Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. So I'm 29 years old and back in 2023, after a harsh talk with my wife to manage her spending, we made the decision to get out of debt and we achieved that. And 2025 was going to be our year that we were house shopping and going to buy our first house.
And about a month and a half ago, I got a statement in the mail for some credit cards and found that my wife has pulled about three new credit cards in, has maxed them out, and we've now accumulated some new debt. She's always had a bit of a spending problem, and that's how we got through it, and we were pretty happy being debt-free. She's not quite sure how we have this conversation again and how to make this stick and be on the journey of being debt-free and managing our money. How much debt on the three cards?
From zero, we've now accumulated a little over $3,000. Okay. Okay. And when you said, hey, I thought we were getting out of debt and saving for a house, and you ran out credit cards, and you knew I hated debt, and we had worked to get out of debt, and you did this, and didn't tell me, what did she say?
Well, she's pretty embarrassed but defensive. Her mother saw her identity at a very young age, and she's never had great finances. We did a lot to get her out of debt from. Debt was accumulated as she was eight years old with utility bills, cable bills, all done by her mother.
But we did a lot to do that, and she doesn't want to end up like her mother. How old is she She 30 now Okay How old are you 29 And how long have you been married Eight years Okay All right I'll give you an observation of what I think I heard you saying. Hey, George, you're in the control booth. I bet you're wondering what they're going to say next.
Get out of debt, sell the horse, yada, yada, yada. The advice may be predictable, but the internet is anything but. You see, your personal info is out there, up for grabs by shady companies, ready to add more scam and spam to your life. And that's why I use Delete Me.
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I think you were using the words we and our when it was only you. I wanted to get out of debt, so I talked to her about her spending, and I got us out of debt so that I could buy us a house. I had a harsh conversation with her. I don't think she was involved in any of this emotionally.
I don't think she agreed with the decision. I think she went along with it because she's embarrassed and shamed about her handling of money. But I don't think as a grown-up she stood up and said, I'm going to join hands with you, and we are going to hit these goals. Instead, I think she's been treated like a little girl again by you.
That's the language you were using, and I'm going to play it back to you. Did you hear that? Yes, I did. Absolutely.
Yeah, and when you said Bobby, I had to have a harsh conversation with her about it. And so, yeah, I think the real question is, number one, kind of what Dave was just proposing of, okay, so looking back now at the whole journey and what you guys have walked through the last few years with money, how has she been through that? and obviously not very on board, or she has some major issues And honestly the whole spending addiction world has really exploded even more even more recent because of how easily it is to have access so whether it to credit cards or um you know shopping online all of it just like gambling addiction has gone up with sports betting and all of it so there's such this environment bobby that she's having to honestly fight a bigger battle now today in 2025 than even in previous you know generations so my question would be to her is what's going on with her you know what what is it um that's causing this to happen because there you know we we see it all the time that it but there is you know levels of really deep pain and the medicator is the spending and so i'm curious and with the her backstory of her mom and not trusting fully the adult in her life and the adult in her life used her completely and stole her identity to mismanage money on top of that right like there's a lot there for her and so does she recognize any of that or is any of that in the conversation yes uh you know we we sat down early on when we wanted to buy a car together and we would like to finance something and she didn't know anything about credit and all that. And that's where it was found.
And she was very upset by that. And it came as far as she was actually arrested on felony charges for deceptive practice for a bad check written by her mother and luckily found not guilty. And that's where the changing point in our lives were. How long ago was all that?
My debt, her debt. How long ago was that? How long ago was that check then? The check was made when she was 18, still in college.
I mean, when did this charge come? Charge came in 2021. Four years ago. Yeah.
Okay. So this is four years in the past. And apparently we've gotten mom off the stealing pattern. Mom's not stealing her identity anymore, at least as far as we know, right?
No we completely locked down with our identities Good Okay So all of that in the past She didn do anything wrong there She was a victim there Then that changes gears when she runs up debt in contrast to what you guys have talked about And so Rachel's right. It could be an addictive behavior. It could be coming out of pain. It could be coming out of you just controlled everything and she didn't have a vote and this was her only way to have a vote.
So she just ran off and did whatever the flip she wanted to do because you tell her everything to do and she doesn't, you know, she's saying, her little girl's saying, you're not the boss of me. I'll show you. And sometimes people react that way too. because I think you told her what to do.
I don't think you've got agreement. There's a difference. Would you agree with that, Bobby? I absolutely agree in a half-and-half scenario.
I know I can have that kind of tendency. You have on the phone with us. Yes. Okay, we heard it.
That's where it's coming from. I'm not being mean to you. I'm just saying that there's a difference in getting people to buy into a vision and go forward. That's leadership.
There's a difference in a leader and a boss. A boss has got a cattle prod and tells you what to do. It's a stick and no carrot. And that's in business, but it's also in ministry.
It's also in your marriage. And so versus getting, I'm going to get collaboration. We're both going to sit down and talk about the pluses and minuses of debt. We agree we're going to get out of debt because it's the fastest way to build wealth.
We agree we're going to get out of debt because we want to buy a house. Bobby wants to buy a house, and he told her what to do so it could happen. I kind of think that's what happened, Dave. So I'm not blaming you for this.
She shouldn't have lied. She shouldn't have deceived you under any circumstances. That's wrong. And so you guys probably need to sit down with a good marriage counselor, ask them about a possibility of a spending addiction.
But also let's get some different patterns to get agreement and sell a vision for the future. The Bible says where there is no vision, the people perish. Let's both buy into where we want to go, not where you tell her we're going. There's a difference.
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