So now go. I'll count you in. Count me in. Alright, three, two, one.
Swatty-bitch-wee. Probably you and I, she's what you mean. Swatty-not. Kig!
A smoke machine. Mums. You know, if it wasn't for Mums, none of us would be here. Because Mary's a liar!
Liar! You... somebody... had intercourse...
with Mary. She got hot-mucked. Is that what they call that? That's what I call it.
Every time I make love to my wife. Really? I can't believe you still have one. Hey, you smother her so much that...
When you throw it out, I had really lumped everything about hot-boxing you ever since we sat down for dinner. And she'd not leave. You married that one. Right, good point.
If you're just turning in, we're not really here. We're just smoking the wind. Dude, this is... Jeremiah Watkins might be here, but he also might not be.
He may be the longest-f ever. He could be via internet. Do you say via or via? I think I say via.
Which country is Australia's via? I think so. Every time I hear an Australian announcer, I'm like, shut up, you idiot. You know?
If you're an administrator... If you're an administrator, I'll go to A.U. Then do that. If you're here, shut up, you idiot.
You know? Learn how to say that English, right? It's like, you know, it's because there's a super cross guy and he says... Stuff where it's just like, no, dude.
That's not how you say his name. I'm saying the Australian version. It's like you're not in Australia. Paying respects to the king.
Which is the USA. Oh, there we go. There we go. Oh, this baby bird is taking flight right now.
You don't exist. Oh, you're getting there. Oh, I'm getting there. Oh, we're getting there.
No, no, no, no, no. We're going to shut. I need to shut. That'll do it.
Oh, now we look cool. I had a t-shirt. I could get it out of here. Oh, yeah.
I've been talking about a fan for like six years. I think this is the same amount of smoking in the room if you want to interview J-Lo on camera these days. No, it's not J-Lo. J-Lo doesn't do...
You know who does fuzzy screen? Whitney Cummings, especially when she interviews that weird chick that talks about the gold juice. Teran Manning. Yeah, Teran Manning's got a wrinkly face and she keeps trying to hide it.
So what? You're a chinless... Let woman. Who cares?
Who needs chins? Guess what? There's tons of micro dicks out there too. Who cares?
Stop ducking. I'm getting my faces coming off of bald. You know? Do they have the other day?
What is that? I don't know, somebody just brought it up and I can't stop seeing it. In a comment or what? No, a friend.
Oh. She said her mother's getting a surgery that's not- it's not- it's not- it's elective. It's not elective because it's like actually affecting her vision. And she's like, your eyes.
And I was like, wait, my eyes look like your mother's saggy eyes. And she was like, well, not exactly. I know that she- like, I know a lot of fighters have it. And I was like, don't they don't.
Nothing, don't. You're just back pedaling. I'm hideous. Goddamnit.
Are you going to get a lift? Oh, I kind of- I would if I had to money. That makes sense. He would do that.
I'm pretty sure he did do that. Yeah He's definitely trying to fight. I think you guys maybe want to let it go because he's in hell because he's old and he wants to stay attractive For the ladies even though he's married like five times a bunch of babies I have what you have a sip who cares? I mean he's married now, right?
Oh, he's got a baby now You know what? He's great I'm just saying he's somebody that I can relate to when it comes to caring about what you look like Regardless of being married or whatever. How many babies you have you care too much about how you look and I and I too care too much About how I look and when I see him caring too much when I'm like you didn't look that bad I didn't even notice it right now. I'm starting to make myself feel better because I'm like let it go be old, you know I've been dating up again, and I've been swiping right on old people just because I was like, you know, we'll both die together I don't know especially if I can be totally sexist here for a second.
Oh, yeah, I personally am I right? I've said this many times as I get older don't get us started over here I know I am a guy as long as he stays fit and wasn't totally hideous to begin with like Callan was gonna look just fine until he was he is fit 70. I think he's a good looking guy I totally agree. I think you should get rid of his hair You take you take a bigger risk in having work because of all the ways that it can go wrong That's how I feel with men and women in general though He's better right I think his eyes look tighter I'm only worried about when you do like when you open your eyes and what whoa wait Which ones before and after you can't tell one's more open than the other?
Well, I feel like he's making different expressions. Yeah, he's opening. He's like look. I got I got saggy eyes and then look I don't like that's this is that's not how it works.
I think that's what it look like before okay No, he had differently. Okay, see if I have that I probably would get it because that's that's that's second But it's but it's coming he's older than me. It's coming right? It's coming from a different is he's like a shut up Jason It's about to hate on myself again.
I'm great. Yeah, you're awesome. I know I'll be fine I'm gonna be fine. Some super hot chick's gonna be all over me You see dude, I don't be rolling in it.
I don't doubt that at all. I'm Saying negative Jason Really honest, I'm down it really why I don't know just having a run man what dude We all have bad runs man for a while. Hey some runs are longer than others. Well, this runs sucks Yeah, well, it's becoming a bad ultra marathon.
Thank you Michael. You're such a good word sometimes You fucked up with some of the hottest girls I've seen ever this past year see Okay, the one that you're probably referring to ask me for $200 No, that is definitely not the one that I'm referring to man. You got catfished on that one kind of girl asking for $300 every time It's probably hotter you got catfished. No, you get catfish.
What do you mean catfish? She showed up and I boned her It was just she didn't look like her photos She didn't look like a fuck she had done some stuff then like her booty was nowhere near as big in real life in her face was I'm gonna be mean. I don't we mean okay, but it wasn't good. All right, okay I just don't want to be mean to people.
Oh, I just confused as to why she's you're saying you can't get with hot chicks And she's saying what about that one hot chicken? You guys are competing to describe how trollish she was No, thank you, but that was one of many but I've seen some of the most Many I've seen some of the most beautiful women Oh, yeah, one one beautiful guy did they and she dumped me because I was too old. That's why she dumped you she was like I'm 28 you're 50. Let's be serious.
She did not say that Okay, that's a little harsh and then she asked me for to I got her a gun that doesn't shoot real bullets It's like a self-defense gun because I wanted her to get it because boys were being mean to her on the streets And I was like I'll get you this gun and then after we broke up She was like being nice to get the gun and then I got the gun she ever told me oh wow Did you give her one of those Alec Baldwin guns? It's just fake from the get guy I think she would have shot me she's not a huge fan anyway, yeah, but that's one no there was okay Yeah, I can count on one I can count at least five that were some of the most beautiful women I've seen come through here and men well down taste hot, but I'm not gay Yeah, I'm not gonna go name them all but I'm just saying it's not like you haven't had any beautiful They weren't they weren't they weren't they weren't I don't want to do it. They weren't the one that's all it's tough That one you know like the one like in you know the one that like saves the earth in fifth element Yeah, like that that's what you're looking for yeah some screwed well That's why it's right. That's a hard fine.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just don't want it now that I'm super sober guy. I just have way higher Expectations maybe I guess levels like I just like you gotta have a bunch of stuff now Did you have a lower target range when you weren't really yeah for sure?
Oh, do you feel like because you're more clear now and you just have more clarity and now you're seeing things that annoy you a little bit more Things not so much annoying things that would make me feel negative Yeah, if you have a negative vibe or a thing that makes me feel negative sure because I'm just all about trying to be positive Mm-hmm. I've got a lot of negative in me and I'm trying to get rid of it sure I'm not gonna bring somebody along that's gonna keep me damn And it's no offense to them. It's just when I detect it and I detected a lot and I'm like, oh no like I can't Carry anybody anymore like you got to help me now. We're gonna help each other or I'm not gonna do it Right just not gonna get into it.
So that's kind of where it is Do you think a lot of those people on those apps are are have a negative affinity? Oh, what I've noticed is the ones that want to talk to me aren't hot and are crazy and the ones that are really hot just Like match with me and then never told to me which is depressing because they're like maybe they looked a little harder Like yeah, I actually know I've heard that might be fake I've heard that some women like to get the matches just for boost of confidence But they have no intention of even going on the dates. Yeah, that's what I've heard I think you're right and I can see where if you have an unusual vibe if you're that kind of lady You might go well, I know this kind of dude always swipes at me this kind of dude. Oh wonder if this dude swipes I can easily imagine okay, right?
Yeah, then that both those things you both said add up to what dude there could be girls rubbing it out Just the idea of you matching with them and that's all they want. That's all they need dude. Yeah, everything for them It doesn't that's not helping. That's not helping.
It's not depressing either, but it's not helping You don't feel kind of cool about that? No, no I appreciate it Here does it seem to piggyback in something you were saying like younger generations are a little bit darker in general because I'm kind of inclined to say Yes, I feel like I was a teenager in the 90s And we were kind of the first generation where it was okay to embrace like Jeanine Garafolo is cool Prozac is there I don't know nothing means anything anymore But I feel like nowadays the number of young people who self-diagnose anxiety self-diagnose depression It's I feel like it's become so okay to be those things yeah That some people almost maybe talk themselves into being worse that way than they even are yeah Kind hasn't changed that I mean, you know biologically we haven't I think we just used to hide it way better right yeah I was supposed to say that you're a little bit autistic. I learned that on tiktok right yeah That's insulting to did you say you were a little autistic? I had a friend that said that I might be and I was like oh maybe I am because they are but I think they might be get false they might be diagnosing themselves with a bit of a loney stolen autism valor Yeah, because it's a little bit or you say you're high On the spectrum you have a high functioning high functioning It's an insult to people that are actually on the spectrum Oh, and I didn't realize that it and I'm not I don't think I am and I definitely wouldn't say if what if I am I'm not high functioning Well you would be because high functioning autistic means like you can hold the job means like me that's like tall midget Right that's not insulting at all Michael Functioning on this guy's gonna be a Tom midgy it means you're the least that thing but you're still Cajun and bomb like you can't do that.
No, that's a different thing. I stand by my analogy No, you got it. Hey everybody Jason also the Jason L show talking about miracle made sheets Did you know that betting can hold more germs than a toilet bowl? It's true.
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I was that's ridiculous all of the archives are available You can get them individually you don't even need to sign up you can pay and get tiny little chunks for tiny little money Or you can go big get real sign up for a full access subscription and get when we say full access We mean full access to the whole magilla cutty you can see all the way up the whole patreon.com slash Ellis made You got a podcast already. It's doing a hundred thousand YouTube. You're huge already. It's a success.
Well, it's a it's a combined it's a combined effort Scissor bros laid the base. Yeah for sure. I'm not about that my friend. Hey, man.
I really like that show. I really like you I love Stevie. We be I always forever well. He's all forever my scissor brother and you know Of course, it was a bummer to end the show of course and it was a bummer for our listeners and viewers too because they were such a strong Base of people but a good amount of them have followed over to the new podcast trailer tales with which I'll see Lynn Libby Higgins And yeah, so we kept the three of you.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll throw this every episode. I've never pet a hairless cat before by the way It's like balls. It's wild.
He's cool, right? Yeah, he's super cool. I never on screen. I've seen them on screen I'm like I don't think I'd like those guys and now I'm petting one.
I'm like this is kind of awesome He's fun. Yeah, if you like grabbing your nuts, you'll probably like hairless cats. Yeah, he really likes Michael Yeah, he love me till I bled last time. Yeah, wow sometimes he fights Michael while Michael's talking to me and I find that to be very funny It's defending your honor.
He just attacks. He's like sweater and stuff and I'm like did yeah give him a break I am particularly scratchy today. So he's he's he's mad. He's mad.
He's gonna stuff. I know there it is. I'm not particularly attached to this jacket I'm sorry rebel bin give him a break. I fed you on purpose.
So you go take a nap I guess that didn't work. So why trailer? Tales are you particularly in my particularly trash trash? I feel like I never really thought about a bajara Maya sounds like a name that either really rich people are really poor people give their Kansas City's trash isn't it?
Yeah, I'm gonna say that wrong. Absolutely. I'm not offended by that at all But I so I have family when they won that game and you posted you looked trashy as hell of course I did he screamed into your baby's ear dude of course you lost it of course I went off as a fair as a fair But we built a good memory together He was he had never seen my son had never seen me that like I that level and he was scared Yeah, he was scared of first me too and then he like got into it and then after he's like oh, geez He got it. He got it.
It was pretty cool to see. That's awesome. Yeah, it's particularly tense even by Super Bowl standards. Yeah, you know Yeah, I don't know any about football and I thought it was an insane game.
Yeah. Yeah, it was an insane game Oh, yeah But I'm from Kansas my family Iowa and like I have family who lives in a trailer park, you know Yeah, so like you know not all we'll all weave in stories from our past like little tidbits that are it But we'll do it in our character voices that will pull from stuff that happened Okay from childhood and different stuff like that It's like tweaked a little bit and sometimes and like my sister noticed one of the ones she was watching with that She's I can't believe you include that I'm like, they don't know they don't know what's the character and what's from our lives or anything like that But yeah, but what I was saying about scissor bro is like the first 90,000 subscribers on that page are our scissor siblings So some people decide to leave and they unsubscribed but then Chelsea and Libby have been helping promote our new podcast Yeah, and we drove new traffic to it. So now it just broke over 100,000. So it's it's cool.
It's like it's bigger than Cesar brothers. Well, I mean technically at the moment. It's brand new anything this brand new always has you know I mean, but yeah, I'm grateful right now that people are digging it So yeah, cuz it's it's a very very fun show to make because it's all improv is all this riffing and I love doing characters And I've been looking for a platform to do that for a while I'm I show Jeremiah wonders how to have people come on and like, you know Where wigs and the different stuff like that and the first few episodes of trailer tales were a Jeremiah winners episode We had Chelsea on and it did so well that we then had Libby on and then we had her husband Greg on who plays a character Darryl and they all did playing a character is Libby. Yeah.
Yeah, she's so good at it though People think she's real all the time. Yeah, me too people stop me and ask me They're like how like they're like I know who Chelsea is but like who how is she involved with the pockets? I go she's playing a character and people are blown away They're like I am that's a so wait. They always ask right is that is crystal her real name?
I'm actually I'm wearing her merch right now. I love I love oh wow Chelsea and Olivia Higgins. This is this is crystal who Libby Higgins plays on the podcast and what's her background? Like she's a comedian or what does she stand up and then she's a longtime improviser and she's been doing character work for years She's like really really good.
Is that a character that she's been working on a long time? Yeah, yeah, cuz it flows she she's been doing crystal and then she did this other character that went viral like eight or nine years ago Those like she was the excuse me the McRib Lady I don't know if you ever saw any of those videos online, but it's her complaining about the McDonald's on darsett Wouldn't give me a McRib like like what she's filming in the parking lot and it looks like a real woman Yeah, I mean yeah, yeah, and people think that Chelsea's character Tammy is real all the time. Oh wow all the time Okay, even though she's pretty clear about like with her pages and stuff like hey This is me Chelsea Lynn. This is the character I do but like they still people all the time think that Tammy's real Is it a stretch for either one of them like when they're being who they really are is it far off?
No, that's what's what's good about the characters. It's it's a it's a variation or degree off minds the biggest stretch because I'm Like I wasn't raised in the south south I was raised in the Midwest But I have family and influences that are very much like that character. Yeah But mine's the biggest stress because people know me as a guy who does characters So obviously mine's gonna be a bigger stretch than like if you met me doing that character Right, you're making me realize that like it's I don't do act I'm not an actor I've been in some stuff and I'm terrible But a character that would be based off some people from my childhood would be the easiest one to do of course I can remember what yeah some bogus I was about to say you did you have some bogans that yeah? Yeah, it is I do a joke about the burnout king and I over exaggerate how he really talks But it's because a lot of people in Australia really did talk like that we when we did a years ago Kill Tony in Australia.
We did this we did bogans We play yeah, and yeah Yeah, and Dave Gunther who is on the podcast he was one of the bogans in Australia for that crowd because my character Dave Gunther is One of the first original characters I started doing like I've got footage of me on YouTube like from 15 years ago playing that character Being a bogan being a redneck but like for Australia. We were we were bogans who came over from the States Were you doing an Australian accent? No, we were just like okay. Yeah, we're just being rednecks Yeah, cuz I feel like when I do a bogan rednecks like it.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to be a universal Yeah, it is yeah.
Yeah, there's trash in every where you you know doesn't matter what country you look There's gonna be those kind of people yeah. Yeah, are you step a great bit about how every country has garbage people? Mm-hmm. Yeah Obvious people fair enough.
Yeah, so I've literally never as to the best my knowledge step foot in a trailer park What would people like me have wrong about the trailer park experience? Is it sounds silly, but some of them are actually nicer than you'd think I remember Rob from machine head saying that that like where he came from Like everything is relative. You know your your poor Yeah, I remember when we moved from the bad trailer park to the good trailer park Well, that's the thing like like the trailer park that my family lived in like I have a joke about it I talk about on stage I'm like I always thought we had a lot of money because we had the double wide trailer instead of the single white like okay Yeah, you know, it's still yeah, no part that a million times literally what does that mean? So a sick it's literally the width of the trailer So the ones that you typically see in movies those are the single ones those are very small They're very very narrow, but a double wide is literally double the width of that one Yeah, so you have a full on living room in the double wide you have a full on living room There was two bathrooms in the one that that my nan big pop had that I grew up going to so it was like it was like a nice one I used to go to a trailer park in Australia every year We go camping in a trailer park in the bush like near the Murray River Yeah, she's like we're all the aboriginals on stuff like that That's why I like the closest town was like a pub they had like a pub in a milk bar Which is because what you would do was sort of seven seven eleven years now, but they called a milk bars in the shade I wonder if they still have him, but it's you can get milk and candy and bread and stuff, but At night they all the all the stores have metal gates metal like things that roll up and close all the stores off because Aboriginals would just break the glass and steal stuff.
Yeah, because they get a government gives them money in a car and You're in for like compensation for stealing their land. I think That reparations kind of the other would all the checker says my dad. Yeah They would always cut the roof off their cars and put as many of them in it So it'd just be like 10 to 12 Aboriginals in a car with no roof on it and they're all drinking the whole time and they don't really get de-wise Like you kind of they let them kind of let us light a little beer all the time and they're wasted and that's like this That's like a CD Aboriginal you know like I'm pretty ignorant as far as like that original is like like nowadays like how populated are they throughout? Well, this was 40 years ago But yeah, they when I when I was a kid there were still real Aboriginal So when I say real I mean they lived in the bush right right and then the city ones would have you know like watches and jeans on and Have they given them homes and stuff at this point?
No, they're still I don't I mean I think they still people who live in the bush like that. They give him money So you get the doll is it's like welfare in in Australia It's called the doll then they get more than than a normal person for the doll So that they can have more money to get to rent a house and if they leave out there I don't think that it would be kind of like the Native Americans with like reservations and stuff out here But every girls never did a reservation. They never no they don't they're not good Well, they were never good with their money like they never had like casinos I don't know if it's legal to have a casino in Australia Maybe things have changed but they never like an Aboriginal gated community where you go in and give them all their money It was they would just they go to the pub and then they come out and park their cars with no roofs and get drunk and sprawl out all over the Over the lake or whatever, but Native Americans didn't like all four reservations. They got put on reservation Oh, yeah, I told this is where you go.
Hey, this is your new The good news is you live here the bad news is you can't not live here right and then the casinos I remember when they passed that law people were like, okay, the Native Americans whatever we're doing It's not working. They're still kind of hurting and they said well What about if we may change the law? It's illegal to open a casino outside of Las Vegas or Atlantic City But reservation land is technically considered their nation not ours They run it right. Yeah, but like so who's to say that they can't open a casino on their land and then all of a sudden every reservation Had a casino and all of a sudden there was money pouring into yeah, right?
Yeah, as far as I know, Aboriginal's don't have that Right because they didn't give them a casino to right like a lord It said you guys can have that's absolutely right. Yeah, but they don't they don't talk about I was like 10 11 12 kind of thing But when I was in that that camp there like there was always like people that lived there all year round And I would always kind of like I hooked up every now and then with some with some girls That's hot. Yeah, but this one time I was hooked up with a girl and she was older than me and she was a bit slow Okay, now would be the time to say that you're high functioning Yeah, I just realized I probably look I was Truly young yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't know we're playing video games together and she seemed fine to me And then we went BMX riding around the park and then we went for a swim and she had like a one piece bikini I won what do you call it? I want these babies baby and she was hanging off a branch in the current is pretty strong in the You gotta finish I know it was like too far it was like kind of coming off and I was like hey You're your thing is coming off when you say coming off where was it coming off?
She had some pretty sweet slow boobies She was older than me so I was kind of fair like I still say like if it was if we had like a math test she would have won You know, you know, so she was older, but since you were slow you guys were the same age. Yeah, but the boobs were perfectly high functioning They were really high function time. We made out. Okay.
That's as far as I want to say it went Okay, cool, but we were like BMX bandits because that was when BMX bandits was out you guys ever see BMX bandits I can't even was in it. That's right. Oh, it was way before Nicole Kidman was like a famous Hollywood actress Did you ever see that movie with a magic dirt bike? She definitely moved on what?
Yeah, there's a man is in the 80s is the movie about a magic dirt bike not? Oh man, Australian? Yeah, it was dude in the 80s. They would just make whole plots about like a magic skateboard or a magic It's like like I don't know how to explain it.
It would just be like I don't know the ways that it was magic What's it called the dirt bike kid maybe 1985 maybe I don't know. No way. No, maybe that doesn't seem I was at a skateboard TV show is it yeah, it says he used his magic bike to save the local hot dog stand It sounds about right to me Dang you see just flying here. Yeah.
Oh, it is magic. Okay. Now. I get it.
That is a magical jump right there. Let's go Oh, no, I went over the bars. Yeah, it's the kid from a Christmas story. Hey, is it Ralphie?
Oh, yeah, that kid actually turns out was in two movies. It's a pretty man Back before any crusty demons of dirt looking back you probably could have shot a little higher than saving a hot dog stand Yeah, with a magic little small for that bike. Oh, look it changes. It is a dirt bike.
Depending on what country you're in dude Yes, oh he pulled it into a car. Oh my man. Yes, Rex the cops are covering I was using it to kill people. Yeah, it's it's over.
Oh man. It's over all the Rex cops. Oh I love how when you go back and watch 80 stuff like that It's clearly a bad guy that just fell on his nuts and hurt himself How there was no distinction between a guy who was big because he was strong and a guy who was big just because he was fat Yeah, anytime somebody actually knocked something over the guy turned around. It's like just run It's like and then they had fat guys in the UFC to go like kick in the face and everyone's like wait a minute.
Yeah, maybe muscles would help Yeah, it turns out that's actually more than a bit Ability is kind of important. Yeah, so if you miss it's gotta get up quick. Yeah, yeah This is going to shame used to do Moto demos Dale Buggins and Dale Buggins was like the before crusty demons of dirt He was like our evil Knieble and he used to do dirt demos very very do big jumps and stuff and Dale Buggins is a legend my little brother loved him. I think he killed himself Sorry should we go back to the original chick?
Did you get her home in time for Wobner I found a list of the most expensive trailer parts in America tell you those expensive there's one Culver City I'm more interested in the in the brokers one. Yeah, you know what I found. It's not exactly the same thing Oh, yeah, it's hard right. Oh, yeah, like ten bucks a month kind of thing No, it's still be I mean, I'm guessing like there'd still be a hundred two hundred dollar kind of thing Okay.
Yeah, I mean we're talking the cheapest and single right yeah Yeah, but there's as far as like the electricity in the water hookups There's certain trailer parks that like it's it's very cheap because that's why they live in the trailer parks because the hookups are so cheap Yeah, I always wanted to move to the one in Melaboo Yeah, that's I mean that's I'm sure one of the more smells right because I was like sure my trailer sucks But then I go to the beach every a lot of those dudes are like surf heads that live like they just want to be so close to the water That they're like yeah, I don't care like I just want to be on water makes sense Yeah, there's a lot to be said for that if you've ever been down on your luck like the crappiest room as long as you're basically safe in there Is like so much better than nothing yeah, and when you're young a crappy room is not crappy No, that's the thing is like like a lot of times like when I start going out on the road early on and stand up Like sometimes I'd be with a headline and it's like this room's awful I'm like this is the nicest room I've ever seen like I was just like excited to be out on the road Yeah, yeah, I think you think I think that was skateboard to it Yeah, first on the road you be in a van with a bunch of guys like shoulder to shoulder for you know It didn't matter day and awesome Yeah, and then going on a bus and having your own room not even sharing a room and then going back to the van I was like, oh man. I don't know how long I can do this. Uh-huh. I'm sore I need to stretch my legs.
It's like that's because you're past it dude. Mm-hmm. You gotta be you gotta be from that Mm-hmm. I remember I had a tour where the people in the back This is before it got big time people in the back where the heavy hitters and they were allowed to smoke weed and The people like we had team managers.
It's like a tour manager Yeah, and the team manager is usually a little more anal than everybody else on the tour because he's in charge And he'll get in trouble if we do things wrong and if we're heavy hitters in the back of the van We super see the team manager because he's like you guys can't smoke weed in the van and I'm like well We're smoking weed in the van and he's like no you can't I'm like okay sounds good And then we would just smoke weed in the van but one time my friend who was a heavy hitter And I was a heavy hitter So we were in the back and he bought a glass bomb and he was pushing it You know cuz we were like we'd smoke a little join or take a little their little pipe rip and like try to blow it out the window And so we're like you guys like way back there like yeah But it's at the window relax and then this time this particular time my friend took a huge bung rip And he blew it down the middle of the van past everyone's heads and it hit the windshield And he the tour manager guy pulled over it was super bad We just laughed it laughed and thought it was so funny. Yeah, and now looking back I'm like what an asshole, you know like we were such assholes But it was like look man when the demo starts are we shredding we are right shut up, you know Like we got this under control, but poor team manager guy right? You're just trying to knock like if we got a DUI like everybody in the van could have got a DUI I mean, sorry the driver could have that was like Dennis Robbins mentality with with the Bulls always he was worse when he went to Sacramento like you got traded went to Sacramento first sentence. Yeah, yeah, and wouldn't show up like when they were like okay Now we're having the meeting before the game.
That's when he would take a shower Yeah, and then he would just get out on the court with none of the information that anybody had talked about and they were like Is he gonna keep doing that and it's like oh yeah He is gonna keep doing this come keep playing his name I'm thinking you paid probably a hefty amount of money to get him because he was you know on the dream team and now He's come to you guys and it's like the ultimate rebounder. You've got him on the team He's like I don't care what happens in this game, right? I care about the the party after the game Mm-hmm and because it was like celebrity status like when he laid everybody wanted to interview him regardless And because he was such a genius at being a rebounder He was still doing his part but when it came to like passing or him being somewhere to help you get the ball there No, no interesting. Yeah, one of my favorite Interviews are things about him that somebody it's in the the last dance documentary But it's something being interviewed and they said Dennis, what are you looking up at right now?
Like you you're just standing watching times the ball rolls. I know the rotations on the ball He's like I know that goes off this way or this way new players rotations. How many times it rolled when in the morning? Yeah, yeah, I know right.
That's awesome. It's a high-functioning rebounder. Yeah Yeah, that is really well put I can understand that in when I started doing the big tours with Tony Hawk The gigantic skate park tour and I was already not the best that I used to be and Tony was the kind of guy that when he dropped in He would do a McTwister's like one of the more fancy tricks, especially if you don't skate you it's probably as exciting as it's gonna get in the demo Don't skate so these are big crowds and most of the people are not hardcore skateboarders They're just like Tony Hawk and all these friends are here and he would do one first ride because he was that good That chick was nothing to him and that to me my at the end of the demo I would do one when I was really warmed up right and I remember like I don't know two or three demos in where I was like what is Like I'm not even worth being here like I like I've got to do something else like that It was a little bit like a Rodman kind of a vibe where I was like To I've got to invent something else to make me be worthy of being here sure and make you stand out I'm gonna separate yourself from all the other amazing towns there Right So then I started jumping off things that were near the ramp into the ramp and if there was a roof and there was any sort of beams Or anything I figured out how to like fly into the air and hold on to a beam and let go of it and go back in I called it an a-panger something else named it, but but every demo when we get there like I would when we got to the ramp I would just be like start scouting. Yeah, where is the thing?
Where's the thing where I'm gonna and it was like did I steal the show sometimes a little bit But did I like Tony did this and Tony did that do you see Alice jump up like I got a little right? You got in the same sentence in the same breath Yeah, it was worth it like and I was definitely like one of the worst guys on the ramp, but I styled I held my arm Yeah, but Alice jumped off the thing and I was like that was that was one of the smartest things I've ever done in skateboarding They didn't do very many smart things in skateboarding But that one in particular but it did cost me because there was a couple times there where people started to get wind of it Because it was on ESPN like there was an actual TV show there's a few seasons of it So then when we'd show up people would tell me Alice you can jump off that thing and it got to the point where people Be like hey, man, you can jump off that thing and I'd be like what the yeah, that's why you know that things Ridiculous and then I learned hard the hard way I'd go up there to look at it And when you go up there everyone's like do it do it you can't go back down the other way Yeah, you have to jump so there was times they were there some gnarly spills I got destroyed but I also remember I always loved the chance to be famous, you know I was like this is for all the all the marble all the glory Yeah, like I'd be up there. Okay, you're probably not gonna make it But I'm like if you if you land it and then explode on the flat that's almost as good Sometimes some people might even think it's as good Yeah, and I didn't have any like real respect for my body so it worked out Yeah, I would like when we did a lot of those scissor bros challenges Some of those like we took too far and like it would be if I was ever on like or a part of jackass I would probably be a cautionary tale to people because I would get once I'm in like once I'm in the moment and And people like yeah, yeah, yeah, this will be hilarious. I'm like, okay.
Yeah, let's do it. It's exactly that you're committed Yeah, like once you're in it's like if you pull out nobody really understands like well That was because I didn't want to die and it's like well no at the time. It look like you don't do it You're letting everybody down. I know it's not really the case But you and I think the same way where yeah if I go back down the other way everyone's gonna go dude What are you crazy?
I did want to show you where I jumped off a wall and as soon as I got to the wall I knew that that my body wouldn't make it and it was and it was in my hometown and it was thousands of people And I was like I got to do it. I got knocked out so bad I like I got an ambulance I work I piss my pants I woke up in hospital like destroyed myself Yeah, but it was but I remember thinking if you walk back off the building like not only will they will remember you for being the biggest Bitch ever I know I don't even think that that would have been the case. I just Had for sure though, and then like and then getting knocked out like I didn't go viral nobody cares like nobody was like Yeah, there were a couple of my local friends were like dude you really tried to do that But everybody else was like did you see Danny way? You're like nobody even knew that I was there it was like what did what yeah?
What was that even for yeah? Yeah, I regret that one because that one took a piece of me too Like it was like my brain didn't work good for like a long time after you felt slower actually yeah Yeah, yeah like emotional Like I was one of the ones where I started to figure out where you hit your head how sad you are for how long afterwards Is the amount of damage you did to your brain like if I cried in the shower for two weeks It was pretty bad if I cried in the shower for a month It was bad Wow and that one was that went on for a while. Yeah if it rained I cried why why do you think they recorded it? I wasn't sad just crying huh like I was like what are you crying about?
I'm like I don't know I do know yeah, I got brain damage I'm being darted a sorry. Have you ever gone to concussion? Do I have yeah? No, I mean I definitely no but Steve actually one time he said that I gave him a concussion.
I don't think it was an actual concussion Wasn't a concussion but it was painful but doesn't give you a concussion relax We did this we did this one punishment on a pop a shot challenge where I'm shot it's like this It's an arcade game where it's basketballs and you should yeah You see how many you can make so I won that one and the punishment was whoever lost that one had to have a ball spiked off their head Into the hoop until it was made and I just kept chucking these balls at the top of his head And he got a crazy headache from it. Well do they do say that soccer players had a wrong from headbudding a soccer ball Oh, I they typically say like hundreds and thousands of right. Yeah, Stevie. We'd be you know In 20 shots is kind of the same I grew up playing soccer and they were very very specific on where you need to head the ball If you're going to do that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like right here It's up here is no good because it's softer. Yeah, but right here This is like it's the same place you had but people you know It's like it like in this like temporo like this front like kind of area Yeah, and so they like they would throw soccer balls at us like over and over and we would head back and forth But they're like don't do it up here. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, I got a concussion once at this I grew up going to a church camp and I was doing this this bit where It was in front of a live crowd. Yeah, I'm feeling it was that fuel me and it was this thing on where I was like running from Security like it was almost like a streaking thing But without the streaking like we were charging the mound kind of a thing Okay, and we were like during the softball game and it's me I'm running past these security guards and seven they tackle me and they're acting like They're hitting me on the ground.
Yeah now. We didn't rehearse it enough because I told the guy like yeah a couple times I like your fake punching me. Okay. He went for a third I thought the bit was done I I go like this and he's doing full punches of the ground hit when he hits the ground his elbow and my nose connect And I start gushing out blood out of my nose sick and it goes all over my shirt And it's the only time that I remember getting injured where I couldn't I couldn't fight back the tears.
I immediately circle Early teens how well 13 okay, I literally just started shooting you know I was shooting out blood and it was all over my shirt Yeah, and I I got all loopy afterwards and I was I know so tired I decided to take a nap and that's like the worst thing you can do and One of the counselors he said he had to give me like a sternum rubbed awake me up Like he was like grinding his knuckles into because you wouldn't wake up. Oh dude, so you really were finally Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then they took me to the hospital and they're like yep You definitely have a concussion they're like do not fall asleep right now like stay up And I was like I remember being like in a loopy slower state of mind where they had these anal swabs that were in the Hospital where I was like I'm an anal So funny and I kept touching people with this anal swab No, no, no, no, just a clean one. It's like a boop. I need that to this dude Raycon I think it's Ray Quan he was in Hagrid this movie that bamajare made yeah Ray Quan Ray Quan But he had braces on at the time and I was supposed to do the same thing where I throw him on the ground and I punch him in the face Well, he's on the ground and I was like just keep your head down and I'm gonna punch the ground right next to your head So to look it'll sell it was wrong behind exactly shots to look like I was really throwing but the I you know I was I was in a movie bam and picked me to be in a movie I'm I don't have any acting I had a lot I was at a nightclub the night before and this other pro skateboard was married to uh, who's the famous actress in in in in Yeah, Julia Lewis was giving me acting advice like took me aside I was like just you know, but you gotta believe what you are at the time Just be yourself and I was like is this person seriously giving me acting advice But she really inspired me to to try the next day right so when I when I started this I really did just let it all out I was I was supposed to be a crazy guy that was running a record store And I just believed I was a crazy guy around the record store and this guy tried to like they were I didn't like this guy So I went crazy on him I'm punching the ground next to his head and what I don't realize is my elbow Yeah, it's hitting him in the mouth.
Yep And he's not saying anything because he's bams buddy and he's not gonna be like car like Jason's hurting me But after the scene his mouth is blood everywhere Oh because my elbow was hitting his lips and cutting his his mouth on the braces I felt terrible, but he was it's like those guys almost liked it Was that legitimate like snot boogers hanging off? Yeah, sure looked like it That's the difference is bams friends when you're in a movie where you're being physical Yeah, if you don't beat that person up because they like on their lunch break do that's what you're right right right right So it's like yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, like if Ellis isn't gonna beat the crap out of rake one Yeah, and he was also like man that actually really hurt but he was pumped because they're crazy people Yeah, they're crazy. Yeah, if you're in that crew and you haven't taken some damage in a little while you're like exactly.
Yeah Did the shot look good though? Yeah, I would say this is not a huge brag But it was it was for sure the greatest acting I've done in movie Okay, because I was in moblop moblop moblop and my speaking roles were in the deleted scenes Nice. Now I want to see that best deleted scenes obviously Michael obviously Yeah, because I've seen pobler moblop. I would have love some Jason Ellis in there Yeah, I did a good fight scene because I had a fight scene with um with Kevin jane Yeah, oh wow, and he was into MMA and he knew my coach.
That's how I got the job. Okay, and he was like, can you do this and do that? I was like, yeah, what if we do this? That's a good idea So I was pumped that he was pumped on what I was doing and I was like he can hit me like it's okay Like I'm all right and then he had to smash me in the tanning bed And they put these rubber hinged things on the tanning bed so that my arm wouldn't get crushed And the first one knocked the rubber things off and he just started crushing my arm But I didn't say anything because I was supposed to be knocked out and I was like I'm playing the role But that was that was not only was that super fun But they paid me a lot of money because I was an actor that did my own stunts.
Yeah, you get the double pack Yeah, yeah, there's a couple of residual checks where I was like holy It's capable. Yeah, yeah, and I knew because given jane's like wait till you get the money for that I was like what do you mean? He's like you'll say like he said that after the fight scene and I was like Why did he say that oh if you can do that? There's only a handful of people who do like both of those like as professional stuntmen and actors Yeah, it's awesome.
Yeah, that was that was that was one of the most fun because it was a little stressful I'm like wait, I'm talking I didn't know I was talking It was like a lot of things that were surprised to me and I was like I want to blow it for you guys like I'm not good at this Like I don't have a background in it But then when I came to the fighting scene, I was like oh hell yeah like yeah Don't you want to punch me punch me like I'm here for that So that and then he was happy and that made me happy and he's like good job man. I was like I made Kevin James happy Of course they got me getting like a skateboarder They were like I thought you were a pro skateboarder. I'm a pro verd skateboarder. It's not street We're in a mall You know I mean it's difficult for me to show you my talents in a mall You know they were like can't you ride the wall?
I was like if you put a big transition in front of it Yeah, yeah, like how big and I was like big and they're like well if it's big it doesn't look like it's the mall I'm like well then it's gonna be a little turn on the wall and I just remember they were all just like that's That's what you're gonna do. Yeah, like they just they thought that I was gonna do a 540 off the side of the mall I'm like you gotta give me like a big bank for that Yeah, like a big one so big that it'd be like that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in a mall ever But still it was super fun to do of course it's fun to anytime you get to be on set It's I don't know it's so fun. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, Jeremiah in honor of your new podcast I put together a list of things that I looked up online that are debatably possibly trashy things Okay, and I wanted to just sort of okay and Brianna you can you can give your take on I want to see in your expert podcasting opinion Yeah, if these things are trash okay, American cheese.
I don't think that's trashy, but that might make me trashy singles or a block I freaking love American cheese. I do just have the question. Yeah, I know it's it's don't look at me like that It's what do you we'll go right now Sounds like he's not only telling you he's fight. He'll fight you but where yeah Yeah, you're trashy and that's why you're defending cheat.
Yeah because it is trashy block of cheese, right? Well, so singles to me are the worst because singles are like pretending that American cheese can be fancy, right? You know and it's not it's not supposed to be I was born and raised on born and raised on American craft singles See then I'm trashier than you are because we were not fancy single people We never got the block so I think Jason is the trashiest because I never saw it in blocks the block form I never saw it in block form. We would go to the shop, right and we'd get a pound of cheese and they'd slice it for you That's up.
We would get in block form. Yeah, but they're not individually. We're a cheese family We'd get an individual we get blocked and and we rarely go to the deli and get it sliced like that That's rare. That's rare.
That seems like a rich thing later on when my dad started to make money We had craft singles now. It's rich kids, but first it was a block of cheese and you would just cut off a block and eat it Right, but you wouldn't even put it in a sandwich. You would just that's a snack is a block of cheese But it wasn't American cheese, right? Because most commonwealth people will tell you that like any cheese in the commonwealth is better than almost all cheese Also when you were a white trash, there was no variety of cheese There was cheese and then there was no cheese I'll say tasty.
Sorry. There was tasty. It was cheese and then it was tasty cheese. That's what I remember Do you like cheese whiz?
No, I love it. But when I first came to America, yes, I did I forget a little bit. No, I used to think it was pretty wild because I didn't know you could do it Kind of like tang when I first came to America and it was tang. I was like dude, it's better than orange juice You put it on a saltine cracker and you fill up all the dots That is trash Triscuits are actually maybe even the superior base.
Triscuits is superior base that they're also more expensive than the saltines Fair enough also when when mac and cheese at a moment, which may or may not be over when fancy mac and cheese popped off and lobster mac and cheese Oh, you gotta try the mac and cheese here and I was like, why am I not excited about any of these fancy mac and cheese I took them all to realize I only like mac and cheese that has velveeta in it Oh I do dude the velveeta my mom makes a velveeta like rotelli cheese dip that's out of this world, bro Out of this freaking world. That's a hamburger meat in there. Whoo. Is it trashy or not enjoying the grateful dead?
Uh, I guess a little bit but I think that's more like uh, honestly That's more like uh people who like our stoners are into hallucinogens or that kind of thing So I don't know they're not really trash. I don't know they're necessarily trashy though I think that's a different camp. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think there might be a trashy subculture there.
Oh, yeah No, there's a there's groups of trashy at that constant. Yeah. Yeah, but it's more you're right It's more alternative right that might even be like they might even enjoy it. I can't like hippie kind of uh, it's not trashy I feel like fish fans are too grateful dead fans as craft singles are to the block of cheese nice Agreed tattoos of pictures of your children dude.
Absolutely. Yeah, it's trashy. All right. Yeah, especially if it's a dead one Wow What what do you mean watch a memorial?
Tap of a dead kid. Yeah, man. That is so brutal Yeah, but every time I got depressing tattoos because my ex put him on like my kid that died got him tortured Yeah, what you're telling me is if you ever pass someone on the street that has a picture of a child And it says like a beginning day and an end date that already passed or like rip you see that most of us like oh my god And you think trash. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty hot.
Yeah, that's pretty harsh. Sorry. Like I got my dead brother Like stuff tattooed on me in respects to him, but not his face. Well, exactly a date or name or something It's fine, but like a portrait.
Come on. I think my brother has a portrait of his dad and his brother and they're both dead Wow, he's pretty trashy. He's not he's like Yeah, like the t-shirts the like the t-shirts that are made after somebody dies those are trashy. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, rip so-and-so Like it's like got a montage of them. Yeah, what are we doing? But at the same time this makes me feel trashy I really like those I think it's a cool t-shirt. You also like girls who are a little bit slow though, too I'm still picturing her hanging Come The current was pulling her and the branch was almost breaking off like I was like I was worried that she might drown Yeah, but and I was also like whoa whoa booby, but at the same time are you gonna be okay?
Isn't it swim like a fish? Isn't it so insane that it is so true It's so just because you're making not here Just just my visibility cloak and if he's not here Isn't it crazy though the male psyche that like I I honestly believe if Los angeles got nuked and we saw the mushroom cloud in the distance and you see it spreading out You're like oh it we're all dying It's just a matter of time before it gets here if a chick is facing you in somehow Before it gets to you. Yeah, you will like classify and rate and enjoy that boob. Yeah, like you I can't not do that Dude one time when I was married to like my kid's mother like this is when I was like really trying to be like a grownup And we were in the hard rock Vegas And it was like that pool that goes around in circles or whatever and a drunk lady was on one of those floaty things She was like not hot at all and she was drunk She had a drink or whatever she slipped off the floaty thing and she jumped up and her booby came out And it was a big was a big saggy booby and my wife at the time looked and I was behind her and we both saw it And my wife turned around to me and was like yeah when I was like I know right but right before she turned around and looked at me I was like hell yeah booby.
Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't control it Yeah, like it came out I was like all day and then my wife turned around I was like oh I know like like I tried to I tried to grow up in like three seconds there was one time where there's this like beautiful European my voice cracked as I said I'm recalling this memory beautiful like European woman On the beach that didn't know that it was like topless was not a thing here in the States Helly she was walking around topless yeah, and then my wife looked over me and like and she's like all right She's incredibly beautiful. I'm like you're so cool. Thank you for taking the air out of the situation I was like she's randomly like and then this old dude. He ruined the moment.
He kept walking over saying hey It's where you visiting from then she covered up I think you have to go over everybody. Yeah, right? I seriously old people stop living. It's like sick of them trashy or not having three or more children whose first names all start with the same letter Unless you're George Foreman trashy.
Hey, man That's literally my family. Hey, really? I'm Jeremiah. I'm Jeremiah.
It might be Yeah, I'm Jeremiah. My older brother's name is Jonathan and then my younger sister's jonesa Yeah, but that's not the same name the same name. I'm saying the same letter. Oh, right.
Yeah. Oh, no the same name is the same name Yeah, that's the same name. Yeah, that's pretty that several heavyweight straps If you're gonna try to run the nut trash you got a girl named Georgia a girl named Georgia He had a like he got George George George and then he got a call for the foreman's yeah He called Georgia I mean it's bad when you're like that much of a narcissist where you're just trying to keep it that much I didn't look at it like that. Oh, Georgina George Yeah, George, what George is George?
George is George. My name is George. Why is sick? Sizzler Yeah, it's trashy sizzler on the first date mega trash.
What about really? What about your 13? Oh, that's it. That's it.
That's a that's a great evening That's a good one. Yeah, no, I remember going to sue plantation when I first came to America And I was thinking that this is the greatest food establishment made ever Yeah, because you may have been right so many things so many different varieties And you can keep coming back in slice of pizza and you can have more pudding if you want to hell. Yeah, I'm putting I would never have pudding now Dude, I love pudding still what's wrong with that? What do you have putting where do you make your own pudding or do you get putting those pudding snacks?
I mean, I have kids so you know answer snacks. So okay, just so you know for the record putting snacks He's in the top 10 most unhealthy snacks you can get in America. Don't eat pudding I like it. Think about your kids.
I actually just told you it's very unhealthy, but I like it What about you can have it but your kid shouldn't have it I'll give him a bite and then I'll finish the rest of it You're lying you're gonna let him have a whole pudding You can't give a kid one bite of pudding and say I'm having the rest of it He's still young it no that he's still young enough or is like one bite for me one bite for you where his bites are little You know, I mean like I took a huge dollop. He's gonna catch on We'll see about that. Just saying apparently the chocolate one is the worst one I passed the tradition down to my son proudly We used to always have honor Thanksgiving table chocolate cream pie, which is a pie crust yeah with chocolate instant pudding in it I love it. I love it.
I love it. I love it. I love it. Done.
I absolutely love chocolate cream pie We just destroyed one of it twice per year. Yeah, that's fine Yeah, but if you've got chocolate cream pie in the fridge all the time you have it at the dinner you're gonna die like fast Brianna do you ever have a cream pie in your fridge right now, Jeremy? No, I don't know you really like putting up Go I'm scared Like that any guy who wants to get on the floor that bad you gotta respect right this game will have any effect I will choke you I will oh my god. I've got too much to live for to die.
I will make you put in your pants I'm not dying today, bro. Yeah That ain't happening dude. You're coming me man. We're freaking go I think he's still hyped on the chief win of the super bowl.
You gotta come down. You know you didn't catch it, right? Oh Yeah, like he did you were more happy than the guy that called the ball of the last second of the game Well, yeah, because they've been there before okay to share yeah Brianna Do you ever own or do you currently own any pants that have words on the butt? Nice michael.
Oh she for sure has yeah, no she doesn't you never own a juicy pair or anything that was like gone fishing or anything like that God fishing I'll be her honor That's a new that you know what that's a yeah, I might bring those out maybe go and fish in that space Um, no never I've always been like a goth kid. So okay, so you've never had a hot topic on the back. No, no, no I don't think they made those They did no never trashy for sure. It is have you been on a yg have you been on are you garbage with?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was garbage I bet it was a fine line though because I'm Get a fabulous and there was a few things I did with that. We're like wait Oh, you wrote the line a little bit because I you know I had some money for a little bit So I was like, you know, I like but trashy people always spend their money immediately. Oh, I did that Yeah, but I also bought like shiny things. I mean will Smith went bankrupt like he did Yeah, when he when he first got all his money.
He like went bankrupt and then like yeah I kind of like him a little bit now. Yeah, because he hooked up all his friends and then he didn't know about taxes Nobody told me that me. Yep. Yeah, let's my house.
Yeah, dude. You and will Smith Yeah, we're both a little gay very true. I might be gay than me for the other things. Yeah, well not bad even yeah Well, I got what goes look like eyes you wouldn't have slapped a dude though.
No, no, I would not have slapped Chris Rock No, never you know what I would have done. Yeah, took him to the ground Yeah, I gotta go Shows where can people find you your new podcast? Uh, go watch trailer tales youtube.com at trailer tales pod It's every Friday new episodes with the great Chelsea Lynn and Libby Higgins and um if you want to see me live jeremy Watchins dot com got a bunch of new tour dates coming up bringing stand up on the spot back to new york city In march jason's done the show multiple times. I like check out stand up on the spot That's on youtube type in stand up on the spot.
Uh, Jason ellis and watch a bunch of different episodes Um, we do that every second tuesday of the month at the world famous comedy store It's awesome. And then um, i'm going back to kansas city west benn wisconsin, uh, new york like I said, uh san francisco A bunch of new dates at jeremywatchins dot com and jeremy stand up on social media. I love y'all Thanks for having me. Yeah, see you guys next week.
Don't die