We're back. What what what is? Can't even think of it pitch perfect It's a movie Are you all right? I don't care for it pitch better have my money.
Oh phone. Yeah. Oh you're on phone. You're on phone.
Oh, this is all you I just don't like feeling left out. Oh, yeah What I see like rebel Wilson and six other women and they're like have you missed us and you're like was I supposed to? It's like getting a voice and all from a number you don't have you don't know them and they're like It's me yeah, I think it's the first trip of 2020 first. It's a little bit off pitch It's low and slow dragging in the middle.
I don't watch boys, but I bet we could do it It's a stinker and a stinker. Here we go. We're going on mattingly at the bat at the bat. No, it is a bad What if you were hovering over a boiling cauldron of oil and to call a baseball game and as soon as you said something like At the bat that kill you.
How long are you gonna? How long do you make it? Not very long. I mean either bad.
They don't mattingly He's from battingly Don't battingly as Gerald strawberry. They got a man in the back warming up his arm to relief pitch probably in the sixth or something and here comes your dog's Ken Griffey senior Ken Griffey senior coming out to school his son junior What was that last double play? Why isn't there a middle term between senior and junior like the son that didn't get the family crest Nate? Oh, you know what I am what the son that didn't get the family crest name.
Are you really madad? I'm John John helps the porno Oh, that's what he gives his dick from Oh Your bar coming out of her mouth anyway Straight up the mouth Every bed's a water bed when I'm in it did oh my god I'm gonna write the Jeremiah Watkins movie with you in the opening line It's here about opening senior about to have sex with a girl And then you go like I just want to get something off my chest and it's a little bit weird But we play like super real right super real everyone's like what does that does? Yeah, yeah, I have some sort of dysfunction like one nut or something like that Yeah, and he's got on his quarter and then I'm like what how would you all over your face and then she goes? I am to I am to I am to I this is awkward, but I do that I have to I'm brought to you by blue bottle coffee.
Oh, oh That's what makes your book cop come Oh, just the opening of a can opening oh scanning scanning. Oh, that's a hole for him It is he could put his robo deck in there and a hole's a hole It doesn't matter I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Like weird vacuum lines of your mom leaves in the dining room. Back and forth, back and forth. Where is it?
Okay, I'm about to explore, oh. We need to sing a song now about you. About what? Seeing a song about...
We just have it in some of the songs. Okay we have some of the songs. We're actually getting a note from the producers. Not enough songs say.
Not enough songs. Two, three, four, four, eight, eight. We're going to sing a note. We're going to sing a note.
There's never enough rain. There's never enough left in the bedroom. I'm just trying to go. Sometimes I'm not a noob, but it's not too late.
Cause you're not a writer cause you got lost in your friends' basement. All I know is that these are the people that sleep over the hundreds of years. You've never ever got those ideas and you're one that is just things that are getting weird. Because you haven't seen them all the time.
But you've never started to call you. I'm going to throw these my screens away. Oh, we will throw them away. I'm going to throw them away.
Shadd, my nub-ski. I'm going to do three-nub-ski. Sorry. I'm trying to be serious.
Shadd, shadd, shadd. Shadd, my nub-ski. I don't know if that means he's been glad three times and then one time he's zero times he was bad. Alright, you're going to love this next segment.
It's a new segment that you haven't even created yet when you did the podcast last. This is a podcast. I guess so. We were just straight-clown and done.
Straight-clown and done. I'm going to need you to remove everything that I said that could be offensive. Sure, absolutely. You got it.
Including Evil Sign Film. Okay. This next segment is called Wig. Kristen Wig?
Stay tuned. Thank you. Oh my God. This is what I've dreamed of.
I'm going to wear a wig. Yep. Okay, so this is how this works. Also, do you have any Kleenex?
I'm literally like- I could love a Kleenex. Let's do a quick Kleenex break. Oh my God. I'm literally like- I'm laughing so much that I literally think tears.
Like, in every orifice. What was the funniest tip? Teenage Yoda. Teenage Yoda is the best tip.
That was so good. I mean, I'm a two-wear. Yeah. Just that water cup right there.
The red solo. Yeah. Any cup. The pilot of the Millennium Falcon drank out of it was a solo cup.
Have you ever thought about your own nick? Spending after you and thinking about your own nick. Have you ever thought about how your dick compares to other people's? Oh my God.
Sometimes when you see your mother mass penis on a screen, whether it is in a cinematic adventure of a movie or a porno, you kind of start to compare yourself to, you know, when you're self, um, subconsciously, and you're looking at that penis and your like is mine. That pretty is mine as beef. He has the hog that I'm seeing on screen or is in certain angles. Cause sometimes if you put a screen over your penis, you feel better about it.
Oh, if you look at it through your phone, if you look at it through another perspective, sometimes it's better. Honey, I got it over. I'm looking at my dad. That's a great app.
I'm wondering what here's an app that makes you ticklish. Do it. I'll ticklish. Ticklish.
You want to look ticklish? Do you want to look ticklish? Take this iPad? Put it over your tick.
Okay, there's a filter. It's like it's like snapchat, but free balls. Yeah. So it makes any balls look appetizing.
Appetow is a good. I wasn't gonna say that. I don't think you would say but it's really bad. I was like, what do you believe he's saying?
I'm a tough. You know what I call previous for just movies? What? Appetowzers.
It's the future. Yeah. You're not making that time with the drink. That's my other on doob.
We earned it trying to come back. You woke up tomorrow. It's 2079. It's your point.
It's your future. Your day. It's your alarm clock. You can't make it do it again.
Did my what? What? What? What?
What? What? What I just hear? You'll know.
Oh, you'll know. We might see it. Do my uncle said this alarm clock from 2005. Is that your uncle once?
It's weird gay. Doc Brown. Marty, you're gonna be gay in the future. Marty, you're a homosexual.
You're not men in the future, Marty. Marty, you're gonna suck for days in the future. I don't know, Doc. Is this just deployed?
I have sex. No, it's totally consensual future. You and I, it's not a weird that you and I hung out. Just go to a palace.
It's not a weird. It's a gay sign. It's right in the front of Doc Brown. Marty, in the future, everyone's gay.
Even if I was a man. He was actually the first one to come out. He was a press secretary this entire time. Wait, does Doc Brown know, Beth?
They've met? I think he knows him because Marty talks about his dog. This guy's really pestering me. What what's his name?
His name is Biff. I don't hang out with a guy called Wedgie. I mean, you can hang out with a guy named Marty. I mean, that's about it.
If you have any other friends, you're my friend. We're more acquainted. This is the greatest day of my science life. You have to keep insisting you didn't mean it.
We what? It's a song. You have to keep it. We're as weird as like a this is the best day of my science life.
Who are you singing to, Doc? I have a friend named Marty McFly. No longer need a wife. Um, Doc, do you want to finish the song?
Like, like my head taking a poop. But now that I have one golden friend, I don't never need to be alone. masturbator. I don't know, Doc.
I feel like you might need to still masturbate. I think I think I'm doing too current. I'm like, I keep that. I feel like evil side.
Yeah. Two mics, two mics. You. I'm an evil Brandon.
Look, I'm almost there. Neil Brandon. Almost there. I got two mics.
Just two mics. One more mic and I'm Neil. Three mics. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah. You have it. Want to see my Neil Brandon impression? I love it.
Okay. Three mics. Pretty spot off. Three mics.
Three mics. Three mics. Three mics. All right.
So in this segment, you're gonna pick a wig for me. I'm gonna pick a wig for you. And we're gonna figure out who these people are together. Pick a wig.
Pick a wig. Pick a wig. Pick a wig. Pick a wig.
I'll go there every Tuesday. I'll go there every Tuesday at 10 a.m and have a pint. That's not weird and I'll call Shazette. I'll call this Mr.
You can have yourself a pint wine if you feel a bit squishy. One's on that and a pot benefit. Two in the morning and no one's saying anything I'm doing. You can go out the middle of the day, have nine beers, come back and you're the queen.
No, but it gives a shite. No, but it gives a shite about me. No, no, no, about your drinking. Oh, that mud drink.
That's right. We care about you. We love you, Karl. We love you.
No, then I have one so you're just right. You say that. Oh, God. Okay, wig tape.
Okay, so this is like a reddish kind of wig. This is a you have a you have a Merkin. I want a pube wig. Hi, I have a pube please.
There is one. Oh my God. Are you serious? You're not a podcast studio if you don't have a Merkin welcome to Merkin studios.
Oh my God. We only podcast with Merkins. WT Merkin. Here's my issue with are we good?
Are we good or? Oh, this one doesn't fit. Now I feel like David Hasselhoff. You know what I wish someone would hassle the half lonely David Hasselhoff.
Oh, look here. There's a there's a visual like we look like. Oh, wow. Look at the mouth.
Wow. Oh, hello. Who do I look like Chad? Look like a Chad.
What's the right? Let's see. What's the right? What's the right?
Maybe a fountain? Miss Piggy was saying, Hey, the impression anyone can do like a magic trick a child could do. That's it. That was good.
I look like one of the creators of South Park. You look like Joan from madman. You look like Christina Hendricks. The most unattractive version of Christina.
Having a bad day. She wakes up in the alarm goes, it's the future and you're not on anymore. Damn, this future is brutal. Oh my God.
Okay, so okay, you look like there's so much volume here. Pantene, Pro V. Have you ever tried panties? Pro V.
Panties Pro V. Yeah, they're Pro vagina panties. The first panties designed with a Q and A form that every vagina filled out. So we're like, what do you think about comfort in the vagina?
It's like, and you're like, with that small a miniature or with that your vagina. Oh my God. I'm also just trying to do the sound of a joint and self moistening. Okay, so you and I are just a couple of vaginas.
Like, you need a very sensitive microphone to hear it. It's like you could also do the sound of blood rushing to a dick. This is the sound of an erection. Listen, this is the sound of a vagina self moistening.
Are we that different? Are we are we that different? I don't think so. I'm gonna play one you tell me with the digger vagina.
Okay, cool. Actually, you're trying to trick me. That's a gaping but welcome back to dig vagina or gaping but all it's the Shatami. What is the one that you don't want to get on the show?
We owe whammy. No whammy. No whammy. No whammy.
No whammy. No whammy. No whammy. No whammy.
No whammy. We look like here that worst contestants were bad. We're back in tests on a game show. I think that's who we are.
I think that's what I was gonna say if we were on family feud. And then I need a different voice. Here we go. Top answers on the board.
You know how people are terrible at this game? They're really bad. That's us. Yeah.
But what if this voice is it's gonna be the host? Okay, cool. You can imagine any of the hosts you like. Okay, so yeah, so the host has the devoys and then you and I we're the we're the family.
Yeah, we're definitely not a family. Look at us with another family. Okay, we're gonna feed. Okay, what's our family name?
The Mars component. The Mars components? The Mars components. Mass component.
Okay, but we're not Italian. That's important. Okay, that's gonna know. Top answers on the board name something you leave in a hotel room.
But you forget when you check out something something you forget and left in your hotel room after you check out. Uh huh. Yes. It's got to be poop in the toilet.
It's got to be poop in the toilet. I forgot it. I forgot the poop in the toilet. Okay, show me poop in the toilet.
One of the guys falls over and it has poop poop poop poop and there's a P.A. That's like the big man's a chopper poop in a toilet. I mean, 90 out of 100 people that we asked at poop in a toilet. I'm gonna say you're the Bible.
Really? You left the Bible in the room? I left the Bible in the room. I'm the Gideon.
You brought I am the Gideon. You're the one leaving other Bibles in the room. That was me. You're Gideon.
I'm Gideon. I'm Gideon. And get this. It's not every room.
You know, when you look at a hotel drawer and there's a Bible, you think that's every room. It's actually just every room you've ever been in. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.
Prove me wrong. I can't. That's right. I can't prove you because it's real and everyone listening right now, you thought they were in all the rooms is actually just someone's following you and going, please listen to the Lord.
You need it. I'm Gideon and man, I'm tired of visiting your parents for Christmas and Christmas. Welcome back to the F.G. Christmas.
I wish I could do that. What? Just like the depth of style. It's the funniest.
It's so good. It's not. But you know, you know what, appropriate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unless you're Chris Dilea. Okay. Now, shots. I love Chris.
You did too. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I do like him.
You don't like him. I love him. I love him. Okay.
I really do love him. But he had a special call by comics. I feel like that riff was in bounds. In bounds.
In bounds. Sorry I've been trying. We'll take it off. Alright, we'll take it off.
Alright, we we throw up the monitor for a second. We'll we'll fix our hairs in the monitor. As long as we've got each other. What is this?
Oh, water. Oh, thanks. Welcome to Betterbox studios. You know what better boxes?
What? Rectangle dude? What if what if it you know why more space? I feel like you could also take it as like a like Doc Brown is also like trying to convince Marty that being gay school.
You know, it's actually a better box money. You're a bad hole. I don't know. Pro boys are so stupid.
And I am one of them. And I love it. Like it's so fun. Like we're being like junior high boys.
Everything is like totally so fucking fun. Stupid to be dumb. It's so fun to be dumb. That's when I'm saying it's so fun.
That's actually not john's on his phone or window. I haven't a dry. That sounds like an old gun. It's so fun to be done.
It's a fun to be done without even dry. This feeling inside. Oh, good. It is a delta john.
It's got a Taylor tone of a song. It's like fingers of tight rings. Yeah. Sausage fingers in the rings.
It's like how's he play that good? His fingers are so thick. What is purple? What is purple?
Is that a class ring? Yeah. What is it? What?
Okay, that's a straight up ring pop on one of your fingers, bro. What's going on there? I like my can't need to be jewelry. Oh, my thick thick fingers on the keys.
And everyone knows that time. I do. You're it's white. You think it is pubes?
Because he's got that like strawberry blow on top. But then when he pulls out his droids, it's like winter's coming. Or it's like a pattern like how people like the new age kids get like died like zebra print or like leopard print or something. I'd love leopard leopard peeps.
Oh my god. Cheetah. Cheetah pubes. I'm like, that's why I came so I'll talk on that.
Some of cheetah. I call somebody miles an arty. It's a kick him fast. Dude, I'm the fastest comer on land.
I'm like before it's in I'm like, bye. Dude, dude, like as soon as I pop the button, dude, already in my jeans, pop the top. Dude, pop the top the fun already stopped because I just came. My bad.
Like premature ejaculation. I don't want to be disrespectful. I know people struggle with it. All right.
So that's what I can say. Where we want. You still came. Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah. You're like this sucks. But you're like, like it's like you feel your favorite feeling.
I think that there's a lot of guilt with right early on. Like, I don't think that there's as much guilt like when you know that you've that you've worked for the entire time. You know, when you like, oh, yeah, you put it's like going to a party and there's a cake and you immediately just go and put your balls on the cake and you're like, that was for the birthday. Oh, yeah.
Now I feel bad. Yeah. You feel bad. I feel bad.
Yeah. But if you put in the strokes put in the strokes, dude, you know, that put in the strokes and in the strokes put in the ellipses strokes put in the it would be put in the dot dot dot dot yeah, the stroke or like my family has a severe history of ellipses strokes. Oh my god. The strokes strokes.
What if they're like, well, you know, strikes is like, you know, you put them in your put them in your partner. Yeah, you got to put in the strikes before we blow. Yeah, cosy. But also, you know, it's a big problem.
And it's a big problem that people have a lot of strokes to have strokes. Yes, actually, actually quite serious. Actually, I've been working on my Colin Firth a little trying to get Colin Firth Colin Colin Colin Firth. That sounds a lot like your Michael Kine.
Well, it he sounds actually very similar to my. I think you are. I think you are. Yes, Colin Firth was thinking about that.
He sounds like a younger Michael Kane actually at times I like to learn Portuguese to lure you into my bed. I would like to deliver the king's beach. It is him. He sounds very similar.
Sometimes Michael came. Oh, it sounds like a younger Michael Kane to me sometimes. Well, guess who's calling them? Who's calling?
It's just not a podcast. You don't get a call. Yeah, of course. I mean, we get calls out of the blue.
That's what I love about this. Who's calling to show is going to blow a little bit blurry on the color. Hello. You were you're in one.
Now, you told right, he was supposed to speak any Western. Oh, what are you doing? You get there? I know.
So I don't think Brad Pitt's name is Brad Astra. Brad Astra. Yeah. And I'm surprised that you are not talking about the Irish men because you're the Irish man.
Because you're what I love about that movie. What do you look like? Vincent. You have to do.
He's an 90 year old man. His face sort of looks smooth. But he tries to kick somebody in your worried forum. I guess we're going to the regular way.
Go to the regular mic. No, Robert De Niro is actually calling candy wanted to talk about. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.
Tell me say Joe Beshik. Oh, my god. Oh, no, shut your very funny. They funny.
Oh, homologone. I'm feeling again. That's most sure. The most you are I loved it more than anything.
And come on. He's like, they keep telling you it was a long time ago because they know you won't be able to tell them that they keep going. It was a long time ago. It was a long time ago because look at the noodles.
The noodles that's a 1930 noodle. And you can see from my stupid jacket is stupid jacket is coming out. And then like it's a long time ago spirit piece. It's a period piece.
Oh my god. You know, knocked up is a mystery period piece. Hello. Let me tweet it.
Let me tweet it. Let me tweet it. Let him tweet it. This is the voice inside Pete's head whenever he's thinking about sending a tweet.
All right. So now you're gonna think you're gonna think thoughts. Okay. And then I'm gonna tell you whether or not you should send her or not.
Okay. Okay. So Angelica cats, Jellicle more like Jell-o cats. I don't like it.
People were not gonna we're not gonna send that one. No, we're not gonna send that one. Okay. Okay.
You know, when you get a haircut and then you look in the mirror and you startle yourself because you don't recognize yourself just for a second because it's like a drastic haircut. Send. Wait, no, don't send that. Don't send that.
Oh, no, it has a hundred retweets. What have you done? It's all environmental. I tweeted at four AM.
I saw I saw I saw I literally when I woke up I was like, what version of Peter Mike can get today because this was so late at night I was like, dude, I went to bed. I went to bed. What? 10?
Yeah, 10. Okay. And then because I'm people fuck. Whoa, I don't give a fuck.
Is this 2020? 20? 20? 20?
20? Peter's arrived. I got a bit early. I use Postmates to get a juice.
I read a book to baby. This is how I get lose. I like to watch flea bag. I watch it with my wife to my side.
I like to watch two or three episodes and something on YouTube to lighten the mood. This is how I get lose. This is my list of Jews. This is how I party responsibly.
Do it every night since 2003. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do parlor Lee De carte d do you have an idea for a tweet it's n Oh, they're making a blink make it blink 182 tons Teenage hormones pulsating through my bones Say it so why won't I grow I don't have a boner it is a problem She left me roses boy stars. I just have a guess on my podcast Ashley be that thought the lyric was Reminders let me know she cares like she thought it was that she puts up post it. Oh, that's a much sweeter lyric, but it's surprise surprise This is my person of Tom DeLong getting his prostate checked He said the doctor and he doesn't know that the doctor's about to enter him and he goes I cannot eat I cannot sleep tonight my doctor has a thick ass out and John fingers no bet really he's always like And then you're like you ready for Sausage fingers and then he plays it inside.
You're like here's a little bit funny this feeling inside Mr. Leila mr. Leila. I'm trying to do under the giant something they can do it No, baby oil You guys want to say boner you Mr.
Leila I was reading the script and I noticed there's some of the lines of people can I get this? For some reason the way I get into it is Talking to a group and he can tell they want to say hi to him, but they're too shy and he goes does anybody want to say boner It's a little bit. Oh my god. It's Andre the giant.
Oh hello. Oh You're much more civilized than I thought you'd be doesn't anyone don't say boner I guess I say bonjour look at my hands don't want me to give you a post everything Whoa, no, thank you Look I'm going to drop the sun one time One time I had an 11 wave with women Actually, I had a 16 way once where I put the girls on my fingers and thumbs and then like a she's got a Like any of your your famous lines from princess diary or anything like that. Oh, yeah Right Yeah, he made a lot of bad choices. Yeah, it's Happens sometimes.
I know so Eric still shot half the movie than they replace. I know still see still see you know Have you seen that footage? It's such a different. Oh, it's such a different movie really it's a it plays as a drama with him No, yep play it This is music in the future Okay, let's get into the next segment.
We're already running out of time This is called fanning out Oh, I'm Jesus, okay, okay, I'm gonna need a beer for this one. Yeah, just get it So chug you have a beer helmet on I look over where did you get a beer? I'm hoping it would be to be with a guy wearing a beer helmet, but he's not drinking it I think they're just like just oh like oh this is like in conversation. He has got like two empties He wears it primarily as a hat as a little Comfortable hats out there You have like a band worn into your You like that look yeah, I like the clear reverse baseball hat band really bad Halloween costume, but I'm a grown man Okay, I like that.
I like that. Okay. I like that. Well, it's a little bit off-putting at this funeral You know to have you wearing oh my god.
Oh my god. Oh Crouch In the F did we have that in the studio and it literally says life is too short And I just said that was that a funeral that you were wearing that how weird is that? I did not know that we even have that hat at the studio and I said funeral you're wearing a life is too short freaking beer hat Wow, I like it. I like it.
I'm gonna count it. That's what I say in my house. I'll count it count it meaning it counts as a very cool Serendipity yeah count it count it count it okay Life is too short deed. Okay.
I'll have a pitch for you. This is Ricky Gres calling his boyfriend I want to do show I want to do chef for you. Yeah, I know you and Willow and you're very funny. So I want to give you your own show That's the goodness.
Okay, great. It's called life's too short Come on Is it possible to change a name? This one can man, there's so many good ones. This is funny.
All right, people Okay, we'll get to that in a second this one from Benny creslau on What was your flip top grilling your house dude? This next question comes from the Instagram account Benny Hana there a fan of the show Would you like to flip a shrimp into his foot pocket? Also, is anybody checking the cleanliness of those pockets And then it just comes out with like something else attached to it like How's it I'm not from Japan. I don't want to bring any kind of like bad vibes or any I don't want to be offensive so I'm gonna eat this It's horrible, but you know, I don't want to be offensive so I'm just First bite release some shrimp juice of extinguish the cigarettes.
So that's good. So that's nice From Benny what was your first ever aha moment on hallucinogens? How would you go about explaining the benefits of hallucinogenic experiences to someone like Jeremiah who is spiritually sound but has never tried any Mind-altering substances besides ad-fill Oh, man, he puts it a little bit. I love dig.
I love dig. I love dig. I get the Little dig. Oh, are you only shovel cuz maybe just a little big?
That's my new favorite soundcloud rapper little dig. Oh, is that real? That's an interesting thing to like get into after we've just been like silly boys on a sleepover for an hour and 20 minutes, but um, you know, I Can't answer very quickly. I just get serious.
That's fine. That's fine. I look man. You hate this.
No, you hate this. No Pete It's fine be serious. All of the perennial tradition is teaching is what you're looking for is what you're looking at That is why all these like mistakes and stuff are saying like it's already here You're the beggar sitting on a box of gold and you're asking for coins, but you really have to look in words So like hallucinogens I sometimes get shit cuz people like you said they're like religious experience Like all I had was like 15 air frogs diarrhea in my face Supposed to learn about Jesus by 15 air frogs and walking Phoenix is the Joker. Sure.
Can you know for my ear? These are hallucinations the point of leaving after glad you're being serious The point of hallucinations is to see it's not what you see is that you see you're seeing with something you're identifying That there is something seeing and from your tradition You're a model you call that the indwelling of God the Holy Spirit and other people might just console science would call a consciousness So when you play with consciousness, you get a better sense of it. So that's my answer Yeah, I also don't think you need to do it. That's not like my thing right?
It's very important to me Yeah, but you can trip out just by trying to stop thinking like my baby is tripping all the time So I write this in my book. Sorry. It's just so serious. I'll talk about walking things is the Joker No, I'm enjoying you know, we got a full range of this.
All right. Well, here it is I like it. I like it like the best mantra is yes Thank you. So instead of going to like the park and thinking about the trees and the grass and how hot it is Just a yes.
Thank you to everything and that will get you to a pretty close to a mild mushroomy kind of experience Or case in your wife's eyes but for four minutes at a time or for times the gentle one and just across from her and looking her eyes For four minutes you will hallucinate. That's real real talk really. Yeah She'll look you the way you put the toothpick in the mouth like do that. Oh, sorry am I right?
I can drive right now because I'm about to put a bullet in your mouth I'm about to make you eat the bullet that you gave Oscar Isaac's little boy in a parking garage Oh, I'm sorry. Do I know this movie better than you? Yeah, I think you do Hey, Gina what Yeah Yeah Yeah, you just don't want me to be on any for JK Yeah, that's why it's a voicemail. Yeah All right, what is that which is doing the looking okay?
It's freaking it's not it This comes from the comedy curator on Instagram you to arrive at born again virgin summer camp only to find out the camp across the lake is for Pornhub models go to that camp. No, they were they're giving us a character suggestion. Okay. We want us to do this We're a virgin born again summer camp and we look across the lake.
All right. I don't think it's gonna be how you think it is That's okay ready. Yeah, hey, Jeremiah. I Man, it's hard.
It's hard to be horny all the time. I know What's going on across that lake oh? Okay, okay, that noise What's that it could have been an insertion it could have been the finale. I don't know oh don't say insertion I could have tingly be like that word, but you were okay with finale.
Yeah Are you guys exploring over here? Weird guys Can we just say sex is weird. That's my friend Katie official her Instagram is called sex underscore is underscore weird This one comes from 10 like 1 0 p.p. Are on his room.
What happened 0 p.p. Are one have you use your skills as a silly silly fun boy? You roll as a dad. How's having a child change your comedy?
Oh? Oh, oh, oh When you want a blaspheme like you're not in the mood of It's a recognition this day Really? You're the most fun. You're the most fun.
I love you man. When you asked me to do this on your day I was like are you shitting me dude? Dude? So there's no better way to be completely transparent.
Can I read you how I thought? Yeah, tone was in your text at first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh you got a big sarcasm. Oh my god This is this is what's so funny to me like I first because I sent you a couple options.
I was like, oh you like this I guess I was like a Hey, I'm like trying to get my upon, you know, you have any upcoming Wednesdays available, and he's like yeah Yeah, you know, it's good for you I was like I have you know open you know January 1st 8th and 22nd and that's like what I was just like kind of throwing out And you go nothing. I'd rather do on New Year's day like at first I was waiting for a follow-up text like I was like Yeah, yeah, I'd rather do a new year's day to exclamation point. I know But at first the clue but at first I was like if I was like I was like this a joke And then and then I was like I waited a little bit and I was like oh you serious that makes me feel really good I want it since you're emoji. Yeah, this is emoji.
This is my smoji. I will tell you I love being silly with my baby. She gets it. She is silly because her mom and I are both silly all Do you think she'll turn out to be a silly kid because just nurture and nurturing the silly?
Absolutely. Yeah, we dance for her all the time. We put on I put on polyad rules opposite the track the other day Nice. Let's be sure this way.
No, you put on a polyadylist opposite the track. No, no, no No And dance with her and then it's a great song by the way Follow those arms on a train. It's actually pretty funky. Yeah, it's funkier than you remember.
Oh, it's just as fun She knows when you're being silly like I'll take her socks off and I'll put them on her head and she laughs Yeah, I love it then I'm holding her the other day She's just in the diaper her mom comes home and I'm like this is hilarious She's she doesn't know we're coming and I'm gonna put baby Lee Liz but on the window of the driver side So she's gonna see press dams baby press dams of course so pull down her diaper legibles if you will which always sounds weird I've told the straight before and I'm always like I hope doesn't sound weird But the baby's naked all the time so she loves it I'm just pulling down her diaper to get her cute little butt out I'm gonna press it on the thing and I do pull him out press it on the side of my wife's car She looks and she's laughing so hard, but she's laughing a little too hard, you know like something yeah, like it's not that funny Yeah, the baby had totally shit her pants. I was pushing And two perfect hands So just like the story I told last time remember about the the hourglass brown shape Yeah, there was one of those on the window so I pulled it away and we just collect the babies laugh Everybody's laughing just collapse laughing life is so much better and here's something about being apparent didn't even wash it off What a bird shits on the roof and I'm like that's fine, but human shit. Oh, we're crossing a line now Actually, as I say that I realized human shit is way way worse You're trying to be the guy who's relatable to like other people and everybody it's like wait he didn't clean it off I don't know if we have but there wasn't enough that but we sold that car we did sell that car We don't drive that car to a bird to a bird And I'll also say that like having a baby affected my comedy and affected everything because you don't care as much about yourself in a really good way So like so much of life is trying to love other people and relate and feel connected to other people But when you have somebody that is literally like bound to you Hormone way psychologically physically everything like that's you like you're like this is me like there's another me now So how I feel about Val for sure, but then you have this baby together and you're like now There's two me and you just stop giving as much of a shit about yourself like the first time I went to visit Ramdas We just passed the whole time I was obsessed with not jerking off That's the last story in my book comedy sex got I tell the story about don't jerk off cuz you're just like hermitage at a holy place And you're like just don't you go off that's what God wants right? Well that old Christian program it sure and then I went again after the baby and it just didn't cross my mind I'm just over myself, you know, you mean where's before it was like what's being gonna do the whole universe revolves around whether or not You put one foot up on the carriage Sure, yeah, and the second time you're just like fucking shut up like everything.
Yeah, I used to be so strict about my diet I still am veganish, but I don't give a fuck I just don't in the good way Yeah, like I think it's great to be vegan But like I don't care is no care if I'm with my own as much on us on all that I just don't believe my own hype. Where's there was a time when I was like that matters every word? I say every bite I swallow and now you have a baby and you're just like sometimes you see the fucking Oreo with her and you're just like Who gives it? I don't give her Oreos, but you know what I'm saying?
Like you just don't care as much or she'll be eating or she'll be eating watching her eat so much dairy There's so much dairy in a baby's diet. You're just like give me that bad. I'm giving it to her Yeah, so it's like you're giving it to you know, I might as well have some fucking pizza. I think that's it I think we just had a breakthrough.
Yeah, I think so that's why I will eat okay I had a pizza last night. Did you? Vig cheese though. Vig cheese?
Yeah, dude. It's like, it's an option. Vig cheese sounds like blasphemy. It's not good.
Spoiler? Not very good. Vegan cheese. It's not good.
There's some nice and broken in this fucking amazing vegan pizza. I forget what it's called. Really? Yeah, it's like really good.
Have you ever jerked off with your foot on the counter before? No, that doesn't sound like them. Okay. What?
Yeah, no, no, no, I don't know if I'll talk about that. Every time you say that like I have an inversion machine, what I can hang you upside down and I was like, I'm going to. I was like, I'm just going to see what happens. Have you done that before?