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Welcome to the show! It's probably really nice, man. Probably. Probably wobbly wobbly wobbly wobbly wobbly wobbly wobbly wobbly!
Man welcome to the show in New Studio and this is my new outfit. I'm just going to wear this for the rest of my life like Albert Einstein but Bruce Lee, do you know how dumb some people are? I post it on Instagram and they go, oh kill Bill and I'm like pfft! Sucker butt douche burger!
Bruce Lee! Yo, kill Bill. Ding dong. You know what I don't like?
Besides like everything. What is in particular? Welcome to the show. Welcome to the New Studio, Michael.
Thank you. What gets your goat in particular. Thank you for asking, Michael. Welcome to the studio in California.
Yeah, I don't analyze how stupid I am. That guy that makes movies that likes to say the N-word, he's not even black. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, he talks a lot of smack on Bruce Lee and I'm like, you know what dude, you're fat and you've got too much of a toe fetish for me to even be India and fuck your comb over man.
Lot of Botox too. Right? It's like get Botox but then stop eating pizza at two in the morning. I want to slap his titties.
Yeah. What's up, tittie boy? Him and Mark Cuban. Both look like they're in a race to become human Minecraft.
Remember when Mark Cuban was at the basketball game in the wind blue? He's going to do a couple. You know, but this one, he's going to do a couple. Okay, TJ.
Remember this one time where the wind caught him but it's weird because it's indoors. I don't remember. Oh, you don't know? McCone, no, he's too young.
No, but he's a basketball guy. Okay, well, there was a time where he was cheering. Maybe because the wind makes no sense, it's inside. But at one point he turned and he went, whoo, and the wind got this bit and it blew it up.
And it was like, dang, Johnny Como. Oh, for real? He is as bold as the American Eagle. Wait, is the American Eagle bold?
The bald eagle is. That's what I mean. He's bold as a bald eagle. He's probably got it.
Which makes more sense. But the bald eagle. Is the American Eagle bold eagle? The one you're thinking of, the dollar bill eagle?
Yeah. That's the bald eagle. But the question is, and it is a fair question, is the bald eagle. Thank you.
Truly, well and truly bold. Now you're asking the right kinds of questions. No, I mean, I like to do my own research. Look, he's not bold at all.
He's got a full head of him. It looks like Christopher Walken. He's got as much hair as Ken Block. When we came back, he used to rest in piece, Ken.
But I was always, I was like, you know what? You know why you sucked it? Because you're never going to go bald. And he'd be like, yeah.
And then he would laugh because I was already bald. But he had the strongest hairline out of any man I've ever befriended. It was undefeated. The name Christ from the old English word bald with an E, meaning white.
Well, I am that too. I'm also ready for war. And if you have hair on the front of your head, get in your eyes. And if you don't have scissors or a good barber, then you're not going to see that blow coming.
You're going to die. That's absolutely right. All of us guys will care. We're cruising for a bruise.
That's what I was. Yeah. Like Mike Tyson. He's bald.
You know why? He's built for war. Like me. Jake Paul.
He's actually built for war. But he's got to come over. What I don't understand. You guys are bald.
You're in bald denials. What you two are. Let it go. Whatever the zen pick of the hairline.
Whatever the echinacea. Whatever they take. They take stuff. And then they do the stapling thing.
You know he really sucks as well? Sorry, Michael. I'm aggressive. The guy of Rock of Love.
He's a nice guy. But he sucks. But it's like, dude, you're stapling a fake wig on your head with the bandana still. And you're doing your weird little, he's got like weird style.
It's just like bruh. Your style is like, it's like, it's like, remember the clothing line that people liked when they went to Vegas nightclubs? You're thinking of affliction. I am thinking of affliction.
He's still got it on. He's got bell bottoms. Affliction bell bottoms. And I'm like bruh.
And you cut off your shirt and affliction shirt and you cut off the sleeves. Except it's on a signature Brett Michaels affliction shirt. And it's like, dude, you just made an affliction shirt. Look good.
You've got the douchey as the affliction shirt. You can't, you don't put your name on. You don't wear your shirt unless you're being funny. You know?
Your friends wear your shirt and you wear your friendship if you've got signature gear. If you're living in that world, you know, because I'm professional athlete. One of the greatest of their ever has been. You know what you speak.
I thank you, Michael. Once again. I heard on a huge podcast that you're one of the top instigators of all time. Street Skater Division.
Did you hear Mark Norman talking smack on me? I'm not talking about that. That's same personal. Same personal.
Hey, Norman. Now I've got the right mark. Well, fuck are you? You know?
In skateboarding. You're like, yeah, I don't think Jason was a real pro. And Ari Shafir was trying to have my back. This is on the Joe Rogan podcast where everybody loves me.
Joe always asked me, I'm like, I'm too busy. One of these day's your schedule is a metron. Well, listen up, sooner or later. I mean, I've got a lot of comedy dates.
You know how it is, Michael. Sure. But Ari was defending me. He's like, no man, I'm pretty sure he was top 10 streets skater in the world.
I was like, oh, so close Ari. Yes. He meant well. Right.
He did. And Mark was like, not he did. I was offended because I know that he did skate. I know that you did skate.
You didn't make it because you're a legend of skateboarding. No offense, but you didn't make it because you're not good enough. You know, that's just the way it is. You had a couple of tricks on some ledges, but guess what?
So did a hundred million other randos. You were never top of the top. Like I was top 10 in the world for over a decade, son. Top three in the world at one point.
Google it. Ask Bucky Lassick. Do you know who that guy is? Ask Tony Hawk.
Do you know who that is? Ask him if I was a legit professional skateboarder. Fuck you. You know?
No offense. I'm sure. Make that a promo. Now what I want to know is in a world where Elon Musk can have...
He's a fucking dickhead as well. I think that I don't think there's much debate there. I can't believe anybody... Your titties are embarrassing as well.
Okay, you got a lot of money, but what happened to your chest? I want to fill your barrel with beer and roll it down a hill. I've noticed that you have started referring to Twitter as X. Yeah, X gonna give it to you.
I don't know why you folded on that one. I thought I was a... I'll cause it's insulting to him that you call it Twitter. Yeah.
Well then Twitter's great. Because he doesn't get to make that call. Like it's ridiculous. I just hate how you can't block him.
He just shows up anyway. Yeah. And he's like, here's who you need to vote for. And I'm like, here's who I need to vote for.
You're the richest person in the world. And none of us are the richest person in the world, I'm pretty sure. So whoever you're voting for, we should not vote for that. Because you are saying, I don't want to pay taxes.
And I'm like, you should pay taxes. I agree, you should pay taxes. You should pay... Look, as much as us.
Honestly, if you had to pay a little more than us, I'd be okay with it. But I don't want to be a douche. Everybody be cool. But you pay less.
You want to pay less because you know that King Comova is going to give you a deal. And then your Twitter thing is all ramped up for lies. You're a liar. You're a liar.
You're a liar. You lie all the time about everything. And it's sad because most of us, when I say us, I say everybody that makes under 200 grand a year. That's everybody.
And most of us, especially the ones that make 30 to 40 a year, are like, oh, Trades in the bathroom. That's an illusion. There isn't it? No kids, just cats.
Shit in that school in a kitty litter. Wake up! Nobody ate a dog. Stop it.
Stop it. I heard Haitians eat those kids. Nice. Nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just... Sometimes two rugs can make a rug. You flood the border with illegal immigrants.
Well, just wait. Wait, wait, wait. They're eating all the transcations. But then Haitians kill the transcations and they bunch your uncle everything south.
Yeah, yeah. You got a bunch of gay Haitians, but that's not Trump's problem. Right. No, well, eventually each other.
That's Haiti's problem. That's... I want to make it something called Haiti's problem. It's got 70 lyrics.
I think Michael F. I've already made a couple. I think he, Brett, Michael's going to make that something. What I want to know about Musk is I'm not a guy who scrutinizes hair lines very easily.
Oh, yeah, he's a bald guy. He got their plugs. What I want to know is why there's Mark Cuban's of the world. If you're going bald and you just go, yeah, I'm going bald and you pick your head, that is what I would do.
Respect. Michael Jordan, me? Some of the greats. So many of the top 10 streets of all time.
Right. On your first street, say, think about it, well, say, think. But I'm saying, that passes the smell test for me. And I think for most people, so why would a Cuban still be a Mark Cuban edit?
It still be going around with a cot mover. Okay, but the video I saw with the wind and flipped it was a decade. That's why I didn't think McCone knew it because it was like a decade ago. It was when he owned the, remember the white guy that was on the basketball team?
It was real good. There were two actually. Ugly white guy. I'm the bloodheaded Norwegian guy.
You're thinking of the German Dirk Nubitsky. I am. Dirk. Man, that name just reminds me of like a poo shooting at someone in tennis.
Yeah. I mean, that's what I would call a video like, I mean, the derking. And it's like, what is derking? It's like, I like to watch people shit.
You know what, one of the things that I mean, fall in love with my wife is that she took it and she was interested in basketball. Yes. And we were watching a Mavericks game and she's like, he looks like shit. And I'm like, and he was non-young player.
I was like, he looks old and she's like, he looks like old shit. Yeah. That's my girl. Yeah, no, that's love.
That's the keeper right there, Michael. I've been right out of that day. I've been very happy ever since. Here's the picture of Cuban with Nubitsky and noted Caucasian of the basketball world.
Steve Nash. Oh, Steve Nash. Dick. No.
No, wait, Steve Kerr is a dick. Is he? Wait, who's the guy that said the Jordan in the big game. Hey, pass it to me.
I just finished watching the last dance mini series. Kerr made that joke at the parade afterwards. Yeah, blonde guy, blonde white guy. Yes.
Okay, I like Kerr. Kerr's awesome. Nash, wait. Yeah, there's from that notorious photo show.
I don't know if I like Nash too. I'm thinking of another guy, Stockton. Oh Stockton's too good. That guy's a pilot shit.
Yeah, fuck that guy. Anyway, hey can you get McCone a photo of millionaire basketball owner, Bold? Cause there was a photo they freeze framed in. It was like dang homie.
There's a lot of bald owners. You could probably go ahead and stick to this thing when you get a comb over and you're in the mirror and you've got all the gel on it and it's holding and you see it from this one angle and you go yes. Yes, I'm still in the game. I think that's a lot of guys in general.
Women are smart or experienced enough to get more than one mirror and check angles. I think most guys, most guys, very often they don't realize they put on weight. Cause when you look directly into the mirror, you don't see your belly sticking out. That's a typical dude thing.
Oh, the helicopter view where from the back, you see the thing on the back, the donut, if you will. Yes, I will. You probably had to score up on the internet. I can't find anything.
Wow, that is so rich. What are, is that really a thing that can be done? Yeah, I did it. How widespread was your thing?
Well, my Johnson is not as in demand as his receding hairline, but I've got a lot of. True hurts. Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I think it's still out there, but most of them are gone. Yeah.
But some people really wanted to, explain my Johnson. You want me to check? Nope. Nope.
I'm already pretty on the edge today. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, it's award winning Jason Ellis here talking to you about BetterHelp. Online therapy made easy, right Michael?
That's right. Comparison is the thief of joy. The genius told me that Sam Tripoli. Wow.
That is literally- I know we're gonna joke about it, a genius. No, you won't. But that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about how you need to stop worrying about what's happening outside.
Start fixing what's happening inside. That's where BetterHelp comes in, convenient online therapy. One time I was real sad. Yeah.
I know, right? And someone was like, once you go to therapy and I was like, no, that's great. Yeah, that's what's happening to me. Yeah.
Yeah. And I was like, all right, you're saying pretty educated. I'll give it a go. And now I'm pretty happy.
Better help. I'm hearing yourself. Other people start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Ellis today to get 10% off your first month.
That is BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash. Ellis. Hey everybody, Jason Els Show.
Sponsored by Miracle Made, the future of Sheets betting. You know the thing that you lie in when you go to sleep every night for the rest of your freaking life. Jason, how often do you clean your clothes? Do you wear the same clothes every day for weeks and even months at a time?
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No bacteria. One particular picture where I don't know how to describe it. That makes you. He's red face and he's winded and he looks like a pig man.
No, it's still there. He's just thinking he's going to make another one tomorrow. But that's the one. That's not the worst.
No, but that is the one that supposedly he wanted to get the internet rid and it just you cannot stop that. It got out that he wanted that off there. I believe so. That's when you ruined.
Because when you find out he wants that off there. Then we got it. Then everyone's going to put it on there. Yeah.
It's going to be hard. I can understand because I was never like as good looking as Axel Rose or as loved. But I was good looking and I had hair. And then especially like at the end of my before I got sober, I looked like absolute shit.
And I remember every now and then I looked at the mirror and go, God, what happened? But I'm not famous. And people didn't post photos and go, God, look what happened to Alice. It was more me.
It's going to be way worse when you have to hear everybody say how what a pile you are. Because most people when they say, well, Axel turned into a pile. OK, shithead, show me you at 25 and then show me you at 45. Yeah.
It's a lot of people that drop off. That is true. But most people are not in the public. I think there's a reason why most celebrities are able to maintain.
Because they feel that constant. It's like to say, well, but even before I was in became law, it's the same reason why why is it that a lot of men and women, but women, put on pounds steadily after they got married. But like trophy wives are far less likely to do that. Because trophy wives know it's part of their fucking job to not get fat.
Rockstars know it's part of their job to not get fat. Like, I think it's a little bit different. It wasn't because he was so busy delivering Amazon boxes that he let himself go. You know, there's a reason why most rockstars are able to keep together.
I think he must have had. I assume it was deep personal emotional issues. I think he's an emotional leader and I think it got the better of him. Yeah, I think Dan's it gets to the phone charger doesn't work.
Meaning meaning the phone for the show for people to text and call the JSNL show, especially for World's Greatest Wednesday. I thought it was 24350-1721. Well, the good news is people who are joining us live right now are able to communicate via the YouTube chat. And a lot of people are going to hear this and they're going to watch this in a week or so from when this is actually happening.
They're going to be like, well, how could I do that? You guys aren't even doing this right now. The answer is you can always reach us directly when we are live on Patreon. If you're a member of our Patreon, one of the many perks is that you are able to watch the live stream of these podcasts as they are being taped.
So when we should we bring up what our World's Greatest Wednesday is? It's pretty big. In honor, I suppose of the season because it was how it was a season for that? For Halloween?
Oh, I didn't know it was Halloween. I thought you were going to say it was a season for horror movies. Well, yes. Oh, yeah.
They do tend to really surround Halloween. I mean, it's pretty smart model. I can't avoid it in my life. I know what I would do with that.
In my life, I appreciate that. Thank you. My kids flipped a switch. Like when I was growing up Christmas, it was a hard and fast rule.
How was that sound? I think. Did you just text me? Maybe Macon is doing?
You notice I can't. Yeah. You know what I'm getting? That might have been the best one I ever did.
It still sucked, but still. It wasn't good. It's still the best ones. The best ones I ever did.
It just text me. I can't do it. Yes, the phone is dead. Oh, wait, and that's official?
Oh, cookies. Can you? I just want one cookie. I'll do the show better if I have a cookie.
Is Miles like the Beetlejuice of cookies? Cookies come out on the side of Miles. I'm telling you, he's goddamn Beetlejuice. I would love to, but you know, as a goddamn professional.
I know I'm not very professional, but I've got to have a cookie. I understand. So Christmas when I was a kid, Christmas. I think it's commercial.
Yeah, when Joe Pesci. Was it Joe Pesci? Was it Bobcat? He was like, what do you want to do?
I don't remember that one. That was funny. He was like, pulling those chicks ugly. That's particularly funny when Joe Pesci says it.
Right, because he's a pretty hideous man. Yeah, would you sleep with him? Because he's pretty witty at no point. When he was in...
Did fellas? Yeah, you would, I would date him. What, he stabbed that guy with a pencil? That was horny.
Do you mean if you were a girl or like you? Because there's certainly... Oh, bro. Oh, okay.
What the hell? I don't know who could have ever gotten an impression or how. Thank you, Michael. Where in the new studio?
If I was a lady, would I know? I hate to see guys like, I think I'm a little sensitive to the Joe Pesci thing. I hate to see pieces of shit like that get rewarded in the romantic and sexual arenas. Well, I didn't say I was a hot lady.
If I was... I'm an absolute bush, look at me. If I'm an AC trailer skank, who's AC trailer? Atlantic City.
If I'm like New Jersey trash? If I was a lady right now, what lady do you think you would compare me to as a celebrity? Oh, I love this question. Does Sable, still a person?
The former professional wrestler? Oh, oh. Who'd you think I went? I thought you were talking about...
Remember the lady, the blonde-haired lady that used to argue with Bruce Willis in that office? Sible Shepherd? Oh, man. You think I'm like...
I don't think that's a contemporary photo. Can we get Sable 2024? Oh, man. I don't know.
She might be great. I still think it's probably a good comparison. Yeah, I think you're like a retired pro wrestler, check. Yeah, yeah.
Which is... Yeah, there we go. That's about right. That is...
Wow, dude, that's spot on. She might be a long lost sister. Big enough sunglasses and we can make this work. See Dave Grohl's a whore?
Yeah, how crazy is that? Good old guy. You can't... No, you can't.
He's a slut whore. I wonder if at a certain point... I feel like I could even catch that off of him that he started to push back a little bit. Once it became the cliche that he's the nice guy rock star.
He's like, I want to be very clear. I'm a human being and I've got my good days and bad days and I think at that point he already knew like it's only a matter of time before my whore-ish clandestine baby-making way. He's a whore and a cheater and I'm not. I never thought I could ever say that.
But today's the day. I'm not gay. At this exact moment in time, that's right. This is Brianna's nomination.
For what? Brijita. For you. Well, I'm not out of here.
We already... Michael, I'm not Brijita Nielsen. Also, how's she doing? I'm not here Brianna.
I'm not Brijita Nielsen. How's she doing these days? She's an addict. Because I don't think she's spending a ton of time with...
Play-of-play. ...viking play-of-play of anymore. That photo's like 15 years old. What's wrong with the side of her head?
Has she recently gotten attacked by a zombie? Her dad was a horse. So anyway, back to World's Greatest Wednesday. Hey, I got a cookie over my Bruce Lee suit.
It suits you. Oh. Wednesday! Who wears the greatest...
Oh, oh, it's the greatest Wednesday! Who's the greatest... Who's the greatest... Oh, that's Paul.
Are you magic? Literally, you just threw your hand and that happened. Yeah, I full of electricity. Clearly.
I'm electrifying. Probably because you're dressed like your favorite transformer today. Bumblebee. Yeah.
You're lucky I had a cookie. I know. You've taken this average piece for a moment. So when I was a kid, there weren't a lot of rules.
We had rules in our society when I was a kid. Not many, but we fucking deserved it. Like if a guy was running for president and there was a picture of a certified bimbo sitting on his lap, you stopped running for president. You didn't even try to keep running for president because everybody knew that you were a man...
...a bit by loving man. You were not fit to be the leader of the free world. That's all. You could still be cool at parties.
Christmas season did not start until the day after Thanksgiving. They would not show ads for anything Christmassy until the night... ...like they would literally wait until people had all across the land finished Thanksgiving dinner before they... ...and if a company of Coca-Cola had tried to breach that rule, it would have been bad news for Coca-Cola because we wouldn't stand for that shit.
And now November 1st, every year Mariah Carey declares the beginning of Mariah's season. Halloween... She should start Halloween. Halloween needs...
I love Halloween. And it's Fumney of Kids. I love Mariah Carey. Halloween needs three weeks.
Absolute Maximum. Yeah, I agree. I went to the Red Cross to give Blood two weeks ago. It is fully...
Does Mariah know of all of you? I don't want to... I mean, am I a hero? Yeah, you are.
Yeah, you are. I'll say that. I am. 20 pints certified so far.
That's like... That's like a hero baby. I'm like four people versus cuts. I want to talk to you.
I can't even sing. That guy can't even sing. That's Enrique. Yep.
Okay, I don't know. He's a gluteus. That's how he pronounces it. That's exactly how he says it.
He had sex with a tennis player. She wasn't that good, but she was good. You know what I mean? She's probably still hot, I reckon.
She sucks at tennis. Unlike me at skateboarding. If you go who's better at their respected sports, I beat us destroy anacrona coba. Maybe.
And I've had sex with better singers. Maybe. Which is... I'm having sex with somebody right now who's a better singer than Enrique and Glaceas.
Nice, man. That's how you say that. See that, a tour now? This is our in 2019.
She mainly just post pictures of her kids now, but... Pfft, okay. Okay, it's stupid. Look at me.
I had a baby. Like shit. I can't even know. Look at me.
Guys, I got a uterus. Like, yeah, congratulations. So do we all. I'm so tired.
Isn't everybody just bored of all of this? Really? Like, who's the person that's like, oh delightful. Did you see this photo?
Former tennis great, anacova posted over a five-year-old. Oh, look, they've got some frosting on their face. Oh, my God. Shut up, kid.
Keep your frosting to yourself. Unless it's Paris Hilton's child with this giant cranium planning to take over the world. Yeah, I want to see it, because what the fuck happened to you kid? Yeah.
Who dropped you a thousand times? I love respect and fear that child. And if I didn't feel that way, I still wouldn't verbalize it. I still wouldn't verbalize it.
And I'm like, for fear that he would vaporize me with his mind. With his mind. Which is my... Yes, he's good.
That's enough. Google it, because you probably haven't. Trust me, that kid has scanners powers. Speaking of more on...
Have you seen that guy squinting? He's either shitting his diaper or something somewhere? Or something somewhere else. Or making a small African baby explode.
Because he's a racist as well. But you're a whistling noise, it's possible. Paris Hilton's not a ring underwear. Hey everybody, Jason L.
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There's so many better things to spend your money on than needlessly overpriced wireless charges. You've seen those realistic sex dolls. Man, I knew you were going to say that. Have you seen the ones that are actually alive?
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I mean, just like, I'm just listening to my music on my phone. Oh no, you've already been doing that for three days. That's unfair. You're at your SOL for the next 27 till the month rolls over.
Why?! Right, I'll never do that to you. Oh, he's a good guy. I enjoy his work in my life.
Screw everybody else though. I watch Deadpool over the weekend. Hold up very well. Deadpool.
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This Saturday it's a band. My friends got a band. He's like a proper soldier and stuff. He fought for this country and he's got a band where I listen to the entire album.
The whole time in the kitchen I cooked and hung out and I was like, wait a minute, did I just listen to this entire album? I did. That's pretty good. They got some catchy songs.
They got a mean guitarist. Yeah, I like it. It's not bad. It's like metal riffs.
Mad metal riffs. And they're good people. So check out this band this Saturday and check out their new album called Setlist and support the homies as well as it's. You know what, man?
You want to make it? You want to make it? You want to be a celebrity? Like I want to be good at my craft.
Have I fallen victim to wanting to be a celebrity and hanging out with celebrities? Yes I have. But now I see it to be a picture. It's about being real, being real, being awesome, helping influence people to be great people, be great human and fuck off with your modeling career Paris Hill.
Don't tell me what to do you bitch. I'm not doing anything for you. You don't like the little people in the little people like this. That's the way we are.
That's most of us. That's right. I just I don't want to keep your money. I don't want to.
I don't want to be a part of it. When I become a giant comedian, I'm not to fuck off. I don't want to be in it. I don't want to do it.