I'm going to see Elliot's Impossible Me, I'm going to see Catelyn's Impossible Me, go home. I'm not fucking dude just because he got it. If I came in and saved her day, I saved Alex, I was one of the fuck. Asshole army, what's up?
The kings have returned to the city. We are here back in New York. If you're watching on YouTube, please check out the new studio. Hit that wide shot.
Hit that wide shot. Okay, Al, do what you were doing earlier. Show off your fucking sneakers. Al got a six-inch space to show off how his sneakers match his hat.
Oh, you mean these? These are things? I'm going out of closet. We're here, maybe it's your boy, Shulte.
We've got Al got to sing Alex Media, Mark Gagnon and Truffle. Shit, even Miles and Vala are watching in. And it's time to begin this episode. I know there's a lot we have to talk about, technically.
We didn't miss a week, but we were kind of awful. We pre-saved some episodes. We didn't talk about a lot of dope shit, but one important thing that we have to do, and we have to have this discussion right now, it might take the rest of the episode, but I'm very excited for it, is somehow the Truffle managed to truffle the untruffleable. Somehow.
He's on the ropes, he's on the ropes, he's on the ropes, in the watch. If we see Doug's legs shaking in the watch, you know for a fact that he's on the ropes, okay? The truffle, I don't know how this is possible, because the untruffleable is Akash. He's Indian, you can't beat him in any negotiation, okay?
Doug somehow brought a Tesla all the way out to Miami. I was like, I said, I'm ready to go out. You know how Homer Simpson disappears into the ropes? That's all, I'll go about it.
I'll go about it. Okay, so Doug, while he's doing a million fucking things, I don't know how this guy does it. His multitasking game is on a million. This guy brought a Tesla out to Miami, from Los Angeles.
He just bought a Tesla, right? He loved it out there, bro. He made all this money from the Netflix, amazing amounts of money. Some would say he paid too much for his role in Netflix, right?
Some might say that, maybe not me, but some might, right? Many people have said it, maybe I mentioned it, but it has been said before. And he used that money and bought a spankin' new Tesla. I mean, unbelievable, right?
Didn't pay for the auto drive, but that's fine. Yeah, that's right for Tesla, he got a Honda. That's a Honda, right? He got quite a Honda.
I think you used that brand deliberately, I'll be honest. I'll be honest, I used that brand deliberately. So if you don't pay for the auto drive in your Tesla, do you have a Honda? No, but you guys can also talk about that shit later.
Tell him what you were doing, tell him when he was driving girls around Miami, he'd hit the screen like it was auto driving and they're driving his knee, bro. But it doesn't have drive-by itself, because you weren't going to pay for that. Every car has cruise control. It has power windows, it has windshield wipers.
It's on fire. So the headlights are turned on. Okay, so Duff has a Tesla, which he got. I'm going to say how you got it out there, this is an amazing truffle.
Did he ship it? Oh, he did ship it with the Armenian Express. He can ship it out with the Armenian Express, okay? How did you get it out there, Truffle?
He got his mom's boyfriend to drive the car out himself. Keep in mind, this is a Tesla. You know he didn't splurge from the big battery. Oh, he drove from LA?
From LA to Miami, with the standard battery, you stop every two hours. You stop every two hours in America, across the whole continent. It took him two months. It took him longer to get from LA to Miami.
They took him to get from Hungary to Alexandria. This guy spent more time immigrating to Miami for no reason. But did he have a Tesla in Hungary? No, I gave him a chance to see the country.
I don't know if he loves your mom or things are rock. I don't know what. Two months away from your mom, that's amazing. Or I love your mom so much that I'll do anything for my son.
So, okay. I got him still going, where are we calling him? He's just like, how the fuck I got trouble? I don't even know.
Let's go. Cut the fat! Cut the fat! You tried to blame me.
You said there's a dent in the Tesla. Oh, we're not even there yet. Come on. He's getting dinged on the hardware.
Get to it! Hey, where's my fucking... Hey, bro. You got the light, dog.
How dare you blame me for this? Hold on, hold on, hold on. The Tesla pulls out, right? After the whole journey across the car you're getting is going across the whole 19th of America.
Very long. Very long trip. Okay, so it comes with a ding. It comes with a ding on the side of it, right?
Just dinged up the whole fucking time. Baby ding. That market, that market. Be honest.
I thought you shipped it, and I was like, oh, maybe I did do it. If I had known a fucking cab driver was pulling across the country, like... That's how you know he don't love your mom. He's like, fuck the side of this car.
I'm not using a blink of a shit. Mark crashed a U-Haul the day one of Miami. You've been in the car with him. That was cool.
You're an idiot. You're reflecting. He's going to have to stay on top because I got sweating right now. It's not because of the performance fleece, okay?
He's about to get fleeced in my car and he has no fucking clue. The off-white fleece. The off-white fleece. It does the same thing.
It doesn't. Oh, I'm already sweating. I love this. So, so, so.
Dude's driving 94 miles per hour. I don't think auto drive worse than 90. He was racing. He earned my love.
He was racing. You wouldn't know if he had it. So, the car gets across. He's there for one month with the car.
He finds out we're moving back to New York. We're moving back. He's moving to New York for the first time. Oh, yeah, that's right.
He's moving to New York for the first time, right? He's still got an apartment in LA. Okay? He guilty me.
He's going, where my father is. He has to stay somewhere. Your father got to go back tomorrow. I don't know what to tell you, buddy.
It's a very nice house. How many thousands of square feet? It's too much. It's too much, okay?
So, love him. Shout out to Michel. Shout out to Michel. This poor Hungarian man.
Flies back. He drives the car for a month. He goes, how do I get rid of this car? I need to get somebody to take over my lease.
He's asking all his family members. All of them saying no because they already know the trouble. They know the case. It's like something's wrong with this car.
There's some kind of situation here. I'm not taking over your lease. I'm not going to help you out. I'm trying to get everybody to do it, right?
Obviously. Everybody. Somehow he convinced Matthew to store the car there. The car is being stored at the Aperstand Studios.
Shout out Matthew. Shout out Matthew. Shout out Matthew. It's unbelievable.
In the parking lot. This is why no deals are being done. This is why no deals are being done. This guy's working nine to five on figuring out this car.
And then one day you come and you tell me. Akash is going to take over the lease. How in the fuck? This is remarkable to watch.
Oh, it was me and Mark. You were there? Oh my God. Tell me.
I think what he started off is, Akash, you want a Tesla? And Akash immediately was like, yeah, I would love a Tesla. I think that's how he started, right? Is that fair to say?
I don't think that's true. No, no, no, no, no. He's like, yeah, Akash, you would be stupid not to take this. First knocks him.
It was so magical. Then he pulled back a little once I got some resistance. I was like, don't do that to me. Don't do that to me.
Don't do that to me. I get it. I was stupid and not getting fine. Get to the numbers.
And then you said, if you can't afford the payments, that's fine. No problem. But I just need to know now because I have someone. No, you didn't.
You hit him in the pockets. You hit him in the pockets. That's crazy. He was talking about this gorgeous new apartment that he has in New York.
I'm like, once you're already out of pocket that much in this stunning place, I'm like, this is how it was. In all honesty. This is how you know the apartment is good when she's supposed to move in day. She was supposed to be the most stressful day.
She was supposed to have that shit with pride, bro. It just didn't make sense he had that apartment with the car that he currently has. She's on a Honda Slander, bro. No, but let's be honest.
He did say you're going to put the girl in this beautiful apartment with a metro car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then with that, what happened? Well, I'll say your new high-end apartment must have a Tesla charger there, too.
Oh, it is. You don't even know it. And this is where I got it. Oh my gosh, she knows that I can get a deal.
So basically, you're taking over a lease. That's not bad. But I'm also, but I got it. I worked for that deal.
I almost got roped in. I was going to leave this story. That's still trouble. You pick it up a little bit more.
Tell me. This is the real problem. You're really getting this. Hey, hey, hey.
It was the fairest exchange, I can imagine. Okay. Yeah, how did you get work? I'm telling it clearly.
If I was in this fucking city that charges forever. We have to go over a bridge. We have to pay $20 to park for a coffee. What bridge?
One of the bridges. The tunnel. The tunnel. The tunnel's a tunnel.
You want to go underneath the water for free? How much is the cost of the car? Would you go underneath the water for free? What type of baboon would go underneath the water for free?
Say what? I got paid underneath the water. You can pay me. I'm not trusting if I don't pay.
You can pay me to go underneath the water. Anyway, get to the point. I'm just saying. I didn't need the car here.
Your girl drives to Philly. You drive everywhere for shows. The next round is he came around with the numbers. So he broke down the numbers.
How much he could sell the car for and then I got a calculator out. That was me. Once he got a calculator out. It was over.
It was over. Just out of curiosity. Did you have a hunch that it was going to be good? What are your hunches?
I wish we did some crunching the numbers before. Now we're pretty nice. We weren't going on hunches back in the day. Remember when you bought a Michael Studio for six figures?
Remember? The hunch that we're changing the future podcast. Can I tell you how much cheaper that was? I can't even go.
That's a fraction of a bitcoin, that Michael Studio. A fraction of a bitcoin. And after I did it, I didn't go, let's buy more. That's what you did.
You bought a Michael Studio and then you say, oh, it's not working? Buy two, Michael. Buy three, buy four, buy five. Do you know what this is?
I'm going to weigh your hands? I've never wanted to punch more in my entire fucking life. I've never wanted to. I would gladly lose all the money just to see you sweat.
Okay, go back to this. Go, go, go, go, go. So Doug, I have Doug give me the payments. And I do the calculation.
I'm like, all right, it's going to cost about like 13K to have it for these years. Then I realized I can sell my car for probably like 11. So I'm like, I could wait a few years and then sell it down the road and then get a Tesla. Or I could just have a Tesla for like $2500, $3000.
I got an instant offer for $10,000 from Carmex. I'm like, I could just take that. Have a Tesla for three years. Why don't we just do that?
Let's just live a little bit. He's not absorbing that. He's just paying a clean, low monthly fee. I'm just fucking raking you right now.
I'm just wondering, you've got six months till your Porsche comes. Why didn't you want to take a Tesla? Because he didn't trust a truck. That's a good point.
You trust me with everything. I'm trying to get older cars. I'm not trying to get the new fancy shit. I want to go old, old.
I got down payment on a Tesla. What are you talking about? I got down payment on a Tesla. That's true.
That's true. That's true. That's true. That's also camping people.
I want to start camping in the future. That's for me being in touch with nature, bro. Don't try to act like I'm not nature. I'm going mad lights.
You know what I'm saying? And also I need a car to save my girl. Yep. My girl needs a truck.
She needs a truck, bro. That's it. She don't want that truck. I hate that truck.
I hate that truck. I hate that truck. I hate that truck. I hate that truck.
I hate that truck. I hate that truck. Buy yourself one. Anyway, so who do we think has won this truffle?
I think it's perfect. Thank you. You think it's a fair trade? I was just a little jealous because he has a Tesla with the Trump button that doesn't close automatically.
You saw me do that. You got the old one? You got the old one? You got the old one.
I've been in that car. I've been in that car. That's so humiliating. Why would you get in that car?
You want in 2021? I'll let you drive it. Because nobody else can. I can't drive myself.
So I'll let you drive it. Now, did I tell you the thing about how you can't get the monthly drive by itself? Yeah, he told me that. I got that up front.
I was like, that's fine. I don't have to have that. My next Tesla, I'll get it. That's the point of the car.
It's unbelievable, bro. But it's not worth 10k for three years because I'm not going to keep it for three years. To me, it's just 3k for three years. I'll save essentially that much in gas.
Are you paying just for the T in the front? Get a leaf. Nah, it's a newer version. It's a newer car too.
That's got $5,000. My car is $75,000. But what's new about it? It's got the same as wheels.
It's electric baby. It's mad fast right now. That shit done fast. You get in this shit.
They're supposed to drive by itself and don't even drive by itself. You go on the L train. You have to drive that too. I'll buy yourself driving.
Fuck. What do we want? You have to buy yourself driving. I'll buy it.
It's done. No, I can buy it. I'll get $10,000 all at once. What?
What? You're talking about anything. I'll get the money. We are in debt right now.
Y'all are fine. We get a little peanuts that you've been growing at. Miles walking in the room. Put $30 into Dogecoin.
Shut your mouth with your $30. Ain't nobody want to hear about your tens of dollars. This is investing daily. Probably don't want some money.
It's from the rich kids and the poor. It's for you, baby. It's for you. I like peanuts.
I'll buy you some almonds. You can get some almonds. These peanuts are going to grow into macadamias. Can I ask y'all a question?
Do you know how much work it takes to get a singular cashew? It's a lot apparently. That makes me feel worse than farm fishing. Or like killing animals.
Like killing cows for meat and shit like that. The amount of work it takes. One nut per plant. What?
You didn't notice? No. I thought it'd be a bunch of them motherfuckers. The thing grows and a singular nut comes out of the plant.
And I think it takes a while. But look up cashews. Look up how you get one single cashew. That's why them shits are so expensive.
That should be way more, huh? We got cash in the name, bro. That's a good point. Let me check this out.
Anyway, you look that shit up. I don't want to derail from this. My point is, do you think that you're getting hustled? Do you think you got troubled?
I didn't think so. If he's ever happy with a deal, know that you've got a deal. So I didn't weigh whether or not he was winning a deal. I was just like, will I be happy with what I'm doing?
You can't beat this guy in negotiations. I'm like, fine. Will I be happy with paying 3K for a test for three years? Yeah, I'm good with that.
How do you feel looking at a guy in the face knowing that you fucked him? All I know is like the deals I haven't signed yet and you're just convincing him out of this whole thing. Because that is what makes fun. Can I be honest?
How uncomfortable he's making me? Now I'm thinking I don't trust you. No! Why you just a man in April?
Why you just a man in April? Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! He's gonna turn the place down. He'll fall through. I've been running all around New York and having different pieces of furniture that we don't even use on the goddamn podcast.
He rolled in here today with plants. Yeah, it's hard. Let's talk about big plants. In a Uber.
That's self-driving. Right there. What? Oh yeah, Uber's a self-driving.
Did you think about that? Yeah, that's a good point. You could just Uber, you live in a city now, boy. Yeah, that's true.
Yo, how much does it cost for parking? That's dumb expenses. We were going to pay for that out of the way though. I also calculated that.
Oh, because you're replacing your own place? I'm copulating sometimes. Damn, son. It might be cheaper than Uber.
Yeah, it might be cheaper than Uber. What are you talking about? This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.
little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Sorry, though. All right, guys, we take a break for a second because your dicks are not performing as well as they should, and we can fix that immediately, okay?
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Okay, let's talk about some other shit, man. I want to talk about the John Cena thing, but Mark has a really funny joke about it, so I got to navigate the joke. I don't want to step on your thing. I'll try to put it out tomorrow, though.
Okay, fine. As long as you think you get it out of here. I don't want to say Mark to the joke. Okay, so John Cena had this thing where he basically has to apologize to China for saying that Taiwan was a country, and he's basically doing it in Mandarin.
Did you see the apology? The apology he's doing it in Mandarin. Yeah, so he's apologizing to them in Mandarin, and obviously this is gonna piss Americans off, and if we're talking about really why we're pissed off, it's because we feel China coming. Like, if I'm being honest, John Cena?
Yeah, that's a big cuck out, bro. What? I've been telling you. What?
That China's coming? Yeah. When it starts, they don't want numbers. You don't even have to murder.
Ben Shapiro, did we get that right? Ben Shapiro don't want no smoke with China, right? No, no, no. Why is he calculating some shit there?
Take that. I don't know. Take that. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I came back to me. All right, but so John Cena's out.
And, you know, it's always fuck China, but then we're gonna go on some other shit later about that. But what was interesting about this one is that this one really hurt, because you really seen a dude get bent over to apologize, right? And the reason he had to do it is because he's out there promoting the new Fast and Furious movie, right? And because there's no DVD sales, the way that movies make up those sales is from foreign box office.
Before, I guess I didn't really give a fuck about foreign box office that much. But now, since you lost so much money from no DVD sales. And the year of pandemic. And the year of pandemic, obviously, you're not gonna make no money because people aren't going out to movies like they were without having lately and it's lit.
And Fast and Furious is huge out there. It's a movie in Tokyo. Exactly. Exactly.
It's massive out there because action movies are so easily translatable. You know, comedy doesn't do well in national. You know, it does though. Accents and stuff like that.
They do, but car crashes, these types of things are so easy to translate. The same way we love their kung fu movies. Exactly. Any type of action, you can put it back over here.
So, boom. It works perfectly. And I bet the theater, or the theater is called the production company, the studio. The studio is probably gonna lose hundreds of millions of dollars.
I think China only lets in a certain amount of movies a year, too. How many? They only let in, I don't actually know the exact amount, but it's like 15 to 20. Foreign movies a year.
Fair enough. So, if you're one of those movies, you get access to 1.3 billion people. And they have to review it. They go through this whole process.
And they make you edit it. There are certain scenes that make you cut that shit right fuck off. The emotional stuff. Exactly.
But China figured some shit out. They figured out that the way you control America is with greed. We are so fucking greed, we'll do anything for money. Anything, we'll sell our own souls for fucking money is absolutely disgusting.
And they finally got money. We let them get some money. We had to make all our fucking toys and shirts and all that shit until they got enough money to start abusing us. And that's how it's a new form of economic colonialism.
And I think we would have started that shit, lowkey. Like, we're the biggest buying power in the world. And then all of a sudden, they're like, oh, that buying is a great time. But I bet this thing.
Coin before, right? That's what we sold that one. Coin. That's what we sold all the South America, Central America.
That's what we did. Yeah, we go to the leaders. We go, you want a ton of money to sell your country resources? Yeah.
So, it sucks. If you feel China coming, and that's why it stings a little bit more. Like, if another country was like, yo, if Honduras came to us, they were like, yo, you recognize El Salvador? Don't recognize El Salvador.
And John Cena was like, yo, lo siento, El Salvador no existe, blah, blah, blah. And this man, we'd be like, no shit. It definitely always is. But the fact is, the guy who's on your heels, that stings a little bit more.
I'm going to defend John Cena a little bit. Go, go. I think that's the argument. Go, go.
When you're the star of a movie, the number of people that you're responsible for is crazy. But think about the crew. The other actors who are less famous than you, less starring roles than you, the fucking editors. It's like thousands of people involved in the product.
You slip up one time, and then your bosses are saying, yo, you're fucking up a thousand people's money. You I'm just saying, sorry. I can 100% you see it. You're like, all right, I'm fucking apologize.
That's how they're going to do too. Because they're like, look at all the key grips in their living. Look at all the sound people. To be honest, you pay a day rate.
They've already been paid. But what about the next one? What is interesting is, is John has probably got movies about to come out and deals that have already been signed. And John is not going to be in some like, romantic theatrical experience.
They already have Channing Tatum, which is basically just less than what he did. So he's basically looking. I imagine they're like, yo, fam, every one of the movies you make could be in China. If you don't apologize, you're not going to get none of that Chinese money.
And the studio might go, we can't pay $200 million from a movie. If we're not going to get $100 million from China, we can't finance your films. And China holds grudges. This is the other thing I didn't realize.
Oh, yeah. Every kung fu movie, right? Motherfucka disrespect for 100 years later. 100 years later, he'd be trained for that shit.
And then he goes fucks up to the great-grandson. Grudges is their shit. It's crazy. Even a bitch in the ring.
Remember that bitch in the well? Remember that bitch in the well? Yes. Right?
They stayed in the house, Parasite. Oh, yeah. Right? They just stayed in the house tight about that shit.
Grudges is their shit. Yeah. That whole movie was that. Yeah.
They've been plotting to take over America since the opioid crisis. That's what I was talking about, brother. They're doing the fucking sleeper cells. The opioid crisis?
Parasite. Parasite. Did you use that part of the joke about like how China, like we trying to see Asians as different, but China's like, did you use it or not I tried it. Did you cut it out?
Here we are looking racist. We don't know the difference between different Asian people. And China's like, it's all Asian. It's all China.
Like, Taiwan is China. Like, next time I get it. Somebody says I'm racist because I call an Asian Chinese. I'm like, I'm doing what China wants.
Yeah. Okay. I'm out here trying to get my fucking podcast deal with Parway. What's the bet?
What even is the bet? What the fuck? Yo, why does China want shitty land so much, bro? It's just, I guess it's move, right?
It's like Manifest Destiny for them. Yeah. That's their manifest destiny. But they don't even have God to front on it.
That's true. They don't need to front on anything. They are God. Isn't that fucked up?
At least we have the excuse. We gotta be in Cali. Sorry, Mexican. That's way better.
That's atheist. Can you imagine an agnostic cult leader? Come on, bro. Let's just drink Hoolay because it seems fun.
Let's die for the fuck. Screw that, bro. That's why it's fucked up. You gotta have God compelling you to do some fucked up shit.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Dove. No, Vala.
Vala. You know what I'm saying? Dove, Vala. Y'all want to just fight it out right here.
Fight it out right here. What? Yeah, who do you side with? Vala's Muzzy.
Vala's Muzzy, but Dove is Jew. Yeah, but if it was accurate right now, like, Vala would just have rocks and Dove would have a rocket launcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so would it be fair?
It would be fair. I bet I'd get his rocket launcher for a couple thousand dollars. Once that shit has some things in it, you can definitely... Vala ain't need it no more.
Once he's You know, the way that a rocket launcher, you can get that shit. You can get that shit. Perfect. Y'all got the rocket launcher, you got to throw it like a rock.
Yo, but don't sleep a while because he probably got a cave with some motherfucking hiding in there. He's Pakistani, guys, if you were wondering. Yeah. Okay, we got all cultures on this podcast.
Yeah, we're doing it. I don't know. Just so we give the jokes off. Yeah, yeah, literally, everybody fills a quota so we can make fun of everybody and it works out.
It's mutually a short destruction. Yeah, we need an Asian intern. I was about to say, we need a woman then. We said jokes!
Nah, nah, nah, we gotta get a girl in here, man. What happened to Taylor, bro? Why y'all stop fucking with Taylor, bro? I thought Taylor was here the whole time.
Yeah, bro. That's Taylor. You thought that was Taylor? Yeah, you know, he's close enough.
He's a womanly. He's sitting in the same chair. That was kind of our woman, bro. Yeah, he's 49% gay.
49% gay, multitasking, exploring there. Oh, son, bro. Talks. You're a sucker for whatever he does.
Tells you what the fuck you're doing, you just do it. Please help after these fucking assholes. That's true. Please help after us.
I don't want anybody saying we don't have a female presence on this show. Don't ever disrespect like two podcasts like that, all right? We got everything covered. We really got everything covered, bro.
What? What did we miss out? No, we got it. I don't even say the actual Asian, but you're Asian enough.
That's true. That's true. In England, they're actual Asian. We need actual Asian.
He ain't Asian. Okay. You know what's funny? What do you mean?
They call us Asians and them Chinese. What? They act like they're trying to shame Americans. They're like, oh, you guys call South Asian.
South Asian. There's Asian here. I'm like, okay, well, what do you call the Korean people? They're like, oh, they're just Chinese.
That's the same shit. That's fucked up. They're doing Chinese bidding. What do you mean?
Call every Asian. That's the thing. China's trying to run it like that. That's super disrespectful.
They have the reason why we do that. That's not our fault. That's China. That's all China.
They inception it into us. They inception it into us. All Spanish people call it Asians, you know. Oh, my God.