Hey, this is the one OG mic and this is for if I had any talents, Mike, this is for the instruments. Oh, no, no, no. I'll show you that here. Sorry.
Check, check, check. How's that copy done? It's going to help. It's going to help.
You see me? Not anymore. Because you got coffee. Yeah.
Cool. It tends my limit to if they're like, if I get anything and they're like, Hey, can you be here? I'm like, can we can we get a later time? Let me have a later time.
I didn't get in this business to wake up at the same time as my friends. Okay. Well, I get that. But this isn't too bad.
Like something at like 830. I'm like, no, you need somewhere to set that. Yeah, I would. Can we get someone over here and get to be on cut?
I actually need someone to come over here and get on their hands and knees. So I can tell them you want one of the producers to be a human coffee table. One of you. Hey, one of you guys that looks like Jeremiah through the glass.
I've never seen so many Jeremiah lookalikes in this place. What? Well, just that one guy. Oh, Anthony, you want Anthony to be.
Can you come over here? Wow, you're really going to do it. This is great. Now, do now you're going to have to wear the hoodie because I don't want this.
Yeah. Yeah. Have a good posture. Hold on.
Let me sit this. All right. There you go. Bro, now I'm letting you know this.
You fuck up. You burn yourself. So it's kind of like you learn your lesson. All right.
This is a good life lesson. All right. I'm your dad. Hey, no head nodding.
Just you move your head. You're going to get burned. Okay. I want you to call me daddy.
Whoa. Whoa. That's some power issues starting the episode. There we go.
Hot. Nice. Now that looks good. This can be a little dangerous.
I don't know what his character name is, but I like what he's doing so far. Okay. He's concerned. Okay.
There's a there's a circle. It's not like a saying. It's literally just the imprint of a coffee cup. Guys, just give it up for Anthony guys.
Good job. Good sport. You did a good job. We're in a canned studio applause.
That's our canned studio applause is two guys clapping and whistling. That's it. That was great. That was good.
I mean, I thought you were going to stay the whole time, but that's fine. I thought somebody was going to commit to this bit, but welcome to two dudes in hats wearing podcasts. What's up dudes? We're two wearing podcasts and dudes in hats.
Did make sure you got your hats. Make sure you have your mic and your hat because you're in a podcast. Head hats. Hey, what's up?
How you doing, Michael Lenochi? I got my hat. You got your hat. You got your dolphins hat.
Yeah, I don't really have a lot of hats. No. Well, I mean, they're just like all different forms of dolphins hats. Yeah.
Yeah. So just different styles. Yeah. I got a bunch of different KC hats.
We just like to show off that we're losers. Oh, speak for yourself, dude. The pre-conciestures from the Super Bowl, dude. I forgot about that.
Yeah. You've had a good last four years. Actually, it's baseball too. Yeah, we've had pretty good.
We've had pretty good luck the last little bit. But before that was just like the worst luck. So it's coming right back. I have a feeling that it's going to end.
Nice. We'll see. Thanks for coming on the show, dude. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. You do. You do.
Welcome to motorcycle segment. And that's what we do, dudes. Motorcycle segment. That's breaking the fourth of all.
Welcome to motorcycle segment. This is breaking the fourth wall immediately with... Dude, and all the cuts to like all the fans listening and it's just six-year-olds going. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
They just are cheating their pants. I don't know why. Now, we have known each other for a while. Yes.
You're actually... Do you want my first memory of you? I love hearing that. I love hearing people's first interaction or their first preconceived notion or their first thought of me.
So what is your first memory of me? So the open mic scene is pretty big. I mean, it's just like there's not like an alt scene or a club scene for open mics. It's just like everybody just gets up where you can't do the spot wherever.
So I wouldn't always see you at open mics. I feel like maybe you live on the east side in the beginning of the LA days. I lived... I used to live in Coinga.
So it's a monocon Coinga. So kind of a little bit farther east Hollywood. Okay. I just a little bit.
I might have seen you around, but my first time actually like, oh, thanks, man. You didn't have to do that, but you know what? Thank you. He gave me a table that looks like I can use it.
Anything engaged, man. They've been proving themselves, dude. Thank you guys. Also laugh a little bit more when we're doing stuff.
Thanks. Give us confidence. Appreciate it. Oh, that was very...
I didn't like those lasses are very forced. Do they pick up on the last? Well, if something genuinely funny happens on the show, though, like you'll hear it in the background. Because it makes it real.
Yeah. So if you don't hear anything that we're bombing this entire episode, if you never hear them at all, like it's not that we're bombing. I like things like that. I love that.
That was canned. That wasn't actually engaging in. No, yeah. For those of you listening or watching, they weren't going crazy just now.
That was a sound effect. You feel like they're kind of... They're being a little facetious right now. Yeah.
And I'm getting a little pissed. Oh. They're doing this to me. Oh, oh.
They're embarrassing me in front of my friend Michael Anochi when he was telling a story of his memory of me. So let's get back to it. Okay. And I must have seen him, but this is my earliest memory of you.
Because I was a baby. You don't remember all the details. I think it was your mic at the Colengo one outside. The porch mic.
Yeah. Yeah. You remember that one? Yeah.
I would just like... I don't know who... I don't know who... Joe Marisi was my open mic best friend who had run around.
We hit all the mics. I don't think I was with him on this one. I might have been. Someone was like, let's go hit this one.
It's an earlier one. I was like, yeah, whatever we have to do. And I remember hitting that one. And I remember you were just nice to me.
And I always felt like I didn't have a lot of peer friendship in the open mic scene. I got up everywhere. I definitely wasn't a comics comic. I wasn't funny to comics for sure.
Gotcha. I mean, I knew that. But I was like, whatever, I'll just keep going. But you were like nice and supportive.
Oh, cool. Yeah. So that mic... And you might have not even said anything to me, but it was just your energy made me feel like, oh, you know what?
I don't think he would maybe like me, but he did a good job at making me feel welcome. Okay. Cool. I got that outside mic.
We used to do this this mic on... Do we have any emotional music? So okay, while you're pulling that up, I used to do this open mic in my front lawn because I've always been a very DIY comic and just DIY guy in LA because nothing has ever been easy for me. For me, it's really a tough life.
I mean, look, I'm getting a bad right now. Two dudes in hats being white on the podcast complaining about the current situation. How the hell can no one bite? What's going on?
Huh? Are you guys... Are you saying this as in like you're pointing to yourself? How can nobody buy this?
I meant like this together. I was like, hey, this is a show. What are you guys doing? Oh, yeah.
We got the podcast. Just right now, the two dudes in hats. Oh, yeah. Do you get the podcast?
It's too wide to do. We need you. Yeah. We'll play some music videos in between.
Yeah. I mean, you and I would be pretty good at tossing the music videos. Dude, it's basically a real life beef as a butt-head. Got pretty much pretty much.
All right. This is third eye blinds. It was hit wasted down the drain. Nice.
Damn. Now, yeah, I used to just open mic in my front lawn called Jeremiah's porch mic and I would just give out my address to whoever wanted to come to this thing and post it on the internet on my freaking Facebook. I just didn't care. This is a different time, too.
It was a little bit like... By the way, if you saw some of these open mikers, you would be like... I don't even want to be in the same room as some of these people. Let alone.
I let them inside my home to use the restroom. Yeah, there would be guys who would like take acid daily, would have lumps growing out of them. I don't know. I do.
I swear to God, some of these guys would like mutants. You're like, what's wrong? Oh, in the open mic scene? Oh, yeah.
There's like things growing out of them. How many just... I'm not even kidding. Like it brings out the best of comedians and literally the worst of people at the same time who think that they're going to be good or this is going to be their field and maybe they might be really funny, but just a lot of people get phased out over the years.
Hopefully. The cream rises as they say. But yeah, I had it in my front lawn and a bunch of comics would still mention that to me. Years later, people who I haven't seen a long time, they're like, remember when you did that mic in your front lawn?
I was like, yeah, dude. It was a good time. We put a donation bucket around. Like a church.
Like a church. So I could restock on toilet paper and cleaning supplies because people would be going upstairs to use my bathroom. And do we have that emotional music ready? Okay, I want you to retell that story of your first memory of me, but we're going to do it with the emotional music this time.
Okay. So Michael, what was it like the first time you met me? It's foggy, but if I think about it, it was like, it was early on. I was frightened, you know, I was scared.
I was just a lonely soul in this big city. I had no one really. I don't know why my accent's changing. But anyways, I was scared.
I go, where can I get up to be heard? And sure enough, there was a guy named Jeremiah Watkins. I go, who's this? They say, you don't know about Jeremiah Watkins?
No, no, no. He must come with us now. I go now, yes now. Can I change?
No, you don't have time. You need to come with us now. So I gathered what I had. I kind of beans, shoes, $3.
I show up to this mic. It's outside on a porch. The sun's out. It's bright.
It's not scary, even though it feels like it could be scary. But I was scared inside and out. I was shaking. I had no friends.
It was lonely. I was thirsty. I was hungry. I was poor.
Then he came out. Who? Jeremiah. Then he says, the little little little little little guy begins.
He wasn't wearing a cape, but he might as well have been. Because he was a hero to me. Because he said, next coming up to the mic, Michael Lonocchi? I said, excuse me, it's a linochy, because we'll have fun.
And he smiled. And his smile made me feel full for the first time in my life. So full that I gave that kind of beans away to another hopeless, romantic comedian trying to make it in this world. He was nice.
He was the nicest guy I had ever met in an open mic scene. to see him again and again. How long is the story? How long is the story?
Thank you. Get the band. We get it. Thanks.
I was nice to you. You see the effects it does on people. It does. Wow.
And there you go. And that's why SNL has never called me. That was me just, you know, I really took the music in there. The lost hate.
I don't know why my voice did that, but that was just I literally I got mad at you as soon as you went into that. I was like, internally angry. I was like, why do you make that improv choice? I don't know.
I just do it. Why did he do that? I'm just being honest with you as a friend. I got mad.
Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing. I got upset. I was like, logically, why did the voice come in? Why?
Where did it come? I asked him to do a simple thing to recreate it with the music. And then he added he clunked it up with a voice. He clunked.
No, I just I didn't even want to do it. It just started happening. I was like, what is this? I don't know what I'm doing.
I appreciate that you once you did it, you saw it through. I have you appreciate that. You know how comics have these intermonologues the whole time, even when you're on stage doing your set, you'll be doing this next during that time. I was like, how do I end this?
How do I end this? How do I end this? Okay, so you're going to be on stage and I'm going to be the voices on your head. Okay.
Sorry. I don't know. You just have to say it. My producers are heckling us with sound effects.
Yeah, dude. Good one. Good one, dude. Hey, do you want to be a table again?
Hey, nice. Good last. The writing said, you want to be a freaking table again? Do you want to be a table again?
Because guess what? I'll make you a table. All right. So because things have gotten so crazy with the CDC and the coronavirus, they've actually sent me a little bit of funding to put together a commercial to try to get people to be more cognizant of watching their hands and stuff like that.
So let's cut to that ad right now. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Cool.
Yeah. More. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, I will. I will. I will.
You can get clean with a friend. Oh, yeah. Here. Here.
You do. You do mean now. Oh, I never asked. Oh, oh, oh, that's German.
And guess what? This is sold out on Amazon. You. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I sprayed all over me.
Oh, get rid of the coronavirus and get moist with a friend. Oh, yeah. Oh, nummy, nummy in my slummy. Oh, oh, you got that?
Oh, yeah. You got it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Here. Here. Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no, no, you make the you make the oh, you like that.
Wait, I'm gonna make your whole. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Corona virus.
Take that. You like that. You like that? You like that?
Oh, you like that? It's just just to give me a stroke on this. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You like that. Corona virus. That's alcohol. That's your alcohol completely.
Oh, so wet right now. We're so clean and wet. And now the post. Hey, just wipe it on your body.
What if like next time you see me? Just my hand is just a completely different. It's raw. It's just like, what happened?
What did you get burnt? I did your my wonders. I did my wonders. It's the market of the beast.
And he quit. Yeah. That was that. Oh, I think he's probably gonna get paper towels.
Wow. What a good guy. Gage. He's a good dude.
Oh, we'll have to say his name. Yeah. You know, a lot of podcasts. They don't like to say the producer's names.
It's like a theme. Have you noticed that? I have, but you know what? I've started to accept that Gage and Anthony are a big part of the show and I'm an ensemble player and I'm accepting them for who they are.
And they've been helping the show tremendously. So I've been giving them more shadows and even letting them talk on the mic occasionally. Yep. This is awesome.
You guys actually do a lot of cool things. Anthony, you've been talking. Can we do this tomorrow? Yeah.
Yeah. No, you're coming in. This is just a rough rough event episode. This isn't going well.
I hope it's not me. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I just had to be funny to be like, Oh, no, you thought this is the episode?
Just like rubbing your L and alcohol and alcohol and alcohol and alcohol. Yeah, you're being bugged out. Imagine people get mad about that stuff. What?
If they were like, What, really? What are you serious? You're always talking about a comedian. I woke up for this.
Yeah. Can I say our improv together is on point so far. So far, everything is hitting on all cylinders. I think it's just because I'm not experienced.
Did you know you're good. I didn't improv 101 at UCB and 102 and then I was like, What? I can be an ad for UCB. I didn't improv 101 was used to be and I was like, What?
Bada, Dada, you CB upright citizens. Okay. Dude, I remember now enrolling. I remember the teacher came out one time and he's like, listen, guys, a lot of everyone's doing great.
But like, you got to stop. You got to remember, you can't be cool. If you're going to be good at this. You're not going to be cool.
And I was like, is he talking about me specifically? You're like, is he talking about me? I've got a backwards head on right now. This is awkward.
I don't really know if he's talking about me or not. But I did just high five after the scene and slapped him on the butt and said good improv scene. And I was just like, why? That was fun.
I don't know how time. Okay. So we were going to this other bit. You're on stage.
I'm going to be the voice inside your head. Oh, wow. This is fun. Now.
What am I doing? Just what? Maybe you're doing some crowd work or whatever. Yeah.
Don't want to be great. Yeah. Wow. I mean, Michigan, you're great.
I love the crowds in Michigan. It's unbelievable because I feel like you guys don't see the sun a lot. Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that thing about the sun. Oh, then I guess I mean, I mean, that the sun, the moon, the moon's cool because it's soft and it's nice.
Or you can look at the moon. Why am I describing the moon right now? Well, it wasn't matter to Michigan. It's cold.
So it's going to be that we're inside. We're inside. We're inside. I'm like, green up the temperature.
No people. See, but how cold it is. You're around. Okay.
Hot tubs. Hot tubs are great. They warm us up. Okay.
We're in their hot. Hot tubs. Okay. Perfect.
Man. We get some babes in there. Huh? Where the babes at?
Okay. That's really where the baby. Everyone's babes. Great.
No, he's all right. People like babes. All right. So you guys try to just repeat.
I listen, dude. Everybody likes to date. I would like babes. Okay.
Everybody does like to hit him. Babes is great. I run a great role. Michael keep going.
We're about to start crushing any moment here. Yeah. Man, but why I got to itch a lot for some of the people. People are saying to think I grabbed her so little like that.
Hurry, recover, recover. Michael Jackson always grabbed his crotch. So can I. Wait, why don't you be like, I'm just bringing a lot of the bait.
Oh, no. I mean, you know, pre Michael Jackson before he was bad. I mean, when he was doing bad, you're taking yourself a bigger old-sized thing before you was bad. Now you're even thinking that he might be tilting for sure.
What's going on, man? Deliving when I say it. I just need it. I just need it.
I should just be it. Not me. Just I should leave. I should leave.
I should leave. Now you're saying that you're going to masturbate for this crap. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, who wants free money? Everybody check out here seats that's free money.
No, no, no, no, no, we were going to give a boy free money. That's perfect. Okay. Boy, it's hot in the other time.
Sweating. But guys, I'm so glad he came out tonight and I'm happy to be here. Okay. Now you're being in the during.
That's perfect. Nice. I had a mom and dad and I still. Great other people.
I love to be a loving father one day and find a nice one. It's not believable. People don't look at you as a loving father. It's a terrible change.
I like the fucking slapper lever with the kids. Yeah. I'm killing. And so then after I leave, I go find other homes because that's what bitches are about.
Okay. There's what people want from you. So I'm going to turn your hat around three more times backwards. Dude, this is killing a bit.
It's crap. Oh, do you see the response? Lean into the person that they want you to be. Now what's up, folks?
That was fun. We can keep doing stuff like that if you want to come to my place after the show. But they're sleeping over. No, sleep it over.
Yeah, we don't let these bitches sleep over. Okay. Yeah. People come from you.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I go for the closer.
Go for the closer. So usually when I'm on a date, I'll buy the girl a drink and wait for her to go to the bathroom. If you know what I mean. What the hell was that?
Why did I just say that? I'm wow. That's what they wanted. Okay.
The pointing is good. But I don't know what that's what they wanted. Dude, you're telling me two different things. I thought they wanted the frat guy.
I mean, they do the point, but you have the likable frat guy too. You can't just be like openly saying you're going to date right for the girl. No, no, I didn't mean that. I like to buy them a drink.
What do we mean that? What do we mean when we said that? I'm subconsciously. I might have meant that, but I mean, I don't mean it out loud.
I meant like I like to just buy them drinks. Why are you talking to me right now? You're talking to the crowd right now. Everything is making foil at the moment.
Why are you yelling at me? You're addressing me. You're looking like a crazy person above this crowd. I can't do this anymore.
You're talking to the crowd. You're talking to me. I don't know. Can I just get off stage?
Yes, please get off stage. Take good night and thank you. Can I guys thank you so much. I'll see you next year.
Well, I know that was just a bit. But fuck, I was getting nervous. I was like, are they really gone? Yeah, you're right.
Shit, dude. So that's a little insight on what it's like to do stand up comedy with a voice inside your head. All right, now I'm going to try. There's going to we're going to do a new segment on this show that I haven't done before.
I'm going to try it out with you and see how it goes. It's called Confessions. Oh, no. I love about my confessions.
I don't know how to sing. Yeah, of course. And that was it. That was the last time I saw Jeremiah.
Where were you? We were doing his podcast and he kind of just got up and he said we were doing a segment and I thought that he was going to come back. He never showed back up and he never showed up again. And his producers kind of just faded away too.
And then I was sitting there just kind of by myself and I realized, this is your calling. You sit here and you're just going to do it. You're going to go on and carry on with the show by yourself. Now, it never came out because I didn't know how to edit or really put anything out.
But I sat in this chair for the next few years, didn't shave, didn't go to the bathroom. And nobody ever came to find me. So that's what happened. Can we get a little close up on that?
The parell, we're going to do it in a commercial. Well, this is actually fun by yourself. Put your other hand in there. Well, that didn't work.
Well, that's what happens when you do a show by yourself. Only one of the mics works, but I'm going to rub this in. You can never be too safe. You know what I mean?
If you're just really it's weird how if you clean your hands by yourself, you get some ideas, get some weird ideas. Wish it was another man's hand. And I don't even I don't know why I said that. Maybe maybe I'm into what troubles you my child.
Well, I'm having a hard time, keep a relationship going going going. I'm going to ask you a question father. How do I say sentences? This is Father Michael.
Yes, I can help you with a verbiage and wordage and whatever else you'd like. Yes. I sometimes speak before I think going. Well, that's one of my biggest problems.
But other than that, I'm having a hard time really find love and settling down. I knew love. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. What's wrong with me? Well, you know, what kind of significant other are you looking for out there?
Um, size 0, 1, you know, waste, you know, just kind of cute. Burnett probably. Boobs. I like boobs.
Um, someone who's saying, hey, that's an L, call me. Damn, I can't get on the break. Is this, um, you seem like a very, okay, sorry. You seem like a very troubled young soul.
Now, um, uh, it looks like, uh, you're trying to find the love of your life through physical traits. Is that right? Michael Donuchy. Is that true?
Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Most of it at first.
I mean, that's why you swipe on someone. Um, now I am in a confession booth right now, but you keep looking at me. I can feel you peering through the window. So I'm just going to put it down so you can look at me.
Okay. Okay. Oh, wow. Very young father, young looking father.
Yes. My rat name is young father. You're young looking father. No, see, no, see the problem with what you're trying to seek as a young lad.
Yes. You may be actually looking for the wrong reasons to attract yourself to certain females. Yeah. Okay.
Because, uh, if it's just surface level, it's just physical traits. Yeah. Then perhaps that will lead you astray and on a path of, uh, of women and, uh, other, uh, earthly necessities that are not important in the long run. And then that therefore, uh, your happiness will hinge upon physical looks.
And as we all know, physical looks do fade, but, uh, But then you could just find a new one. That is an interesting theory. I blew his mind. I've never thought that.
Wait. So you're telling me actually that you can date these younger women. And once they start getting a little ugly, you just replace them. Yeah.
Like a new iPhone. Pretty much. You just keep, you download the updates. Until you, as much as you can, which are like, you know, like little like lifts here and there and that.
But then after it gets a point, we all know it starts running a little slow on your phone. And things aren't as good as you remember them to be. Until you get old enough to where you just content with the latest version you have. And then you get the new one and it's like a reset button.