Jerry Seinfeld

Well, welcome, welcome, welcome. That was good. I got a few of them wrong. It's okay.

Overall. Obviously we have Jerry Seinfeld on today. Very excited. Did I say welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Yeah, we have Jerry Seinfeld today. Big get. Really big. Big time get.

Big. True legend. Of course Seinfeld. You loved it.

He has the most charming show that we are addicted to called comedians and cars getting coffee that I'm sure most of you have watched. The best of the best are on it. It's so fun if you're in a car as well. It's just an added bonus.

Well, he has a new book out called the Comedians and Cars Getting Coffee Book. You dig it? I love it. Coffee book.

Because I love coffee table books. Do you think though it should have said the Comedians and Cars Getting Coffee Table Book? I would like that. To make it a little more on the nose.

I would have liked that. Yeah. Anyways, we have notes. The Comedians and Cars Getting Coffee Book is actually tremendous.

You'll hear in the interview. I was skeptical of it and I actually love it. I think anyone who likes comedy should get this book for Christmas. Please enjoy Jerry Seinfeld.

Hello. Can you see us? Yes. Feel our energy?

Can you hear us? Let me just ask this question please. Can I just start? Yeah, of course you can.

What is this thing in the podcast world with these ridiculous chairs and people with the microphone up in their face? It's like the most low energy possible way you can sit. Okay, great. So I'm shocked that you have all people wouldn't be able to understand what underpins this.

Which is what is the minimum amount I have to do but still have maximum output? A, I'm seated Jerry for six hours of the day. I had better be fucking comfortable. It could ruin my performance.

Six hours? Yes, often I do three or four of these in a day. How many have you done today? Seven.

No. No, this is the first. No, no. You're the first today.

Does it stress you out that I do multiple in a day? Yes. It does. For what reason?

I'm worried about your mental drain. What was it that they used to call hemorrhoids? Piles. Piles.

Yeah, are you worried I'm going to get piles? What a horrible thing. Certain diseases, the disease isn't nearly as bad as the wording, right? Like shingles just sounds like there's big chunks of your back falling off, doesn't it?

Yeah, but it sounds organized. True. Shingles sounds like a nice kind of lizard look or a roof terracotta. Yeah, it sounds like there's scales in their symmetrical.

Monica, how did you get into this racket? They lured me in with their baby children, beautiful baby children. Started as a babysitter of our children. Started as a babysitter.

Wow. And then I scraped my way all the way to the top. We discovered in that process that Monica had been a UCB kid, was a really good writer, started writing stuff for Kristen. Monica and I's hobby was to argue in the kitchen about politics.

We don't do that anymore because now we got too close and now it's like Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's hurtful when we disagree now. It used to be fun and now it's like a room's week of work. Yeah.

That is such a beautiful thing, Monica. Thank you. I'm going to say it's a great show business is how wide open it is. I became a comedian.

I stood online on a Monday night audition nights like, oh, you want to be a comedian? There's a line. Get on that line. Yeah.

And you can come into it from so many different trajectories. It's the most wonderful wide open industry. Of course, it's also the most toxic in terms of the environment is extremely Darwinian. Yes.

I was going to say it's a meritocracy, which is a nice way to say it or you could say, yes, it's survival of the fittest. Yes, more purely than most other industries, but the people that are attracted to that are the right people for it. I always like those stories of people came from some crazy direction. It's just weird because obviously I came out here to be an actor and podcasts, when I came weren't a thing, there were zero podcasts.

And so I do always try to tell people you have no idea what it is you could be successful. It might not even exist yet. Just do the work. Right.

I need to clear one thing up before we proceed. And that is we've only met one time in real life in flesh. And it was I had been invited to one of your good foundation events. Good plus.

Good plus. Sorry. Good plus foundation. One of the pillars is fatherhood, engaging dads.

The father initiative. Yeah. And I'm all event you guys hosted. And then we met for the first time and I did not like how that went, if I can just tell you it doesn't sit great with me.

And I was really thinking today, what was it that made it rough for me? And I think it was because I know you have to say hi to me. That's on your to do list. Yes.

I was aware of the fact that to some degree I'm an obligation, like I've shown up at this event, you're going to have to say hi to me. Number one, that's not how I really want to meet anyone. Right. It's like, Oh, here's the homework.

Number two, I also think it's dicey and I want to know if you agree with this. When two people start talking who in their normal life, so the ones usually tasked with guiding the conversation, like if you meet someone who loves sign, fell down the street, it's on your shoulders to give them a little experience. You're not going to let them steer. You're going to wrap it up nicely for them.

It's your role. Yes. So I too, to a much lesser degree, but I'm the one task with that. So when you and I start talking, I'm kind of like, well, who's supposed to wrap this up nicely?

Who's driving this conversation? I don't know how to navigate that. And then I ended up just complimenting you a lot and I could sense immediately. He doesn't enjoy.

He does not enjoy just being complimented, but I was panicked. Sure I do. You do. One of the things you do learn, maybe you experienced this is as you progress in this industry, when you get older, and this is one of the things I'm a very anti-youthous, wasted on the young.

I think everything's wasted on everybody. But when you get old, you read people fast. I love that about being older. It's like, someone comes up to me in point three seconds.

I know exactly who this is. Wow. So it doesn't bother me. I know right away what I've got and what I'm dealing with.

And I always want it to be a nice experience for that person, that little meeting. And of course, compliments are nice. But as far as who's going to drive the conversation, I think in a good conversation, it should be shared. I do too.

And again, there's some architecture to how it normally goes. And just once you meet someone that you realize, maybe rank would suggest I should just let them steer this whole thing. I just don't adapt so quickly, so gracefully at all times. No, neither do I.

But I've really learned to put on a good act that I am adapting. Do you think it's because you want his approval so bad? Absolutely. I think it might have gone without saying but maybe I should say it's like, yes, it'd be preferred to me that it was a great hang for five minutes.

If I go talk to the valet guy out front, because I'm a status whore, it doesn't go well. I probably won't think about it for much longer. But of course, this was over two years ago. I occasionally think, yeah, I don't know what I was really doing in that conversation.

Not sure what I was. I have to say, I don't remember the conversation. Of course. That's the worst thing you could say.

No, no, that's preferred. But if it was really bad, I would have remembered it. So it couldn't have been that bad. Now, you must have this where something really bad is happening and you're unhappy in the moment.

And then something clicks in your mind and you start realizing, oh, I'm going to be telling this to someone else. I got to remember everything that's weird that's going on right now. And then you kind of start enjoying it. Does that happen to you?

Yes. One of the least my favorite things in the world is going on vacation. I hate it every second of it. I don't like the idea of it.

But if I pick the thing, 50-50, I would even like that. Sure, sure, sure. Here's the thing I try and explain to my wife for 22 years. She still doesn't get it.

I don't care that I don't like it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's hard. That doesn't bother me.

I don't like anything. I know it's going to suck before I even leave. I'm not surprised and I'm not upset. And complaining is kind of what I like to do.

Artful complaining is my career. Yeah. That's all I do is complain. There's something bad is in it, which is like you're only really uncomfortable when you have an unmet expectation.

But if you move through life with the acceptance that you're going to be miserable 50% of the time, there's really no discomfort in it because you're getting exactly what you expected. Right. Yeah. This beach is boring.

Why are people here? But can we go a little deeper? Okay, yeah. Do you think because that is your career and that is your identity that you're afraid you will like it?

Oh. And you don't really want to because you like complaining? No, I'm not afraid of anything. No, I really did not get the fear gene.

Virtually nothing scares me. Oh, man, how do we get that? That's just a genetic thing. So something occurred to me the other day.

And I wonder if you'll agree or disagree, which is I think my favorite bit of yours is probably nobody wants to be anywhere. I don't know why that to me is the most profound observation. That's very sad. Don't you think?

Yes. Am I wife and I talk about it all the time? And we're constantly in the middle of one of those things where it's like, oh, we got to grab that and I go, nobody likes to be anywhere. Yeah.

Nobody likes anything. Nobody wants to be anywhere. Nobody likes anything. It's such a good bit.

Oh my God. Okay. But I had a breakthrough just this weekend. We were in Utah to wedding and my two kids.

They wanted to climb on these rock formations that are all over Utah, right? And they wanted to go to this one and then they wanted to go to that one. I'm like, we got to drive back to LA. So I'm thinking about that and I wonder how many more hours on it.

And I was going to hit me. Kids love being everywhere. That might be what separates us from children. They actually love.

Do they? Why do like whatever they're doing, they don't want it to stop. They're not trying to figure out when this thing concludes. They see the other rock pile.

Let's go to that one. They're not thinking well, it's the same. It's a great thing to watch when you have kids how old years? Seven and nine.

Seven and nine. I was going to guess that. We're definitely guess seven and nine. We're going to talk of your face.

Yeah. Yeah. Hold your yours. Mine are 22, 19 and 17.

Okay. I don't know why I thought they were younger than that. I was going to get a little bit more correct at that time. When you had kids, did you study them like monkeys in a lab?

I find myself looking at my kids and really trying to see everything through their eyes. And I'm like, there's my little lab rats in a way. They are. The most important thing is just don't worship them.

The inclination is to worship them and you really have to resist that. But the greatest thing about kids which you've already discovered is you get a new one every six months. It's literally like you turned in a rental car and they gave you another one. Yeah.

About the moment you think you figured it out is to me when it seems like they present a whole new side of themselves. Yeah. Every year, it's like, I cannot take another year of a four year old. I could just make it one year and then give me the next one.

So far it never stops. Now, look, I love your book. Thank you. I'm going to be honest with you.

I was cynical. I was like, do we need a coffee book about a show that I can just watch? Right. So I started a little cynically and then one of the things I read right out of the gates is you said, I'm not a podcast person.

So, you know, I'm a little triggered. I love so hard to read that. I'm not much for a podcast. I think everything in life could do with an edit.

I just want to let you know right away we edit. Yeah. So that should believe that some of your. Yes.

So, I think everything needs to be edited. Every party, every dinner you go to, it's just a little too long, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

People push it a little too far. Dax is always trying to do voices in here. Yeah. I'm not trying.

I do a lot of voices. He does them. Yes. And stares directly into my eyes and he goes on for too long.

I said, if you just cut it down, it would be perfect. Yeah. That is my entire career. My entire career is I cut it down to a little bit less than you really wanted.

One last time you saw a movie that you thought, yeah, I wish that was a little longer. Never. Never. Never.

It's a good point. I said, I said, I said, I'm not going to be a little too big for the room. And I said, just tell me a single time in your life you've been sitting in a room and someone said, this fucking TV is just too big. No one's ever said it.

I don't know why it's such a fear of wives. That's so funny. Because I know that the TV is the portal that a man will go in never to return. That's true.

It's your exit portal. And the bigger it is, the more easily you will get drawn into it. You're right. You're right.

It's ultimately the bat cave that I hope to just drive into and never. Yeah. You keep scratching your nose with your middle finger. It's a little disconcerting.

Am I really? What's happening? You discovered it. We didn't run the air today.

It was a little chilly outside and now I'm kind of realizing that was a tactical blunder and I'm a little sweaty. But when you take this finger and it's hard not to notice that. Is this preferred? This is worse, right?

Yeah. This is how excessively detailed I am. I would actually stop and think about what is the nice way to scratch your face. I've spent time thinking about how do I adjust my glasses?

I don't like people that adjust their glasses like that. It's in elegant. If you do this, it's kind of nice to look at. It is.

This is sophisticated. So a middle finger to the middle bridge of the glasses and shoving them up. He objected to that. But if you make a little see, if I do this, it's kind of gross, right?

But some people they just do that. No, no, no, no, that looked terrible. That was like a psychopath. Yeah, it does.

You're like, oh my God, he's way too exacting. Just hit your whole scalp. Don't hit one micron of your scalp. Who's aware of that tiny of a portion of their scalp?

Only a serial killer. It's obvious. This guy goes straight to jail. Don't try.

I'll need it. Nobody has giant itchy patches of scalp unless we're going to go back to the shingles thing. Okay. I just want to say that despite thinking I didn't need this book in my life.

There's something interesting about hearing what maybe feels even throw away when you're watching the show. When you read it in print A, I'm just hyper focused on it. There's no distractions. Not concentrating on how the guy fixes class as well.

He delivered that line. The idea is isolated. And I found myself reading things I heard said, but that felt way more profound to me now. That's interesting.

Like you weed out some stimuli. How about things that you read and you don't get, I remember sometimes Obama would do a speech and I would go, Jesus, that was the most amazing speech. I can't believe the power of it. And I would get a transcript of it.

And I would look at it and I would go, there's nothing here. Yes. There's nothing here. It was all him, his performance of it.

Yeah. But the converse can also be true, which is what you're saying. You can hear something and see it one way and then you read it and it hits you harder. Yeah.

I guess I think obviously we give quote literature or just a written word some importance, right? Some. The most. The most.

The whole country is based on a goddamn document. Yeah. It's just like substantiate something in a bizarre way. I think that's why everyone's so infected by the internet.

It's like everyone gets to be in the newspaper virtually. You're typing it and now it exists. I can see why it was so appealing. The internet?

Yes. Social media, Twitter. They're basically now in the newspaper. That's just occurring to me.

Yeah. Yeah. You're on TV. You have followers.

Yes. It's not happening. It's not happening. It's every individual is an entity.

Yes. Everyone is a channel is a brand. Yeah. That's a gigantic problem.

Okay. I'm going to jump ahead because this occurred to me today. I want to ask you about it. I think there's an interesting parallel between network TV and comedians in that in the 80s you had three options, you had three networks.

So the content that was put out there should minimally appeal to like a third of the country. If it didn't, it would go away. And now TV is in the niche phase, right? Where you really only need a few hundred thousand viewers and they can be very specific in niche.

I feel like that's the same arc of standup comedy in a weird way. And you think that's good or bad? I'll tell you what it is. Great for the profession.

Bad for the art form. Ooh, elaborate, please. The audience that likes you will be algorithmed, will be isolated, will be contacted, and will be instantly supporting you. That doesn't make a comedian better.

It makes his business better. A comedian who can only relate to this narrow demo will do just fine. But that's not good for the art form because in the old days, you're not selling an old guy, but I'm an old guy. You got pushed out in front of Frankie Valley in the Four Seasons or Kenny Rogers.

They don't want to see you at all. Okay. Forget about you're not my type of comedian. You don't want to see anybody and you got to work that room.

That makes you a better comedian. I thought at this point reading the little passage in the book between you and Jay Leno and Jay saying, no, you can't say the audience is bad. You just failed to broaden up your set enough to appeal to that audience. And you said, yeah, there's people that's like, I only like Largo.

And I thought, oh my God, I performed there so many times. And yeah, there's a whole host of us that pretty much live at Largo. Yeah. It was a bullseye.

Do you think that there is a comedic oath that comedians should be taking that now has gone away? Like, you know, King's jester, there was a let's call of truth to power while being entertaining all of that. And then you're gone. Do you think there's a universal one that comedians should adhere to?

Okay. Let's assume you're a person in your early twenties and you come to me and you say, I really love this world. I love this profession. I want to do this my whole life.

What do I do? And then I'm going to talk to you about having respect for a laugh and what it takes to get it, keep it and get more of them and make that your thing that you are guaranteed that you become known for someone who can do this, who can get this thing, the laugh. There are many other things that people want. But believe me, I've been in this world my whole life.

When you get to be 55 and no one wants to book you anymore, that's a bad landing. That is not the time of your life when you want to run out of gas. And when you're 20 and you're 30 and you're cute and you're talking to other 20, 30, everyone's cute and everyone thinks it's so cute that we're here together in this club and we're drinking and we're so sexual and so I would love to be with him and her and oh, that's all great. But at 55, that ain't happening.

At 55, the only thing left is can you get left? And if you've spent those decades learning that immutable, brutal, unforgiving, incredibly difficult skill, you're going to have a nice fourth quarter, which I think is hopefully what we're all shooting for is have a nice fourth quarter. You don't want to have bum out the last quarter of your life. Do you have rules that you won't do to get a laugh?

Sure. Tons. Thousands too many to name. If it's not interesting, if I don't feel like this was done in an interesting, original way, I'm not interested.

I won't do it. He said in this interview, I was watching for The New Yorker that being a comedian is like swimming in the ocean, which is the culture is moving endlessly. It's ebbing, it's flowing, it's high, it's low. So you really have to learn to just be constantly navigating within that pocket.

Right. I use the example of the skier, who's that brilliant female skier, American, the blonde girl. It's not our sport. I've never known a skier's name, unfortunately.

Lindsey Vaughn. Rob New, good job, Rob. Okay, if you're Lindsey Vaughn, you can put the gates wherever the hell you want. I'm going to make the gate.

That's how you have to think as a comedian. I don't care what happens in the world. I'm going to adjust to it faster than the audience. That's the game.

You can't say, hey, we used to be able to say this, no, we can't say it anymore. That's not your problem. Your problem. Where's the gate today?

I'm going to line down the slope to make the gate. In other words, get the laugh, make it interesting, maybe even make a comment, but the left's got to be there. I love that you say that because I do think a lot of comedians nowadays have turned their sets into complaining about what they can't say. Like so much of that is out there.

It's kind of crazy. Instead of creating new material, they're just complaining about that. Yeah, I don't know if there's any way back from it. I would venture to say there isn't.

We can't go back from the internet world and comedians will never have to be able to walk out in front of an audience that is completely wrong for them and get them. You don't have to do that anymore. We have software that will handle that. Okay, now let me start with my biases.

So my favorite comedian of all time, I'm not unique in it, is Richard Pryor. And there's a lot of things I hear you talk about that I get scared I'm on your outgroup, right? You don't seem to include sketch comedians so much. And I'm always like, Jerry, let's invite us in a little more.

A sketch comedian's and us improvvers. You seem to have like a little barrier between stand up and that. I want a little more inclusion. So that scares me about you.

Anyone who's funny is wonderful and a treasure. And however, they're funny. You know, my favorite performer of all time is Peter Sellers. He's not a stand up.

He's an actor. Yeah, okay. I'm not a human that I've ever seen. But the discipline of stand up as a profession, as a lifelong profession, it's a strict discipline.

It's a difficult discipline. I'm just not interested in how do you make a living as a sketch or an improv actor. It's pretty hard, Jerry. It's exceedingly hard.

It's like one place that pays. There ain't life so you better get there. I don't even think they pay that much, do they? Not ideal.

But the upside is the contract's really long. Right. That's the silver lining. It's a seven year contract.

But anyways, when I listen to you talk about comedy, I hope you'll agree. You're a very methodical comedian. Like even talking about the pop tart bit is a two year long endeavor before we get to. They can't get stale because they were never fresh.

Like that's two years later. Yeah. With that said, do you appreciate what prior was and part B of that question, am I wrong about what prior was? Was he a master at the illusion that it wasn't super mapped out and that it was getting beamed into his mouth?

Yes, it's an illusion. Tell me more. I watched him put these things together in the 70s. Every line, every beat, every move, the physical part, the facial part, the vocal part, he assembled it meticulously.

And that's how great a performer he was. It appears to have this looseness and this fluidity to it. That's part of his genius. Yeah.

But it exists in music, right? The example I was thinking of is, I don't know if you watch this great documentary series Defiant Ones. It was about Jimmy Iveen and Dr. Dre.

And I learned a bunch about Bruce Springsteen, the way he recorded, very much the way you told the pop tart joke. Right. I mean, he is in the fucking coal mines to make every song he made. Yeah.

Trillions of takes. And it's genius. I so respect it. And yet, I also watch another documentary, Fade to Black, about Jay Z.

And I watch him go into a room and listen to a song for about 35 minutes and then walk into the booth and deliver it. And that's also some crazy genius I'm attracted to. Right. Are you attracted to all or is there a hierarchy of process?

Am I making any sense? Yeah, you are. You're using the word attractive, which I think is the right word. And I have to say that I'm really attracted to writing.

Now people write in different ways, but what is the quality of the writing in the end? You know, Jay Z is brilliant writer. He doesn't have to sit and obsess over it, but it is brilliant in the end. Yeah.

But in the end, it's still the writing. I don't have that talent. I mean, I could do stuff here and there, you know, on a much stage. I say whatever I want, but I work really hard on that map and I love the map.

Yeah. Now over the years, you've hung on with a trillion comedians. There's this interesting phenomenon that happens where somebody you know is the funniest human being alive at Video Village at lunch in the makeup trailer. And then they just can't put it on the screen.

And it's a very peculiar thing. And vice versa. And vice versa. Yeah.

What's vice versa? The funniest person on set is often not the funniest person in the makeup trailer. Oh, I was going to say in the movie, right? They might be the funniest human.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. The person who's the funniest in the movie, but it's not funny in the makeup trailer, that's because they don't like the other people in the makeup trailer.

Sure. But they are that funny doing it in front of the light. They were talking about politicians are talking about Ron DeSantis. Somebody said last night on TV that we haven't seen him in front of the cleaglyte.

What is the playoffs? They make the light so bright and it messes with your nervous system. Can you self regulate to perform the way you want despite this magnifying glass right over your head? And this is something as human beings, we seem to be interested in it with other people.

We want to see. Can you do that in competition? You know what I mean? Yeah.

Skater or whatever you are. We want to see people under duress. I don't really know why, but that's all of sports. And it's a large part of the biz too, right?

Oh, this person is a great stand up. They're going to give him a sitcom. They're going to give him a movie part. I wonder if he can handle that.

You know, we're going to turn it up. We're going to turn it like brighter. We want to know how much guts do they have? How much self control of their thing do they have?

We want to break people. That's why all these stupid singing shows and talent shows, we like to try and break people. Is there anything stupid or than an award show? We're going to compete.

These two movies are going to compete. What do you mean compete? It's not two horses. It's two movies.

How can you say we're going to say this one is better? You can't. It's fake. It's horseshit.

One came out two weeks before Christmas. You're already in a great mood. You evaluated this movie with Christmas cheer. What do we do with that?

We're going to factor for that when we evaluate these movies? And these stupid people, myself, I've been sat there like an idiot at these awards shows. We're going to put a camera on them and we're going to watch them win and lose. It's all completely contrived.

There is no real competition. It's like two tomato sauces competing. You can't. There's just different tomato sauce.

What do you mean? Best picture? What a stupid phrase. Best actor.

When? No, it's preposterous. It's doing different parts. It's so stupid.

My wife was nominated for an Emmy. We're going there. She's nominated. What a great day.

We're sitting at a table unbeknownst to us. There's a whole bit that's been planned where Jim Carrey is leaving movies to do a TV show. So the whole bit, Emmys is he can no longer sit where the movie stars sit in the floor in front of the stage. And so part of the bit, again, unbeknownst to us, is like all of a sudden Jim's at our table while they're filming.

And the punchline is like, oh my God, he's been relegated to this table. So you go from driving there. Oh my God. You've been nominated.

This is so exciting. You're kind of the punchline of where Jim Carrey got to do it. Like, wow, this whole thing is real precarious, isn't it? I think I remember this.

We were there looking like dumb dums. Like, oh my God, you got stuck with these two. I think it's primal. I think it's base level.

We want to see how good someone is to see how attracted we are to them or something. Like it's a shootout. Kind of. Why we're obsessed with competition.

Like, who's the best here? It was the highest level of fitness. Yeah, whatever it is. Yeah, because if they are the best, then we can love them more.

Exactly. Yeah, I think that could be part of it. It's so dumb. You know, I'm a baseball fan and I'm a Mets fan.

It's like, why would you need them to win? What would that do if they won? Well, then I would love them more because they're the best. Because they're the best.

More worthy of your love at that point. Objectively. They earned it. It means you're the best vicariously.

Right, because I picked them to love. Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare. You brought him up and I know it was a really significant moment of doing the show and there's a bunch of stuff in the book about it.

But when you, I have to say, all the car selections, and I can't imagine anyone listening hasn't seen comedians and cars getting coffee, but you pair a car with the person you're going to interview and you do a damn good job. Thank you. You know, this about me. I'm a car freak.

It's my whole life. I'm from Detroit. I have heard that about you. Right.

And so one of my gifts is I can tell people what the perfect car would be for them. I bet people ask you, right? They're not car people. I'm going to buy a car.

I've got this budget and I'll go, this is the car for you. Right. Yeah. And also pick what car people drive.

This is like a parlor trick I can do. I said, did you get the car you wanted? That's the first question. Yes, I didn't compromise.

Okay. I'll tell you what you're driving. And I'm about 70%. But when I was a kid, that car captured me as the lines of it are just so spectacularly perfectly resolved front to back, side to side, the length, the width, you know, the height, the stances nice, right?

It's kind of wide and flared. Yeah. So that's how I got to it. I just thought, what do I think would be the coolest?

How do you be a sports car? This is the coolest. To me, the coolest vet. Yes.

To lose everyone. You took on 67 that year, had the biggest engine of that body. Yeah, yeah. 27 is the fastest.

Right. Right. But we don't go there. We go split window.

Only year of the split window. Right. Unique. One of a kind.

The symmetry. That everyone by definition is in the perfect car for them, even if they've borrowed it. Oh, God. Sure.

You have to make the case a little better for me. How so? It's like you can't have the wrong face. You can't have the wrong hair for you.

The wrong shirt. If you're in it, that's where you are. That's the perfect car for you. Here, I couldn't disagree.

Mark, I couldn't disagree. Mark, I spent half my life in the wrong fucking cars the whole time I'd be driving these shit boxes that I could afford. What am I? This isn't the car I need to be in.

I had to own a Honda Civic for eight years because I was broke in LA. That's not deck shepherd. It was at that time. You were a shit box.

I love that car. I love that car. That's a reliable ship. You're going to want to get a mint condition one.

Dependable show box. I would love a mint condition on the Civic. It was the DX hatchback like blue 91. I love it.

Now you love it. I do. I'll come completely around. You've broke my theory.

Wait, whose Jerry is a car? Oh, good one, Monka. Okay, great. And then I wrote down a few.

What's unfortunate is Jerry has a lot of cars. So who is he? It's an abstract question. There's also a cheat, which is you've already declared and I agree with your declaration.

You're a Porsche. Okay. So what's neat about Porsche is for people that aren't into cars is they're actually not flashy. They're very subtle.

When you look at what they're competing against Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Aston Martin's, these are very flamboyant cars. And okay, I was also top gear the last two years. And so we would constantly put these 911s like a GT3 up against a McLaren up against you name the car. The other cars would have 200 more horsepower, faster zero to 60, faster top speed on a racetrack.

So sorry, everybody. You cannot beat a GT3. A car cannot be built to beat this boring by comparison GT3 on a racetrack. There's some fucking magic German symmetry and subtlety and talk about meticulous.

I said that you're a methodical comedian. Look at the 911. This car is the same for 60 years. It's the same car that they just keep tweaking.

Yeah. There's no big revamp of that car. It's not going to front wheel drive or front engine or this or that. It's the same thing they just keep making it incrementally more perfect every year.

Fair enough to the casual observer. It's incremental and they don't disturb the essence, but there is still a tremendous amount of work being done under the surface. That's what appeals to me. The work is done under the surface.

Yes. Tony Bennett said to me one time that your whole act is a tremendous amount of work to appear totally casual. And there's an Italian word for that. It spreads to tour.

These guys that would dress a certain way in Italy and they would just look perfect, but they had spent hours on it and it looked like they got dressed in two minutes. That's what they're going for, but they spent hours on it. That defines the way I like to approach comedy. It should look like you just kind of threw this together, but you spent years, but you don't reveal that.