everywhere very flexible Check it out everybody get tickets come see me.
Don't go on my social media go. Oh, I didn't know you were there The Jason house calm do it go now. I'll see you soon. Hey everybody Jason I was here for the J cell show sponsored by blue chew as you guys know if you don't know and you've just listened to this for the first Time I am a huge fan of blue chew.
I make jokes about it in my material because I back it I love them. I got a little packets and I take them wherever I go You never know when it's time to chew, you know and they work they work fast They got like the same things in it It's like see Alice and biagra or whatever the hell you want to use it get it up But it gets up and it runs and runs and runs and runs I highly recommend these things and for Alice and as we go Special deal so try blue chew free when you use the promo code Alice at checkout just pay $5 shipping That's blue chew calm promo code Alice to receive your first month free visit blue chew calm for more details And important safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring this podcast Within that's the story. I'm off the dumbest UFC fighters We've not yet mentioned Mike Perry. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, he's fairly he should be refresh my memory. He knows done with it. Mike I think so who he knows the dumbest guy.
What's so dumb about Diego Sanchez? Oh? He's out of his mind. Okay.
Yeah, he's not dumb. He's dumb, but he's also on planet on another planet Okay, he's an idiot like conspiracy theory guy or does he just does he have his own materials? I think he's like I'm not I'm not a market but fights. Okay, I'm like where he's just like what's the egg on a guy?
I don't know He's just more I think he did like I was a lot Yeah, and shrooms a lot and it was like at one point when he first was in it I got power from the ocean. Okay, and I was like easy and then it went way hard. Yeah, yeah Let's see. I prefer a guy like that where it's like at least he thinks at least I think he's he's a genuine eccentric Who's making up his own material everybody else?
It just sounds like they're repeating shit that they saw on tiktok and like yeah, dude conspiracy theories are way more exciting than reality But Occam's razor, bro, but like the fucking most straightforward boring reason why something is the way it is That's usually the reason why there's exceptions Molly said that Joe Rogan was on that news show when he was younger and what his character was a conspiracy theorist Oh, yeah, no, I think that that character was based on him on unreal. Yeah, the news radio. Yeah, I enjoy that show Looking at the other dumbest Travis Brown is he dumb? I'm just looking at He that people have a sharp dumb have suggested shop actually somebody made a poll on Reddit and and shop one But that's that's okay.
He's the most famous exactly and I think this was any's on a fucking podcast with the sharpest comedians in the world So of course, you're the dumbest guy in the room. He's not he's not he's not I know for sure fucking millionaire Jenny Hendricks I mean, I don't know much about him. Yeah, I mean he fucking beat GSP dude and he got robbed Uh-huh. Yeah, and so he never got the belt but he kind of did get the belt and then after that he turns to dog shoes We couldn't make weight that's dumb, you know, so I got just have one more hot dog before the fire.
It's like did No, you know dumb decision. Yeah, you made weight once and he didn't make wakes you dumb. Yeah stiff competition a Speaking of unlicensed meat Three people are dead in dozens are sick after eating Endangered sea turtle stew. Well, that's your fault in the Philippines.
Oh, well, it's not their fault. They're hungry No, I mean, I think they have access to within their idiots. There's both flowing blood flow in raw milk someone semi I'm sure it's happened. Mm-hmm.
That's what's wrong with me. I've got the bird flu. I don't think you argue. Are you are you ill?
No? Well, I guess I don't have it. Yeah, I think past three to see turtle dude. Mm-hmm.
How did you eat a sea turtle? Was cooked as a dough bowing popular Filipino dish consisting of turtle meat vegetables student vinegar and soy sauce Oh, well, then you put like that actually sounds really yeah I think it's like a traditional thing that they before they were endangered before they were endangered This was like this is how we get down and then and then the man came along the man who was shocked and was just like you guys eat spam now And they're we didn't eat see to we did we kill the sea turtles? I'm saying the Filipinos did I think the coastal Filipinos did and they endangered for Because of the Filipinos. I'm sure they're endangered for a lot of reasons, but people like okay.
We've all had her fun Believe me. Nobody enjoys stewed sea turtle more than I do but enough's enough guys. You gotta let him fuck a little more Yeah, yeah, just chill just like let him breed yes Tell you let yeah tell your tell your children the wonders of stewed sea turtle and then let your grandchildren enjoy it someday yeah, yeah A baby was born in prison yeah Was it trans I mean I guess time will tell I mean the mom no how did somebody come in there? That's the that is the question people were trying to figure that out for a while I was in I was like what do you call it the warden?
No, it's not a prison guard So somehow in this jail the ghost of Tom Cho he passed his semen in a plastic wrap through an air-conditioned event I was fucking getting there Jake wait you can do that. I just thought that was so crazy I had to say so she just put it in with her hand well It didn't work the first time so you try to can or the second time okay, well then I respect that yeah So they're in jail that's the only way I'd want to come in her anyway They've never met They start talking through a vent in the wall and he's saying that you know the one thing I regret being in here is I always wanted to become a father I'm saying well. I don't know if you fun fact about me. I've got a working vagina Yeah, so he starts so he starts ejaculating into Saran wrap and what they did first they would they had they got their hands on Some sort of like really long sheet or they tied a bunch of sheets together And they would I mean if these people would put this sort of ingenuity and know how an original thought to To life before they go to jail they really could have gone somewhere They pushed it through her little vent in like the AC or whatever all the way to his he pulls it out He comes into Saran wrap ties it off.
She pulls it back She puts it inside of herself and they did this did it say they're doing it four or five times per day? Four five times a day for a month straight. I mean if they did that and I work in a subway They'd be the manager by now. Mm-hmm.
Is it possible our Lord Savior Jesus Christ was simply a prison baby. Oh Mary got come from a from Saran wrap They didn't have some No, maybe it was wrapped in some frankincense. Yeah, or my right pan options. That's that's a Just being biblical.
He don't make man. You can't stop it I've always been biblical. They call it a miracle baby. They call me.
They are both still in jail I mean what do you do with a lady? I mean they must have some of that baby to my daughter, right? I'm sure she'd love to have it or Angelina Jolie. Yes.
I was gonna call her Mrs. Pittman Yeah, you know that the more she wrote like he likes he did a lot of bad stuff on the plane Mm-hmm yelled at her and then he like grabbed her and then my sources say different. It's like a kid. Oh really?
I don't want my my my person on the inside says different really that it's all made up. I heard it I heard that she's a crazy B. I met red pit. I didn't see it.
I didn't catch it. You didn't catch crazy. I didn't catch kid Hitter, right? Don't you think a good dude?
It's pretty good. It's not we're just talking about first impressions and how they're not foolproof But they're pretty fucking good. How many times in your life? Have you had one beatbox with it's a good guy Have you every time in your life?
Have you ever heard of somebody who did something like completely beyond the pale completely heinous criminal? Whatever from your past where you weren't like yeah, I could see that guy. I could see that like Chris Alia I don't know that guy, but yeah, really? Yeah, I can see him coming on people.
Yeah, see it's interesting Am I very limited interaction with him? I knew him to be not a guy would do that especially Especially polite especially gracious Wow. Yeah, he was on my money I've made him so he was on my he was on my show one time at Sirius and we had like and I expected him to be kind of a cocky Doosh, yeah, we had a very nice very normal conversation good show good good good good enough interview It wasn't great. It wasn't his fault and then I saw him at the comedy store like two years later I don't as I was doing it.
I was like why are you doing this? I was like hey remember you were on my show like no if I was ever in slippers all the time I don't remember me. It's fine. That's that's on me frankly and he was just like stood up and was like oh, yeah Oh my god, how did I forget?
Oh, yeah? I should have recognized you. Hey, how you doing? How's it going?
I was like wow just not the guy I was expecting doesn't mean he can't be a criminal But that's there's an example of somebody where I am so mean you're not a 16 year old girl I had nothing to offer him right right. There's an example of somebody that it does surprise me most of the time There you go most of the time there it is at first on the Jason our show Michael says Chris I'll not guilty right that's what I say. That's exactly what I said. I know you know him better So I'm like okay didn't do it.
I've I heard my source and jalena jelly crazy B A tale as old as time somebody finds the hottest chick in the world and is just like I Didn't see any of that. She's great. I'm gonna marry her everything. Yes, sure everything She says would let any rational person know that she's crazy and like you know just maybe maybe maybe hook up with her Don't marry that chick.
Yeah, but god damn it. It's Angelina. Jolie. Yeah, I can make it work.
Yep. She can change I can change I would do that and then Five years ten years later every time you turn around. There's another there's another child calling you dead Yeah, and you just start smoking weed and go and I how can I be in this room and not be in this room at all? As as things get crazier and crazier.
This is what I hear. What do I know? I never met the man never met either of them. Sorry you're saying that's what I if I had to be based on my read and my my my my exclusive intelligence My I'm very intelligent also Michael and I met him.
Yeah several times right solid guy said he loved the show Oh, well, I mean nobody tells the truth all the time. All right Did you ask him what his favorite segment was no? I didn't want to ruin it. I wanted to believe him right did him and Matt Damon bond over It was Matt Damon Thomas Hayden Church said that he made what we bought a zoo with Matt Damon and then that Damon listens to the show I'll get him to call in that it's crazy that they all are not familiar with podcasting.
Yeah, it seems like they all stop listening Yeah, we don't hear that story so much anymore Yeah, I have an over to a list of Liberty say they can't get it up with the Jason Ellis podcast funny I that happened yeah China has unveiled all terrain all terrain Robocops Yeah, good. Mm-hmm. They are already conquered China. Yeah.
Yeah, they listen to the law for the most part You know, we're not gonna take it that health care guy got shot that guy's got you listen to his His what is it when you write a thing his manifesto? Oh, they released the manifesto I know he was anti-capitalist and after he got really done. I'm not sick. Oh, she went through excruciating pain in the health insurance company But fuck her.
Yeah, and then he got back pain and they buff fucked him And he was like somebody's gonna do it and then he was inspired by I was part funny because he said gladiator one Ah youth right. Yeah fucking millennials. Yeah, so you're glad he ate it There's no colladiator to it's gladiator and then there's some douche off But yeah, he took apart from that so he sees himself as Maximus poulu markimus this banner. Yep.
Yes, and somebody's gonna do it And I understand because my back is sore. Yeah, it's not that sore right if it was real sore really hurt a lot I'll shoot you. Yeah, I understand right as a society It's really hard for us to reckon with that right where we totally Understand and let's just say it agree with somebody's take on a situation and their motivation and yet we have no choice But to disagree with the way they choose to act on it. I don't you think it's okay that he murdered the CEO.
Yeah Yeah, I think that's it's time it's high time. We all killed those people Everybody so right so I guess when you say those people that's sort of my next question is who who would be next on your rich on your just rich people Real rich, okay, you think it's impossible for somebody to be very very rich and to be not worthy of being murdered. Yes, okay Right, yeah, it's very I'm emotional right right when I'm emotional She's here at the baseball player who just signed the contract like seven hundred sixty million dollars I already wanted to die. Yeah, does he really deserve that?
Well, okay. Here's the question. What's he gonna do with all that money? Sleep on a pile of money with many beautiful women which killer?
I mean what you do is seven hundred dollars getting the dollars from a guy who has like seven billion definitely kill that guy, okay? Definitely kill that. Look here's the question. How we got hard stern kill him.
Okay. Yeah, I mean he should be giving my he's not spending any of it He should be nothing nothing trickling down from that mother fucker. That's I'm just saying dude like okay. Here's what he should do He should give he should kill Robin Quivers.
Okay I don't know the people either. All right. Here's my thing You've got hundreds of millions of dollars and you're not giving millions of dollars to people that need it kill you Yeah, I'm not saying give so you have no money. Yeah, I'm saying you live a life of luxury Right, but there's a huge chunk of money that you give to the needy I can't imagine we kill you.
I can't imagine Think about how much better the world would be. Yeah, it was a moor like oh you make a hundred million dollars You need to give fifty million dollars to The homeless to the orphanages to so you're talking about it's taxes You know they don't pay taxes right so you're advocating for high taxes for the rich Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying right and if you don't pay your taxes no jail time except way okay I just we've talked about this before I would I would be lethal strangulation If you're gonna tell somebody that they have to give away say fifty million dollars in a year I think oh no one time. Oh, okay, then you can go back to the ceiling Okay, all right, but they get you might not make a hundred million actually well Then obviously wouldn't ask you for fifty million dollars if you didn't Well, I don't go back to what else okay, right? So do you get to cuz I would be in favor of if it was like you can check a box If there's a huge menu of cuz I am very sympathetic to I make a hundred million dollars the government takes like 60 million See his money the money that big chunk.
Yeah, it doesn't go to the government So that's exactly what I'm saying that you get to check you get to check a box Yeah, I understand I don't know what it is 20% or whatever the government like needs money to function sure they do Like you need like if you've been on a highway recently like they built it this holds on yes But it exists up fair enough right if you need another lane if your house catches on fire somebody will come here with a host You know later that's great right exactly we do need some kind of any ocean needs He needs more money he definitely needs more money But if it was just like on top of that pick your charity of choice, but has to be legit Yeah, well only legit ones get on the list right yeah, not like Susan G Coleman Shit like fucking pink footballs. What oh, yeah, yeah They don't even cure cancer all they do is raise awareness like raise your hand if you have not heard a breast cancer I was gonna say I'm right okay, but we fucking you are the most successful charity in history mission accomplished everybody's heard of it No, shut up fucking go cure something. Yeah, yeah That we fix that yeah a Florida teacher was caught naked at hell. Yeah school with sex toys.
Whoa. Yeah, does he not have an apartment? No, he absolutely does not oh It wasn't even the school where he teaches oh then that's kind of okay So he makes me wonder why he it seems like it can't be a coincidence that he was that guys yeah the last guy I want to see naked with sex toys no offense to him, but goddamn dude. I love how they just they just have a picture of us He's got a bunch of his snack array.
Yeah, there's is that's how you get to look like nobody's interested in his microwave mac and Well, not even anything the Coca-Cola did not manufacture and then voila. That's what you look like mixing You know you get caught by a student with a deal to up your ass. Yeah, what an idiot he'll him Yeah, so he had been a teacher somewhere else and then he like lost his job and he told him he had been experiencing Homelessness oniness and then somebody saw light on at the school And they're like there should be anybody down at the elementary school at 930 at night and they went wait nobody was there No, I'm fine come on let him fucking get himself let him go down to the local elementary school get completely naked microwave Some Mac and cheese eat some Cheetos living open a laptop pull out all the sex toys Yeah, bust out 20 grams of marijuana all right, so you got some money fully nude. Yeah, I should have spent that money on a house Yeah, well, I'm guessing you probably had the laptop and the clothing and probably even the sex toys back when he did have a home And then upon having to leave you know pull like a Steve Martin from the jerk And I just need this and this and this and my microwave mac and cheese and that's all I need to say it He's got plenty of hair Yeah, and then the cops showed up and he made a run for it.
He seems naked pretty happy considering his Accusations it looks like he's wearing the thing that they put over you I know it's been a minute since you've been there, but when you go to the barber. Yeah, I mean they Didn't have those without head here you fucking dickhead It's called out its son of a bitch. I just assumed you would like just hang your head over a well I've had a beard trip all right. Oh sure of a bitch.
Sure. I'm bad. That's the works. I don't think Bolden That guy 70% of incoming Harvard freshmen's that would be like 18 19 year olds report that they are virgins yeah same thing Yeah, it's because they loses as I said at the start of the show It's because it loses Are they losers because they haven't had sex or you say that they haven't had sex because they're young both whichever one whichever one comes first So easy to get laid if you're cool.
Yeah, so here go. They must all be losers. Yeah. Yeah, that's how that goes You know why you have an ad sex because everyone's have sex with you know I know why nobody wants to succeed because you're a loser right you know ironically catch 22 if you managed to have sex It would make you very cool.
Oh, yeah, everybody would want about you. I've had sex with so many people and I'm the coolest Michael Right. That's the way that that works. It is how it is.
It's the only reason I had sex. I don't even like it Right. I'm just doing it for pads on the back just for yeah, J. So I heard you had sex with everybody Mm-hmm chest bump all around follow me on Instagram Maybe I'll have sex with you it's strange like if we were teenagers nowadays and we just not be interested in having sex No, I don't know I'm first how much how much could humankind have really changed in the last Satan 20 years touched me That's a nice and I know it was dark But Satan has touched me through other people's hands I say Satan touch them yeah and through Satan yeah Yeah, they were let me touch that little boy right next thing you know I am touched by Satan and now I am having sex with everybody Satan told me to but then God came along took his time But also busy guy probably finally touched me and now the curse has been released and I no longer suffer from this affliction That's great of having sex with people for no reason Speaking of thank you God finally speaking of Satan touching.
I accept your apology for being 53 years late There's this this crampus. It's a guy that hates Christmas, right? Yeah, he's like the anti Santa. Mm-hmm.
There's this cool traditional No, they're pissed on by a goat the other day. Oh, yeah, you know get goats can point their dicks to the left or to the right I don't know why you're laughing Jake. This is curious what that looks like. Did they lift a leg?
No, cuz I saw I was I was no they their penis goes to the side like no exhaust pipes on like a V8 like mad Maxis interceptor of course I know what that is. Yes the last of the V8 interceptors. Yes Yes, the interceptors be a go on there So anyway, they've got that clear goats penises can do the same thing as Mad Maxis car Where it just points off to the side and goes Wow, I was around some goats over the weekend I was staring at the big's pretty hard. I see that miss because you're not the alpha male Oh, I say you know alpha males obviously real thing done right Yeah, I can't find out that you are the one is all the goats piss on you right the alpha male All the goats the alpha male of the goat was like wait.
Yeah, who's this guy right trying to be the offer of my squad Right, it's like when the like when the member of the leader of the local mafia meets the big boss Exactly kiss the ring exactly this case piss on him That's what happened and then all the goats came over to me because I like oh shit Yeah, the real mob boss is here and I was like yeah, right now bow down congratulations. Thanks. Yeah, it felt powerful So there's this crampus not powerful to there's this crampus celebration I don't really understand how there could be like a German island since Germany is as far as I know a landlock nation But there is there's this like island and it's like it's Germans and their hardcore German and like kind of backwards Like they have their own traditions and stuff and one of that with German so they like Jews and so maybe maybe but they seem vaguely anti Woman here we go well a saint nickel the clothsom festival celebrated on the 5th of December in the North Sea island of Borcom love that place which has a population of 5,000 people so I somehow it's like this remote German island And actually can't get a bad coffee there what they've been doing for years is guys dress up like crampus and spank the shit At a women on December 5th every year pretty good and the women well that that no that's sort of the point They're asking that maybe it's time that they stop stressing like crampus and you know you know they can do spank back No, they go back where they came from yeah, I think they're also from the island. Oh today well, then they should we use a reverse psychology and Be over spanked right just say oh yeah, please thank me again and they'll be like wait a minute Yeah, I was doing this to make you feel bad.
They're like no this is my favorite thing Sir good to crampus yeah, and then those guys will stop speaking. Okay. Well, I'll sure pass that along who wouldn't want to be spanked by those guys though Obviously, I'm not gay if I'm gonna get no if I was gonna be gay. That's what I'm gay for right?
I'm gay for a crampus right for the abominable blow me. I know the abominable blowman man that guy's yeah I can't see this the thing where women at frustrating me who doesn't want to be spanked by the it's weird right how they don't want to be Sexually assaulted by yaks. Yeah. Yeah, honestly.
You guys aren't a party It's it's almost like women don't in Germany in this one area. Yeah, don't know how to party you Live for a spanking from the abominable snowman's yep. That's what you want. They should turn the tables and spank them Yeah, that it seemed like they have asses.
Well, I don't think I think they take the costumes off I'm sorry. We gotta wait for that who'd you rather be spanked by Santa Claus or the abominable snowman? Why are you thinking? That's an immediate Santa's some big ticket tank easy dude dude dude dude bro Santa is a sack of shit He is useless.
I mean I disagree. He's a white guy's powerful. He's not powerful I who does anything that is more powerful than what Santa does Jesus Christ Uh, can you prove it? Well, I got my proof of Santa's.
No, you don't know you don't I got proof one thing about Santa Proof one thing about Jesus. He was real. It's always a Nicholas. Yeah.
Yeah, nice comeback. Thank you. He didn't have reindeers Jesus had a possals. Okay, so yeah, yeah I'm sure he did not yet what elves he's a physical figure he didn't have any friends I'm sure he was an evil poke if you could on the short list of guys that I would have to cough it up to if they really wanted David Oh, both of us agreed to Prince right.
I would actually rank Santa. Wait, I would rank Hello And I thought a real person again. Yeah, but just robots in China would beat box of shit out Yeah, you'd be ready when they call but getting back to Santa versus I got Jesus Christ was friends with I don't know If you know this but yeah, Jesus Christ was a caveman. Oh, and he can't die So he lived I mean he did the one thousand years before oh, he's a model the actual real model You know how they can only be one yes, it was Jesus Christ was highlander right?
Yeah, it was highlander So he moves to Israel, right? Okay, and but before he was in Israel. He was hanging out with Not Yoda Noah, no, it's not real. Okay, most of it's a betting guy Dolly Loma.
Yeah, he was hanging out with his friends with the Dolly Lama Okay, and then he learned like the piece and all the stuff look man's going to just do some straight We're a dog and then he went to Israel right because he's a hunter So he's Sean Connery who'd gone in a two thousand year like wellness retreat And then there's Romans being all mad and she was like bro like look man's just get along and then they chill out I'm making some fish. They killed him right, but because he was friends with the Dolly Lama Yeah, he learned how to stop his heartbeat. Oh, yeah from the meditation guru, right? So they were like he's dead right but he can't die Oh, and then he got out of the grave and left and somebody saw him and he was like look I'm just friends with Dolly Lama I'm not like you know me the chosen one or anything and they were like oh Jesus Christ You're making your other chosen one and he's like you guys are fucking bugging him out and then he moved he walked because he can He doesn't die so just walked out of Israel.
Yeah to like other countries his name's John Oh, and they called him Jesus, but John in in ancient times through the years It means something else which the word Jesus has come from John, but his real name is John You know, he's had a cousin named John. Yeah, that's that's a hell of a quince in a lot of people were called John But so it was like John Jim, you know, I use this yeah, that's how that went Exactly like that. You know things stories get stretched. Yeah, John turns to Jesus and then the end you still like today Oh, that's great.
He's just a dude though. Come on down. He doesn't like to talk about it to people I saw a movie about it people freak out the day. Oh God Guy lives in this model and he was Jesus, but he's also a lot of other people Uh-huh.
He's got a crossbow. I just likes to hunt and read books and shit now But every ten years he moves town. Yeah, because you go wait John you have an H Yeah, and he's like what's that over there? And then he cuts out is this a John Travolta movie?
No feels like it could be right But I think John Travolta was by the time this movie came out was too fat and gay. I see this guy's like skinny and gay I say it's a real movie that just came out Maybe didn't just come out But there's a movie about a guy who is a caveman and then he tells this a group of people that he's friends with He's like look I'm gonna tell you I've never told anybody in 2000 years, but here we go the man for a Yeah, yeah, and it all adds up it all makes sense And that's it scrape movie the guy that's Jesus You tell right no it's a much more punchable face than I mentioned. Oh, what do you think they fucking strung him up? I had higher expectations wait Jake you're saying you did not like this film.
No, no, no Just just him looking like Jesus. Well, you don't know what you look They painted him to be another guy but now that you think about it compared to this that's why Jesus, bro Yeah, you guys what he's he's a John Lithgow he's a alien He could be There's hunky Jesus he could be Persian he could be Persian I'm just saying this this this looks cooler than this guy, right? But if you give that guy hair in a robe, it's pretty much the same yeah, I guess see what that other guy looks like in that Yeah, it's got yeah, it's got even a really bad douche hair card in a corduroy jacket And you'll find that that is the exact same guy because look at those kind eyes You know the guy who wrote this screenplay can seem to be in the early 1960s and completed it in April of 1998 on his deathbed Just in time for him to get the fuck out of here because he knew it was real well, that's exciting. Let's change everything Yeah, so I'm glad that that happened because John aka Jesus was like, you know religion spun it out of proportion Right.
I was just a laid-back guy. Yeah, saying why can't we all get along which makes sense? I believe that's what Jesus was. Sorry John was and then you mean the Pope's and all those kidfuckers twisted it Yeah, turn it into this weird thing where they'll shall not you know It's bullshit burning bush double shit really what we're trying to say is look man.
What what can we all get along like Bernie Sanders? Yeah, you know sort of a modern day Jesus Christ pretty much the only reason he didn't make it is because he's ugly Mm-hmm. You know like he's like a talking testicle sack. Yes, and it's like dude.
You can't it's a sense. It's like RFK shredded Shut up Bernie Sanders looks like Larry David minus the sex appeal Larry David doesn't have sex appeal I know but compared to Bernie Sanders who would you rather have sex with Larry David? I don't know if sex with Bernie Sanders. Why you really have gone you want to know why I met Larry David in a doctor's office once It's what she's getting on Sketchers, yeah, you don't think Bernie Sanders owns sketches.
I'm banking on it. He is a Sketcher. Oh, wait a minute when you put him both together. Okay, I changed one.
Oh, yeah, dude But man Larry David is a turtle man. Of course he is like he is seriously a tortoise. I'm saying I'm more sexually attracted to him I would rather have sex with an old man than a tortoise. I mean if there's ever been a human that looks like a tortoise Seriously, is there ever show me another man who I mean I think there's a movie where a guy plays a tortoise Yeah, you're thinking of the Dana Carvey move I am pistachio disguised yeah, and I think Larry David looks like more of a tortoise than pistachio disguised And he was dressed as a toy.
I would tend to disagree. Okay. I think donatello looks less like a turtle than Larry David Okay, well, I would rather have sex with Donatello. Oh, yeah, that's easy as long as he's willing to shut up If you say cowbunga when I choose I'm gonna kill you I don't even think I could get hard in a random I think I can get out of anybody said cowbunga like if any girl was like cowbunga I'd be like not your job, right?
Or Bernie Sanders, but he talks like an injured turtle. I can't I can't name one person that tells like an injured turtle You could have sex with I'm sure good really. Oh my god. Yeah, who's a chick?
You obviously weren't married in you know? Okay, yeah, tell these a whore I think like a just Because I'm not from the west coast like a super California Valley girl surfer like what was it? Tera de kiddos, you know, I'm gonna suck it for all I can like all that like if she was like cowbunga like it's not a deal breaker for me It mean either Cut that out. Yeah, well, we can cut we could just cut out Oh, yeah, this show already ended two minutes ago We should use that as a podcast So that in some reality we already have okay Patreon comm slash Alice mate if you want to get the real scoop don't die