Oh, so I have to talk about your rage. You have an anger issue or something. You don't think you do? You do, you're not tolerant.
Like you have, there's a point where I can see in your eyes where you're like about to snap. What is that? You're upbringing or you don't know how to namaste? You don't know where namaste?
Even the parking thing is just like, there's a point where you can see in your eyes, you're about to fucking do a fucking, you know, what's the guy that blew up the Oklahoma City? Timothy McVay, that's your face. I have it, Timothy McVay vibe? A face.
Yeah. Yeah, you're Timothy McVay. Well, why is that voice? You can do some alien routine and then all of a sudden, I don't know where you are.
Oh shit, can I do that too? Yeah, you can do it too, Bobby. I want... Am I gonna do it?
Hold up for one second, buddy. My didn't do it too. Wait, it's because it's not on a mic. Where is my...
I wanna do, out of tune. I wanna do, out of tune. That's so beautiful. Jeremiah Watkins.
And I believe... Timothy McVay. Ho, part. Ho, part.
You mean from the killing fields? Yeah. Well, then you're Hitler. Hitler.
Hitler. Hitler never saw the soccer. I know, but he was a good painter. He was an artistic man, yes he was.
He also liked to collect baby shoes. That was a different sound of Hitler. They were not gonna touch upon Schindler. Schindler.
Schindler. No Schindler, drop that track. Yeah. All right.
That was great. Yeah. Are we on? We'll talk about the legend of this video as well.
Oh no, it's video cameras. Boom. Oh, I see the high-tech stuff. Yeah, even the heathen hun stuff.
A little. Yeah. Can we talk about... What is the rage about?
You think I have a rage? Oh yeah, 100%. Because you don't tolerate... If I fuck with other younger comics, they can tolerate a lot.
You don't. You have a thing where it's like you have to respect me now. Oh, really? Oh yeah.
Because of the hinge cliff. No. Because of the hinge cliff, you think you've elevated to like this sort of like... Nah, dude.
Nah, dude. Yeah. I know what to survive. Yeah.
So with you, I get to a point and then you get like, you could just, your face just, and you're all fucking, you think I'm gonna hate it? No, but I just feel like you're about this. I just want you to let you know that there's a word out there called namaste. And you should just like Stephen Siegel uses a lot.
That word? Have you ever met Stephen Siegel? Yeah. Never met.
Yeah, namaste totally. Yeah. Yeah, namaste. Namaste.
Namaste. Namaste. I wanna be out there. You're like, hey, I didn't want to suck my dick white bitch.
Girl, my dick, you white bitch. That's not offensive homie. I know, but I like white bubbly butts bitch. You like white bubbly butts?
Yeah, dog. Yeah, yeah, straight up. Kobe, I miss him. He's a good dude.
So, you think Ari was at the memorial service? Yeah. He was there. I can tell he was there.
You think so? Yeah, he was there. Did you see Michael Jordan's meme joke that he made about himself? Yeah, I mean, for me, I don't respect a man when he doesn't know how to cry.
And when you cry, this is what you do. You wipe the tears off your face. But you know what he does? He lets it flow.
You know why? He leaves it. He leaves it, do you know why? To show people that he has emotions.
Yeah, there we go. Yeah. You know, when Papa's at a funeral, Papa cries. Yeah, but I don't cry.
I'm never crying. But I wear the sunglasses. You just said you don't respect people who don't know how to cry. No, you know, here's the thing is that, yeah, I know, but at least I went up to my shit.
You know what I mean? Long nose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you get bigger, I know you're really huge with the Tony hinge clean.
Oh my goodness. And I know that you're like you're in the mose and you're doing whatever your campaigns or whatever. But when I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, your head is going out of control, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm pretty grounded, man. Your hairstyle is different. Yeah, I had to change it. No, I used to do the, yeah, dude.
I'm shagging from fucking, you know, Scooby-Doo, right? And now, now it's like, now it's like Christian Bale, I can Hollywood, fuck you. You know what? See, that's what I'm saying.
What? Right there? Did you see it right there? A little bit of the rage.
A little bit. He reached up and he realized that it's Bobby Lee so he can't bend the fucking finger, but he reached out and then the rage. So I sense this came back again. I still have a keen sense of where my place is.
You know what I mean? You don't think so? No, listen, I'm gonna tell you about who Jeremiah Watkins is. I think I can tell you who Bobby Lee is.
But that's rude, but I will. I'm the guy. I will, I will, I will, I will, I will. Okay, okay.
So this is who you are, all right? Yeah. You're a kid, okay? Who, I have to admit, you have immense amounts of talent.
Cause when I, cause what happens is on Monday nights, I'll go to my A meeting. And afterwards, cause it's in Beverly Hills, it's a private one with celebrities. Anyway, I go to the Comedy Store, just to pop in and I'll sit in the back and I'll see you on stage in the variety of things that you can do on stage. You're good at riffing.
You're really fast on your feet. You have great characters. You could be on SNL like that, right? And you have all these things as a stand up, you're very good at even though you turn me down.
I asked you to open for me. I wanted, dude, I wanted to. I'm literally in Albany. I'm literally out of town.
What are you doing in Albany? I'm headlining the weekend, the funny moment. How much are you making? I want to know because I'm not gonna tell you how I was gonna pay how much I was gonna pay you.
Let's just see what was gonna be better. Cause how much are you gonna make? I don't really wanna, we'll believe it. We'll believe it.
I'll put them out. Okay. It's gonna be somewhere around. Okay, I would have paid you.
No, you would not have. Would you really? Yeah, if you would have said I'm in Albany, I'm getting. I'll give you.
I'll give you. But I've been on their calendar for like, it's not something I've been, my agent booked it for me. I can't just tell my agent like, Hey, I cancel the time and can I say this too? What?
I swear to God. And I swear to God on my dad's soul. Let's see, my dad was in like limbo. Could my dad die in August?
Right? I would bet my dad going to heaven or hell if I was at your level and someone a little bigger asked me to open for them, I would have done it. But that's just me. Bobby.
Who was that? Dad? That's not what he sounds like. Do an agent accent.
Bobby! Dad? There you are. Why did you turn my tongue on you now?
I don't know dad. Because he's, I don't like you. No, I know, I know you don't. But you know what dad, he's big time.
He's only like, he's only like, he's not funny. You know what I have a problem with? What? Because I would not woke.
And you're literally slept. Yeah, and people became woke in the last 10 years. But I'm still sleeping. I say sleeping shit.
Well, like I'll say the F word. I'll say, I'll just say it midget. I said midget. I'll say, you know, things like that.
Yeah. And then it's like, I don't know what to call African American. I used to, African American pronounce it as black. I'll say, jungle agents, gooks, stuff like that.
And then it's like, but then people are so sensitive now. You know, and it's like, I don't know what to do. Yeah. How do you edit?
How do you edit? How do you edit? You're basically, you're sleep walking. You're trying, you're talking.
You're talking. So when you hit as a kid, where does a rage come from? Can I tell you partially where what I, what for me, I think is banter. I think you think it comes off as rage.
No, that's absolutely not. Here's the thing. Let me tell you something about you now. Oh, you're bad.
Okay. I feel like if I don't come back, then you'll just like completely own the situation. You know what I mean? That's what I'm trying to do.
That's what I understand. I understand that's what you're trying to do, but then that then what about the back and forth and stuff like that? You know, you just want to go back and forth. I know back and forth because you're younger than me.
I'm always going to be younger than you. See that? See that shit. You know what I mean?
Here's the thing. What is that? I think we're playing and you think I'm so serious. No, no, no, no, no, it's not in this situation.
Sorry, everybody. Is that my elders? Yeah. In Korean culture, tell me.
The elder guy has kind of like, you know, like when Rogan, Joe Rogan and I had a discussion about it. Yeah. He goes, yo, man, why you, you know, why you, why you, why you so intimidated by me? It's not intimidation is what you're reading.
It's is that when you're, when you come to the comedy store and there's 30 people that come out of the woodwork that goes to how do you, right? And you're surrounded by people, right? I know enough gut instinct to the stage in the background and I know in a read situation. And also secondly, you're older than me.
You're so successful. I just want to give you your space, you know, and then it's like when we're in conversations, I know that's going to be 90 10, 90% is going to be him and 10. It's not because so that's how you want our relationship is you want to be 90 and you want me to be 10, but you're playing it like 50 50. I think I'm doing a 40 60.
No, you're doing a 50 50. Okay. So you want me to back off a little bit? Is that when I grab your penis or I slap your ass, you don't like it when I grab it back.
I don't want it done back. Oh, I see. I always thought that like that was like where the riff was going. Like when you grab my penis, I'm like, oh, I'm going to grab a thing.
That's like a, you know, you know, snow leopards. Yeah. You know much about them? I mean, no, I don't know.
I don't know. Well, a snow leopard will be out in the tundra, right? And this snow leopard might not see a snow leopard for all its life because they're so rare, right? But what they do is they mark their territory.
Okay. So basically they'll like rub their body against a tree. And then six months later, their mom will smell the tree to let them know that they're okay. That's like their picture frames.
That's all they have. That's what they have. That's what they have. But what they're also doing is like this, they're just marking their territory.
And when I, when I hit you a little bit, when you flip my peepee, I don't flick it. Okay. I gently touch it. You, okay.
You what? No, go ahead. This is your podcast. It was 50, 50 year.
Okay. It's not 80, 90, 10 here. Okay. This is your building.
Okay. Cool. Right. Yeah.
But outside this building. Outside this 90, 10. Really? I'll give you 70, 30.
I'm trying to get out and you go, I'm not hanging out with you again until your headliner. I said that. Yeah? Are you a headliner now?
Okay. Okay. Can I, can I re-negotiate the contract? I want to re-negotiate right now.
Okay. What do you want to re-negotiate? All right. I'm not going to hang out with you.
Right. Until- You see the sadness in my eyes right now? Yeah. What if I started crying right now?
I'm just trying to teach you life lessons. You've taught me so many life lessons. Name me some. Okay.
Uh, to really take care of younger comics and, and, and try to pay it forward and help them out as much as possible. That's something that you've taught me. can if you are the guy who is necessarily in like, I don't want to call it level or whatever, but if you have more money than an open miker and you can treat them to a meal, that's you should do that. Like just as like the paying it forward mentality of the chain goes, I've gone out with you and other headliners from other years, like especially when I was super young comic who they pay for my meals when I had absolutely no dollars to my name whatsoever.
And that's something that I want to try to do in the future. That's one thing. What else? What else?
I think what? What? I'm just right in your head. Because you should be rattling it off.
You're not rattling it off, you're thinking. You're trying to find, it's an iCloud. You're going to the cloud and you're trying to grab other people's like whatever. When was the last time you sat with somebody and they go, what have you learned from me?
Yeah, but I didn't say that. You're the one that said, you're the one that said, I learned so much from you. Yeah. And I go, oh how much?
You said one thing. Okay. I can't think for a second. Go ahead, think about it.
Okay. What else have you learned? Okay. I've learned a lot from you as a performer.
I've watched. I've watched your sets more than any other. That's not looking. Okay.
Do your eyes. You can sit down and your eyes. I'm trying to be. I'm just saying I have shows to watch your sets.
Fine. That's not it. Okay. Okay.
Is that it? No, I've learned you have a special ability when you present your material, even though you have said it a thousand times, it's like you're saying it the first time. No, no, I'm not saying that. I'm not prolific.
I'm saying you can do a bit and I can see you do it. All right. That's enough. I get it.
No, no, that was the first thing was real. The rest of it is you really. We didn't know. I literally told that to other people.
I went on a morning show. I went on a morning show, Bobby. And they asked me who my comedic influence is where. Guess who I was like a lie.
Guess who was number one who? Be. All right. I'll have to find.
Here's what I have to do. Put this. Make a note to put that in the freakin episode because it's a quick sound by the ask me who my comedic influences are. Okay, good.
Who are some of your comedic influences? Oh, man. I love. I love Mr.
I've never had him. I featured for him for years. Okay. But were you molested?
Was the rage come from? Were you hit as a kid? Were you ever molested? No, not technically.
One time I told a story recently where somebody's like, that's borderline. What happened? What happened? But I don't consider what happened.
Okay. I'll let you know. I'm an expert at molestation. Yes.
Not in terms of I've never done it. Right. You know, I don't have the skill set to do it. Yeah.
Yeah. But or the morality or ethics. Okay. I, the main thing of this church camp was like the number one thing was modesty was like key.
Okay. So the boys had to wear shirts like down to the elbow. You'd wear pants was in the thick of summer. The heat of July.
My God. The girls had to wear skirts past the knees. They had to wear, they couldn't wear any sleeveless tops or anything. They had to be all like, like the farthest down it could go was like, you know, right by the collarbones and, and, and, and they had to have sleeves on.
And they had like during the, even like during the, the outdoor activities portion of the day, you had to wear pants and a t-shirt and the girls had to wear something called culots, which were like these big shorts with like a, they're like athletic skirts, basically. No matter what they're wearing, I can get to it. That's what my grandfather always said. Yeah.
No matter what. I know how to get to it. Oh, determination. Right.
Where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where. I'm going to get to go ahead. So I always thought because modesty was so such a priority at this church camp, I always thought it was hilarious to get naked because that's the worst thing you can do. Right.
And I was like, I was like a rebel, even though it's like this for Christian rebel. Christian rebel. Right. Right.
So I would do these things where I went streaking one time. I wore these denim shorts with the butt cut out of it, like, and I'd walk around the barracks like when the counselors would come by and they'd like freak out and stuff because like, what are you doing? Yeah. You know, it really weird them out.
Yeah. So I like getting a rise in a wrap. Yeah. Sorry to interrupt, but you still had the Lord in your heart.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You really, you're back then.
You did really believe it. Oh, yeah. For sure. And you think that the Lord was okay for you to ask you to be swinging the wind.
I, here's a dilemma. I think that I have with certain things as a, as a comic. I'm like, if it's funny and it's bringing joy to certain people and I'm like, I guess it's a sense of humor, right? Right.
But I don't, you know, if you're very, if you're a literal person, like by the book, then they'd be like, well, that's absolutely wrong. That's a sin. Let me add you this. We do back then with the Lord in your heart.
Would you show your friend your penis? Oh, yeah. That's not the Lord's way. That's absolutely not the Lord's way.
And you know that. And that's Bob, you're a minister on the road. Yeah. When it comes to the Lord, Jesus, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure if that existed.
I don't even, I'm on the fence about it. Yeah. I'm sure you'd be like, nah, he's like, you're doing your dick. Yeah.
He's got a drink. Yeah. I don't think so. I just, I just, I just, I don't show you all for any old dick.
I don't think I would like it. Not at the end of that. Yeah. Do you think he's like it?
You think he likes it? The Lord? I don't think it's like a yes or no. There could be a gray area where he's like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna peace out and not look over here.
What if you tick your dick and you tickled your friend's asshole with it with that with the Lord, he just like, it doesn't all the way in. Is it funny? Yo, did he get some LOLs? What are we talking about?
Yeah. I think that that's okay with the Lord. Yeah. As long as it doesn't go right into the place.
As long as it doesn't go switch with it. Yeah. Yeah. If it's not hard and you know, it's like, you know, it's like, yeah, you're dragging it along kind of thing.
It's as well as really tight and dry. You're right. Right. You're right into it whatsoever.
If it was open like a flower and you put Vaseline in it. Yeah, yeah. I think that'd be weird. Yeah.
He prepped it. Prepped it. But there's no intention. Yeah, but he's asleep.
It's funny fun. Tell me what happened. Your ass is in the wind. It is in their bed by lights out and they go to my bunk and I'm missing and they start calling for me out in the woods and stuff.
I hear my name. Watkins. Watkins. Where are you?
Watkins. Come on. This isn't funny anymore. We're worried.
Yeah. This is something I'm hiding outside. This is something you've done before. I had no, I had not done this before.
So they were starting to get a little bit. Oh, I see. So what I did is I had snuck outside completely naked in the bed of a pickup truck that was parked. Why?
Because of that. Yeah. It's silly. But when you do stuff that there's no audience.
How is that funny? Oh, I see. I knew that they were going to find me. Right.
So I only brought a little blanket and a cowboy hat to put over my junk. So my butt is sticking up in the air and I have a little blanket and I feel like they're calling for me and I say, but the guy says something. If I'm my girlfriend's out of the house and I put peanut butter in my butthole and I'm in a closet completely naked with my dog eating my butthole, but I'm only doing it to shock my girlfriend. Yeah.
But she's not home yet. Yeah. That's fucking weird. Yeah.
Until she gets home. Yeah. But what if you don't know if they're going to do it if they never come home, then you're. Sorry.
But like if the payoff finally happens. Oh, I'm a clear. Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
So I feel the light of the flashlight finally hover over me. You know, when you like have your eyes closed and you feel light come over you. I felt it and they just go what the I'm naked in the back of this truck. They're like, whoa, they start kind of laughing.
What are you probably people? There's three or four counselors. Varying age, probably young 20s mid 20s somewhere in there. What do you say?
And then the gang wreck. I don't think I'm. I'm not sure if this is my last day. So I'm making the back of their like, you know, you're not allowed to be out here.
What are you doing, man? And I'm like, Oh, so hot inside the cabin. I thought I would come out here and catch some cool air. Yeah.
And so one of the counselors starts getting a little like weird. He's like, Okay, here's your punishment. We're going to play auto-revens. I was like, what?
And this is game that I don't know if you ever played it is where someone would take a comp of your hairs and they'd rip it out and they'd make you guess how many whether it be odd. No, that's white people shit. This is the shit that you guys did in the pioneer days, you know, the Abe Lincoln days entertain yourself. That's fucking stupid.
Yeah. So he starts going on my calves. Other guys are that he starts ripping them out of my calves and my thighs and making me guess and I'm guessing wrong every single time. Yeah.
So he just keeps grabbing more console. What does the other three dudes do? I think it's hilarious. They're laughing because like, auto-revens, I knew what that game was even before like then I had played it before that like with arm hair, whatever, but never with like thigh hair.
So that's basically he kept doing it and then finally I guess right and then they let me go back into the cabin. Is that molestation? No. Yeah.
It's friendly. Who the fuck is this about? This odd and even right? Yeah, that's a game.
I had a buddy who looked at me that was like, dude, I don't know. Well, that guy right there doesn't know what molestation is. Yeah, he's too woke. Yeah, well, he's just not cute and never have it happen to him.
Yeah. You don't play auto-revens? No, no, no. I honestly think that molestation is a bad thing, by the way.
It has really bad. It scars you. It's traumatic. You carry it on to your adult life.
You're gonna do it, you know what? What is that? I mean, so fucking travel us, kid, you know? It's about to be called a parent to be like, you know what, I've got your name.
Yeah, yeah. It's me. That would be really horrifying if like Delroy Lindo. It'd be horrible.
Yeah, I had that voice. Yeah. If it was a sweet voice, you know what I mean? I think it would be a little bit more tolerable.
I'm gonna put it in your eye. I think that right there would be like, okay, you know what I mean? And then you do it and then you, you know. Here goes the pinky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here goes the reams. Yeah, I had my girlfriend's Filipino family come over. You're over at for Christmas and stuff.
And I told them a joke and I had to, they thought they hated me for it. They took the joke. I love it too. So all these old Filipino people, my mom was there and go, I have a joke.
You know what I mean? And they go, okay, tell it. I stand up and I go. So this kid has to go to his uncle Tony's house, right?
The uncle Tony's gonna babysit this kid. This kid's about maybe eight or nine. But everyone knows that Uncle Tony is a pedophile. All right.
Everyone's just kind of sitting there and I go, and I go, so the kid goes in the house. Uncle Tony goes, you wanna see a magic trick? And the kid goes, no, why don't I show you a magic trick anyway? And the book is okay.
Uncle Tony goes, take off all your clothes. And the kid goes, okay. Uncle Tony goes, bend over. The kid goes, okay.
Uncle Tony goes. You feel my fingers and your butthole? And the kid goes, yeah. And Uncle Tony goes, ta-da.
You're told this isn't a family dinner? And nobody laughs? Not only, it was dead silent. And I kept doing this to like, each of the middle gear committing to it.
And then it just slowly went like this and I put my hands down and I realized I fucked up. Oh my God. Because to me, that's a funny like street joke. But like to other people, it's like, we forget as comedians that we are so desensitized that we get around real people again.
We're like, oh, whoops. Yeah. Our sensor bars is completely off. I have no like social.
Yeah, I don't even have like, because I hang out with comics for so long. I don't know social things. Yeah, there's social cues and stuff that you don't pick up on. I auditioned.
I auditioned ones for this director. He was a fat director. He was fat. And he, I do this audition and I kill it.
You know, I sometimes you do an audition and then- You just know right away. Yeah, I do. Here's how I know. After it, when they go, stick around.
Let's talk. Yeah. You know, once you have a good audition and they want to talk to you afterwards, it means they want to get a sense of like what you're like on set. Yeah, they're thinking hang out with you for a long day.
Right. What's your life about? You know, in my head, I'm like, I got it. I got the fucking movie.
Right. But for a comic to stick around, every comic should go. No, I got someone else to go. Right.
Because I fucked myself. Because I'm like sticking around and we're laughing about something. Right. And during the laughter I go, fatty.
And I poked his stomach. And I put, as soon as I poke my stomach, he has a stomach. I did this. And then he goes, thank you.
And I turned around and I walked out and I go, why did you do that? It's not the comedy store at midnight. It's a normal guy with ego and he goes, he's sensitive. Yeah, because I used to open for Louis Anderson, I used to do that to him.
He used to go, fatty. Hey, Bobby, stop it. Stop it. Whatever.
But it's like, hey, Bobby, I've got a magician, Jack, I want to show you. It was like a guy. Don't do that. Okay.
Okay. Hey, 37, you're trying to. Yeah, we don't have. Have you ever made a full of yourself like socially?
Yeah. Like, and I, well, going off about audition that I had that I, it was one of the worst auditions I've ever had. They were doing some amalgamation of a, of a, who's line reboot, but with wing? Brady was like a game show version.
And they, before we go in, they're like, okay, guys, just let you know, Wayne Brady is actually in the room. Hey, you're probably like, who gives a fuck? I was like, okay, cool. Yeah.
You know, so I go in and I do this scene, this music improv that I still stand by that I think is funny, but it was like too edgy. It was the wrong room. You know what I mean? And as soon as I get out of the room, they tell us right away who is staying and who's not.
And they point it to the other group that I went in with and there you go, okay, you guys, hang tight for a minute and they look at me and they go, you're going home. And I knew like, I, it was so bad. I started laughing as I walked away because I'm like, I knew right then and there immediately that I didn't get it because it was that bad. They literally like, we're not, we don't want to see you ever again.
Yeah. I've been, I've done that too. Yeah. You know, it's like, there's a better way to do it.
Yeah. You know, what, like if I was the guy that hurt people's feelings, I'd been like, all right, so everyone's done, right? And then as you're walking away, I would hold back the other group. Yeah.
Yeah. Everyone's gone. Everyone leave. Bye.
I'm going to go and lock it. No, you know what I would do? The truth is I would like, I don't want anyone's feeling so we'll just do it another day. So we'll just have the groups for time is money though.
I don't care. I'd rather you, but yeah, that's what I would make people feel good about themselves than make them like have a difficult because for me, if I look at, so you tell me that. Okay. All right.
You guys just say, you're going home. I would do that. Would you? Yeah, I'd be devastated.
You would show that kind of emotion. No, I think my ego would tell, okay, go, fuck it. I'd say something like that. All right.
Fuck it then. You don't want to be in a fast and furious movie? Yeah, you'll fuck it. No.
Yeah. You drive that car. Fuck it. Yeah, whatever.
Yeah. Like I would be, I think I would have my defense. I wouldn't be in that situation by the way. Yeah.
Fuck that day. Yeah. But my point is is that I would, if I was a producer, I'd just be like, all right, well, and then just have callbacks the next day. Right.
Wouldn't you do that? I mean, if you have the time to do that, yeah. They have the time and money at the fucking show. Yeah.
You know what the thing about Hollywood is, is they have no, they don't care. It's so brutal. They don't care about your feelings, right? It's like, I just did Magnum PI at the fork.