Jealousy, Comparison, and “not-enougness” as Pathways to Personal Discovery

Happy Gal-entines Day! In this episode we explore what it means when we say, “It takes a lot of energy to not be yourself.” Comparison is a tool we and many of our clients often use to prove our not-enoughness. We make assumptions and inferences about others that ultimately we use to beat ourselves up. We will share how we use tools of alignment, values, and curiosity to explore a more empowered perspective on comparison. We literally swap out the judgmental “not enough” glasses and show what happens when we swap them out for the lens of curiosity. This is a great episode to watch on our YouTube Channel because you can see Whitney literally change from Corporate Whitney gremlin to herself in a fuschia jacket. She also dons a pair of “Not Enough” and “Curiosity” glasses to illustrate how we see the world through each of those lenses. If you like what you are hearing, please subscribe to join our Untrained Tribe! Links: https://linktr.ee/untrainedpod... Linktr.ee above has all our contact info to stay informed and in touch. 0:07:51 - Tapping Into the Comparison Gremlins (62 Seconds) 0:00:43 - Confronting Comparison Gremlins (82 Seconds) 0:03:19 - Managing Jealousy and Comparison Gremlins (92 Seconds) 0:23:26 - The Power of Gratitude and Acceptance (77 Seconds) 0:28:06 - Using Comparison to Embrace Yourself (87 Seconds) Tapping Into the Gremlins0:07:51 - 0:08:52 (62 Seconds) "Right? And I could introduce you to the Gremlins, like who people in my life who I feel embody corporate Whitney, like, actually successfully. Right? And I spent years comparing myself to them. And, you know, a lot of the places that I would sort of double down on or come to is, like, at the end of the day, I was bad or wrong because I wasn't more like them. Right? I was bad or wrong for not being like them and usually more effort would solve the problem. Right, efforting to sort of present a different way or efforting to, like, just do more work. Because what was the approach that I came from? So I just think it's really interesting when the gremlins come up to use that self awareness muscle." Confronting Comparison Gremlins0:00:43 - 0:02:05 (82 Seconds) "Happy Valentine's Day, Iris. Oh, happy Valentine's Day. I've got my XO scarf on. Well, I'm Corporate today because we're talking about comparison and jealousy and our comparison gremlins. So I thought I would dress like one of mine. This is such a great topic, this jealousy piece because it comes up a lot for our clients, and it comes up a lot for us. Big time. We're gonna spend some time talking about our own gremlins. And we're gonna spend some time talking about how we work with our clients and their gremlins. I was gonna say, since we picked this topic last week and we really have been thinking about it, I have been visited by many of my gremlins.” Managing Jealousy and Comparison Gremlins0:03:19 - 0:04:51 (92 Seconds) "And it's a timely topic because social media is only getting stronger. And -- Yeah. -- it is something that I think we need to build some habits, boundaries, and tools around. Yeah. I mean, I talk about this way back when there were horses and buggies. You could only compare yourself to the people in your town, or maybe if you went to the big city. Right? And now if I want to, within five minutes, I can compare myself to someone who's better at me at working out, gardening, keeping a house, social media, you're like, anytime I'm feeling not enough I can prove that I am not enough. There are, like, billions of images out there to help me prove that. So I do think you're right that we need to have tools to manage this because even if we are people like ourselves who work at this day in and day out, it's a tough world to stay centered in. No one is immune. For sure. No one is immune. So you are dressed. Let's start with the gremlin numero uno, which is you are dressed in a certain way. Tell me about this first gremlin you have?" The Power of Gratitude and Acceptance0:23:26 - 0:24:43 (77 Seconds) "I go, you know, I'm thankful there are other moms out there, and you know what? Good for her. You know, it's almost like giving her a blessing. Like, That takes a lot of work. I bless her for doing that. Bless her for doing that, you know, or him or whatever the parent. So I utilize that as a way to give myself permission to let it go. Because I think the part of the problem is as you see something out here and then you're like, I'm gonna put it on myself and I'm gonna get really judgmental and upset with myself. So instead, what I like to do is that tool of I bless her because you know what? It's amazing that she can do that. And they've decided to do it. It's very aligned with them. And that's cool because not everyone needs to be like me, not everyone needs to be like her.” Using Comparison to Embrace Yourself0:28:06 - 0:29:33 (87 Seconds) "So if we take a tour through what we've talked about relative to this topic, first, Notice if you're using comparison as a tool to prove you're not enough-ness. Right? Just notice and you probably can figure that out pretty quickly relative to how it makes you feel and know that actually not feeling lousy about yourself isn't gonna get you somewhere. But There is some good information in there. If we're curious, oh, is there something inspiring here? What is it about? Help you know it. Someone being more in the public eye that appeals to, you know, to your colleague. Can we mine it for things that resonate with us, that we want more of in our life. Right? And when we do that, it's helpful to think about, well, does that mean my values have changed. Right? It kind of invites us to review our values and see, are we living in alignment with our values? Do we need to make some shifts? Because the tides change. Right? And I think it takes a lot of energy not to be yourself. Cut that constant invitation. Where can your permissions look to be yourself? We help our clients be ourselves. We help one another be more of ourselves. That's where we found sustainable energy, more creativity, more vitality."