Just Calm Down!

I was having a cup of chai with a friend when I overheard a conversation at the next table. A young man was getting more and more worked up about voting. Would his ballot arrive? Could he trust the mail? What if it didn’t come? Should he go to the registrar’s office? What if something went wrong and he couldn’t vote?You could hear the anxiety building as each question led to another. Finally, the woman sitting with him said, “OK, this is getting crazy. It’s going to work out. JUST CALM DOWN.” You can probably guess how well that worked. He immediately started explaining why she didn’t understand. Really, he had a point. When we’re anxious or overwhelmed, being told to calm down doesn’t give us much to work with. Our nervous system doesn’t hear those words and suddenly settle. If only it were that easy. What can help is getting a little closer to what’s actually happening. What do I know right now? Not what might happen. Not what someone said could happen. Not what my brain has already decided is about to go wrong. What do I actually know? Then I like to ask another question: Is the story I’m hearing, and telling myself, true? Is it helpful? Those are not quite the same thing. Something can be possible without being true. And even when there’s a real concern underneath the story, replaying it over and over may only keep us stirred up. Then there’s the practical part. Is there anything I need to do right now? If there is, do that. If there isn’t, it may be time to stop trying to solve something that hasn’t happened yet. The body matters here too. When we’re worked up, thinking harder isn’t always the answer. Feel your feet on the floor. Unclench your jaw. Let your shoulders drop. Take one slower breath. Look around and notice where you are. None of that makes the problem disappear. It just gives you a little space around it. There’s also a big difference between saying: “Everything is going wrong!” and “I’m really anxious about what might happen.” The second one is still honest, but it gives you a little room to breathe. You’re not pretending everything is fine. You’re noticing what’s happening without becoming completely wrapped up in it. That matters. Because there are things we can act on, things we can prepare for, and things we simply can’t control. Knowing the difference doesn’t mean we stop caring. It means we stop asking ourselves to manage every possible future all at once. So the next time you notice yourself spiraling through what if, what if, what if, “calm down” probably isn’t the most useful instruction. You might try: * What do I know? * Is the story I’m telling myself true? Is it helpful? * What can I do right now? * What can wait? * What am I carrying that hasn’t actually happened? That’s mindfulness too. Not an empty mind. Not pretending everything is OK. Just noticing what’s happening, finding a little steadier ground, and deciding what comes next. Get full access to Microdosed Mindfulness at www.microdosedmindfulness.com/subscribe